OMFG

Yeah so I changed it again. I had compaints that the black background was fucking with people's eyes.

I blame Steve. She was the straw that broke the camel's back. I have a camel. (but don't tell her I called her Steve, she hates that)

I like my dragon, but then I like all dragons. I kinda miss Herbert (he was the red one that used to live on my blog back in the day).

Ooo Idea!

I'll take requests for a name for the dragon that lives on my blog. Winner gets a poem dedicated to how they came up with a name for my dragon. Post on the comments or on my facebook wall.

Umm any evenftful crap?

Well yesterday the gods were out to get me. Seriously. I saw almost every one of my exes. I don't consider some "real" exes as I never "really" dated them, but still this went way to far to be coincidence. It actaully took me a second to remember I hated Mel, cause I so would have been down for a chat. Mostly to annoy the fuck out of her. Dumb bitch didn't think I could get into University.

I'm mostly willing to let bygones be bygones, but it's funny how no one else feels that way. Just because it's done and over with someone doesn't mean you can't be polite in a public setting, am I right?

Of course since I date all the crazies maybe the rules are different.

Oh and I had a song stuck in my head for most of the day. I was rocking out in the middle of the library playing the "air drums".

Cause I'm so cool like that.

This song. Turn the volume up.




That's me. Do I ever love listening to people play music in dark, candle lit rooms.

Top 5 Cds from when I was a kid

Top 5 Cds from when I was a kid

5) No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom

I spent hours and hours with this CD in my neighbour's driveway being all cool and prepubescent and hanging out with the "cool" older kids.

4) Savage Garden -Truly Madly Deeply

This one goes into the "embarrassed to admit I owned" pile. It just proves I'm a sucker for sappy sappy crap. Good memories of sixth grade though.

3) Our Lady Peace - Clumsy

Still their best music, hands down.

2) Finger 11- Greyest of Blue Skies

Remember when Finger 11 was good? This was the pinnacle right here. I still fucking listen to this album on a regular basis.

1) Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory

This was my first foray into something a little bit heavier than the stuff I usually listened to. I think I still have every song memorized perfectly.

Jay is going to remember this shit.

Yeah so it's definitely a bit different form most of the stuff I listen to now. I have a hard time defining it all but I know I like it or I wouldn't listen to it.

However since we're only a few days to work playing Christmas carols for 2 months straight (and often different versions of the same ones) I shouldn't be complaining about music.

Note: I do like Christmas music but not hours and hours of the same stuff all freeking day. The only time I'll be happy that I only work weekends at the moment.

I've kinda been in a funk the last few days, struggling a bit. I went out and bought stuff I couldn't really afford (cause that's what I do).

Wanna know what turned it around? I got completely shot down by a girl this morning who I was just attempting to chat politely to. I wasn't even making a pass at her! I just really liked her Star Wars shirt. And to be honest, if you didn't want the geeky attention you shouldn't have been wearing a star wars shirt. Geeks can and will be scared of you when you show off your tits or show off how nice your ass looks in yoga pants... but with Star Wars it's fair game. (Also, Star Wars + cleavage is one of the greatest things ever) But yeah I think she thought I was trying to rape her or something cause she actually called her friend over to rescue her and take her away.

All I said was I was sad to miss out on the Star Wars orchestral show when they came to Hamilton this summer.

I think I hurt something holding my laughter in. Also I got to move up in the Subway (restaurant) line and that was nice too. That line gets long at lunchtime and I had a craving for a meatball sub.

I don't know why this turned it around for me but it did. Stuck up moron had no idea about my story that might not be getting published after all, my struggle with the idea of becoming a writer, my batshit crazy chick problems or how I might not be able to do a semester overseas somewhere. She just saw a geek that somehow managed to offend her by being polite.

No matter how things get in life I take comfort in the fact that I will never understand women. Also some people are retarded, and that makes me smile.

Besides, it's not like she was a redhead wearing a Firefly shirt.



Yes I could have picked any song off the album. But this one always does it for me. Too bad they suck now.

