We do the best we can with what we are given.

I agree, doing what we can with what we have is an awesome idea. But I also definitely think that it's that drive to make things better that really defines a person.

We kind of get stuck in how the way things are now, instead of how we'd like it to be. So fight for how you'd like to be instead of how you are right now. It just kinda makes sense to me... of course it took me a long fucking time to figure that out.

I used to be the king of backing off and running away when shit got hard, and of course, that solved absolutely nothing. Used to be. Things are a bit different now... slightly. Not as different as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on it. Even with the "not backing down and fighting for what I want" thing stuff doesn't always work out for me. But fuck it feels so much better actually taking a shot then just running away. At least I can say I fought.

I just that I notice that people get stuck in their own comfort zones, keep doing the same things or the same type of things over and over,  and don't really change or challenge themselves. I know, because that it used to be me. Hell sometimes it's still me.

But I like to break out of my comfort zone from time to time and challenge myself. Doesn't always work, but the results are there. Notice the whole I'm not just some geek who spends all my time in a basement playing video games and getting into LOTR fights online now. (not that that's a bad thing, it's just not who I want to be all the time... anymore).

Just a few months ago I accepted this promotion at work. It was a big deal for me, I always wondered if I could make a difference somewhere if I actually got a shot at it. Well here was my shot served up to me on a silver platter. No matter how much I was actually starting to like where I was, or the awesome way I could just go to work, get my shit done and go home, I had to take the shot. And I nailed it.

But the last 6 weeks have been... difficult. All the training, the meetings, the politics, the attempts at communication and co-ordination has been a mess. A real uphill struggle. And tomorrow is when I actually start (as far as I know).

As hard as it's been, it's going to get worse.

But I can take it. I have to. All I've ever wanted to actually have a shot and there's no fucking way I'm wasting this opportunity. It's not ever going to be easy, if it was it wouldn't be worth busting my ass fighting for it. Successful or not, there's no way I'm going to walk away saying "I wish I had tried harder". Win or Lose, I'm going to put my head down and do my best.

The best I can with what I was given.

With what I fought to get.

That's me. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go use my moogle to skull-fuck an immortal guardian trying to end time. Just because things are rough, doesn't mean you can't do things that make you happy.

Sam

Well this sucks

So I hate being sick. But everybody hates being sick, so I'm not special. But I fucking hate being sick! Because I can't get anything productive done at all! Hell I haven't eaten solid food for 4 days! It is weird as hell to drink tea, Gatorade and ginger-ale all day and not have an irresistible urge to call Gino's for a large double pepperoni with extra cheese. Also, your pee gets really yellow and smells funny. Not asparagus ha-ha funny, but still.

And of course you have moment where you just wish you were fucking not sick anymore. Because over the counter medication can only do so much and man it would be great to not have a 4 day headache aggravated by vomiting. Or all those chills and aches and occasional fever-delirium. Blargh. it sucks.

Also, life lesson learned: If you tell your parents you are going to use cocaine, whiskey and hookers to nurse yourself back to health, they will not think you are funny.

 

 

"If you were feeling better I'd kill you"

I did get to catch up on all my movie watching though. I had a Harry Potter day, cause I'd only seen the first 3 or 4 up till now (while of course being a huge fan of the books). I had a horror and comedy day. Not horror and comedy in the same movie but alternating. Horror movies are scarey! And of course I had a whole day dedicated to alien invasions.

Didn't get much reading done as I thought I would, but meh. My concentration hasn't been good enough for books or video games this week. I guess there's a first time for everything.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Resident Evil

40 Year Old Virgin

Silent Hill

Superbad

Fright Night

Battle Los Angeles

Independence Day

Skyline

Paul 

Productive? Not even a bit. But when your only options have to include sitting in bed being in pain, you take what you can get. Also, my room fucking smells now. I cannot wait until I feel good enough to do Laundry and febreeze the shit out of everything.

Does that mean I'm an adult now? 

Shit. 

That's me. Fuck you flu. I'm going to fuck your girlfriend and make bacteria porn.

Spammy

Saying goodbye blows ass.

I love saying hello after a long time apart from a friend of family member. Enthusiastic greetings are one thing I'll never get tire of. Like one time I met a friend I hadn't seen for a while at the mall and she slipped and fell on her ass (due to improper footwear as I recall) in a hurried attempt to give me a hug. How can that not be anything but awesome?

But I fucking HATE having to say goodbye.



Not goodbye as in the "Oh you're going to campus? I'll be at work when you get back, so I guess I'll see ya tomorrow" kind of goodbye. But more like the "I might never see you again for the rest of our lives, so uh, have a nice trip?" kind of goodbyes.

Hell I'm even bad at the kind of goodbye where you know you're going to see the person again, even if it's still going to be months and months away but you still have to wait awkwardly at the airport or help put a suitcase in the back of a vehicle.

Also I sometimes overdo the goodbye hug.

It just sucks. I mean this past year, despite some super major horseshit, has been a spectacular time. And it pretty much comes down to the absurd amount of people I met and became friends with. It has truly been something special. But these last few days I've had to say goodbye to whole whack of them.

But all I have to do is go through this very blog to remember the fun we had. Yeah saying goodbye sucks, but the memories are still there. That's something right?

Bah. I hate it.

That's me.

SpAmmy