Well that was something.

So apparently this weekend I had an unconscious desire to embarrass myself. I mean I knew I was going to get trashed, but not "pass out on a couch in the middle of the party and and then pick a bed get rolled off said bed and almost kick a bunch of people in the face while I'm sleeping in the middle of a bedroom floor" trashed. Somehow I did manage to snag a pillow though.

Nice move, drunken Sam, nice move.

Seeing Bird and Aubz, who I haven't seen in months, and motherfucking Chotchy who I haven't seen in a year, was great! And I am a big fan of randomly wandering Toronto. I'm looking forward to the pictures.

Alas I've had an all day hangover. Blargh. But my own damn fault. But still. Blargh.

Know what makes me feel better? I mean besides the awesome weekend catching up with people, making fun of emotional speeches, a Lt. Commander Worf action figure and more booze than is reasonable for a person to consume?

The realization that I can always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

The one on the left, totally fake. The one on the right is real, but only a stunt fill-in so he isn't credited.

So I really really really want to leave Guelph and move away somewhere. I want to so bad it's only a little bit funny. Getting up and leaving and doing some goddamn adventuring, maybe meeting strangers in a hostel and later escaping them in mad dash in a strange city in an attempt to keep my kidneys and my slightly used (but pretty damn important) liver in a terror fueled adrenaline rush in a story nobody would ever believe.

You know, fun.

But I can't. And it pisses me off so much. Fuck you, life. Apartment hunting blows.

In the meantime there are some changes happening at work....but I'm not going to get my hopes up that things will get any better. I just can't leave. I wish it was for a good reason, like superpowers, but it's not. It's cause I don't like being fucking broke. I have to get this damn student loan paid off. At that point, when I'm not giving away most of a paycheck every month to the government, I can just take off. But that's going to be like another year, year and a half. So fuck that shit. I just have to work less overtime. Except that if I work more overtime that's more money to pay off my osap. It's a vicious cycle.

Damn it all. I want to plane ride somewhere!

However I do still get to be me though, and that's okay.

Bwaahahahahahah, it's funny if you saw the movie.

I just have to be happy when I'm not at work. So weekends. Probably for the best if less passing out is involved in the future. But just as many friends.

And hey, maybe this way I can finally get a cat. Or 2! And have them fight over my affections like I'm some sort of twisted ruler of the universe!

That's me. I'm sorry life, maybe we can try to fulfill our hopes and dreams next year?

Sam

Help me Obi-Wan!

So. I am in the midst of a dilemma. Shitty thing is even with a few days off work and lots of lying in bed listening to music wondering how practical it would be to paint something funny on my ceiling, I'm still trying to figure it out. I find that trying to figure shit it pretty much IS the story of my life, but that's okay since that's probably the same for most people. I  always figure something out, but getting there kinda blows some days. Gah! Thoughts! Feelings! Some days I wish I was a robot, but that ship has pretty much sailed so I'll stick with this this whole "human" thing...for now.

The only thing he could never do was love. Also, windsurfing.

So I've been pretty miserable at work the past little while. Nothing all that new, really but crummy enough that I'd been fantasizing a bit about not working there anymore. Maybe giving another shot at  something different like I was trying to do a few years back. Of course back then I ended up going back to school and that was a slight turning point in my life and one of the best decisions I ever made. But lately? Travel and adventure and new sound pretty badass.

Then I get a visit from Lysee, and she's been trying to convince me to move out to Vancouver ever since she went and did it. And I am definitely tempted. Then talking to Jay he starts going on about when he went and worked in Lake Louise and Banff. That sounded pretty awesome too. Mom mentions my almost successful attempt at working on a cruise line. So I started investigating and there are some definite opportunities to go places and do stuff. I am a fan of doing stuff.

But then I start asking around work about maybe doing a leave of absence type thingy, but it was made pretty damn clear that they don't really want me to leave. In a good way. And I am a big fan of all the money they give me, if not for work they make me do to earn it sometimes.

So. Problem. This isn't a nice all at once thing, this has been taking place over the last couple weeks.

So now I feel like this:

Pretty great way to get out of sharing. Take that kindergarten!

Now I'm at the point where I need help figuring out what I want to do. This is sorta leading into the whole "what do you want to do with your life" thing I never really bothered to figure out yet since I sorta decided just to wing it, not make plans, and see what happens. Except I did kinda make plans. Sorta. There were rough guidelines happening. Star Wars nook.

I've been starting to ask around for advice and what's been happening has been mostly predictable. The people with families and responsibilities and grown-up lives are all giving "stay and make money and start investing in your future" type of advice. All the irresponsible people that I like drinking with are all "go live out of a backpack for the next 2 years". And I think both of these ideas sound good.

It'd be so much easier to decide if I had kids, a wife, a mortgage, a car, a girlfriend, something. But I don't. If I stay it's more likely that these things will happen. But do I even want these things? But I also don't want to regret not making the slightly irresponsible choices while I have the opportunity.

Taking some advice from Kate I borrowed a giant white board and started a Go/Stay list. It got pretty full. Then after a while I drew 2 stick figures watching a monster eating another stick figure because thinking is hard.

And tonight I can't sleep. So there's that too.

But I have decided that if I stay I've got to make some changes in my life. And if I go, well that's a big change in and of itself, so I'd probably be content with that.

Unless I get eated by something. I hope it's a dinosaur!

I'm just sorta feeling like I'm standing on a big mountain and I need to pick which side to go down. I wish somebody would just kick me over one of the fucking edges already. It's not nearly as clear cut a choice as I'm making it out to be, but it damn well feels like it.

No idea what I'm going to do. But I do know I'm going to do something. That counts right? I still have time to worry, which is both nice and not nice at the same time. Deadline looks an awful lot like August at the moment.

Blargh! 

That's me. Oh and in between all this shit there were some dating fails, and a joke so blasphemous that I might be going to hell. Oh how I did laugh. Good times.

Spammy Von Awesome

I changed my mind.

So I started writing this "great" post that pretty much just listed off all the stupid things I have done this week.

....and then after I hit 20 or so I decided that this week kinda sucked and my list didn't make me terribly happy.

So instead, here I went and found a picture of a hotdog who is awesome.


This is an awesome hotdog (who definitely did NOT make an ass of himself all week like I did).

His name is Barry. He escaped from a hotdog factory by showing raunchy promotional pictures of that time those Victoria Secret models toured the hotdog making factory and took turns teasing the underpaid illegal aliens (and the employees HEY-OH, but seriously Martians need love too). He then came to visit my blog for a day and be awesome. In that order.

So this week wasn't ALL bad. Just a variety of work-related issues that were more silly than anything else.

But in the"is Sam ever going to touch a boob again" category I found this dude on YouTube who casts commentaries of Dawn of War 2 games. So yeah. So I'm still a geek. I did stop playing Lord Of The Rings online after a very unsatisfactory argument about my credit card information though. As in they made a mistake and I told them to get rid of my info, and they didn't want to. Weird huh?

Oh and I had Plenty of Fish date! Kinda. Well I was supposed to, anyway. I got cancelled on again. So since this is the third or fourth time this has happened, I kinda think that'll be it for my second attempt at finding the woman of my dreams online. Plus I'll have more time to watch video-game commentary online!

So besides all that junk, I've just been keeping busy, going out on my bike, reading and attempting to spend time with friends. Nothing special. Still kinda bored.

That's me. Trying to make new nicknames stick is harder than you'd think.

SpAmmy