That's me. Big Geek! I feel old looking at the dates these cds came out. Good thing I'm still awesome.



One more? Well don't mind if I do.

This one's for becca!

I am a snail's godfather.

Yup.

I had a weekend.

Jay likes my Monday afternoon blog posts cause he is fascinated by my weekends lately. He should. my weekends are 10 times better than his. It also bugs me that stuff happens to me at work that never happen to him. But then again, I've always been the more interesting one. He better send me those fucking books soon.

Thursday night was awesome again. We played glow in the dark Mini Putt! And I got to watch Bloodsport! The waitress at swiss chalet was kinda dumb though.

But cheap beer and pool and open mike night is always great! Alas, I remember when I used to be good at pool. But it was funny, roommate who sings was all like "I don't wanna sing for open mike night tonight"... and then she was like "maybe just like 1 song"... then she was all like "okay maybe like 3 songs"... and then she was all like "well now that I'm up in front of everyone I want to keep going".

FAME IS ADDICTING PEOPLE! Even when playing in a bar in front of a bunch of drunken friends. The trick is to get more and more drunken friends every week. The plans are in the making. She's so singing again this week.

I think it was the cheering that did it. And all the people joining in. Everyone needs a friend on a bongo drum thing and a cool dude with dreds who can play the harmonica.

Friday was great too. At first I was thinking maybe I'd take it easy on the boozing this weekend. Yeah that lasted about as long as it took to be offered to help myself to the beer on the porch. At first we had a living room full of people that just kinda sat around. Then we started played drinking games. Then people played the guitar again! And I got free cookies! I turned in early but apparently people toughed it out to the wee hours spitting ice cubes across the living room into each other's mouths.

Yeah.

I'm not too sure about that one either but I'll bet it made sense to them at the time.

And the next morning mom and dad randomly showed up at my front door! It was great! they came bearing mail and bought me lunch and collected the pic plate they left on Turkey Day. I think the dog needs a haircut though.

Saturday was... well super awesome overall but had some funky parts that blew chunks so big you couldn't even tell they were chunks anymore. It's like when you're travelling with your friends in your freighter and the planet you're looking for turns out to have disappeared, but as luck would have it you can make it to nearby moon. Only it's not a moon. It's a space station. A fucking blonde space station. No princesses to rescue here folks, just torture and a firing squad made of a bunch of "high functioning" semi retarded (but admittedly mislead) people.

But that's okay as the night turned around quick, fast, and in a hurry. Also my buddy whiskey tagged along (thanks to a very appreciated roommate who was also nice enough to text my drunk ass about stuff I wanted to put in here). The booze got to me about 10:30 ish. In the next hour a bottle of whiskey` was mostly done. I was fucking juiced.

But I got to get involved in some of my most favourite things ever! I spent a bunch of time alternating between talking about super geeky fantasy books with Brad and taking turns putting on super awesome music with this cool chick named Lisa who came down from London to visit Ombre. And there were women everywhere! Our house was packed! Drunk Spammy loves being part of a crowd!

Fantasy books, fucking awesome music, cute girls.

Yay :)

If the night ended there it would have been awesome. But no! It didn't!

I know you're all jealous now. I'm even a little jealous of me right now and I'm me!

After a bunch of debating about cabs, the dozen or so of us headed out to the ranch. It was kinda the point of the night. Yeah it did kinda blow going from awesome music to mostly crappier music, but I did get to drunkenly bellow the 3 country songs I actually like at the top of my lungs and that's definitely a happy drunk Spammy time.

Now I don't know if you've ever gotten wasted inside of a hour and then had to move around a bit. About as smart as making Fat jokes around a Hutt. (Hells yeah! I'm on the star wars ball today!). I hit the bathroom inside of 10 minutes of getting to the bar. Have you ever heard the term "puke and rally". Yeah so I did some of that. I just had to make room for the rest of the booze I was going to have that night.

That makes sense right?

