So...we meet again.

So brain, we meet again. I'd like to know math again, but I refuse to give up drinking so we need to come to some sort of compromise on that. Also some sleep would be nice. And that thing we do where we get caught checking out women? Cut down on that.

I saw a job post for a laser operator on kijiji this week and thought "holy crap this is the job for me"! Hell I already make laser noises at cats on a regular basis and half of all the posters I own are Star Wars ones. This shit should be right up my alley, except for one thing: all my real life experience with lasers is imaginary, so I doubt I'd be as good with a real one. But hell if there's one thing I'm good at it's daydreaming. Some days I want to feel like a terminator with a laser gun, is that too much to ask?

The best weekend of the summer by far and away was the Heavy TO heavy metal concert festival that I went to. Some of my all time favorite bands played some of my all time favorite songs. I'm not going to lie, I cried. Twice. I even learned some things:

1) I inadvertently called concert merchandise "band swag". This irritates the hell out of some people. (So I kept doing it)

2) Apparently metal really is all ages. There were strollers. (kids had on industrial grade ear protection though, go responsible parents!) Hell, a pair of 10 years olds got dragged on stage by the lead singer of Five Finger Death Punch and headbanged better than most of the crowd.

3) I can get starstruck. I would have never thought. We hung out in the Jager tent area when Killswitch Engage was signing autographs. The group of us hung out there for an hour. I stared and then tried to play it off like I wasn't staring. I even thought about getting in the huge line-up, but if I actually got up to a band I've loved for 10 years I'm pretty sure I would have fainted. Oh and they played a killer set.

4) It seems as though I can get the best night of sleep I've had all damn year on a single tiny blowup mattress in the corner of a damp tent. Even trains passing right by the campgrounds didn't even phase me. I slept like a happy, slightly drunk, wet, tired baby. (which may be the best band name ever..imagine: " WEEEE AREEEE THE DRUNK! TIRED! BAAAABBBIIIIEEEESSSSS!")

5) Starting a fire with wet wood only requires one thing. Bug spray. Of course said bug spray may disappear off into the night and 6 people might spend the next day looking for it and not being able to find the stuff. Thank you bug spray... wherever you are.

My hands were stuck like that for days!

I moved out of the house I've been living in the past 2 years. And even though it wasn't going to be the same with almost of people I like not going to be living there this year, I still didn't have an easy time of it. The new place does have it's perks and I think I'll be just fine, I'm still going to miss the place. But my happiness there was more about the people I was with and I'm damn sure not going to stop seeing them just because we all don't live together anymore.

I was talking to a dude at the comic book store who is so pumped for another world war that I'm pretty sure he's going to offer to start one himself if there isn't one by Christmas. Which is absolutely ridiculous. Everyone knows that the next "world war" is going to be the computer/machine/matrix uprising.

That's where all those laser operators are going to come in real handy.

That's me. Free time is for the weak! Tomorrow, pillows!

Sam

Help me Obi-Wan!

So. I am in the midst of a dilemma. Shitty thing is even with a few days off work and lots of lying in bed listening to music wondering how practical it would be to paint something funny on my ceiling, I'm still trying to figure it out. I find that trying to figure shit it pretty much IS the story of my life, but that's okay since that's probably the same for most people. I  always figure something out, but getting there kinda blows some days. Gah! Thoughts! Feelings! Some days I wish I was a robot, but that ship has pretty much sailed so I'll stick with this this whole "human" thing...for now.

The only thing he could never do was love. Also, windsurfing.

So I've been pretty miserable at work the past little while. Nothing all that new, really but crummy enough that I'd been fantasizing a bit about not working there anymore. Maybe giving another shot at  something different like I was trying to do a few years back. Of course back then I ended up going back to school and that was a slight turning point in my life and one of the best decisions I ever made. But lately? Travel and adventure and new sound pretty badass.

Then I get a visit from Lysee, and she's been trying to convince me to move out to Vancouver ever since she went and did it. And I am definitely tempted. Then talking to Jay he starts going on about when he went and worked in Lake Louise and Banff. That sounded pretty awesome too. Mom mentions my almost successful attempt at working on a cruise line. So I started investigating and there are some definite opportunities to go places and do stuff. I am a fan of doing stuff.

But then I start asking around work about maybe doing a leave of absence type thingy, but it was made pretty damn clear that they don't really want me to leave. In a good way. And I am a big fan of all the money they give me, if not for work they make me do to earn it sometimes.

So. Problem. This isn't a nice all at once thing, this has been taking place over the last couple weeks.

