Don't play with your food based toys.

My Star Wars Mr. Potato Head dolls don't do much. Well not as much as I want them to. Which I think kinda makes me sound like an uncompromising son of a bitch since I just declared "I want my inanimate objects to do more than inanimate objects normally do". I kinda wish they went on adventures and such, especially since my mom brought back a bag of junk lying around my parents house and I found Optimus Prime's legs.

And then I thought, well Sam, why don't you just MAKE them do shit.

I know it sounds like I'm pulling small scale super-villainy shit here but hear me out. Maybe I finally get a camera and take pictures of my Mr. Potato Head Dolls doing stuff and make up stories. I'd post all that stuff here, or maybe in yet another blog. I think that might be fun, and since fun stuff is what drags me through my work week. I am liking the idea. Plus the opportunity for puns is pretty much endless. Win/win.

I think I might be a genius

But then again I might not be as I keep losing shit all over the place the last few weeks. Keys? Niagara Falls. Phone? In a cab? Keys? In my room. Book? Front entrance at work. A few weeks ago I switched up which pocket I put stuff in and it pretty much ruined my damn life.

The people need to know that Kate is Awesome. She never reads this but she's sitting on a couch across the room from me and made a request.

So I've been pretty busy the last few weeks, I went to Niagara Falls with my brother to see my Dad for his Birthday. I went to Toronto for Bird's goodbye party... don't really want to get into that. I had a great time but I still don't want her to leave. I'm bad at goodbyes. We've had an old friend/roommate kicking around and visiting. Ahh Brad and his hobo bukkake. It's pretty awesome to see him get into random arguments about pretty much whatever the subject is at the time. Of course this is in between the huge amount of stuff happening at work. Blargh.

That's me. Maybe I could make a new job running a blog about Star Wars Mr. Potato Head doll antics? That would be great. It would be an awesome thing to tell people: "What do you do?" "Oh I take pictures of toys and put them on the internet for money."

Spammy

I have feelings dammit!

So you know how every once in a while (and by that I mean constantly) I complain about my love life? I either have to do that a helluva lot more, or maybe less. Surprisingly enough the universe balances itself out every once in a while. Like for example when you help a kinda/sorta friend out with a semi-legal issue and she jumps you in her kitchen while you're making lunch. And then of course you end up nailing her on her kitchen table....to start.

And here I thought I was having a terrible week.

Well I still am having a terrible week, but this is sort of turning things around a bit. The thing is, there wasn't much talking involved so I have no real clue as to how the fuck this happened. I had to leave for work so there wasn't even any post-getting-it-on discussion (I hate the term "afterglow") just a bit cuddling.

..and with the word "cuddling" I hope to have won the approval of my female readers

And they say chivalry is dead

My roommate asked me if it's true that for that for guys you don't have to have any feelings involved in order to get laid.  It used to be that yes, without a doubt, I had to have some sort emotional connection to a girl because I firmly believed sex meant something. And I still do. Mostly.

The thing is sometimes sex is just sex. For a chubby geek who reads a lot I've actually had a couple one night stands and such (it's strange what 6 shots of tequila does for a guy's confidence) and there was not emotional connection there. And you know what, sometimes sex means a whole lot more than getting off. It depends on who you're with and how you feel about it. Probably not surprising.

Now the kicker. I have no idea what happened. But I'm single and I've been having a stressful week, so when an attractive girl puts her tongue in your mouth as far as you think it'll go (I was wrong on that btw, later on I was pretty sure at one point she licked my tonsils) I just sorta went with it. And it kept escalating....all over her apartment.

But of course me being me I have started to over think the shit out of it. I need to know why/how this happened. If for nothing more than so I remember how to pull this off again.

Was I used?

Was there feelings involved?

Was it just a "thank you" gone horribly horribly right?

Was it because there was not any reason for me to visit her anymore and she's been hiding that she has a thing for me for months?

Was it because guys have been treating her like shit lately and she overreacted to someone being nice to her?

Was it because she is on some sort of medication and she forgot to take it that morning?

Was it because she is way out of my league (wayyyy out of my league) and she thinks I'll try harder?

I think I would like to know. I tried calling her this morning...no answer.

What.The.Fuzzy.

I have feelings too (mostly) and I need an answer.

That's me. I really hoped she sanitized her kitchen table before her roommate came home and had dinner on it. Nobody wants a little bit of  Sam mixed in with their chicken fingers.

Spammy

HAPPY DAY AFTER CANADA DAY.

So we have a new housemate. He's an exchange student from France. We taught him multiculturalism by getting completely shitfaced on Canadian beer at an Irish bar last night. However I missed out on getting him from the airport due to work, and apparently I missed out. Too bad because I've always wanted to be one of those lame-o people holding a sign up for someone they haven't really met at the arrival gate.

Also, we had another prospective roommate come through the house the other day and he seemed pretty cool. He got real excited about the chess set and the giant painting of James Spader (from Boston Legal) in the living room and that's definitely a plus.

So far not nearly as alone this summer as I had complained about previously, which is all kinds of awesome.

It's been a big week for me actually. I've quit 2 jobs and pretty much stopped the third one. All traded in for a reasonably paying full-time job. This is 2nd time in my entire life that I won't be making minimum wage. I like that. Plus, the full-time thing kicks ass too. I'm very much looking forward to starting on Monday.

However I am going to miss all my Metro people, but I've been there way too fucking long. I'm also going to is all the sarcastic young ladies at the slab, as they made working there a great experience. Working with people who have a sense of humor makes a huge difference. But time to grow up and have a "real" job. If only I could make a living fielding sarcastic comments from pretty girls I'd be set.

