Winter is the new Summer

Holy distended ball-sack batman! What the hell do you mean the first snowfall of the year was at the ass-end of December? Fuck you winter boots, nobody loves you because you are useless and take up prime real estate by the heater.for nothing!

In other news I have been day-dreaming the hell out of life in general the past few days because apparently that's what I do with my free time now. Sit quietly.

Oh and I keep hearing about how Riverside Park has some kind of Christmas lights festival going on and I never really care about the shit that goes on there. Unless I somehow end up making plans to go participate in the shit that goes on there.

So let's back up a bit here. Here in my hometown there's a giant ass field/park/grounds type place called Riverside Park. There may be a river nearby, I've never really noticed. This is where all types of big community events and family friendly junk happen like fireworks on Canada Day, Ribfest and a bunch of other crap. I actually never started attending any of these events until I was in my 20's despite living here pretty much my whole life. (some days I tend to forget the 2 years in Peterborough or that summer in Parry Sound cause in the long run being in either place didn't really affect my life so much)

However this last summer I was pretty much there all the damn time. Willing or not, cause my family is like that sometimes, but mostly I had fun. So while my mind was wandering this week I came up with this:

At riverside park some days they let people rent paddle boats and muck about on the tiny stream that we somehow call a bloody river. I've always wanted to rent one...and then raise a tiny pirate flag and ram/board the other boats. I think that would be an awesome afternoon, even if I'd never actually do it cause being arrested would suck big time, it's lots of fun to think about.

Death Approaches

For example:

You're playing Dad with your 2 kids and give in to the begging and pleading that is bound to happen when they think they could be having more fun then they are currently having if only you would break out the wallet and rent them a paddle boat, never mind the 60 bucks you already dropped on funny tasting hot dogs and ice cream. But hey, it'll keep em quiet for 10 minutes and that's worth all the hot dogs in the park at this point. "How did Mommy get out of this?" you idly wonder as you wander over to the funny little "dock".

You fiddle with the mandatory life jackets (why are there life jackets when the water is 2 feet deep! Really you call this a river? A river?! I'm going to take a bigger piss after I pawn the kids off on Mommy for the evening and have a couple beers to erase this memory) and get your whiny little crew into the boat.

You derp around for a while wondering if you can get through this day without dropping yet another 40 bucks on ice cream, then you notice another paddle boat coming right in your direction. On board is a dude who yells out "some thing's wrong I think it's broken". Well dammit now you have to get out of the way of this jackass. The wife will kill you if little Timmy's new backpack gets wet. Shit. Why didn't we leave that thing on the dock, it's not like the pre-teen employees are going to take a power rangers backpack full of carrot sticks.

Then the jackass in the boat gets closer and closer. You notice a malicious gleam in his eye. Wait? Eye? As in just one? Didn't he have 2 like 20 seconds ago? What's with the eye patch?  Where did THAT come from? Your heart grows cold. You look down at little Timmy and his backpack. Shit. Your wife is going to kill you. You look again and now you see a terribly drawn skull and crossbones flag in the hands of hear the laughing of a lunatic. The othger boat gently rocks up against yours and he shouts "Prepare to be boarded yarr!"

You then get in the water and chase down his stupid fucking paddle boat. The water is only 2 feet deep. River my ass. While you're throttling this poor lunatic for messing with your day you realize that this is much more eventful and entertaining than you thought. Johnson at the office is never going to believe this.

Annnnnd end scene.

This is the shit I'd like to inspire one day.

That's me. I'm never going to be allowed to have kids. But if I do they are going to have stories to tell by golly.


Spammy

Why am I still surprised?

You know, if I did more thinking with my penis I'd probably be less worried about being happy. And that ladies and gentleman, is why we don't talk much anymore. But everyone seems to be interested in my failures in dating so here we go.

Went of a Plenty of Fish date recently. Went to a slightly new-ish crepe place downtown. The real food crepes are not that good, the dessert food crepes are probably what the word wonderful tastes like.

My date is a master's student at the U of G and working in a lab full time on campus, she also lives by herself and has a tendency to babble. None of which is a deal breaker. However her "chaperone" (her word, not mine) was a tad over the top. She brought a stuffed Teddy Bear along to make sure I was acting like a gentleman. At first, man I thought it was cute and quirky and awesome. But as lunch progressed she kinda kept trying to include the damn thing in conversation.

