Wanna know why I like Herbert? I mean, besides the fact that he's an imaginary dragon that lives on my blog? Or that he's a dragon and dragons are fucking wicked and awesome and breathe fire. He's pretty non judgemental. He's a dragon, and who needs to worry about human problems when you're a dragon? Plus, he has a sense of humor.

Had a nice talk with him the other day.

Sam: Hey Herbert, how's it going?

Herbert: Pretty fulfilling, I ate some hot chicks the other day!

Sam: Nice! Kudos for getting laid!

Herbert: *chuckles like a dragon* You're such a dumb ass. I breathed fire on some chickens and ate them.

Sam: *palm to forehead* Puns are the lowest form of comedy.

Herbert: I'm a fucking Dragon.

Sam: Touche.

Herbert: Besides I only get laid by Dragon babes, human chicks suck.

Sam: Only the ones worth keeping around.

Herbert: Hah, nice!

*dragon claw/human hand fist bump*

Sam: Yeah lately I'm leaning towards your point of view, chicks suck. How do Dragons deal with relationship drama?

Herbert: It's different for every Dragon. I mean we're pretty good at eating stuff and sleeping on piles of gold, but it's mostly same shit different species.

Sam: Oh yeah? How so?

Herbert: Well this one time I was with this chick dragon, she was pretty cute. You know, snout not too long, nice tail, shiniest blue scales you've ever seen. Did you meet her? Amy?

Sam: Nope I don't think so, as you've only existed for a few weeks.

Herbert: Oh yeah I keep forgetting. Probably for the best that you never knew her, I think she's some kind of tyrannical, human eating overlord now. Bad news. Anyway I was doing my normal guy dragon stuff, knocking down castles, stealing treasure, kidnapping princesses and such.

Sam: *sarcastic tone* Oh really? Well you've sure come a long way from that, since you're living on a blog header now.

Herbert: Fuck you douche bag!

Sam: Eat me!

Herbert: I just might! I'm a ----

Sam & Herbert:---motherfucking Dragon.

*they share a little laugh together*

Herbert: Anyway I was growing new teeth and eating people hurt so I just kinda kept all these princesses around. Well Amy didn't like that me having a whole bunch of princesses around, typical jealousy issues.

Sam: I hear ya pal, all my closest friends are women and the girls I date always have an issue with that.

Herbert: *nods knowingly* Chicks are crazy.

Sam: Indeed. So what happened? She eat them or something?

Herbert: I thought that was what she was going to do. I mean, princess are HOT, and I thought that's what Amy was all pissy about. But since I couldn't really do normal dragon stuff with em, I just had them clean the cave and tidy my gold piles and shit. And I guess that's what the issue was. Not me having babes all over the place, but the cleaning and cooking.

Sam: Amy's not into housekeeping?

Herbert: Well not really. She's a motherfucking dragon too, and we don't tidy. Turns out she just wanted some maids of her own. Long story short, she kidnapped the princesses from me, they all became best of friends and now those bitchy princesses rule a small country now.

Sam: Well that's slightly---

Herbert: If you say something about the irony of the my ex kidnapping the princess I originally kidnapped I'm going rip out your eyes and show them to you before you die.

Sam: ---fucked up. Chicks are weird.

Herbert: Bat shit certifiable. Even Dragon chicks. I do miss having my cave tidied... if you have any spare time would you mind? *gives sappy puppy/dragon eyed look*

Sam: I'm going to get a magic fucking sword in a second.

Herbert: Okay okay chill.

Sam: Just so we're on the same page.

Herbert: Wanna get wasted and watch UFC?

Sam: *gets excited* Hell yeah!

Herbert: *to himself* Heh stupid humans punching each other.

Sam: *to himself* Heh stupid dragons need maids.

That's me. I can't decide what's crazier. Having conversations with myself, or having conversations with an imaginary Dragon.