OH LOOK A TITLE!

I put a title on my blog entry! This excites me more than it possibly should, but as that is the mood I am in I think that's going to be fine and dandy.

Yay for reading my Ode to Tacos aloud!

I am such a sucker for redheads.

I wish I was not the only person that I could rely on to keep me from insanity.

I love pussy (not a sexual euphemism)

I love pussy (definitely a sexual euphemism)

If you look closely there is a subtle difference. (no there isn't)

I never get to say "YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE"

I'm not sure what the problem is with me and socks. Today it was pointed out that they were mismatched. How did I miss that? It's not even as if it was a subtle difference. Left foot was white and right foot was black.

I thought I got roommates today. Nope. Just their crap.

That was a mirror, not another person.

I am all over the fucking place this week.

Phil is so going after her with a paintbrush.

I have newspaper!

I hate these dreams.

If I was Batman I'd put Catwoman on a leash.

If I was Batman I'd start a band called "Batshit Crazy".

If I was Batman I'd ninja a douchebag in the face.

If I was Batman, I'd be motherfucking Batman.

If Jay really did buy me Batman boxers that would please me greatly.

I laughed because you asked me if I thought you were talking too much. I laughed because you even felt the need to ask. I laughed at the sheer absurdity of the question. Your tears have stained my shoulders. I have seen you go through every emotion imaginable, and some unimaginable. If I have a problem with what you're saying I will say something. I laughed because you ask me questions like every time we speak.

I was happier at work this week then I was anywhere else.

Canada Post is out to get me.

I really should get rid of those Mr. Potato heads.

I need to get a Postcard.

I'm coming undone.

I like rice but I'm not a fan of wine. I'm still going to try sake.

I hate how the only people I trust aren't here.

I am not going to bend over for OSAP again. This is what I fucking want, this is what I've seen myself doing. I don't care what it means to you because I know what it means to me. I will NOT be backing down.

I'm trying so hard not to call Ally. Even if I know in my soul it's for the best.

There's a reason every guy wants to be Han Solo and not Luke Skywalker.

Cause you know Princess Leia kept the bikini for when she wanted Han to take her to the Opera or some shit.

I want an X-wing.

What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?

Back-up plans are my specialty.

Fat kitty cats like me.

Grosse Point Blank is that rare movie that is an equal cross of comedy, action and chick flick.

Urban dictionary definitions.

Samuel- A guy who is really sweet and amazing.

Sam - Sam means the name of one person who is: Super At Masturbation

Spammy - Adjective. Having the qualities/likeness of spam. See spam.

Sam I am - Character out of the Dr. Seuss classic 'green eggs and ham' who tries to encourage the other nameless character to eat green eggs and ham.

It all fits. Perfectly.

I could do this forever.

That's me. I hope. If it's not me someone let me know.

"Time after time, I walk the fine line.
Something keeps bringing me back"

A tribute to tacos:

Tacos are neat and so full of meat
Cheesy as hell, they come in a shell
Dripping with cream they make you scream
All cheesy and gooey they make you go pooey
I love tacos

Guess what I had for dinner?

Awesome stuff makes me happy. I find that it encompasses a few things things:

1) Stuff I already like
2) Stuff I don't know I like yet, but I will when I find out how awesome it is
3) Boobs (yes they deserve their own category)

I don't understand why people look at me funny when I talk about sex. I like sex. I like having sex. I like pretending to have sex. I like talking about sex. I'm a 25 year old male. I'm not going to apologize for wanting to get my dick wet from time to time. Does that make me a pig? I don't know and I don't particularly care. Is sex my reason for existence? Is it the be all and end all of who I am and what I want to accomplish? No. It's fun. I'm not going to go around pretending I'm a chaste, respectable, intellectual type when I'm not.

I'm a shy, geeky, goofy, chubby, smart mouthed motherfucker who likes to drink and get laid. I'm not going to be held responsible because you had a different idea of who I am.

Yay for mini rants!