So now I feel like this:

Pretty great way to get out of sharing. Take that kindergarten!

Now I'm at the point where I need help figuring out what I want to do. This is sorta leading into the whole "what do you want to do with your life" thing I never really bothered to figure out yet since I sorta decided just to wing it, not make plans, and see what happens. Except I did kinda make plans. Sorta. There were rough guidelines happening. Star Wars nook.

I've been starting to ask around for advice and what's been happening has been mostly predictable. The people with families and responsibilities and grown-up lives are all giving "stay and make money and start investing in your future" type of advice. All the irresponsible people that I like drinking with are all "go live out of a backpack for the next 2 years". And I think both of these ideas sound good.

It'd be so much easier to decide if I had kids, a wife, a mortgage, a car, a girlfriend, something. But I don't. If I stay it's more likely that these things will happen. But do I even want these things? But I also don't want to regret not making the slightly irresponsible choices while I have the opportunity.

Taking some advice from Kate I borrowed a giant white board and started a Go/Stay list. It got pretty full. Then after a while I drew 2 stick figures watching a monster eating another stick figure because thinking is hard.

And tonight I can't sleep. So there's that too.

But I have decided that if I stay I've got to make some changes in my life. And if I go, well that's a big change in and of itself, so I'd probably be content with that.

Unless I get eated by something. I hope it's a dinosaur!

I'm just sorta feeling like I'm standing on a big mountain and I need to pick which side to go down. I wish somebody would just kick me over one of the fucking edges already. It's not nearly as clear cut a choice as I'm making it out to be, but it damn well feels like it.

No idea what I'm going to do. But I do know I'm going to do something. That counts right? I still have time to worry, which is both nice and not nice at the same time. Deadline looks an awful lot like August at the moment.

Blargh! 

That's me. Oh and in between all this shit there were some dating fails, and a joke so blasphemous that I might be going to hell. Oh how I did laugh. Good times.

Spammy Von Awesome

Sense?

Apparently I was all Bossface Mcintimidating today. It still fucking baffles me that people can find my dumb ass scary. The only time it's justified is when my brothers are dating girls who haven't met me before. Then it's fucking fun.

If the movements of my soul are reflected in those around me, can I ever be truly alone? What pretentious tripe. Oh, but Sam, you say, that's all deep and intense. Nope. You wanna see something deep and intense I'll go kick an idiot into the grand canyon screaming the menu from Taco Bell. Lawyer'd.

I hear voices. I had hoped it was some roommates stating on the front deck, just hanging out (funny, I fully expected it even though we're rounding 2:30am) but nobody is out there. I'd like to investigate but R.Kelly might make me pee in his mouth.

hahahahahah that's what she said

I wish I could tell everybody about some crazy story involving some weird ass dating antics, but I'm all out of those. Yes really. And when people ask I get a whole of "Yeah but there's always some crazy you're not telling us about". Not this time. It's probably not good that this is a thing I'm known for. I remember when nobody believed me about the restraining order. Now it's more like "just one?" I guess trying Plenty of Fish again is out of the question.

I know the truth is more complicated, but "trees sneezing" is an awesome way to answer "What is wind?".

I have this awful tendency to get lost in my own head all the damn time. It's no wonder why I play video games and read 1000 page books. Sometimes I'd rather lose myself into something that is not me over thinking the hell out of something. Also I'd go stark raving nuts without music to listen to on the bus on walking alone.

That's me. You know that noise you make? The one where you shut the fuck up? You should do that more often.

 Sam

Really brain? Screw you.

Some days I can sleep, some days I can't.

Some days I look in the sky and see a cloud that looks like a moo cow with a lightsaber.

My brain works funny, I've learned to live with it.

But I'm starting this post at 5am...for the second day in a row. Something must be done.

Well...maybe tomorrow. Or is it today now? I don't care anymore.

Because now I'm here.

Once you awaken the beast you must defeat it.

Once you start the spell, you must complete it.

Once you light the fire you must feed it.

Once you buy the burger you must eat it.

...

Once you (something something) you must (oh god I sound douche-y today)

Once you (I am not a poet I guess) you must (Something cool with sharks?)

Once (Are sharks even cool anymore?) you must (I bet Chewbacca could ride a shark)

Once you (I'd watch that movie) you must (Sober, even).

Hey look at this funny and unrelated picture I found.

Funny story, I've been blogging for like 8 years and I've hit every part of that chart except for the middle.

