I may have mislead people in saying that Marlyn Manson or Tales of Vesperia or A Song of Ice and Fire are not confusing. They really are, just not to me. These things fit nicely into the little box I call my life and I understand them very well.

However, one of the things I'm trying to accomplish is try to find things outside my rather pathetic box and branch out. My thirst for knowledge and understanding doesn't start and end with angsty music, epic fantasy or rpgs. Those are just things I understand.

I think this may be a part of why I've tried so hard to get back to school.

But things aren't working out the way I'd like. In fact the only thing I've been taking semi-seriously is making it to the gym. But I could do better. I'm having a motivation problem. And I'm getting sucked back into comfortable work stuff. Work isn't difficult, and the people are great. It'd be easy just to park my ass and just be the go to guy again. So easy. So easy I've been doing it without thinking. It actually requires no effort on my part. I've fallen back into old patterns. Doing favors and getting shitty little perks and playing politics again. And I'm good at it. But every time I stop and think about it, I decide I don't like it. This shit was supposed to be temporary.

But that means I have to stop and think about it. It's so easy not to.

I've come a long way. I don't run away anymore, I stick it out and get things resolved. So I know how to finish stuff, fix stuff, but I have to learn how to start stuff. Actively working towards something better. I always have an excuse for stuff, I always have some reason for waiting stuff out. It's never gotten me anywhere.I have to move, to act. I have goals and I have to work on them. I want to travel. So why am I not travelling? I still work part time. Why the fuck do I still work part time? I can work towards all that stuff while waiting for letters from the university.

Oh and you'll be pleased to know I misinterpreted a remark about not being able to eat yogurt due to a food allergy as a jizz joke. Yup. Awkward.

And this lady at work calls me Sammie. Which normally would be fine as tons of people cal me Sammie. I call me Sammie sometimes. Penny calls me Sammie because that's what she calls her daughter Samantha. Warms my heart it does.

There. Ranting and raving and personal revelations and some comedy. My work here is done.

That's me. Ninja turtle sammich!