Wow last night was a shit show. I'm talking drunk of Tequila proportions, but without the Tequila. And I so said something to people that I don't remember, but the problem is I want to remember because of the people... person... girl. Oops. The great thing is I'll be just as happy if I screwed it up in a funny way.

This no Internet thing blows. It'd probably be better if I had the xbox, but it's still packed up in Niagara Falls. So yeah. I'm starting to get slightly bored.

Random Melissa call turned into a visit, drunken wandering, and watching some dude's face just drop when she told him she had a boyfriend. And of course the usual philosophical rambling and life discussions. YAY!

This is why I miss the people I miss.

Liv's wedding in FOUR (4) DAYS! I should probably call Matt to get plans figured out. I should probably get his number.

I get to pick courses for the fall. This makes me happy.

That's me, brain dead and hungover.

Err Internet at home isn't working for the time being, but thank the lordy the public library is on the way to work! But yeah I'll try to keep on bloggering regularly but it might not happen.

So Trivia night diabolical plan was a huge bust of lonely proportions. I hate sitting at a bar by myself. I hated it even more 45 minutes later. Well there's one diabolical plan shot to shit, but I'm working on a few more. However I am slightly worried about what me and the girls (hah improper grammar just to piss people off! I know it should be "the girls and I") talked about on the way home. It's probably going to show up in ways I will laugh about later but be embarrassed about during.

I MOVED. Was a little stressful. I do have a housemate, I know I do! I've seen him walk out the door. And that's about it really. I hope he's not a shut in, or I am going to be super fucking bored all summer. Or maybe not as I'm dedicated to getting out and doing productive stuff with my days, and that has been going so super well lately. But yeah, I'd like to hang out with the guy I have to live with all summer.

The 20 minutes in the bathroom after a night of drinking is probably one of my happiest times.

I love how the girls have my back, I don't know why I'm surprised. It's just been a while since I was actually interested in a girl and slightly apprehensive as to how to proceed. I mean I've been doing well but mutual hookups and stuff isn't really the same as "real" dating. If that makes any sense. Going slow! Been a while... I really hope she's not going to date the douchebag I keep hearing about. it's not even my opinion, as I've never met the guy but I hear he's a giant douchebag. I'm better than a douchebag right?

Time to get creative. i like getting creative. That's where my diabolical plans come from.

Mum and Dad move today. Funny thing is that this doesn't bother me in the slightest, which I think might be kinda weird. I mean I grew up in this place, spent more time than I should have in the basement, and went though every major turning point of my life while at that house. And it doesn't bug me at all. Maybe it's because I can still walk by everyday if I fell the need.

That's me. Yes, yes I am. DINOSAUR HUNTING!

I love how my friends back me up. Allison is my favourite this week, as she came up with an amazing plan that I quickly turned diabolical.

For those who don't know, a diabolical plan is a plan involving a girl I like, and they usually have a pretty low chance of success. That's why I usually run 2 or 4 at once. Sometimes I skip 3. Fuck 3. I love it when a diabolical plan comes together, but the best part is I don't mind when they fall apart.

Herbert likes to let off a little stream. And a LOT of fire.

That's me. Mostly nonviolent.

All I need is ice cream and a huuuuuggggg!

I'm not sure about my whole dating situation. But I'm thinking a general "no more nice girls". They just seem to go south on me quick fast and in a hurry, not the good kind of going south either. Well sometimes. But I digress. I'd like a mouthy chick for once I think. I mean that's probably the reason I get along with Rachel and Lysee so well (even if I'd never date either of em but there's a whole bunch of real good reasons for that). Dare I say it? Yes I shall dare. I liked what Jay and Janice had. We're both suckers for witty banter.

Bagpipes + Melodic Death Metal = WIN! Seriously check out Eluveitie.

Fake pregnancy scares are bad. Really bad. This is past normal super villain type stuff and into "I need Batman" territory. Just about every guy I know has had a broken condom scare, and while they're super rare, it's a danger you have to be aware of (among many) if you're having sex. Especially after club drunken sex. But to a young couple or two drunken strangers a pregnancy scare is just that, fucking scary. This is why you should not mess around with faking such a fucked up situation. That shit is just pure evil craziness, and not the fun loving evil craziness I endorse. Just don't do it! Batman will figure it out and then you'll be sorry.

If you can't tell who the drunkest person at the party is, it's you.

Explain it to me in Star Wars. Star Wars I understand (few better!), micro biology I do not. But if you make one part Obi Wan and another Darth Maul, I have a pretty awesome chance of figuring it out. Seriously, it's how I got through high school biology. Well that and an awesome seminar presentation comparison of twins and clones. I'm the evil one. Twin AND clone. Hey I just had a good idea! I could probably pull off star wars philosophical discussions in class! YES! THAT'S SO MY GOAL FOR THE SEMESTER.