So the rest of the night was just a whole shitload of drunken fun people on the dance floor in front of the house band. I still can't dance for shit but i still went to town. I have a secret. At a country bar it is super okay to dance like a white guy as long as you're drunk and having a good time! Which is good news for me, let me tell ya. We even played some drunken pool after they turned off the music! (till security had to come over and kick us out)

Fucking wicked. I'm pretty sure that night goes down in the fucking books. And it's weird because I had originally intended on NOT going. I can't say I'm lucky as I had to have my night turn to shit before I got to have fun, but at the same time I can't emphasize enough the great time I had.

Sunday wasn't so magical though. Even though I was very hangover free (hangovers don't usually happen unless I'm mixing liquors or drinking energy drinks while boozing). I don't know. I was just a bit melancholy.

I'm kinda sick of worrying about my girly shit. It's all high school up in here. Big surprise though:

Ready for it?

No you're not

Now you might be.

I have no fucking clue as to what the hell I'm going to do.

Yeah not so much of a surprise I guess.

But it is an excuse to put on some of this:




That's me. Yes that was rap. Ish. Now go get laid everybody. I can't use my magical powers for that. That would be unethical.



P.S. This one is for Becca cause she felt left out in my last blog post. Also because she was missing for the weekend cause she had imoportant stuff to do in places that were not here. Now she knows what went down!

Dear Ombre

Dear Ombre

Serah is 18 and Snow is 21. Wikipedia it. Even crazy Japanese video games don't have 12 year olds getting married.

A role-playing game (RPG) is a broad family of games in which players assume the roles of characters in a fictional setting. Players take responsibility for acting out these roles within a narrative, either through literal acting, or through a process of structured decision-making or character development.

Ombre has been violent lately with all the stabbing, pen drawing, purple nurple attempts, and comments. I'm sure this won't set her at ease but it damn well is a good start. I might stop offering her food.

Also I am going to kick her ass at pool tonight.

Your move.

P.S. I wonder why she never does anything with her hair....

Speaking of crazy roomates (in the good way, not in the the "I'm going to skin you and wear you like a suit" kind of way...so far) I've collected some random comments made that make me smile.

Heard at my house:

"Stop looking at me while I'm painting your dick!"

"Why is that fireplace made out of wood? I feel like that's a bad choice"

"I always want to smell things to figure out who it belongs to."

"I ain't Cho Chang, bitch!"

I've always been an indifferent Harry Potter fan,(mostly cause Gandalf > Dumbledore) but I watched the Harry piotter musical on youtube the other night and that shit was hilarious. Some group of students form the states put it together and it kicks total ass. GO WATCH!

Gandalf kicks Dumbledore's ass. Peroid. No contest. Dumbledore has a bunch of prepubescent kids runing around doing his bidding. Gandalf has entire armies working for him. Dumbledore is close with them ministry of magic. Gandalf is tight with KINGS. Dumbldore has a suicidal pet bird. Ooooo. Gandalf has been known to ride around on a giant fucking Eagle. Dumbledore has the order of the pheonix. Gandalf has the Fellowship of the ring. (For that matter Gimili > Mad-eye) Dumbledore has Gryffindor's sword. A dude who founded a school. Dumbledore has a schoolteacher's sword. I'm quivering in my boots now. Gandalf wields Glamdring, the foe-hammer, the sword of Turgon the wise and the founder of Gondolin.

Advantage : Gandalf

I'm going to say Raistlin gets an honorable mention for being a badass here, Goblin and One-Eye would be awesome to have in your corner for a practical joke war and Harry Dresden would an awesome dude to have a beer with.

However Quick Ben whomps em all. Not even Gandalf gets sarcastic and lippy with Gods and Ascendants.

Quick Ben = Best wizard ever. Plus his friends whould make even the Fellowship wet themselves and Dumbledore's Army shrivel up and die with a look and a grin.

Just sayin.

Also I find Underworld magical. Also the soundtrack.



That's me. Magical powers still on the fritz, I pulled a hufflepuff out of my hat today instead of a bunny, boy was my face red.

Nothing Special

Hello to all the people who read this for reasons I don't understand! I felt pretty awesome when a bunch of people mentioned this weekend that they read my blog! Yay vindication!? Justification!? Californication!?

