Sappy Fool

I like playing the fool. I spent a lot of time trying to be solemn and respectful, and I still am. I do happen to be generally a nice guy. But I like playing around, giving people I like a hard time. I'm just a big kid. I still read comic books and eat junk food and play too much video games. This is me. I like it.

I had a great Saturday. But other people had an even greater Saturday.

Trish is getting fucking MARRIED. I've known for a long time but it really kicked in the night of her bachelorette party. Not that I went (Dallen: that part is for just chicks only, even Dragons know that).

But Matt (Dallen: HI MATT) came over for some pre drinking and hanging out so we could meet the bachelorette party at the bar when they were done all their chick only junk. We had a great time, we had another night where we turned all the lights off and lit candles and people sang and played the guitar. One of my favourite things about living where I do. I get blown away, I love nights like that. Plus, we had pan-cake and pudding cake. I can't wait until I can join in with more than a tambourine.

Oh yeah and Matt brought over Stephen king's writing book, On writing. We've been talking about him lending it to me for months now. I am a happy camper.

At that point I was on cloud 9 and grinning like a fool.

Anyway we got downtown and met the ladies as they were making their way to the the club, and we got to see some people I haven't seen in a while. The rest of the night is a blur of dancing and beer and tequila shots. I had a good time. I especially like the sashes that Rachel and Alison were wearing stating "Maid of Fucking Honor". So awesome.

I think. Things get a little blurry.

I know I walked Cassie home. I have this thing about walking young women to their doorsteps. I've been doing it as long as I can remember.

Apparently I got home in the wee hours of the morning and asked for some tweezers. Rumor has I punched a rosebush.(Dallen: understandable, rose bushes are uppity) Of course I got that bush back. I threw up in it. Allegedly. Also I supposedly went on a huge rant about my love life. That's pretty believable though as it definitely sounds like something drunk Spammy would discuss.

Sunday was hangover day. I woke up at 8:30am and went downstairs. I watched Star Trek and complained. I got my lunch burned on me (Dallen: No thanks to Hombre!) and I ate it and I complained. I watched Good Will Hunting, but I didn't complain cause I was feeling a bit better and cause that movie kicks so much ass. I went to work and complained. I called Jay and complained. Mom tried to call me and I complained. I went to sleep. I might even have complained.

But I'm cool now.

Well kinda.

Today I am a sappy idealistic fool.

You have been warned.

Romance?

Yep we're going there. I blame the weird conversations I've had the last few days. And maybe Trish for getting married and making me think about all this crap. And maybe my playlist.

Screw you. Marilyn Manson make wonderfully romantic music. Also Dry Kill Logic, Trivium, As I Lay Dying and Killswitch Engage.(Dallen: He's not even being sarcastic or nothing).

Bt yeah, here goes:

Sitting in a basement with a very inexplicably sad person I cared about. Pouring rain pounding against the glass door leading to the backyard. And me, always in a little bit over my head. But I remember something, a conversation, that we had a few weeks before. I don't think. I move. I have a weird hatred for rain. She knows. But not on that day. I throw open the sliding door. I walk over to the bed she is sitting on. I tell her to come with me. She sits up. She is confused. She wants to know what is going on. I didn't take that for an answer. I pick her up and carry her outside in the rain. I put her on her feet. The confused look on her face is worth it. I take her into my arms. I start into what I best recall of a simple waltz. I am a terrible dancer. She knows. The warm summer rain is cascading over us. She melts. She starts to cry. Because I remembered. I angle her towards the drain pipe, drenching us both. I lean in. Our lips touch. I forget where and who I am for a minute, or two, or ten. I don't remember.

She always wanted to dance in the rain.



That's me. It only happens when you're not trying.

Sick and Tired

This is what I did this afternoon instead of working on an essay. Also I'm not feeling very well and osap is still out to get me.

Sam (Me): Dallen I think you were misnamed. You remind me of neither Denny nor Allen.