Because life is always easier if you have a plan.

How can I be not sure if I have a crush or not? Usually I'd say that since I'm not sure, then I probably don't. Meh. I only have like another week. I'll probably pull the trigger. Hell my shit is so all over the place lately I can't see how adding more crap could be a problem. Famous last words right? I even had a pretty good toy dinosaur idea. I'm fucking sneaky. Yay semi-diabolical plan! I always know I'm interested if I start thinking up diabloical plans.

I like reading blogs. I have a random interest in random people in general. Even if there are just so darn many of us kicking around on the planet, every really is unique. Everyone has a story, and I've always loved a good story.

That's me. Not the drunkest person at this party. Yet.

Wanna know why I like Herbert? I mean, besides the fact that he's an imaginary dragon that lives on my blog? Or that he's a dragon and dragons are fucking wicked and awesome and breathe fire. He's pretty non judgemental. He's a dragon, and who needs to worry about human problems when you're a dragon? Plus, he has a sense of humor.

Had a nice talk with him the other day.

Sam: Hey Herbert, how's it going?

Herbert: Pretty fulfilling, I ate some hot chicks the other day!

Sam: Nice! Kudos for getting laid!

Herbert: *chuckles like a dragon* You're such a dumb ass. I breathed fire on some chickens and ate them.

Sam: *palm to forehead* Puns are the lowest form of comedy.

Herbert: I'm a fucking Dragon.

Sam: Touche.

Herbert: Besides I only get laid by Dragon babes, human chicks suck.

Sam: Only the ones worth keeping around.

Herbert: Hah, nice!

*dragon claw/human hand fist bump*

Sam: Yeah lately I'm leaning towards your point of view, chicks suck. How do Dragons deal with relationship drama?

Herbert: It's different for every Dragon. I mean we're pretty good at eating stuff and sleeping on piles of gold, but it's mostly same shit different species.

Sam: Oh yeah? How so?

Herbert: Well this one time I was with this chick dragon, she was pretty cute. You know, snout not too long, nice tail, shiniest blue scales you've ever seen. Did you meet her? Amy?

Sam: Nope I don't think so, as you've only existed for a few weeks.

Herbert: Oh yeah I keep forgetting. Probably for the best that you never knew her, I think she's some kind of tyrannical, human eating overlord now. Bad news. Anyway I was doing my normal guy dragon stuff, knocking down castles, stealing treasure, kidnapping princesses and such.

Sam: *sarcastic tone* Oh really? Well you've sure come a long way from that, since you're living on a blog header now.

Herbert: Fuck you douche bag!

Sam: Eat me!

Herbert: I just might! I'm a ----

Sam & Herbert:---motherfucking Dragon.

*they share a little laugh together*

Herbert: Anyway I was growing new teeth and eating people hurt so I just kinda kept all these princesses around. Well Amy didn't like that me having a whole bunch of princesses around, typical jealousy issues.

Sam: I hear ya pal, all my closest friends are women and the girls I date always have an issue with that.

Herbert: *nods knowingly* Chicks are crazy.

Sam: Indeed. So what happened? She eat them or something?

Herbert: I thought that was what she was going to do. I mean, princess are HOT, and I thought that's what Amy was all pissy about. But since I couldn't really do normal dragon stuff with em, I just had them clean the cave and tidy my gold piles and shit. And I guess that's what the issue was. Not me having babes all over the place, but the cleaning and cooking.

Sam: Amy's not into housekeeping?

Herbert: Well not really. She's a motherfucking dragon too, and we don't tidy. Turns out she just wanted some maids of her own. Long story short, she kidnapped the princesses from me, they all became best of friends and now those bitchy princesses rule a small country now.

Sam: Well that's slightly---

Herbert: If you say something about the irony of the my ex kidnapping the princess I originally kidnapped I'm going rip out your eyes and show them to you before you die.

Sam: ---fucked up. Chicks are weird.

Herbert: Bat shit certifiable. Even Dragon chicks. I do miss having my cave tidied... if you have any spare time would you mind? *gives sappy puppy/dragon eyed look*

Sam: I'm going to get a magic fucking sword in a second.

Herbert: Okay okay chill.

Sam: Just so we're on the same page.

Herbert: Wanna get wasted and watch UFC?

Sam: *gets excited* Hell yeah!

Herbert: *to himself* Heh stupid humans punching each other.

Sam: *to himself* Heh stupid dragons need maids.