Actually I think I've always preferred scar tissue or can't stop.

I hate that my computer is dead. But it's not because I need access to a computer, since they have a bazillion of em at school. But for the music. I hate not being able to have my music on whenever I want. I almost went insane until I bought headphones solely for the purpose of listening to music on youtube when I'm at the library. I'm smart like that.

I just need my music.

Today the cannon is painted like a Green elephant. At least I think it's an elephant. It has big ears and a tail and the mouth of the cannon could definitely be an elephant nose. For some reason there also seems to be a hat involved as well. I think I'm confused, but I'm not certain.

I think I like explaining stuff. I have fun doing it, especially when it's geeky and amusing. I'm not at my best however, during the end cutsecence of a video game I just put XX hours into. I was at quite a pivotal point tho, either explain what an rpg is and why they are super awesome, or watch the ending of FFXIII. Turns out I couldn't do both at once. Maybe I should take some time and explain what kind of geek I am at some point to my roomies. I sure they're figured out I'm a geek, but it the type of geek I am that makes me special.

I'm special!

SPECIAL NEWS UPDATE: Defiantly figured out a word puzzle thing while bored on the bus this morning. Also some chick was talking about palindromes. (palindromes had nothing to do with the puzzle it just jarred something loose in my head)

This weekend was started off weird and slightly miserable and turned into something great.. I love how I can just walk into wherever my Metro bitchez are and It's like I've never left. I just jump right in start boozing and yapping away. It's comfortable and awesome and I don't get to do that as much as I should.

But the Ranch was also pretty awesome too. It was Happy Birthday time for a bookshelf giving, terrible pool playing, getting out of dinner making person. And I ended up playing a bunch of drunken ass pool, watching people getting dragged out kicking and screaming, and talking to a girl with a really bitchin accent.

Yay weekends.

Also for some reason i was a pretty big fan of Ultimatums this week. Hottie from the bookstore got a last chance for some reason. She blew it. I played video games, watched LOTR and did some cooking. I also drank all weekend but that was for completely different reasons. Mostly. Everybody loves drunk Spammy! Well maybe not everybody as someone keeps making asinine comments on the pictures that get posted. But he's almost responsible now so what the hell does he know. But I digress. Rachie thinks that I think that I want a girlfriend again. I think. But I don't know, I kind like where I am. But then again I'm crushing on someone new already (kinda already... it's a long story and this may have been going on for a while). Maybe I like where I am even with the girl drama? But new crush may just be happening cause of all the complicated shit that went down with bookstore hottie. Bah. I'll figure it out or I won't and people will enjoy the stories. (they have so far anyways)

At the very least I think I'd like to date a chick who can do the whole witty banter back and forth stuff I enjoy doing with my friends so much. Well maybe not all of my friends. It was kind pointed out that i usually only do this with the plethora (haha I'm mr. vocabulary today) of smart female friends I have. I don't really do a whole lot of giving the few guy friends i have shit like that. Well maybe Jay but that's more incessant insults and cursing as creatively as possible more than witty banter. Rach and I were discussing it (I think), but the more shit I give you, the more I like you. But that's not a cut and dry rule, as some people aren't into that sort of thing. But yeah if I give you a lot of crap, that's usually a very good thing. Except for Jay.

I actually am at the point where i don't feel self conscious about talking to him on the phone in front of the housemates anymore. Mostly because they have a good idea that I don't actually hate him and that (most) of the shit I say to him is all in good fun. There still was some gasps of surprise and outrage the other day, and stuff may have gotten thrown at me for not being very nice. But that's much better than if I had done that 6 weeks ago. Progress is being made people.

Plus I got to cook. We Had a whole room ate dinner thing the other night and It was very nice. I mean, frozen lasagna and salad and garlic bread is nothing special, but getting to cook and share and sit with everyone in front of the tv watching Boston Legal just kicked ass. In fact tat entire day was pretty rocking. I had a great nap on the couch too. And good naps kick ass.