Dallen the Dragon: Well don't you look stupid then don't you.

S: Why would I look stupid? You're the one not pulling his rather enormous weight. You'd think being a huge creature of mythical proportions that your huge ass brain would be good for some witty banter.

D: Oo good one! Fat jokes around something that can and will eat you, and not in the good way either. For that matter you always look stupid, but in this case you're the one who named me you moron. Not to mention you made a poem for Hombre.

S: Yep that poem was pure... well poetry. Hah. But it's not her fault you're not living up to expectations you overgrown iguana.

D: Whoa, you did not just drop the I-bomb. Tell me you didn't just go there you you fucking monkey.

S: Gecko.

D: Ape.

S: Chameleon.

D: Chimp.

S: Newt

D: Orangutan.

S: Lizard.

D: Baboon.

S: T-Rex.

D: Do I look like a dinosaur! I have wings you high-functioning retard.

S: Actually you do kinda look like a T-rex.

D: Are you fucking blind! I have wings and talons and magical fucking powers. Dinosaurs just spent a lot of time eating each other and finding places for you humans to discover petrified dinosaur shit.

S: Hey princess, want some cheese with your whine?

D: Princess? Fuck you, I eat princesses!

S: Yeah princess, you sound like an 8 year old in a dress.

D: You're an asshole.

S: Fuck you.

D: ....

S: ....

D: Done?

S: Yeah.

D: Beer?

S: Yeah.

That's me. Sick. Tired. Sleepy.

Bring it on

So I've been having a rather crappy last few days. It sucks!

Apparently god/osap/the freeking UofG/women everywhere (not relevant but probably true) hates me and doesn't want me to educate myself. This means paperwork, phone calls, appointments etc. I remember when I went to Fleming and never ever ever had a problem.

Gah!

But I'm fine now.

Ish.

So I went and got shitfaced. Royally. It was great!

I didn't know Jimmy Jazz had a patio but it was fun! So was the free beer we won during trivia! Plus i just kinda don't get to hang out with the girls a whole lot anymore so seeing them was all kinds of good.

My roommates had a good time too! They really screwed with drunk Spammy's head by having someone whose name wasn't in my phone text me responses to the questions I was asking them. I was kinda freaking out cause I had no idea what was going on.

Friends: people who like you enough to fuck with your head while you're drinking.

The hangover...err not so much fun. totally worth it though. Plus it was an excuse to sit on the couch all day and play Final Fantasy 6, read Brandon Sanderson, take a long ass nap and watch movies.

Bonus geek points! Cause if you don't have a girlfriend, who cares how proud you are that Setzer and Locke learned all the espers before/during the floating continent, that you totally called that the priest/friend dude of Shallen's was faking it and how much you enjoyed watching Lethal Weapon 1 2 3 back to back the same night.

Cause that's how I roll.

The methods I've been using to cheer me up have actually cheered me up (weird how that happens eh?). I got to call Lysee and that was fun trying to catch each other up on life while trying to keep the phone call to under a less-than-bank-account-breaking time limit. Still sucks that she isn't gonna be around for Christmas. Stupid Vancouver has to be all the way across the line of "places I can't afford to go".(Which is pretty much anyplace that's not here)

I also talked to Jay and he told me some stuff I really needed to hear, which is pretty much the only thing he's good for besides sending me books. It's still funny that people look at our facebook walls and think we hate each other. I can't wait for his dumb ass to get home.

But yeah, I'm not all angry and shit anymore. I'm just really annoyed. I know what I'll do if things go south, as regardless of how my school shit turns out I still have options. I just needed Jay to point that out.



About a year ago I started a crazy quarter life crisis, and it's been a wild freaking ride. I think I have my shit together now, but it was really touch and go there for a second. I just don't want to have to go through that again, and I'm struggling a bit with all this administrative bullshit that has the potential to really screw things up.

But what got me through before was not backing down from what I wanted and tons of support from people who matter. I can take solace in the fact that if things get even remotely close to as fucked up as they got last year I know what to do.