I'm not good at a lot of stuff. I'm not good at discussing shoes. I'm not good at being a ninja. But I have one very useful talent. I am amazing at getting yelled at. I've been yelled at by family members, complete strangers, friends, ex-girlfriends, women I've dated, customers, people on the phone, an ex lawyer, this one asshat in the army, tons of people. I can't even say all of it was undeserved.

This also ties into another thing I'm good at. Silently cursing someone out in my head while maintaining a neutral or contrite expression.

Trust me everyone. I'm a professional.

Oh and blond HMV girl got the "phone call". Apparently it's respectable that, when I don't want to keep dating a girl, I call her and tell her I don't want to see her anymore. She said she kinda saw it coming. Then she cried a lot and cursed me out. Rumor has it most guys just stop calling for no reason. I can't say that thought doesn't appeal to me. Crying women are NOT my speciality. Well I usually do okay. Unless it's my fault. At which point I die a little inside, rethink every word I've said in the past 24 hours and try to find a way to make it better. Erm... doesn't always happen.

You'd think with all the awkward phone calls I've had to make in the last 6 months that I'd be a soft touch at this by now.

Nope.

Anyways.

I'm slightly worried that I'm going to freak out this weekend. With all the excitement of getting 90% of all my going to university shit figured out I almost forgot that I'm going to have roommates starting on Saturday and possibly but maybe not ending 8 months from now.

I have this bad habit I'm trying to fix, where I run the fuck away when things get weird or awkward.

It's just going to be an interesting transition. I have been here for more than 2 months effectively by myself. I did have Jon, but he spent all his time being not in the house.

Of course in about 2 1/2 weeks I'll have another interesting transition that I'm also freaking out about. A little. When I start first year-university as a mature student.

I imagine I'm going to spend a lot of effort trying not to be a quivering ball of restless nervousness.

Which is fine, as at the moment, I'm putting a lot of (mostly) wasted effort into developing mutant powers. Or super powers. Or magic powers. Powers of any kind really.

I'm having a weird week.

That's me./ I'll be everyone's friend when I can make tacos... with my mind.

"But I move too slow and I think too fast
And the first rainbow I see will be the last."

So I like to change how my blog looks from time to time, sue me.

So the blackmail turned out awesomely, Jay is now a follower. HI JAY! However this may not be a good thing, since now that I know how effective manipulating my brother went, I might want to try again. For example, I could say, hypothetically mind you, that he should find me 3 more followers for my blog or I could relate his "stop kicking me story" to the whole world.

You have a week.

Oh and I'm going to look for the D2 disks tonight.

Now that the Business portion of today blog has been completed, let's move on to Lifestyle.

I was kinda having a crappy day, but I found out Mum and Dad were going to be in town to see Josh, and I was invited along. I was debating on whether or not to go since I was all blargh, but in the end I caught a ride from Dad over there.

Fucking worth it.

Sitting on the porch just chilling and throwing that soccer ball at Josh was absolutely the fucking thing I needed. Made me miss Jay terribly though.

And I got so much geeky love from everybody today. Yay for Josh and Meg and Trishie, I should be set till University starts. Yay for geeky friends with too much geeky stuff!

Now from Lifestyle to Dating,

Second date went okay, then really awesome, then really pear shaped (for some reason people don't know that pear shaped = bad). Dinner was nice, coffee afterwards was nice, her inviting herself to my empty place was nice, me alleging that the DVD player in the living room was broken and that the one in my room was in good working order was nice (and smart!), and her spending the night was nice. It was nice 4 times that night and once in the morning.

But it was in the morning that things went south. I was feeling pretty good about the whole situation (I doubt anyone can blame me) and then the longer we talked, the more uncomfortable I got. I like this girl, she's cute, thinks I'm funny for some reason, likes Boston Legal, has a marvelous ass , thinks geeky = cute, what's not to like?

Well she's a self admitted door-mat.

Wait.

What?

Yeah she said it straight out. The more questions I asked the more it came out. She's passive, submissive, she has no edge, no passion. She's in school because her parents are paying for it and not from any real interest. The reason her friends tagged along on date #1is because she couldn't tell them no. She has no real ambitions and hates to travel.