And more and more I'm pleased about where I am and what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with. I spent so long being uncertain and all over the map and now that I have a bit of (self-directed) guidance things seem to be falling into place quite nicely. It's not perfect (nothing ever is) but I'm doing better for myself than I have in quite a long time.

Listen to this song because I couldn't and I really wanted to, and for some reason it reminds me of this weekend!



That's me! Wish me luck on midterms or suffer a painful and debilitating paper cut! Maybe. My magical powers haven't been acting up to par lately.

Excuse me, your Moogles are showing

This is why being a geek is funner (yeah I said it, screw you grammar Nazis!) than being a normal person. If this doesn't make you giggle, then you might be reading the wrong blog.

This is kinda in honor of the fact that I've been playing final fantasy 13 for the last week or so. But only kinda as FFXIII has no moogles! Which is almost blasphemy but the game kinda kicks so much ass you hardy notice the lack of moogles. I have no idea why my "little" brother (he's not that little and he's 22 years old but dammit he's he'll always be the "little" one) didn't like it.

I've been playing final fantasy since we got the very first one when I was around 6an now, (after about a million games with Final Fantasy in the title) 14 has been released as an MMO. Which sucks. I just like single player rpgs, since I grew up on the SNES, playstation and PS2 final fantasy games and those are the ones I like DAMMIT!.

Apparently they also killed the new Front Mission game as well.

...monsters

Anywho, I texted myself (which is kinda heartbreaking as I get excited to receive a text only to realize it was the one I sent myself only moments before... don't drink and text people! It ruins lives!) and left myself a whole bunch of notes of what I was going to blog about this week. I kinda meant to do this earlier but it's been a bit hectic. Also the aforementioned FFXIII.

Some things I recall, some I have no idea what the fuzzy I was talking about. I love guessing games! Let us begin!

Dogs have no concept of ownership. My parents brought their dog when they came to visit me on the Turkey Day Monday and we took the dog out to a park for a walk. Tons of other pet owners had very similar ideas, and it was a nice day with lots of people playing with their dogs all over the place. However my parent's dog (lucky) loves chasing stuff, as most dogs do. Even when he's stuck on a leash. Try keeping that dog under control when there are tennis balls flaying around all over the place. Our dog was freaking out! I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. And I can't understand why. None of the balls flying around belonged to him.

GO READ CALVIN AND HOBBES! There are tons of sites online you can find the strips for free. DO IT! They're AWESOME!

Our machines at work now take the chip for debit and credit card transactions. This is fine for normal people who use their cards on a regular basis. Stupid people, and people who don't use their debit/credit cards a whole lot, hold up the fucking line like nobodies business. I know it's not always their fault but GAH! And if you forget your PIN I might throttle you. Also, follow the instructions on the machine, and stop pulling out your stupid card before it tells you you can.

I went out with the roomies on Thursday night and have a super awesome time! Cheap pitchers, open mike night and pool! I sued to play pool all the freaking time in high school (working in bars and such) but man it was so much fun. Even if I do have to make dinner on Sunday cause I lost a game. I completely blame "Steve" for that though. Well and I'm a bit of a gambler. But totally "Steve's" fault. I think Thursday might be my new favourite night of the week. My one roommate even got up and sang, which was awesome as she gets kinda self conscious about playing the guitar. She totally rocked out! I wonder if it had anything to do with the guy rocking the dreds?

It's not really working out with smoking hottie from the bookstore. Which isn't so much fun. I'm not a babysitter. I'm looking for a partner, not someone I have to pander to. There is something wrong if you keep cancelling when I want you to meet my friends. It's okay to be a little self conscious, but despite hat you think I'm not trying to show you off. You're not a trophy or a notch in my belt. Grow up.

But it's okay. There might be someone else.

Speaking of the ladies:

The art of smooching. Grab your chairs ladies and gentlemen, youse about to become edumacated.

There are about a bazillion ways to kiss a woman. I know. I've tried them all. Seriously. But as it is fairly well known among friends (and the women I'd kissed probably) that I am super awesome at it.

I'm not modest at all.