But you can't have everything.



Metal band doing a love song. I'm a sucker for such things.

That's me. When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer?

SpAmmy

The last 6 days

I haven't been around for a while. This is why.

In the last 6 days I have:

-worked 42 hours (including a lot of days where I was at both jobs)

-had an awesome drunk night out with a bunch of rowdy ice cream scoopers, went to work the next morning still a bit drunk

-went to Niagara Falls to pick up my brother and have an awesome boys night out

-went to the best restaurant in the entire world, all meat and all on a stick cooked with fire, best steak and lamb I've ever had and the coolest beer glasses I've ever seen

-had Jay come visit for a few days

-sat on the porch with beer and played chess, managed to lock myself out of the house

-broke stuff while getting back into said locked house

-went book shopping with Jay, got to be giant super geeks and make a few cashiers a little uncomfortable

-went and saw 2 movies at the theatre in one night, X-men first class kicked so much ass (McAvoy and Fassbender were so awesome), Hangover 2 was just kinda meh

-got collector cups for X-men Origins

-ate 4 different kinds of hamburger and 5 different kinds of beer

-had my parents visit

-went clothes shopping for the first time in more than a year

-played with a dog

-managed to hit myself in the testicles while trying to punch my brother (not terribly proud of that bit), not happy but it was still a hilarious moment....after I was done writhing in pain

-biked for approximately 4 hours

-cleaned the entire kitchen top to bottom

-did laundry

-wrote an angry email

-read about 200 pages of the White Luck Warrior, Akka is still pretty fucking wicked

-rode on a the biggest Ferris wheel I will probably ever ride on, might have seen a chick giving her boyfriend a blowjob on the gondola ahead of us (we're mostly sure)

-had Kate and her mom the landlady visit and show the house, made me miss my housemates

-discovered what the "kidnap list" was, thought about starting my own

Want to know what I did the week before? I watched 2 season of Supernatural online and worked. That was all.

That's me. I don't even have to ask, I know you're all jealous. By golly you should be. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings, and that's the way it always should be.

I changed my mind.

So I started writing this "great" post that pretty much just listed off all the stupid things I have done this week.

....and then after I hit 20 or so I decided that this week kinda sucked and my list didn't make me terribly happy.

So instead, here I went and found a picture of a hotdog who is awesome.


This is an awesome hotdog (who definitely did NOT make an ass of himself all week like I did).

His name is Barry. He escaped from a hotdog factory by showing raunchy promotional pictures of that time those Victoria Secret models toured the hotdog making factory and took turns teasing the underpaid illegal aliens (and the employees HEY-OH, but seriously Martians need love too). He then came to visit my blog for a day and be awesome. In that order.

So this week wasn't ALL bad. Just a variety of work-related issues that were more silly than anything else.

But in the"is Sam ever going to touch a boob again" category I found this dude on YouTube who casts commentaries of Dawn of War 2 games. So yeah. So I'm still a geek. I did stop playing Lord Of The Rings online after a very unsatisfactory argument about my credit card information though. As in they made a mistake and I told them to get rid of my info, and they didn't want to. Weird huh?

Oh and I had Plenty of Fish date! Kinda. Well I was supposed to, anyway. I got cancelled on again. So since this is the third or fourth time this has happened, I kinda think that'll be it for my second attempt at finding the woman of my dreams online. Plus I'll have more time to watch video-game commentary online!

So besides all that junk, I've just been keeping busy, going out on my bike, reading and attempting to spend time with friends. Nothing special. Still kinda bored.

That's me. Trying to make new nicknames stick is harder than you'd think.

SpAmmy

Where am I?

Tonight was an absolutely beautiful night. To me, at least. A misty fog covering the streets in just-nice-enough-to-not-wear-a-jacket temperature. A perfect night to walk home from a late night at work. (Also, probably a perfect night for vampires). I, blissfully forgetful, come down the street and see that the lights are on in my living room, and for a second or 2 I idly wonder what everybody is up to. I like coming home to people laughing, it happens on a pretty regular basis around here.

Well it used to.

I know I said I'd try not to complain too much about people leaving, but seriously? This sucks more than an inbred redneck trying to make sweet sweet love to a doorknob. I just don't like it. Brad left. Meg left. Kate left. Becca left. Corinne, Laura and Amy are all gone too.


I did have a great time this last week (minus all the possibly permanent goodbyes). All kinds of awesome people in and out of the house, Chotchy's Hamilton friends, Becca's gals from Toronto a very cool bunch. And last night was all kinds of awesome. You see Becca, Kate and I got all dressed up (I wore a fucking tie!) and went out to dinner and a movie. And on the cab ride home? A quick, unplanned, necessary detour downtown for one last night dancing (by dancing I mean doing the "white guy shuffle") at Vinyl. Awesome.

But I have an even better story about that night too. I ran into an old friend of mine, a buddy I haven't seen since high school. It was completely unexpected, and really awesome. We stood outside the bar for like an hour trying to catch up and the whole thing was surreal and mind blowing. It was...good.

Something else on the bright side? Pant-less Tuesdays are back. And by pant-less Tuesdays I mean every moment I can be comfortable sure I have the entire house to myself. So pant-less Tuesday is going to happen at a lot of times that are not really Tuesday. But don't be too worried, I keep an emergency pair of basketball shorts for when somebody knocks on the door.

So yeah not so happy with everyone being not here, but not terribly bad off all things considered. I'll do my best to make sure this trend continues.

That's me. Stay tuned next time for slightly philosophical rambling. And maybe more feeling sorry for myself, we'll play it by ear.

SpAmmy