Top 5 jobs I will never have

Top 5 Jobs I will never have

5) Book reviewer. Erikson has ruined most authors for me, cause just about nobody comes even close. I'd probably rate every book I reviewed on the basis of "is this as good as Gardens of the Moon". The answer would probably be no. Every time.

4) Professional Athlete. Even if I kinda like the idea of groupies and hitting reporters you have to be an athlete before you can be a professional athletes. Except for baseball but let's face it, chewing tobacco is fucking gross. Also playing baseball doesn't have anything to do with being athletic. That's like saying Twilight is about vampires. Twilight is fucking horrible. So is baseball.

3) Pirate. As glamorous as Johnny Depp made it look (and despite how I read an awesome blog about a guy who is a pirate) I'm too big a fan of regular hygiene and not being away from women for months at a time.

2) Playboy photographer. Rumor has it it's actual real work taking pictures of naked women with slightly loose morals and an exhibitionist streak. But man I wouldn't mind that at all. Yes I'm a pig. I'm also a fan of naked.

1) Batman. I will never be batman and I will never look as cool as this picture.



Screw bat-shark repellant (what's a bat-shark anyway?). Use a motherfucking lightsaber. GO BATMAN!

My stupid, less evil, asshat of a twin keeps posting hate mail on my facebook wall. I think it gives people the wrong impression.

Some examples:

Me: Niagara Falls bound for the weekend! I'm going to watch fireworks and millions of gallons of water fall over a precipice!

Friend: I want to come... stupid work T_T

Work friend: Have fun and don't gamble too much.

Me: I can't afford to gamble until OSAP comes in :)

Jay: you piece of shit


and


Me: (posting a link to this very blog)

Jay: you mean to be a piece of shit


and


Me: I am hero

Friend: I. Am. Weasel!

Jay's friend: You are an hero.

Jay: You are a piece of shit


and


Me: you should call me some night this week so i can swear at you

Jay : go suck on an asshole


Also apparently I called him a cock on the phone one night loud enough for all my roommates to hear while they were sitting downstairs in the living room. I don't remember it, but it definitely sounds like something that would happen.

I might not be totally innocent, but it's my blog and I can make whoever I want look bad.

"Everybody's got a reason and they're just not telling
Everybody's got the answer but they're just not selling
We start a fire just to light it up, realize we burned it down
To the ground"

That's me. A certain someone might get a turn if she doesn't start blogging again.