Don't call me a gamer anymore

Well dammit I never thought this was going to happen.

Admitting my problem, I mean.

I've been fighting it off for a while, but I think it's time to finally announce it to the world.

I am a casual video game enjoyer. Not a Gamer. Not anymore.

Oh the shame and agony! Old Spammy would be so disappointed! Of course old Spammy was a pussy-whipped little bitch... so we don't really give a shit what he would think. But dammit, admitting this still makes me feel uncomfortable.

I was the king... nay... I was the motherfucking emperor of the original NES my brothers and I had growing up. Then there was the SNES and I rocked the shit all over that as well. I whomped the ever-loving mayonnaise outta the N64. Oh and my PlayStation 2...my baby...so many hours ruling the universe from the comfort of my parent's basement.

Yes! Now give me back my childhood you son of a bitch!

But now? Well not so much. I've tried and tried, I had all the "must buy" games for my Xbox360 and at the moment I'm playing some of the most critically acclaimed games specifically designed for any geek who has ever picked up a game controller... and I'm not really into it anymore.

Dammit I'm playing Skyrim right now. SKYRIM. The whole point of the game is to kill motherfucking dragons and use their souls to fuel powers that make the gods tremble... and just this last weekend I realized I'm bored and just trying to finish the story so I know what happens.

Damn it, I'm so embarrassed.

Also worried. I don't really have a lot of what people call "skills". At least once upon a time all the hours I put into sitting by myself in a basement transferred a certain level of respectability, at least in my own mind and in the minds of other gamers. Now what?

Even just as recently as last year I remember playing Fallout 3 and Mass Effect 2 in the living room while fielding questions, comments and thinly veiled insults from my housemates. Trying to explain to Becca and Kate why everyone in a fictional universe was trying to kill me usually didn't go so well. I also recall Meg one time making some scathing comment about how "it's just stupid stuff only dumb boys can understand". Not that she was all that wrong, mind you. Who would want to give that up?  Me I guess.

It's not like I'm going to stop playing video games. I just can't take them as seriously anymore. Still a great way for me to relax and blow off a little steam. Just not as often.

Oh and funny story (also blatant observation from a friend). The last year or 2 is when my love for videos games started to seriously decline. That's also when I started collecting my plethora of wierd dating stories.

Coincidence? Maybe not.

That's me. Let's go collect some more!

Spammy

Well this sucks

So I hate being sick. But everybody hates being sick, so I'm not special. But I fucking hate being sick! Because I can't get anything productive done at all! Hell I haven't eaten solid food for 4 days! It is weird as hell to drink tea, Gatorade and ginger-ale all day and not have an irresistible urge to call Gino's for a large double pepperoni with extra cheese. Also, your pee gets really yellow and smells funny. Not asparagus ha-ha funny, but still.

And of course you have moment where you just wish you were fucking not sick anymore. Because over the counter medication can only do so much and man it would be great to not have a 4 day headache aggravated by vomiting. Or all those chills and aches and occasional fever-delirium. Blargh. it sucks.

Also, life lesson learned: If you tell your parents you are going to use cocaine, whiskey and hookers to nurse yourself back to health, they will not think you are funny.

 

 

"If you were feeling better I'd kill you"

I did get to catch up on all my movie watching though. I had a Harry Potter day, cause I'd only seen the first 3 or 4 up till now (while of course being a huge fan of the books). I had a horror and comedy day. Not horror and comedy in the same movie but alternating. Horror movies are scarey! And of course I had a whole day dedicated to alien invasions.

Didn't get much reading done as I thought I would, but meh. My concentration hasn't been good enough for books or video games this week. I guess there's a first time for everything.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Resident Evil

40 Year Old Virgin

Silent Hill

Superbad

Fright Night

Battle Los Angeles

Independence Day

Skyline

Paul 

Productive? Not even a bit. But when your only options have to include sitting in bed being in pain, you take what you can get. Also, my room fucking smells now. I cannot wait until I feel good enough to do Laundry and febreeze the shit out of everything.

Does that mean I'm an adult now? 

Shit. 

That's me. Fuck you flu. I'm going to fuck your girlfriend and make bacteria porn.

Spammy

Seemed like a good idea...

I feel like shit.

It's that time of year again where everyone gets sick and everyone else gets to hear them bitch about it. And who needs to run errands anyway? Especially given how exhausted I got just throwing my blankets off of me and stumbling the 4 ft to the bathroom to throw up.

