Been here before

So the last few days have been a bit disappointing, but unsurprising. I had a bank meeting to see if I could maybe set up a line of credit or a loan to pay osap so I could possibly go back to class next semester. My credit rating is pretty kick ass (fun thing to discover) but it still amounts to I would have to work a lot more than I am while still going to school. And then possibly be paying off the rest of my osap while also paying a bank loan. Yeah I don't know. I'm just playing it by ear at the moment, but I don't that will work out.

So I guess I'm pretty resigned to living in Guelph and just working.

Well in between the wild fantasies of randomly flying somewhere (Vancouver maybe) and starting all over again.

Been here before.

Just frustrated after the fight I had to put up after my osap kafuffle that happened in September to be laid low like this. My options for getting back to school in January just don't work out unfortunately. However I still have the option to come back next September. But I just don't know.

Okay, well it is what it is, and it sucks. Time to sack up, make a decision and move on pal. It's not like this is a totally new situation for ya anyways.



I have had a rather neat revelation lately though.

This book I'm reading. It might be changing my life. Kind of a big deal.

Sometimes you just read something, get some advice, hear a speech maybe, and it just makes sense. Something just clicks in your head. That is what is happening to me pretty much right at this moment. It's quite nice. I think I'd like this to happen more often. This kinda sounds like something I've said before. Yeah definitely sounds like something I'd say.

Oh and Jay gets to come visit soon! I like that. Mostly cause now I have someone around who understand my sense of humor. Maybe I'll stop getting the weird looks and hushed comments. It's nice having psychic powers. Even if it only is with one (slightly retarded) person.

So yeah I've been thinking and writing a bunch lately.

I like a lot of passages and lines and phrases form the books I read. My favourite though means a lot more than I first thought it did. You see there is this young... well I guess you could call them a couple. It's complicated. Anyway of of the things they talk about is a set of mystical Gardens that, according to local legend, are hidden on the nearby moon. It represents the innocence of them both. After all it's the belief in something special and mythical, but special all the same. They believe with the innocence and purity of youth, which in turn represents the feelings that they have a hard time admitting they have for each other.

But at one point one of them has no choice but to change. Not for the better, not for the worse, but in a way that irrevocably changes her life and the lives of those around her. Including the one who decides he wants to be with her. There are two sides to her, an innocent and vivacious young woman, and the person she has become. He chooses to appeal to her new dark nature, not realizing that that is not what she wants. She fell in love with the idealistic and impulsive young man and not the killer he becomes because he feels it would appeal to her new nature.

The innocence and purity of their courtship dissolves. They have changed from what they were and what they once believed in.

Eventually she leaves.

And he understands exactly why.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. They're just different now.

"And clouds closed fast around the moon, and one by one the gardens died."

That's me. Pink and mismatched socks in the Library. I don't know why.