And I have options.

I'm never as bad off as I think I am. And god help anyone who gets in my way, cause my friends are better than yours. Also mine are more inclined to blind rage, destroying people psychologically and unpredictable violence.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

That's me. Hey life, I'm going to fuck you sideways until you respect me.

BRING. IT. ON.

I'm bored.

So apparantly Smeagol won out. Or maybe Gollum? Well regardless I'm not seeing the chick with multiple personalities. Whcih I had actually decided not to do anyways. Just for the record.

Okay.

My brother is an asshole.

The truth hurts doesn't it.

You see, Jay gets annoyed that I don't let him read anything I'm writing. I refuse to show him anything until it gets in print. Online stuff doesn't really count. Well maybe. Depends on if the online school philosophy magazine takes the story that I'm working on.

I am officially a no shoe in the library person. It's very liberating.

Anywho,

But he's just a smart ass. He likes to needle me incessantly about stuff I do that bugs him. He sent me link just to bug me about not showing him my writing. Jerk.

I can even see the justification process going on in his head:

"He doesn't show me his writing so I can't tell if he's doing it right or not, so I better send him this list to make sure he knows what not to do. I'm helping!"

I'm so annoyed I was thinking of using his name for Gau instead of Locke. (In my family that's a threat!)

http://www.rinkworks.com/fnovel/

Turns out most of stories hold up pretty well, except for the bit about puns.

I love puns!

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The food taster quit his job because he had too much on his plate.

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Becca is sitting beside me talking about Valentine's Day being tommorow. IT'S NOT VALENTINE"S DAY TOMMOROW!

So my weekend was pretty uneventful.

Most of my roommates weren't in the house so it was pretty quiet. Well except for Saturday when I got off work, but that was my own fault. I ended up coming home to a completely empty house and that hasn't happened since August, and I was kinda restless. So I put some music on my xbox, turned the volume up as loud as it could go and three hours later the living room and kitchen were immaculate and my second load of laundry was in the dryer.

KITTEN MITTENS.

I just get restless and need stuff to do with my hands.

Speaking of which I think I'm going to buy more hemp and spend another day in the library being mostly unproductive. Rachie gave me a hard time for having "friendship bracelets". Well I have some very inappropriate suggestions as to what she can do with a variety of unwilling barnyard animals. I just like them, and more so I like making them. So there.

It has nothing to do with how pretty they are.

FUNNY LOTR



That's me, HAPPY MONDAY. Fuck I'm bored.

Stupid Socks

I used to have lots of socks, black ones, grey ones, whites ones, and at one point I went a little crazy and picked up some navy blue ones.

Think I could find any this morning?

Nope.

What the hell!?!? How does that even happen?

I sometimes have the same issues with my boxers, but that my friends is a ninja turtle mask of a different color.

Black maybe?

Funny thing is, Dallen told me he wouldn't eat my undergarments if his life depended on it. A Dragon wont eat my junk! They breathe fire! It's not like they put a huge reliance on their taste buds. Well I dunno. (Dallen: Nope, definitly don't.) So what the fuck is happening to my stuff!?!?!

Speaking of underpants, I have another weird chick story. (no actual underpants involved-sorry)

So I got a phone number the same night as our Halloween party last week. I think it might be the new facial hair, or the Halloween bling. Probably not the lame ass I-hope-she-realized-I-was-kidding lines I used to flirt. Aw well at least I didn''t try the "Would you like to pet my wookie?" one. (However I still feel that with the right girl and under the right circumstances, this line will get me laid).

Anywho I called the number and got a real person. Good sign. Even better it was the girl that gave me the number. Better sign.

Now presumably, if you give a person you don't really know your (real) phone number after flirting for a while it's because you're interested in getting to know that person. Or get some action. Either way I feel like there is an understanding that you are going to meet up at some for coffee, dinner, candle lit massage, laser tag, whatever.

