Sense?

Apparently I was all Bossface Mcintimidating today. It still fucking baffles me that people can find my dumb ass scary. The only time it's justified is when my brothers are dating girls who haven't met me before. Then it's fucking fun.

If the movements of my soul are reflected in those around me, can I ever be truly alone? What pretentious tripe. Oh, but Sam, you say, that's all deep and intense. Nope. You wanna see something deep and intense I'll go kick an idiot into the grand canyon screaming the menu from Taco Bell. Lawyer'd.

I hear voices. I had hoped it was some roommates stating on the front deck, just hanging out (funny, I fully expected it even though we're rounding 2:30am) but nobody is out there. I'd like to investigate but R.Kelly might make me pee in his mouth.

hahahahahah that's what she said

I wish I could tell everybody about some crazy story involving some weird ass dating antics, but I'm all out of those. Yes really. And when people ask I get a whole of "Yeah but there's always some crazy you're not telling us about". Not this time. It's probably not good that this is a thing I'm known for. I remember when nobody believed me about the restraining order. Now it's more like "just one?" I guess trying Plenty of Fish again is out of the question.

I know the truth is more complicated, but "trees sneezing" is an awesome way to answer "What is wind?".

I have this awful tendency to get lost in my own head all the damn time. It's no wonder why I play video games and read 1000 page books. Sometimes I'd rather lose myself into something that is not me over thinking the hell out of something. Also I'd go stark raving nuts without music to listen to on the bus on walking alone.

That's me. You know that noise you make? The one where you shut the fuck up? You should do that more often.

 Sam

They really don't.

The other day at work one of the little old ladies on the packing line asked me to lift up some boxes for her.  As a big, strong, young man (laadddiiiiieeeesss) of course I helped her out. The rule at work is if someone asks you to lift something, you fucking help. And it was a nice little old lady who's nice to me. The boxes were rather heavy, but I'm superhero (laaaaddddddiiiieeeesss) and it was no problem at all.

However.

Coming back from my break I see her carrying the same boxes, one under each freaking arm! And then I no longer felt superheroic. Holy balls I probably couldn't do that myself. Sweet little old Grandma lady played up being all infirm and grandma-like to get out of lifiting some boxes. She could be a ninja or a spy or some shit. I feel...unclean (That also could be the Taco Bell).

If that is your real name, "Grandma"

Does anyone think the words "testicle" and "vestibule" seem connected on some weird way? I need someone else to back me up on this cause when I mentioned it to the roomie Kate, she gave me that looks that make me think I am a crazy person.

AnD i MiGhT bE!

But I still think the words are oddly similar.

A week or 2 ago I had a great night out, but it kinda started in a cool way that's kinda been stuck in my head for a while. Dinner and wine. That's all. But it was awesome. I don't usually have a nice dinner with friends and sit around with a couple bottles of wine and just kinda hang out and talk all night. (and then a great rest of the night at a bar with live music, more drinks and dancing). I rather enjoyed it., I guess it's not something I've ever really done a whole lot before.

Say the word loofah. Loo-fah. Looooooooooooooofffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Last Friday at work I was in the locker room and somebody noticed my shirt was on inside out. Didn't really bug me as we wear uniforms and such. Then somebody else noticed my shorts were on inside out. Now, this was slightly concerning because I've been dressing myself for years and I'd hope I'd notice something like this when I was putting the clothing on. What more's, my socks: inside out and mismatched. What.The.Fuzzy. Didn't even get dressed in the dark or anything. Weird.

Okay. Quick dating thing. You like a girl, and you're damn sure she's interested. you ask her out and she say no and that kinda sucks. You ask her friend what happened and apparently the way you asked her out is what caused her to say no. That is confusing as shit.

This one actually didn't happen to me.

Yet.

But it was a drunken story someone told me that I thought was kinda messed up. For all I know he asked her all rape-y. Still.

Anywho that's me. Titles for my blog entries don't mean all that much.

SpAmalanthalas

I like to watch

Okay so I had a great time watching my neighbours go full on white trash last week. Actually I'm always a fan of watching couples fight in public....cause it's not me.

Except this one time it was.

I got into a huge fight with the girl I dated in High School in the middle of a Dairy Queen. It was actually the "break up" fight. Ish. We kinda hooked up a few times after that, but the DQ incident was the end of the romantic relationship (much to the delight of friends and family). Like all stupid public fight between couples it started as something small and then snowballed to the point of no return.

Also, didn't even get any ice cream.

I like to try to diffuse a situation with humor...sometimes it doesn't go so well.

She didn't think it was funny.

So there! I've been on the other end of a couple yelling at each other in a  public place...but I still think it's fun to watch. Again, when it's not me.

HEY LOOK AN ABRUPT SUBJECT CHANGE!

HOLY SHIT! WHERE?

Never mind it's gone already.

So one of my awesome Christmas present was a Star Wars notebook. But not like a 6 year old's activity book, like a real hardcover journal type thing. It's fucking awesome.

(By the way I have so much star wars shit now that I need some kind of Star Wars nook to display it all)

But I'm scared to fucking use the thing.

I have a couple notebooks filled with short story ideas and blog notes and such, but all those are dollar store crap. I'm a bit uncomfortable with writing down bad jokes or cool date ideas in something so awesome. Not that the person who gave it to me would mind (She lives with the biggest joke I know). I'd love to bring it to work, but there's not a lot of downtime and I prefer to read when I'm on my break. Besides, the environment isn't exactly "star wars journal" friendly.

I hate brushing my teeth too.

 I need to find a use for it that is equal to it's awesomeness. 

Cookbook? Yeah I got nothing yet.

That's me. Dammit I really want a fucking Star Wars nook.

Professor Smoosh