Anyway if you really want to knock a girl off her feet with your face, try this one. If they get all googly eyed and unfocused and can't remember their name you've done it right. If she kicks you in the balls you didn't. Clear enough? Okay.

Gently (I mean it! You're not grabbing a pumpkin!) place both hands on the sides of her head. Not too far foreword that you squish her face. I usually fit her ear in the hollow of my hand between my thumb and forefinger and slightly curl my fingers around the back of her head.

You can also use the motion to brush her hair behind her ears and get it out of the way. Eating hair isn't so much fun, but hey if that's what you're (or she's) into, feel free to ignore.

Then gently (again GENTLY, you're not wrestling a pig! Or maybe you are, but I'm not judging, just take it easy!) pull her head towards yours while slightly tilting your head to one side and hers to another (to avoid the nose bonk).

Gently touch her lips to yours, for just a second. Pull back a bit and look at her straight in the eyes, this is an incredibly intimate thing, and with the right person will seem like it lasts forever. (roll with the punches though, if she doesn't let you pull back that's a pretty good sign too!)

Again, push your lips against hers, a bit more forcefully this time. Then gently (notice this word again, it's like I'm giving you a hint or something!) push your tongue in towards her mouth and swirl it against her lips. Let it linger there just a second then pull it back, not all the way, but just so you're making the barest contact with your tongue and her bottom lip.

At this point a bunch of things can happen. Mix it up a bit. I like to move one hand behind her head and the other to pull her in as close as I can by the small of her back. Sometimes I make her do a slight dip. The odd time I might go for a butt grab (be warned though, try this too early and you might fuck up royally...been there) Also if I'm feeling daring, I might push her back up against a door or wall.

Sometimes she will melt right in your arms. She might give a little sigh from the back of her throat. She might rip her shirt off in a mad fit of desire. these are good things.

Gradually start swirling your tongue against her lips, push just a little bit farther every second until you make contact with her tongue. (don't go too far, you choke her and she will bite your tongue off). I like to keep it simple with a nice swirl. But you can mix it up with whatever is the best way for you. The only thing tip I can give here is keep constant contact with her tongue. Don't swish around furiously or dominate her tongue. Think of it like a dance. Gentle, but firm pressure.

Now don't be alarmed but HER tongue might go in YOUR mouth. Same rules apply. Don't get into a pushing war, as this is dumb. However kisses ARE a competition, if you want to win you have to keep the initiative. Of course, sometimes it's fun losing too.

Also, mix up your tongue and lip movements, if you keep them the same the kiss gets boring. Mix it up a bit, surprise her. Maybe go for a gentle lip nibble or suck before you break off. Maybe get a little bit handsy.

When you (or she) decides to break off, move slowly. Now is another good time to look straight into her eyes. Romantic, intimate and affectionate. I like to keep in physical contact with her body until she pulls away. Mostly cause it's fun. Also if you tried the dip or any other altering of her body position, gently stand her back up straight.

Stay relaxed but keep your arms firm. If you need to, do the subtle hip twist to keep your boner from poking her. Or if you want her to know that's fine too. Depends on your objective.

Anyways this is what usually works for me, and of course it can go a lot of ways from here. Keep in mind these are just tips, a loose guideline. Try it and see what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe next time I'll go into a lesson on neck/ear sucking.

I also have much dirtier versions for foreplay. Yup. I do foreplay. That's right, you ladies are missing out cause I kick ass.

And don't forget, practice practice practice!

That's me. Trying not to be too sad that Lysee isn't going to be here for crissymas.

Top 5 Calvin and Hobbes ideas on girls

Top 5 Calvin and Hobbes ideas on girls

5) "Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what."

Resisting the urge to make a comment about pie.

4)"Here comes that new girl. HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURYSM, YOU FREAK!"
"She *cute*, isnt she?"
"GO AWAY!"

Harsh but fair. When you're a kid nobody wants the girl you're crushing on to know you're crushing on her.

3) This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting."

"Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resolution condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. (9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15) Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting. (10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties.