That's me. I can't decide what's crazier. Having conversations with myself, or having conversations with an imaginary Dragon.

Star Wars word of the day: Wookie

Dictionary.com definition: none

Urban Dictionary.com definition: Massive, dark, hairy, screaming waste matter discharged through the anus.

Star Wars Definition: The Wookiees, whose name for themselves translated to the People of the Trees, were a species of hairy bipedal humanoids that were inhabitants of the planet Kashyyyk.

Sam's definition: I wish I was a wookie.


Fantasy word of the day: Unicorn

Dictionary.com definition: A mythical creature resembling a horse, with a single horn in the center of its forehead: often symbolic of chastity or purity.

Urban Dictionary.com definition: As seen in Wide Awake, a Twilight Fanfiction by AngstGoddess003: 1. A unicorn symbolizes an orgasm. 2. "A very pretty, white, majestic, non existent mythical creature that everyone talks about, but you never actually see first hand."

Sam's definition: Even though I'm not a big fan, I don't understand why unicorns are gay.


Dirty Sounding word of the day: Naughty

Dictionary.com definition: disobedient; mischievous

Urban Dictionary.com definition: An adjective that describes a bad girl who needs to be punished (usually by fucking her), or a lady who wears tight, revealing clothing. Can also apply to a female who is into bondage.

Sam's definition: Drop the word in a crowded room and find out how many people are interested. Probably everyone. It's not a dirty word, it just sounds like one, that means you can use it as much as you want and people will be interested. Try it!


Chick word of the day: Commitment

Dictionary.com definition: the act of committing

Top Urban Dictionary.com definition: Something men are frequently afraid of.
Proposal of this will most defiantly end a relationship

Sam's definition: Why drop this on a guy after he makes it clear this is not what he's looking for. Pay attention dammit. If we have to catch signals to ask you out, you should have to catch signals to bring this up in conversation. Stop texting me you whack job.


Educational disciplining tool of the day: Bitchslap

Dictionary.com definition: none

Urban Dictionary.com definition: To slap someone (particularly but not necessarily female) who is being rude or nasty, perhaps screaming a lot (i.e., being a bitch). The idea is to get them to calm down and behave. It doesn't necessarily mean you really hit the person; there is such a thing as a verbal bitchslap.

Sam's definition: Keep your pimp hand strong! Fucking mouthy kids these days. One more screaming brat at work and I would have snapped.


Made up sounding word of the day : Discombobulate.

Dictionary.com definition: to confuse or perplex someone.

Urban Dictionary.com definition: One of those rare and wonderful words that means exactly what it sounds like. There is no word more onomatopoeic to confusion than discombobulate. Also, a one-word admonition to Robert for being tardy to a seventies dance party.

Sam's definition: I'm going to discombobulate all over her face!

That's me. I'm educational today!

I FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE. It's actually literally down the street from the house I grew up in. We're talking like thirty houses and a pond. But I saw some real dumps, this place is pretty good for what I'm paying, all inclusive rent is awesome and the people there don't seem like axe murderers (important!).

I can't tell if my penis is taking control of my subconscious and therefore taking over my life or if my penis IS my subconscious and is therefore taking over my life. Either way this bout of shameless flirting and innuendo is exhausting. Effective though. Stupid penis doing stuff I think I might want it to.

Jumping out of porta potties in a gorilla suit is just asking for trouble. Just because people who go to porta potties need to use the porta potty. Logical? Yes. If I had to pee and someone jumped out at me and I then suddenly had no need for the facilities, I would make said joker eat my soiled boxers. But that's just me.

I have an unnatural love of sitcoms. I'll watch em all and find them almost equally hilarious. I can't decide if it because I'm easily amused or I have a problem. Of course one is supposed to find sitcoms funny and I'm a hug fan of comedy in general. I like to laugh out loud.

You know what I like? Buttery flaky homemade biscuits with a light drizzle of honey, so delectable and delicate it almost melts in your mouth, almost like that orgasm your boyfriend couldn't quite give you.

I'm a bad person, but I like me my busciuts.

I've been listening to a bunch of rap-type music lately. I noticed that in a lot of rap music, the artists tend to reference the crappy personal life struggles they went through. I don't think I'd mind this if it was one song, or in a more general way about how life can suck. But some of these guys they talk about the same messed up childhood/high school/family stuff every freaking song. However it's not all bad, as some of the stuff is pretty good. Let's just tone it down a bit.

They say one you go Spammy you never go back. Or you switch teams and he somehow manages to nail the chick you like. Out of context that is perhaps my best story. I tend to forget about the crippling emotional battleground that was my life immediately after that somewhat misguided series of events....I mean pretty sweet eh?

