Why am I still surprised?

You know, if I did more thinking with my penis I'd probably be less worried about being happy. And that ladies and gentleman, is why we don't talk much anymore. But everyone seems to be interested in my failures in dating so here we go.

Went of a Plenty of Fish date recently. Went to a slightly new-ish crepe place downtown. The real food crepes are not that good, the dessert food crepes are probably what the word wonderful tastes like.

My date is a master's student at the U of G and working in a lab full time on campus, she also lives by herself and has a tendency to babble. None of which is a deal breaker. However her "chaperone" (her word, not mine) was a tad over the top. She brought a stuffed Teddy Bear along to make sure I was acting like a gentleman. At first, man I thought it was cute and quirky and awesome. But as lunch progressed she kinda kept trying to include the damn thing in conversation.

Now when I'm home alone I talk to myself all the damn time. I carry on conversations with myself, especially when I have a lot on my mind (like recently), But I am not one for carrying on conversations with inanimate objects, it's mostly a conversation with myself.

So I didn't really mind at first. I thought she was kinda just kidding around or being playful, maybe a tool to help get over some social anxiety. Cool, good for her online dating and getting out of the house. Then she started expecting me to answer questions the bear was asking.

Questions I did not hear.

Ever had a date get offended because you didn't include her slightly imaginary friend in a conversation about music? It was a first for me. Also, she was into the White Stripes and Billy Talent. Yuck.

So yeah. Needless to say, the chaperone didn't approve of me. Stupid bear.

Too bad. She was pretty cute.

That's me. I was listening to the Ninja Turtles theme and watching "The Watchman" while I put this together. I don’t know if that changes anything, but it happened.

Well, the places we're still allowed to go.

Just call me Pops

So in a weird turn of either coincidence or because of the bandannas I started wearing at work to keep the sweat from pouring down my face all day I have been asked by pretty much everybody I work with if I'm married or have kids. For the record I have neither.

And seriously, this guy? With kids and a wife?

If you look hard you can see the camera. If you look harder you can see my friends asking me if I'm worried about picking up herpes from the bus shelter.

Quack! This pose really shows off the creepy hair necklace I finally got rid of just recently. I need to clean my bulletin board more often.

Apparently it's tradition to steal cutlery from somebody on their birthday. Not that that was going to stop me. I like cake.

 Although according to my junk mail folder there are tons of singles in my area waiting to hook-up, and hot sexy Russian babes who want a Canadian husband. I'm not quite convinced.

However I apparently look like a family man. Was that a fat joke? Also I should apparently have a house and a mortgage and a car and pets cause that's what people with full time jobs have. I also go out on the weekends but dancing in a club is also apparently weird for people my age. I didn't think 26 was too old to get smashed with your friends and scream your heart out to songs you can't even recognize when you're sober.

Well fuck that shit. I look how I look and I have no wife or kids, I don't have a mortgage or a car and I like to get trashed with my friends at bars and check out hot girls who are out my league as well as walk up to band members who just killed a live set and try to buy them a drink. I'm pretty damn okay with that.

I try to live life how it makes sense for me, and you know what? I'm still a mature responsible adult most of the time. I'm excited about buying furniture for the apartment I'm planning on having in the fall. There's a lady at the bank who I talk to about investments and taxes and fiscal planning and other made-up words.

Although let's be honest here, there were plans for a Star Wars nook. Now the idea has been expanded since I saw some cool lord of the rings mugs and awesome Wolverine book ends. Currently I'm trying to "fiscally plan" that shit to match the living room set I have my eye on at Leon's.

As for the wife/relationship bit, well if it happens then it happens. A few weeks ago I saw this awesome list of cool ideas for a date. I'm actually doing the Plenty of Fish thing again in an attempt to actually try some of them.

And kids? Well I'd have to expand the nook. But they can't play with the toys. The toys are mine.

That's me. Sorry ladies, if you want to know the date ideas you have to ask me out. Fresh underpants, a first aid kit and the ability to have an open mind while creating what might be an great Batman story later on are also good ideas.

Spammy

Have you ever?

Have you ever watched a music video for the first time of a song you love? And then hate it cause the music video is the douche-king of douche-island on the douche-planet of douches? The song was better when I wasn't watching these douchecanoes sing it.

Have you ever tried to kiss a pretty girl while smiling? Hardest thing ever (that's what she said). Don't believe me? Try it.

Have you ever stubbed your toe, but not felt any pain? And then sat down to inspect the damage, watched a torrent of blood gushing from the flap of skin that used to be your toenail and THEN felt the pain kick in? It sucks.

Have you ever found an awesome shirt in your house? And then found out it belongs to a family member and he expects it cleaned and in good condition on his next visit? I hope it's within arm's reach the next time I visit taco bell.

Have you ever had a headache? And then went to get some painkillers and all you could find was that old cellphone that you thought you lost for your old service provider? Doesn't help your headache.

Have you ever gone to a friend's house after a night out at the bar? And then puked so much that your friend's dad had to get a carpet cleaner the next day? And that your friend's grandparents thing the cat is REALLY sick? I haven't. But I know somebody.

Have you ever won money on a scratch lottery ticket? And then mixed it up with one of the same type that you did not win money on? And then had the convince store guy laugh at you? Color me embarrassed.

Have you ever had a last day at a job you've had wwwaaaayyyy too long? And then spent the first hour of your last day apologizing to customers because nothing in the fucking store works? I danced my way out the front door when I punched out.

Have you ever had a long series of awkward moments with a girl you kinda like after you drunkenly make out with her at the bar? And then have her shoot your dumb ass down when you ask her out? Dating sucks.

Have you ever done laundry and found money in the pockets of your pants? Only to find out that you missed the bank information you were supposed to fax into your new job that was in your OTHER pants? It's frustrating. Punch a baby bunny rabbit frustrating.

Have you ever had a friend with a blog who inexplicably stop posting in it for a while and just as inexplicably starts up again?

That's me.

SpAmmy

I changed my mind.

So I started writing this "great" post that pretty much just listed off all the stupid things I have done this week.

....and then after I hit 20 or so I decided that this week kinda sucked and my list didn't make me terribly happy.

So instead, here I went and found a picture of a hotdog who is awesome.


This is an awesome hotdog (who definitely did NOT make an ass of himself all week like I did).

His name is Barry. He escaped from a hotdog factory by showing raunchy promotional pictures of that time those Victoria Secret models toured the hotdog making factory and took turns teasing the underpaid illegal aliens (and the employees HEY-OH, but seriously Martians need love too). He then came to visit my blog for a day and be awesome. In that order.

So this week wasn't ALL bad. Just a variety of work-related issues that were more silly than anything else.

But in the"is Sam ever going to touch a boob again" category I found this dude on YouTube who casts commentaries of Dawn of War 2 games. So yeah. So I'm still a geek. I did stop playing Lord Of The Rings online after a very unsatisfactory argument about my credit card information though. As in they made a mistake and I told them to get rid of my info, and they didn't want to. Weird huh?

Oh and I had Plenty of Fish date! Kinda. Well I was supposed to, anyway. I got cancelled on again. So since this is the third or fourth time this has happened, I kinda think that'll be it for my second attempt at finding the woman of my dreams online. Plus I'll have more time to watch video-game commentary online!

So besides all that junk, I've just been keeping busy, going out on my bike, reading and attempting to spend time with friends. Nothing special. Still kinda bored.

That's me. Trying to make new nicknames stick is harder than you'd think.

SpAmmy