Jay and I started our own chapter, however it might not work as he's living with his girlfriend and I just started dating someone. Rebuttal: this may only apply to slimy girls and the ones we like may not be slimy. Counter rebuttal: I don't think Jay's ever dated a girl that wasn't slimy.

Note to self: Don't show girls I'm dating this blog

2) "Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination"

This is totally true, as reason and wit always trump lame jokes about sammich making or kitchen appliances. Depending on who's close enough to hear you anyway.

1) "Do you like being a girl?"
"Its gotta be better than the alternative."
"Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?"
"Like a WHAT?"
"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."

Assuming superiority mans never having to say you're sorry. Also it means never having a girlfriend. The shit is going to hit the fan when Calvin turns 14.

This idea was TOTALLY stolen from the facebook drama that is unfolding on Jay's wall after posting Calvin and Hobbes stuff. Also Calvin and hobbes is the most super awesome comic strip ever invented and should be read by everyone with a sense of humor.

Hope everybody had a happy Turkey/Tofurkey Day! And if you're not Canadain I'll try not to feel bad for eating the huge homemade apple pie sitting on my counter.

That's me, having way to much fun making fun.

Sensitive females beware!

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10 things to tell myself 10 years ago

I stumbled across this idea in a forum at 20 something bloggers and I thought it was one of the neatest ideas in the history of ideas.

It's 2010 and ten years ago it was the magical year 2000. I was 15 and in my second month of 10th grade. That was an incredibly eventful year for me and I would have loved some advice from a future self. Well here it is, 10 years too late :)

Dear young Spammy,

1) This year you start working buddy. Grit your teeth cause the first few months are the hardest, by next summer you'll have gotten all your friends hired and be running the line with Jay like nobody's business. Don't let Steve push you around, he's not as nice a guy as he seems and as soon as you talk about even little successes in your life he will get bitterly jealous of you.

2) Save your cash you dumbass. Yes the PS2 gets you a lot of great rpgs and the cd and dvd collection get very awesome for a high school student, but eventually you buy your music on itunes, you don't really watch the movies anyway, and you sell half your crappy PS2 games. Stick to a few solid rpgs, borrow Peter and Drew's cds and just burn them onto your computer and just rent movies for the weekend cause that's pretty much what you're going to do anyways. You need that money for stuff later on.

3) Stop buying food at the mall for lunch and at work for dinner. Your ass will get jiggly. I know how delicious the A&W grandpa burger with cheese is, or how epic a pizza you can make at work. Seriously, it'll do you a world of good for your self esteem if you save your money and not get all chunky.

4) Work out! Or at least do something more active than playing your brand new PS2 in the basement all the time. Start throwing around the football with the guys again, actually take up cross country like you always said you would, suck it up and learn Karate (you're going to regret that later this year anyways) DO SOMETHING!

5) Don't be lazy with school! Soon you're going to love your basement and working 5 days a week and trying to get out of the house more than doing schoolwork. Last year you got 80s and even a 90. This year you're going to be lucky and to hit 70 twice. Enjoy your rpgs and work and friends, but if you make school count you won't have to realize how much potential you actually have until years later in night school. You're a bright kid, you just need to put in the work.

6) Don't hang out with Ord and Tim and Slingsby outside of school. You get into a helluva lot of shit dealing with those guys. Eventually you drop them like the deadbeats they turn into anyways. You can't help them. Trust me on this. Spend more time with Drew. Hang out more with the people you grew up with. You can actually trust them. Some of them.

7) Pay more attention to your brothers. You're kind of an asshole to them sometimes.

8) Drinking is okay and so is a bit of experimenting, but stop devoting your time into scoring booze and weed. The actual drinking and drugs don't hurt you nearly as much as the what happens in your attempts on getting your hands on that shit.

9) Stand up for yourself. You let a lot of people push you around for no reason. You think it has to do with understanding and preserving friendships, but in reality you become a doormat and a mascot and a sidekick. You will actually feel a lot better about yourself. Let people know you're serious.