I brought up that I was interested in meeting up on campus for a coffee sometime this week. I mean, let's face it, any chick willing to smile and giggle at me for playing the fool is someone I'd like to get to know. I thought this was a good move. I have an issue with having primary contact over the phone or online, I like to do the face to face thing. So I thought an innocent (and easily cut short) coffee meet up would be appropriate.

Now I expected one of a number of responses. Like "ew", or "I have to wash my hair", maybe "I'm busy maybe some other time", possibly "Sure that sounds nice" (Uncommon, but the desired response), or my favourite " I have to go save the world from an unidentified threat using superpowers I recently developed, how's next week for you?" (true story...not allowed to talk about it).

What I received, or I should say witnessed, was a conversation of Gollum/Smeagol proportions. She had a debate with herself on whether or not she would see me while I was on the phone with her.

It went something like this:

"Should I go out with him? Well he does seem like a nice guy. It's just whenever I give out my number it doesn't end well. "Then again, it wasn't like I met him in a bar. Hmm I didn't meet Jared in bar and that didn't go very well. But it has been a while since I went on a date.

I was kinda in shock. Do I say something, interject somehow? Do I let it play itself out? Am I really interested in meeting her anymore?

She had to go to class but she is apparently going to call me back.

No idea as to what I'm going to do.

Worst part is I don't even know if it's Gollum or Smeagol that I should be cheering for!

I'm rather annoyed though. The girls I get interested in are off limits/interested in other people. The girls who are interested in me are usually just a step down from criminally insane (some of them not a very long step down either).

However life has been making a lot of sense lately so that's a good thing. Yesterday was a good day, I got some great marks back (85 on a philosophy paper and a 93 on a group paper), I got a box full of (SUPERAWESOMEAMAZING) fantasy books, and I made tacos for dinner. I like tacos.

Today I made some hemp bracelets. I think I have too much desire for accessories. the girls would be proud though. I had a hemp necklace and bracelet for the longest time, and I wore a ring for years. Lately I've been thinking getting a bunch of that crap again (but without all the ex girlfriend hangups that accompanied the originals).

Awesome: You may recall that Drunk Spammy gave some advice last week. Well the guy I was speaking with met up with us in the Library and thanked me for what I said. I felt so proud, really made my day.

More awesome: He went on to say that I seemed very passionate about what we were talking about, and that I sounded very similar when I was discussing Star Wars later that night.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Definitely a moment worth cheering about.

Oh and new music. Band was recommend and I'm getting into it.



That's me. Just a big dumb kid at heart.

Dragon!!!!!

Naming a Dragon is really intense.
It's not unlike building a fence.
You check out the posts and that is the basis
For not wanting to punch your friends in their faces

I laughed and I cried,
I died a little inside
Who will be the one to knock me off my feet
When all the suggestions make me want to delete.

Then Ombre appeared, surrounded by light
And I knew she wouldn't give up the fight
Dallen she exclaimed with a grin and a laugh
A good name for a dragon and not a giraffe.

My mind is at ease, I am now content
Naming a dragon, oh what an event.
This event was really bizarre,
What will happen when I name my guitar.

Becca also appeared, surrounded by light
being much more awesome than aubrey (sam should not leave his computer unattended at the library)

The End.

Holy crapballs tons of shit went down on my facebook wall about this. Hilarious though. Some points though

Hilary is not a good dragon name. Josh didn't have to be mean about it though.

Neither are names belonging to other, famous dragons.

Names that I don't understand (made up words) don't count.

Unigon sounds like stupid.

Nice try everyone. Mostly.

Also the other day Steve threatened to straight up murder me with a camel. What the fuzzy?

First, camels spit. Not scary.
Second, camels have humps. I love hump(ing). Not scary.
Third. Camels live in the desert. Good luck getting one to Canada in the winter. Not scary.

See what I did there?

Your move "Steve".

Commie.

