This is why being a geek is funner (yeah I said it, screw you grammar Nazis!) than being a normal person. If this doesn't make you giggle, then you might be reading the wrong blog.
This is kinda in honor of the fact that I've been playing final fantasy 13 for the last week or so. But only kinda as FFXIII has no moogles! Which is almost blasphemy but the game kinda kicks so much ass you hardy notice the lack of moogles. I have no idea why my "little" brother (he's not that little and he's 22 years old but dammit he's he'll always be the "little" one) didn't like it.
I've been playing final fantasy since we got the very first one when I was around 6an now, (after about a million games with Final Fantasy in the title) 14 has been released as an MMO. Which sucks. I just like single player rpgs, since I grew up on the SNES, playstation and PS2 final fantasy games and those are the ones I like DAMMIT!.
Apparently they also killed the new Front Mission game as well.
...monsters
Anywho, I texted myself (which is kinda heartbreaking as I get excited to receive a text only to realize it was the one I sent myself only moments before... don't drink and text people! It ruins lives!) and left myself a whole bunch of notes of what I was going to blog about this week. I kinda meant to do this earlier but it's been a bit hectic. Also the aforementioned FFXIII.
Some things I recall, some I have no idea what the fuzzy I was talking about. I love guessing games! Let us begin!
Dogs have no concept of ownership. My parents brought their dog when they came to visit me on the Turkey Day Monday and we took the dog out to a park for a walk. Tons of other pet owners had very similar ideas, and it was a nice day with lots of people playing with their dogs all over the place. However my parent's dog (lucky) loves chasing stuff, as most dogs do. Even when he's stuck on a leash. Try keeping that dog under control when there are tennis balls flaying around all over the place. Our dog was freaking out! I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. And I can't understand why. None of the balls flying around belonged to him.
GO READ CALVIN AND HOBBES! There are tons of sites online you can find the strips for free. DO IT! They're AWESOME!
Our machines at work now take the chip for debit and credit card transactions. This is fine for normal people who use their cards on a regular basis. Stupid people, and people who don't use their debit/credit cards a whole lot, hold up the fucking line like nobodies business. I know it's not always their fault but GAH! And if you forget your PIN I might throttle you. Also, follow the instructions on the machine, and stop pulling out your stupid card before it tells you you can.
I went out with the roomies on Thursday night and have a super awesome time! Cheap pitchers, open mike night and pool! I sued to play pool all the freaking time in high school (working in bars and such) but man it was so much fun. Even if I do have to make dinner on Sunday cause I lost a game. I completely blame "Steve" for that though. Well and I'm a bit of a gambler. But totally "Steve's" fault. I think Thursday might be my new favourite night of the week. My one roommate even got up and sang, which was awesome as she gets kinda self conscious about playing the guitar. She totally rocked out! I wonder if it had anything to do with the guy rocking the dreds?
It's not really working out with smoking hottie from the bookstore. Which isn't so much fun. I'm not a babysitter. I'm looking for a partner, not someone I have to pander to. There is something wrong if you keep cancelling when I want you to meet my friends. It's okay to be a little self conscious, but despite hat you think I'm not trying to show you off. You're not a trophy or a notch in my belt. Grow up.
But it's okay. There might be someone else.
Speaking of the ladies:
The art of smooching. Grab your chairs ladies and gentlemen, youse about to become edumacated.
There are about a bazillion ways to kiss a woman. I know. I've tried them all. Seriously. But as it is fairly well known among friends (and the women I'd kissed probably) that I am super awesome at it.
I'm not modest at all.
Anyway if you really want to knock a girl off her feet with your face, try this one. If they get all googly eyed and unfocused and can't remember their name you've done it right. If she kicks you in the balls you didn't. Clear enough? Okay.
Gently (I mean it! You're not grabbing a pumpkin!) place both hands on the sides of her head. Not too far foreword that you squish her face. I usually fit her ear in the hollow of my hand between my thumb and forefinger and slightly curl my fingers around the back of her head.
You can also use the motion to brush her hair behind her ears and get it out of the way. Eating hair isn't so much fun, but hey if that's what you're (or she's) into, feel free to ignore.
Then gently (again GENTLY, you're not wrestling a pig! Or maybe you are, but I'm not judging, just take it easy!) pull her head towards yours while slightly tilting your head to one side and hers to another (to avoid the nose bonk).
Gently touch her lips to yours, for just a second. Pull back a bit and look at her straight in the eyes, this is an incredibly intimate thing, and with the right person will seem like it lasts forever. (roll with the punches though, if she doesn't let you pull back that's a pretty good sign too!)
Again, push your lips against hers, a bit more forcefully this time. Then gently (notice this word again, it's like I'm giving you a hint or something!) push your tongue in towards her mouth and swirl it against her lips. Let it linger there just a second then pull it back, not all the way, but just so you're making the barest contact with your tongue and her bottom lip.
At this point a bunch of things can happen. Mix it up a bit. I like to move one hand behind her head and the other to pull her in as close as I can by the small of her back. Sometimes I make her do a slight dip. The odd time I might go for a butt grab (be warned though, try this too early and you might fuck up royally...been there) Also if I'm feeling daring, I might push her back up against a door or wall.
Sometimes she will melt right in your arms. She might give a little sigh from the back of her throat. She might rip her shirt off in a mad fit of desire. these are good things.
Gradually start swirling your tongue against her lips, push just a little bit farther every second until you make contact with her tongue. (don't go too far, you choke her and she will bite your tongue off). I like to keep it simple with a nice swirl. But you can mix it up with whatever is the best way for you. The only thing tip I can give here is keep constant contact with her tongue. Don't swish around furiously or dominate her tongue. Think of it like a dance. Gentle, but firm pressure.
Now don't be alarmed but HER tongue might go in YOUR mouth. Same rules apply. Don't get into a pushing war, as this is dumb. However kisses ARE a competition, if you want to win you have to keep the initiative. Of course, sometimes it's fun losing too.
Also, mix up your tongue and lip movements, if you keep them the same the kiss gets boring. Mix it up a bit, surprise her. Maybe go for a gentle lip nibble or suck before you break off. Maybe get a little bit handsy.
When you (or she) decides to break off, move slowly. Now is another good time to look straight into her eyes. Romantic, intimate and affectionate. I like to keep in physical contact with her body until she pulls away. Mostly cause it's fun. Also if you tried the dip or any other altering of her body position, gently stand her back up straight.
Stay relaxed but keep your arms firm. If you need to, do the subtle hip twist to keep your boner from poking her. Or if you want her to know that's fine too. Depends on your objective.
Anyways this is what usually works for me, and of course it can go a lot of ways from here. Keep in mind these are just tips, a loose guideline. Try it and see what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe next time I'll go into a lesson on neck/ear sucking.
I also have much dirtier versions for foreplay. Yup. I do foreplay. That's right, you ladies are missing out cause I kick ass.
And don't forget, practice practice practice!
That's me. Trying not to be too sad that Lysee isn't going to be here for crissymas.
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