Now when I'm home alone I talk to myself all the damn time. I carry on conversations with myself, especially when I have a lot on my mind (like recently), But I am not one for carrying on conversations with inanimate objects, it's mostly a conversation with myself.

So I didn't really mind at first. I thought she was kinda just kidding around or being playful, maybe a tool to help get over some social anxiety. Cool, good for her online dating and getting out of the house. Then she started expecting me to answer questions the bear was asking.

Questions I did not hear.

Ever had a date get offended because you didn't include her slightly imaginary friend in a conversation about music? It was a first for me. Also, she was into the White Stripes and Billy Talent. Yuck.

So yeah. Needless to say, the chaperone didn't approve of me. Stupid bear.

Too bad. She was pretty cute.

That's me. I was listening to the Ninja Turtles theme and watching "The Watchman" while I put this together. I don’t know if that changes anything, but it happened.

Well, the places we're still allowed to go.

My head feels fuzzy.

I am a victim of marketing: I really did think the new laundry detergent would make my clothes smell like a mountain spring. Now I think my clothes smell like what I imagine gonorrhea smells like..

I accidentally hit myself in the balls while putting on my boxers this morning.

I saw a robot in a toga today. I might have called it a lesbian. Did I misread that?

I can't change my ringtone, the world is now a better place.

I hate toilets. They scare the shit out of me.

I heard the term "more exciting than a bag of vibrators" today. Is this a thing now?

I never gave up on magic. Poof! I'm a geek.

I'm not sure if I have any idea as to what a reasonable number of babies is.

I'm old enough to know better, but optimistic enough to think I can still pull it off.  Suddenly, meatloaf.

I heard that they found Atlantis in a Spanish swamp. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but bless them they found it.

I want salt and pepper shakers in the form of things you usually don't put salt and pepper on. Like dignity. Or self-respect.

 I found a whole bunch of cool date ideas online. Now I need a date. And a camera. Sounds a bit creepy when I say it like that.

I swear to god this won't end up on the internet

That's me. So I haven't seen my roommate Kate in just about a week. Today she walked upstairs and told me that all the bottles of shampoo and girly stuff are gone from her shower. And she can't very well wash her hair with conditioner can she? Haha Kate lost everybody's shampoo!


Sam

I declare today wierd.

I have recently realized that I don't have a good way to blow off steam anymore. Life got slightly frustrating this week and I didn't do anything specific to make myself feel better. But witty banter and smart ass housemates help, as well as turning the lights off and plugging in to awesome music.

I wonder if I need to start playing video games again? I've tried really hard but I have no real desire to play the Xbox anymore. It's amazing how a full-time job, chores and a social life really fill up a week. It's probably weird and sad that it's taken me so long to realize this.

I have attempted to start storyboarding,worldbuilding and researching again, but the usual slow going process is down to a crawl. I think I might just focus on blogging again, and just wait and see how things go in other arenas.

So today I got the day off work because working in an oven room is hot, but today it would have been "Oh god, oh god we're all going to die!" hot. But a funny thing happened while I was sitting in the living room trying not to become a puddle. Around the time I usually go to work I got really really anxious and restless. It was only after I had decided to go to the drug store to pick up some gatorade that I realized it was probably the fact that I hadn't got on the bike. I felt 10 times better after I got home. Weird. I ride that bike everyday, but didn't realize it was having that kind of an effect on me. I've been thinking about leaving for work a bit early so I can ride around even longer.

Have you ever heard to this place called Panda Express? For some reason I hadn't before today. Naturally this is what came to mind.

Pretty reasonable idea right? Turns out I was wrong. Not like that's never happened before.

Don't tell my housemates this (of course saying this means they will all be reading this now) but Aubz and Cow put on "She's the man" a few nights ago. I laughed. In doing so I think I died a little inside, I don't know why, but I guess I find that movie slightly amusing. Tampon to stop a nosebleed....slightly more awesome than it should be. I used to hate this movie, but the crowning moment was when I said "What, you've never done that before" in casual conversation earlier.

And don't even get me started on 500 days of summer.

I'm going to go watch the Underworld movies now. At least I understand why I like those movies.

So things are just plain weird lately.

That's me. I think I kinda like it like that.

SpAmmy