10) Stop doing nothing about your crushes. Talk to girls! They ain't as intimidating as you think. Some are even more scared of you then you are of them. You're mature for your age (not as mature as you will be in a few months but at that point girls aren't a priority) you have a job and you are (could be) an excellent student. You talk to the girls you grew up with all the time. You watched tons of boy/girl drama go down and you have a much better idea of what to do/not to do then you think. A little confidence, even fake confidence, will impress yourself and your friends more than anything else you could do this year.

"How quickly I forget...
That this is meaningless
How quickly I forget...
That this is meaningless
What have I learned from yesterday?
What have I learned from yesterday?"

That's me. Still trying to do my best.

What the fuzzy?

I like making top 5 lists but man do they take up a lot of effort. I have 2 papers, a critical response and a quiz this week. Fuck effort. I think from now on I'll just put em up when I think of good ones.

Besides I already made a list of music and sent it off today. I found someone who shares parts of my taste in music. This made me happy, and also fulfilled my list making requirements today.

We didn't do the planned LOTR marathon, but we did get through the Fellowship of the Ring. Mostly. But the next time someone asks why the eagles just didn't fly the hobbits to Mordor in the first place is going to have 1200 pages of literary genius shoved into an orifice. Like an eye socket. Them books would be pretty uncomfortable in an eye socket.

Can you "see" why that's a stupid question now?

Good, now stop interrupting Gandalf and think about what you've done. If you get mouthy again I'm going to fetch my hardover version of the Hobbit and find a not-nice place that might be able to fit.

Cause next time I'm going to go all "Boromir" on your "Uruk-hai".

Hah!

My weekend was epically awesome. Awesomely epic? Super fantabulous? A geekgasm of unprecedented proportions? Fascinating? Incredible? Marvelous? Prodigious? Shocking? Stunning? Surprising? Unbelievable? Wonderful?

Maybe, but it sure was a good time.

Friends came into town from a very long farking ways away. The married friends (still weird!) who shouldn't live so far away but do anyways cause I don't get to talk to them nearly as much as I'd like to. I like being busy all of the time, but It does have it's small drawbacks.

However, cat tree shopping in Kitchener makes up for that sort of thing. That's what all the cool people do when they get to get together with friends they haven't seen in months. That's how we roll bitchez.

And one can't help but feel special when greeted by a smiling friend with slightly inappropriate footwear who wipes out at the mall when attempting to give you a big hug with a running start. Priceless. I'm going to be chuckling about that. Or chortling? Giggling? Smiling whimsically? I'm going to be amused regardless of my type of laughter.

I took a lot of crap for noticing the nice color of a sitting room. I'm just a fan of red. But I may have to go find my man-card. I think it's stuck somewhere dark and scary and bitchy... like your girlfriend.

OH SNAP!

It was also awesome to hang out with a bunch of proper geeks again. Sometimes I don't think I'm geeky enough (or not nearly as much as I used to be). Trust me though, I still got it. The guys were discussing some computer program that someone was using to make a full scale structural model of the USS Enterprise from Star Trek. My response: Which one?

(I think the Enterprise-D is the most iconic but the Enterprise-E is just kick ass.)

Drunk Spammy also had a great time. He does tend to tell stories that maybe he shouldn't, as sometimes the next morning he isn't terribly happy about sharing certain things a whole lot. Drunk Spammy did go on another awesome rant about inspiration and motivation and life goals and things of that nature. That kind of stuff usually goes over pretty well, more so since he changed his outlook on life in general.

Talking about myself in the third person is weird. But Drunk Spammy is a little bit different from the guy who blogs. Less thirsty, for one thing. More willing to play rock paper scissors for tequilas shots, for another.

But it was so great to see them again. I guess I just hands down miss Liv and Eric. I think that covers it all.

Oh and halfway through Saturday night I got a phone call.

I have a date.

I'm still not sure how it happened, it was all so fast.

It was a little scary.

I'm confused.

But I've been thinking of Star Wars pick up lines today.

Women like that sort of thing right?

"Once again
I must have been
Tryin' to wash away the sin
Cuz I wake up
Bathroom floor
I won't do this anymore
...starting tomorrow"

That's me. Want to pet my Wookie?