Err no idea why I'm reliving that period of my life lately.

Any who, that's me. Slightly ALL OVER THE PLACE. And kinda loving it.

I'm having a weird day. But busy, and busy is good. I went to look at some rooms today and the results were definitely...interesting. Midway through one showing the tenant living in the basement of the house came upstairs and interrupted our little tour with a passion. While I (new prospective tenant) was standing right there, this chick just went after the landlord with a vengeance, just ripping him up one side and down the other. It was almost funny. But yeah I doubt that's the place for me. At another place I waited for more than a hour for the landlady to show up. I did get a walk through of the house over the phone, and I can't really blame highway traffic. I did like the place though.

Of course it may all be a moot point if my credit increase doesn't go through. Or a moo point. Y'know a cow's opinion. Who cares what a cow thinks, am I right?

Arrgh I keep forgetting to call the admin office at the UofG.

Is it weird that I'm thinking about dating prospects again? I must be the most fucked up guy in the world. I do like practicing my flirting. But really penis? Do you have that much control? Or is it me? I can't ever be sure anymore.

I have 5 hours to sleep and go to work in the morning. FUCK OFF I"M BLOGGING!

I had a slightly awkward conversation with someone I only really know through facebook at work last night. She was friends with friends with people I knew in high school. Kinda. And it probably would have been better if she had just not recognized me because after the weird "how you doing" we really had nothing to say.

That's me. I'll bet B.A. Baraccas never had to worry about if HIS penis was taking control of his subconsciousness.

Who cares how big her tits are? Small ones taste just as good as big ones.

No bad decision ever resulted in cake.

I wonder how many women lose their anal virginity because their boyfriends "slip"?

Baking is science for hungry people.

I don't watch a lot of movies anymore.

The flame of passion that belongs to a lover isn't a lighter you can flick on and off. It's a delicate fire that must be lulled into a false sense of security so you can nail it's mom. Or sister. Fire is cool with this. Your lover might not be.

Medication can't solve all of women's problems. After all, they're still women.

Men are pigs and assholes (I know I've been called that enough to wonder)

Women are crazy (firsthand knowledge).

The miracle of dating is that stupid people get together at all.

I'm having a wild and crazy time lately, so much stuff up the air with housing and school and life in general. Weird thing is this is the happiest and productive and accomplished I've felt in years. It's pretty nice. I finally feel like I'm getting my shit together. Not that there aren't "hiccups", but that just motivates me to work harder.

I sing. Terribly. But I can't contain myself, even I try to when I'm around new people, but that's it. I'm just huge on all kinds of music and when something comes on that I like I just go, sometimes without realizing it. This is why drunk Sammie love sing star. Even if I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I keep thinking I'm writing on Lysee's facebook wall.

That's me. I'm busy!

Why do you have to be so defensive? I'm sorry you don't understand where I'm coming from, but maybe if your first thought wasn't "Spammy's taking a shot at me" you would have put a little thought into it and figured it out. My problem wasn't even most of the "conditions", it was the fact you dropped this shit into my lap at the last fucking minute. You didn't even try to understand where I was coming from. But I'm not going to fight with you about it. Just drop it or we're going to end up in a place where no brothers should ever be.

Okay enough serious crap.

That's me. Apartment hunting.

I don't like a whole lot of reality television. Or should I say "unscripted situational drama". I never got into survivor (the only alliance I care about is the rebel one) or big brother (1984 sucked) or the bachelor/bachelorette (whoring yourself out to be popular on television isn't a new concept).

However there is some stuff I like. I like watching the audition shows of anything. It's sad but I like watching the people who should be bright enough to know they're never going to win, but have the balls to go for it anyway. And then there's the "high functioning" jack offs who deserve to fail so badly its' not even funny. Except when it's funny. I'm a bad person.

For some reason though, I've always liked Hell's Kitchen. It's like every episode is an audition episode. I hate that I have to watch the censored version, no kitchen I've ever worked in went more than 10 seconds without someone dropping the f-bomb and I expect that shit. Ramsey is the most misunderstood celebrity chef, but he's my favourite.

Lady boner is my most favourite phrase that I never hear.

Job hunts suck! But one of the best phone calls ever means I have an idea on how to survive (even with being fucked over) until osap comes in. Sorry but you might be shafting me here pal, I'm going another way thanks.

Thinking about yet another blog. Probably will end up being unedited rambling on lines and such I like from stories and books. But possibly will get some people off my back about providing samples of my writing.

Semi-formal casual means tuxedo t shirts are good and there's nothing anyone can say about it.

