My head feels fuzzy.

I am a victim of marketing: I really did think the new laundry detergent would make my clothes smell like a mountain spring. Now I think my clothes smell like what I imagine gonorrhea smells like..

I accidentally hit myself in the balls while putting on my boxers this morning.

I saw a robot in a toga today. I might have called it a lesbian. Did I misread that?

I can't change my ringtone, the world is now a better place.

I hate toilets. They scare the shit out of me.

I heard the term "more exciting than a bag of vibrators" today. Is this a thing now?

I never gave up on magic. Poof! I'm a geek.

I'm not sure if I have any idea as to what a reasonable number of babies is.

I'm old enough to know better, but optimistic enough to think I can still pull it off.  Suddenly, meatloaf.

I heard that they found Atlantis in a Spanish swamp. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but bless them they found it.

I want salt and pepper shakers in the form of things you usually don't put salt and pepper on. Like dignity. Or self-respect.

 I found a whole bunch of cool date ideas online. Now I need a date. And a camera. Sounds a bit creepy when I say it like that.

I swear to god this won't end up on the internet

That's me. So I haven't seen my roommate Kate in just about a week. Today she walked upstairs and told me that all the bottles of shampoo and girly stuff are gone from her shower. And she can't very well wash her hair with conditioner can she? Haha Kate lost everybody's shampoo!


Sam

And we have a winner...and a whiner.

So after drawing a short crappy cartoon of a sea/monster crocodile thingy eating a person this morning I decided what to use my Star Wars journal for. I'm going to try writing poetry again! I'm not sure how this is going to turn out, cause sometimes poetry is fucking hard.

Other times it's hilariously easy

Plus with a mysterious journal that I carry around and write it I can leave it very specific and planned out places for women to pick up. And if movies have taught me anything it's that when a girl you like reads your poetry (or song lyrics) she immediately gets an uncontrollable urge to blow you. That's science.

Want to know what else is science?

Breaking Bad.

Want to hear an awesome story?

Of course you do, all my stories are awesome. Or embarrassing, in which case my friends think they are awesome and my brothers get ideas of what they're going to say at my wedding reception. (at this point it'll probably be at an all you can buffet in Vegas after getting drunk and hooking up with a stripper).

Anyways so our friend Cow (the dude who was living with us from France) unfortunately left just before Christmas to continue his travels and hopefully open up his repertoire of lame physical comedy. We miss his dumb ass already.

So the sneaky bastard hid a present for all of us (his roommates) in his old closet. I'm assuming he guessed that whoever took over his room would move the basket in his closet and find what he left. And damn I was super impressed by the deviousness of the plan. He got us the first season of Breaking Bad, a show I don't think anybody had really watched but that we knew he liked a lot. Dammit I wish he around to watch it with now. It's super awesome, but really dark and kinda funny in weird ways. I'm really into it.

Oh and speaking of roommates, duh. We have a new one! It's Katie (not to be confused with Kate). She actually Lived with a bunch of other friends of ours last year. So we're sure she's not some unknown degenerate serial killer....so far.

That's me. Titles don't mean much to me anymore.

Your friendly, neighbourhood SPIDER-SAM

The bananas are whispering to me

One of my roommates and I ate 50 bucks worth of sushi while watching a movie this weekend. I'm not sure why I feel so accomplished about that.

I need to stop drinking and using electronic devices. Like my computer. I did a bad thing today. But apparently I didn't sound drunk. This may not be a good thing as it could just encourage me to do something I should stop.

Vegan "chicken and rice" is just rice. Good marketing though.

I must have seen a bazillion dead animals on the side of the road today. 6 if you like counting. The scariest was groundhog with it's mouth open. It looked like it was still screaming.

Sharks are misunderstood.


Skip this next part if you don't "get" my sense of humor.

You know how they say God kills a kitten every time you masturbate? What if you keep a box of kittens by your bed and you squish one of their brains out out every time you rub one out. Does that make you God? I don't think I know anyone with the balls to find out.

Gowrsh, I do enjoy coming home to a living room full of people. I especially like Manny randomly dropping by at like 11:30 whenever he feels like. Also, the random visit and going to get a beer at Squirrely's to hear about Amy's summer was awesome. I don't care that he wasn't serious about going out. I was drunk and the game was afoot!



That's me. I am now going to read a book. Not because the song told me to, but because I always do before I go to bed.

SpAmmy