Actually even with the no sleeping thing, my 4 day weekend is going pretty marvelously. I rented Dragon Age Origins, Source Code and Adjustment Bureau, ordered a pizza, took off my pants and sat in the living room all day. I call that a fucking day off. A super geeky one too. I haven't geeked out in a while so it was fun. Also Manny stopped by and watched Source code with me and invited me to a BBQ thingy. So hah. who needs roommates who try to convince you to go to Montreal anyway.

RENT MONEY IS IMPORTANT

I was amazingly impressed with the Adjustment Bureau. (Source Code totally kicked super geeky parallel universe ass too). As people who've been here before, I'm a self admitted sappy idealistic fool. I like slow Metal love songs and giving massages by candlelight. But this movie was a romance. For geeks. Actiony and suspenseful and philosophical and a whole bunch of other crap I like. But it's a romance movie. Maybe the best one ever.

Most guys wouldn't put this shit out on the internet. But my brothers have taken away my man-card and my housemates make fun of me for anything I ever say/do/write/perform/ anyways, so why sugar coat it? Plus I'm like 50% sure I'm hallucinating from the lack of sleep over the last 3 days so chances are okay that I'm actually just drumming my fingers on the back of the couch and staring at the painting of James Spader in the living room while I think I'm lying in bed typing.

Been there.

Or have I?

And since I am starting to confuse myself about where I am and what I am doing I'm going to share this funny song with you.



That's me. I am not condoning killing women. However, if I ever act like this ...again... you're more than welcome to feed me a shotgun sandwich with a side of "Oh god, Sam you made us do this, now hold still so we can make sure we get your mouth around both barrels."

SpAmmy

Can't sleep: part bazillion (rounding down)

Dear laundry room,

I am a usually a pretty reasonable and easygoing dude. But I would seriously like some of my fucking socks back.

Love,

Samalanthalas (of Gondor)

(pictured below)


Now ever since I discovered poker in residence I've always enjoyed gambling. This may be taking it a bit far. I usually prefer craps.



I cannot sleep. My Internet is working just fine.

Odd, that.


....I wish.

This woman on Plenty Of Fish won't leave me alone. I'm not interested because she is 15 years older than I am and types lik dis 4 reel yo. So I finally okayed one of her chat requests tonight... and responded only in Lyrics playing on my Itunes. Now she thinks I hate the world because of a bad breakup due to a nightmare about singing in the shower with zombies while falling off a cliff and discussing home buying techniques. I let her draw her own conclusions.

(I remember playing A Day to Remember, As I lay Dying, In Flames, Rise Against and Black Veil Brides. I'm sure there was more)

I don't know why, but such things amuse me.


Toronto next Saturday. Almost like a trip to a magical place where all my dreams come true.


Thank Gandalf I'll be taking the bus and not walking.

Shit.

Have you ever been typing on your computer late at night with the lights off, got a power warning and plugged in?

I nearly blinded myself.

That's me. Off to finish the stupid Ruckley series. Should never have given em a second chance.

SpAmmy

I can't sleep again

So I can't sleep...again. So here we are, you lucky bastards you. Jay gave me a ton a good books I haven't read yet and I'll get to one of those soon. But for the moment you're stuck.

I have recently realized that I don't have a good way to blow off steam anymore. Work has been slightly frustrating this week and I haven't done anything specific to make myself feel better. But witty banter and smart ass housemates help, as well as turning the lights off and plugging in to awesome music.

However I think it's all for the best that I missed the toenail painting party in our living room this evening. My housemates are fucking crazy. Probably why I like em so much. I'm pretty happy that in a month everyone will be back...even if the job means I won't be around as much as I'd like. But I'll make it work.

I'd like to think I'm usually more complicated than this, but really? It's so true

Bonus points for grammar. Grammer? Grammar? This spellcheck is failing.

Earlier this week someone called me "nice". Umm what? You barely even know me! I could eat babies or violate giraffes or something, how do you know.

.......

Not that I do those things, cause giraffes don't deserve it cause they can't say no, and I'm like 90% sure babies taste terrible.

But still, nice is a terrible way to describe a dude. Nice guys finish last? I WOULDN'T KNOW. Maybe they were confusing nice with polite. But I'm a terrible terrible person. However I try to say please and thank you and I tip well. But nobody who knows anything about me could say that I was "nice" with a straight face. Read past entries and try it. I DARE YOU.

Hey look, music without screaming or angry. I must be mellowing in my old age.



That's me. 2 whole weekends in Toronto. Birthday. Edgefest. Wonderland. Jay's game. CN tower. Niagara Falls. A date. A second date. Karaoke. Drunken antics. Sober antics. I'm having a helluva month.

SpAmmy