I know what I like now, and I know what I'm looking for and unfortunately that's not it. Not even a close, not even a little. Yes, sex is fun (and seriously, what an ass!) but I'm looking for more than that. I'd like someone who pushes back, will tell me when she thinks I'm wrong (and at the time, not 2 weeks later after she debates it with her parents). Some I don't have to worry about introducing to my brothers or the girls.

In short, she's not the girl. Not even one I'd like to keep dating.

That's me.

"Like the poison in her arms, like a whisper she was gone, like an Angel... Angels fall"

Wanna hear a really funny story? But slightly embarrassing for Jay, which is the point since he was being an ass hat.

The first time My twin brother french kissed a girl, he bit her tongue. It also happened the next time as well. He was known as "Bitey" for years afterwords. Let's all remind him!

Hey Jay, I have a public forum that I can dedicate to your embarrassment. Follow my fucking blog! I can make it worse. I'll give you a few days and then we'll see if we have to keep doing this.

Sorry that all you innocent (probably not, but as far as I know) bystanders got caught up in that. I'm just turning a slightly private dispute into a slightly public one. Isn't the Internet grand?

Holy crap am I craving dead raw fish with rice, soy sauce and wasabi. Time for a phone call!

Dammit, while phone call was fun no sushi for the time being.

I'm going to the gym with Darth Frankenstein.

I'm back from the gym.

Now I smell. I'm going to shower.

I remember a question I had so I'm going to call Melissa back.

I think it's funny that while I keep interrupting myself tonight nobody else sees the huge time gaps in between sentences.

YAY!! IT LOOKS LIVER AND ERIC MIGHT BE COMING TO TOWN!!

Dare I hope for some shlushee walking? Probably not as it looks like it's going to be a big event but that's fine as I miss them. I also miss big group things. I like having stuff to look forward to.

HOLY CRAP today is a good day for emails.

Manda took me up on my offer! A little bit surprised about that, but quite pleased.

Tomorrow I work and have a date. Date number 2 with girl from bad date number 1. I got convinced. Stupid manipulative friends trying to be all helpful and reasonable and shit. I like being unreasonable some days. I suppose it has been long enough... and first dates aren't necessarily the be all and end all when you throw in a good phone call or two.

That's me. Unreasonable as I may be sometimes, I still try to have a lot of fun.

I drunk dial. I also drunk text, drunk facebook, drunk email, drunk blog and on one memorable occasion, I drunk kicked a complete stranger in the nuts for cutting in line at the pizza pizza. I also drunk ran away while making sure I didn't drop my pizza slice.

It's a terrible habit, even if it does amuse my friends to no end. Probably as much as I am amused when they contact me after they've fallen out of the Jaeger tree and hit every branch on the way down. But I think next time the cell stays home and I turn the computer off before I leave for the night.

Making a huge ass of yourself is only fun if you do it on purpose.

Oh and weird ass dating news. (Chick drama sells blogs people! I know you ain't reading this for the calm, rational discourse on political theory.) I've had some weird first dates. And it's funny Jay remembers the last time I got laid better than I have. But he also thinks I should be reasonable about this. Fuck that!

I'm pretty sure I made it very clear that I was asking her out when I got her number. I called our little outing a "date" when we made plans for it. So why, when I arrived, did I find she had been there with 4 friends for a half hour before I showed up? I spoke maybe 6 sentences to her, and every attempt I made was absurdly cut off by the discussion of some decorating show they had recently watched.

Is it really any wonder I bailed early and went to Rachel and Trish's place to get bombed out of my mind? Well also Rachie's birthday and all.

Oh and Cassie was telling me she took a bunch of fantasy and science fiction courses for her English major in London (Ontario, not England). I'm going to hunt for similar stuff. If I get to read LOTR or Douglas Adams for credit I'm going to wet myself.

That's me. If you ARE reading this blog for the political theory then I say let the fantasy authors take over. They have more practical experince in creating AND solving the most messed up political situations then the people we have in power that create and attempt to solve the situations we're dealing with now. Also, they could get science working on Dragons.

SHOUT OUT TO BUB! I recently became a follower on her blog (I'd like to hold a Tarantula) and she returned the favor. Check it out!