Also, the beer last night probably didn't help. But when you live with a French dude for a few months, and he's leaving in a matter of days, you have to get shitfaced and make fun of him and make sure he remembers how awesome Canadian beer is. It's in the rules.

This makes perfect sense to me.

Oh and of course I have to share the news. I did get an email back from that young women that I spent a rather excellent Wednesday morning with.

Turns out she saw my blog link on Facebook....and was not terribly happy about it. But to be fair, I post all my blog entries on my wall, and I was kinda hoping she'd read the thing. Because when you don't return my phone calls how else am I supposed to let you know how I feel.

Also, definitely bragging.

Furthermore, since I didn't mention her name I was kinda hoping I wasn't going to get in as much shit as I did. But hey, seemed like a good idea at the time, and what the fuck am I even doing with a blog if I'm going to (MOTHERFUCKING TEDDY BEAR LOVING CUNT) self-censor. She's a literature major, she should understand.

But yeah awkward Facebook messages have punctuated virtually every single relationship I've had, this was no different. She's not that sure but she might be interested. I'm...not? Turns out even dragon slaying fantasy book geeks can be picky too.

I was doing her a favor by helping her out with some ex-landlord issues, but we weren't really friends. It was more like a chance to see if I could still pull off the stuff I went to school for. And turns out I can.

Honestly a lot of it mostly comes down to the fact that my Jay, Josh and Meg would eat her fucking alive. Family means a lot to me. I think my roommates would be mostly nice to just be polite, but they would probably not get along with her too.

Of course there's more to it than that, but there's a difference between not self censoring and baring your entire heart and soul online. Even if sometimes I sound like an angsty 13 year old on livejournal.

Funny story though, after I posted that and a few friends read about it I got more knocks on my bedroom door and fist bumps then I knew what to do with.

Even if the girls didn't like the Sam-flavored chicken fingers comment. Screw that. I'm hilarious.

That's me.  Hopped up on over the counter cough medications and waiting for another slightly angry email.

Spammy
 

I have feelings dammit!

So you know how every once in a while (and by that I mean constantly) I complain about my love life? I either have to do that a helluva lot more, or maybe less. Surprisingly enough the universe balances itself out every once in a while. Like for example when you help a kinda/sorta friend out with a semi-legal issue and she jumps you in her kitchen while you're making lunch. And then of course you end up nailing her on her kitchen table....to start.

And here I thought I was having a terrible week.

Well I still am having a terrible week, but this is sort of turning things around a bit. The thing is, there wasn't much talking involved so I have no real clue as to how the fuck this happened. I had to leave for work so there wasn't even any post-getting-it-on discussion (I hate the term "afterglow") just a bit cuddling.

..and with the word "cuddling" I hope to have won the approval of my female readers

And they say chivalry is dead

My roommate asked me if it's true that for that for guys you don't have to have any feelings involved in order to get laid.  It used to be that yes, without a doubt, I had to have some sort emotional connection to a girl because I firmly believed sex meant something. And I still do. Mostly.

The thing is sometimes sex is just sex. For a chubby geek who reads a lot I've actually had a couple one night stands and such (it's strange what 6 shots of tequila does for a guy's confidence) and there was not emotional connection there. And you know what, sometimes sex means a whole lot more than getting off. It depends on who you're with and how you feel about it. Probably not surprising.

Now the kicker. I have no idea what happened. But I'm single and I've been having a stressful week, so when an attractive girl puts her tongue in your mouth as far as you think it'll go (I was wrong on that btw, later on I was pretty sure at one point she licked my tonsils) I just sorta went with it. And it kept escalating....all over her apartment.

But of course me being me I have started to over think the shit out of it. I need to know why/how this happened. If for nothing more than so I remember how to pull this off again.

Was I used?

Was there feelings involved?

Was it just a "thank you" gone horribly horribly right?

Was it because there was not any reason for me to visit her anymore and she's been hiding that she has a thing for me for months?

Was it because guys have been treating her like shit lately and she overreacted to someone being nice to her?

Was it because she is on some sort of medication and she forgot to take it that morning?

Was it because she is way out of my league (wayyyy out of my league) and she thinks I'll try harder?

I think I would like to know. I tried calling her this morning...no answer.

What.The.Fuzzy.

I have feelings too (mostly) and I need an answer.

That's me. I really hoped she sanitized her kitchen table before her roommate came home and had dinner on it. Nobody wants a little bit of  Sam mixed in with their chicken fingers.