That's me. Chicks with braces. Why?

GOBBLES! Turkey is a date rape drug.

I can be very idealized and unrealistic. Too bad most of my goals lately involve keeping my penis happy. One of these fucking days I'm going to find a normal girl and I'm going to have absolutely no clue as to what to do with her. I don't know how I didn't figure out she was a nutcase before this, it really came out hardcore.

What do you do if a girl tells you she loves you while you're hip deep in her? Finish up of course. Then deal with the aftermath. In my defence it was taken out of my hands. Almost literally.

The crying, running makeup and sobbing got to me. I can't deal with that shit on consecutive days! Hanging up on that was harder then I thought. She called from a different number! I swear!

I'm a bad person.

I hate the constant talk of "one of these days I'm going to give (insert manager's name here) a piece of my mind and put her in her place and let her know how much everyone hates her." I actually did that, remember? Nothing fucking happened. If you had a set you'd actually get it over with and realize that because of the Union rules NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN IF YOU SAY ANYTHING OR NOT. Idiots.

I move too slow and I think too fast. On occasion I also move too fast and think too slow. I'm hoping one day to achieve a happy medium as both situations have created issues for me.

Ducks don't care if the bread is whole wheat.

I wish I could be happy with my blog layout. But I never am. I don't know why. I'm pretty fickle about this for some reason. Herbert is going stick around though, cause Herbert kicks ass.

That's me. My middle finger toe is longer than my big toe.

I think my dragon's name is Herbert. He's big and red and breathes fire. That's a Herbert.

I got the official wedding invitation today. Then I started to think about the stuff I need at MY wedding. Like a 21 lightsaber salute, that shit is non-negotiable. Now I just need to find 21 people to hold lightsabers for me. Or 7 people to hold 3 lightsabers each? But that would require lots of effort as most people only have 2 hands. Oh yeah... a bride maybe? Weddings! They always screw you with the details.

Wanna know what I like? Being able to curse someone out to their face without them getting offended, and having them come right back with something just as dirty and insulting and heinous as what I called them.

Stupid Jay has to be all the way up in Thunder Bay.

Pretty good fucking trip. I got to read an ass load of Jim Butcher (Harry Dresden!) I got a graphic novel, I got to spend time with someone who appreciates a good "that's what she said".

Oh yeah. Jay was there too. BBBBBAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!

The first shag sucked. But we got to drink. The second/third one fucking rocked out. Wandering that fucking parking lot while taking booze and pizza breaks was pretty fucking epic. I even behaved myself. And you never meet new people if you don't introduce yourself, maybe Jay finally got a bit of insight into what I'm like some nights. I had a great time, but that night was pretty fucking epic. I wonder if Janice got annoyed with all the drunken sing alongs in the car. That CD was king shit.

I know it's weird but I don't mind hairy arms.

Stupid Lysee has to be all the way out in Vancouver. BUT SHE"S BLOGGING! YAY!

I never thought I'd be happy with the way I grew up, then I kinda discussed it. For all my faults and the fucked up stuff that happened, I didn't do too bad. Well looking back at it anyways, as I doubt I'd agree if I relived it again. I didn't turn out TOO bad. Better than those little fuckers will if they don't turn their shit around anyways.

It would have been pretty fucking easy to think that the weirdness was over and keep going. Easy, that is, if I had never done it before. If she's capable of dropping the "L" bomb after 2 weeks of non-dating, well I don't want to know how much father she can go. It did seem like a pretty heartfelt apology.

But they always do.

Hey I know you!
From that place at that thing!
Or was it your place and my thing?

That's me. I like Pakoras! I still have a hard time believing there's no meat there.

Super awesome news. I finally heard from the bloody university! I got into the philosophy program! And I got a whole wack of credits from going to Fleming! HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS!

I go to Tbay tomorrow, slightly apprehensive but man I've been looking forward to it. Probably no blogging till I get back.

If they call em fingers, they why won't they fing? I bet that's why the middle one is naughty.

I love the word naughty.

At work yesterday.

Co Worker: (single mother I've known for years) "Hey how's working outside treating you?"

Me: "It's great, I love to be outside and get all hot and sweaty and dirty."

Co Worker: "That's great!"

Me: "Yeah and most of the time I like to be in the Garden Centre too!"

Co Worker: "OH SNAP!"

And that's the story of Christmas.

I have a pretty high bar for crazy chicks, but this bitch is clearing it in street shoes. How does this always happen? Just because I like kooky and wierd doesn't mean you should be certifiable.

That's me. SOMETHING ACTUALLY WENT RIGHT FOR ONCE!