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We're having Man Talk today.

As a guy my laundry schedule revolves around the amount of clean boxers I have available. It has nothing to do with the availability of pants, t-shirts or other articles that can be worn multiple times. A laundry schedule also has nothing to do with time. It all comes down to the boxers.

However with some recent weight loss some of my boxers have started not to fit, and this is soon to cause a crisis as I don't feel laundry every 4 or 5 days is necessary for a person living on their own. But this in turn, cause another problem.

Shopping

I hate shopping. I usually bribe a chick with lunch or booze when I need to go shopping. However I can't take a chick boxer shopping as they don't know the particularities, but I can't take a buddy, as I don't have many. Plus guys don't shop for underwear together. Ever. Period.

Okay I'm not huge giant of a man. I am 6ft tall and have size 12 shoes. And yet for some reason I can't shop at the Mall. How is it that the XXL size shirts at some men's clothing stores won't even go over my head. Okay yes I'm a chubby guy, but shouldn't the sizes be the same regardless of the store? Some places I'm a large, some I'm and XXXL. And how come I always see people twice my size shopping at places and walking out with bags full of stuff when I can't even find a t-shirt? This baffles me.

Okay moving on to body hair.

I shave my own back. And manscape. It's a logistical nightmare as I'm not that bendy. I DO have double jointed elbows but they're not as useful as people seem to think. As for the rest of it, well I'm pretty much all hair. It's a even covering that starts at my feet and ends at my head. The one on my shoulders. But it's still a lot of effort that should be appreciated.

One time I got my eyebrows waxed. That night was a pretty happy Spammy night, but that was painful! And the top of my face was red and blotchy for hours. It'll take some serious cleavage/convincing to get me to try that again! Also forget about waxing anywhere else as far as I'm concerned.

I'm pretty okay with being a Wookie thank you very much.

Names I like being called:

Sam
Sammy
Spammy
Spamalanthalas
Samooel
SamSam

Names I sometimes like being called:

Mr Harding
Samuel
Brother
Bro
Sir

Names I don't like being called:

Buddy
Sport
Champ
Pal
Hey you

I wish I could write a memo to all the douche bags that come through the till at work. Oh and there's this one lady at work that calls me Sammie cause that's what she calls her daughter (real name Samantha). What the hell? I'm pretty sure I don't remind you of your daughter.

Also that guy that says he has his own airplane pisses me off. His wife told me he didn't, it's that he hates being asked if he has an Air Miles card. Asshat.

That's me. No girl drama! However the night is young.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Picard could beat Kirk's ass at anything but a fistfight or an orgy.

However neither of them have the Defiant.

I love the Defiant. Hellloooo Jem'Hadar ship. Pew pew pew KABBOOOOMMMM! Goodbye you drug addicted maniacs and you weird eared freaks. Weyoon always pissed me off.

Just saying.

I'm a geek. I am, even if I don't act like it all the time what with going to gym and talking to lady people I always go home to my fantasy books and star wars video games.

However lately I'm feeling a little disjointed form all the geeky love I used to get into. I haven't kept up with Star Wars novels (haven't read anything past the Vong invasion) and haven't bought any Legacy of the Force for more than a year. I've stopped playing video games as often as I did (however if I get a new computer I'm so getting the Old Republic!). I wonder if I had a real grown up job I could afford to be a geek again.

I might be a fantasy book geek now (even if Jay probably has me beat out on that now) but no so much sci-fi, which in high school was pretty much all I was about until a friend started lending me Robert Jordan and Steven Erikson books.

I give out foot rubs that are pretty special. My back rubs are top notch but for some reason not as well appreciated. It's just a gift, I'm not really even into feet in general, but the noises lady people make when you rub them properly is kinda magical. (by magical I of course mean "make spammy happy in the pants").

However, is first date too soon to offer to be rubbing stuff? If she accepts right away is does that mean she's easy? I suppose it depends on the individual (it usually does) but I'll poll the drunken room full of metro employees I'll be seeing tomorrow to check it out.

That's me. Jay is such a gir. Yes I spelled that right.