Spammy

Unnatural love

I have a problem. Well actually I have a couple, but today we're going to talk about one in particular.

I am a book snob. But not just any kind of book snob, I am a fantasy book snob.

Which would probably explain my sex life.

My mom was a librarian during my entire childhood and she was always bringing home books for my brothers and I. It was always exciting when mum brought home new stuff. And the rest is kinda history.

I've always been a fan of the whole fantasy setting. Magic, knights, dragons, alternate realms of reality, pretty much everything a tubby geek requires to get through the day. I read Lord of the Rings for the first time when I was 12.

I've tried other kinds of books, popular fiction, biographies, hell I've even delved into the strange world of historical fiction. None of which ever really appealed to me. It's why I wasn't the best bookstore employee, I know pretty much everything there is to know about epic fantasy, but not much about anything else. I like what I like. And by like, I mean love.

I bet you know somebody who likes to read, maybe you always see them with a book in their pocket, or in the break room at work. These people are strictly amateurs compared to me. I read 300 pages a day. At least.

I don't read my books once and give up on them either. I read them over and over and over, especially my favorites. Which might be all of them. My books are well loved and much loved, cracked spines, food stains, dog-eared pages, covers barely even on anymore. My books have character.

But my feelings on books that aren't mine are a bit volatile. As in I have uncontrollable bouts of blinding rage. Probably why I hate Twilight so much. This is kinda why I'm not big on most those "get people to read" campaigns.

Amen buddy

Most, but not all.

Because what if they end up reading shitty books?

Or my idea of shitty books.

That's me. I swear the couches in our living room are like crack for a napping habit.

Spammy

I just sound violent

People find the most disgusting things humorous. And by people I mean me. If you didn't know, I have a slightly fucked up sense of humor. Of course, so do you. And by that I mean you should, cause life is easier if fucked up stuff is funny.

Spider-Man thinking about alternate career choices makes me sad.

I know the word "entitled" gets thrown around a lot. Mostly in terms of "these damn kids these days have this perverse sens of entitlement".

People who say this are stupid.

They are stupid because they obviously have never met the masses of bitter, middle-aged people (who have never gone anywhere in their careers) that play politics in the workplace.

Yeah there's a bit of a rant coming up. At least I'm not talking about my real feelings on Spider-Man and gynecology. That shit would blow your mind.

So after only working a few months at my job I have secured a promotion. Yay for Spammy!

Well mostly.

I am catching a huge amount of shit over it for various reasons, mostly the fact that I'm young and have not worked there very long. I kinda got chosen over people who worked for this company for years and years. Every other person who got the same promotion have all worked there for at least 3 years... I've been there less than 6 months.

I did the same interviews and applications as everyone else, and I got chosen. A lot of people didn't. Some people didn't even get interviewed. I hate catching shit for being new at this, I went through the same process as everyone else. Screw off. It sucks you didn't get picked, but maybe even though you've worked here for 10 years, the fact that you're a giant fuck-up had some sort of bearing on you missing out. I don't want to hear about how you've "paid your dues" and "deserve something better".

Funny enough though, this isn't the worst I've ever seen it. You probably won't believe this, but the worst I've ever seen of bitter screw-ups playing politics was while working at a grocery store.

Yeah. Cause at said grocery store they were a bunch of UNIONIZED bitter screw-ups. Merit? What's that? You're good at your job and want a raise? A promotion? Too fucking bad. The crazy bitch who cuts meat like she's attacking her deadbeat husband gets the new Manager position cause she's been in the union longer. She takes 4 half-hour smoke breaks? Boo fucking hoo, she was working here before you were born. It'll only takes about 5 years or so for her to run a department straight into the fucking ground, losing thousands of dollars and alienating not only her entire staff, but almost everybody who come in contact with her, before management can do something about it.

And move her into a different store.

In the same company.


I shit you not.

That is why when I get a monkey gun these people are in serious trouble.That's right. M-O-N-K-E-Y gun. Not a gun that shoots monkeys. A gun that turns people into monkeys. That I shall probably hunt for sport.I am going to monkeyize the shit out of a lot of people, mostly ex co-workers. Monkify? Monkeyer?

Dammit, if I knew I was going to be making up verbs I would have gotten more sleep last night.

Anywho that's me. At least I'm not planning violence. Only monkeyfication. That's better? Right?

Spammy