Funny shit I heard recently:

Tacos advertise themselves. If you don't like tacos you have no soul and people will not complain if I kill you.

If you give a girl a gold ring with emeralds and jewels and stuff she better put out.

If you fuck with geese they will bite you in the face.

...and suddenly it;'s tomorrow and I haven't accomplished anything.

I was mad at someone for what they did in a dream. My boyfriend is going to get his ass kicked when he gets home.

STORMTROOPER DOCTORS



That's me. HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

Stories

It's Monday!

I'm walking around the library without shoes today. It's very liberating.

That means it's time for every one's favourite game show: what kind of drunken ass did spammy make of himself this time?

The answer? Not much actually. Kate did get a picture of the cop car from Saturday night though.

Anywho.

Friday I went shopping with Ombre and Corrine, the idea being we'd hit up the music stores downtown looking for a harmonica and possibly some sort of assorted rhythm stuff so we could include more people when the guitars get busted out. However I kinda miscalculated. I wanted to go shopping. However I should have taken some things into account. Namely: women. Somehow I ended up pacing around a teashop for what felt like forever (but was still like 1/2 hour which is like 20 minutes too long in my opinion). I did like the orange ginger sample though.

The rest of the night was a huge mess of drinking and watching my roommates put together their Lion King costumes. My plans for Halloween were all over the place this year, so I didn't join in the Lion King fun, and the costumes turned out pretty awesome. But drinking and taking turns picking music was all kinds of awesome. Good time. Oo and drunken pumpkin carving. Yeah orange guts everywhere. For some reason Becca was throwing them against the stove. But I got my bat-signal pumpkin so I was happy.

We have completely takne over a corner of the Library.

My costume was just black robes and some Haloweeny bling. I was kinda going for the whole "dark jedi look". However you can't tell the girl you're flirting with at the check out counter that you're a dark jedi without sounding like a virgin. But it was still pretty good. I got a lot of play at work when I wore it so I'm not complaining. The robes played. I also had a little kid tug on my robes and shyly tell me how much she like my Halloween necklace. Cutest kid ever. I feel like all kids should dress up as little dragons.

Speaking of Dragons, the search is still on for a name for the new one that lives on this blog. GIVE SUGGESTIONS! I have lots of poem ideas.

But yeah Saturday was a shit show.

I got home from work and the place was already kicking. "Have you ever heard of a catch up shot"? I hadn't. Turns out its just like 3 shots of whiskey in a glass. It fucking hurt. So worth it. Plus I discovered I like sangria, which is pretty much just red wine and fruit punch. Then someone kept putting whiskey in my glass and it get kinda blurry. It looks like I gave more drunk spammy advice on inspiration and finding what you love. one of these days I'm going to remember what I say and write it down.

Also there was a funnel, which got very suggestive. Even more suggestive was how easily the girls took to it.

No one ever want to tell secrets about me in the library.

Cigar smoking with Bilbo and geeking out with a rather intense discussion on whether or not Glamdring (Gandalf's sword) could hold up against a lightsaber.

Cause we're so bad ass like that. Thug life yo.

Hah and there was such an intense and engaging discussion about chips and salsa. A bunch of us were on one couch watching intently as Brad and Devin argued intently about the salt content of tortilla chips, salsa and snacking in general. And salsa get everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Apparently.

I might have broken my foot rub rule. It's about fucking time.

There are tons of stories but I honestly can't remember them until I get reminded. I wore a unicorn head. Becca got really rude. Brad knocked over the shampoo bottles. Kate's sister got very very high school. Kate ripped a shirt. Devin chased people with booze. The cops drove by and talked to a bunch of people leaving the house. People we didn't actually know.

Good fucking weekend. Plus I like it when people play the guitar and everyone sings along. I think that part is usually my favourite. Hopefully I'll be able to join in soon. And by soon I mean next semester.

I love puns. That my o-pun-ion.

Nice!

That's me. Hope everyone eats lots of candy.