Eat, don't sleep, blog

Some weeks I fucking hate sleeping. This week is one of them. And by "this week" I mean forever. Well the concept, the idea, of sleeping is great, and rather necessary. I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

Yup, I'm bad at unconsciousness.

I swear, one of these days I'll be able to go to bed and wake up at the same time for consecutive days. Then again I've said similar things about dating "normal women" and that definitely ain't happening (and I've decided I like it that way, but I digress)

I've had problems sleeping for as long as I remember, I don't think I've slept an entire night through since high school. I'm just bad at it. I move, I twist, I turn, I do...things...to my pillow, I rearrange the covers and I don't remember a fucking thing about it all. I wake up and it looks like I tried to create a nest. With just my big toes. While drunk. On the moon.

I've talked to so called "professionals" about it. Want to know what happened. 3 different "professionals" diagnosed 3 completely different sleep disorders. Want to know what else? I've just decided to live with it. I sleep fucked up.



The worst part is sometimes I have slightly awkward conversations when I wake up about stuff I do when I think I'm sleeping but other people think I'm awake. Also my roommates may have just discovered that. Apparently it happens when I try to nap too.

Shit. If napping is compromised I might have nothing to live for anymore.

I still remember when an ex discovered my "unique" situation. One time visiting her while I was going to school in Peterborough I spent the night in her residence room. Apparently I woke her up in the middle of the night to do stuff that she definitely remembered in the morning, but I had no idea. I woke up the next day to a goofy smile and breakfast in bed. I was all "Pancakes! Yay!" not really understanding that such battery deliciousness from a box is usually reward for a job well done. Imagine my surprise when I found out what I had done to deserve such treatment! She wasn't so much mad as confused (that time). Eventually she got used to it and was (sometimes) pleased with her good fortune.

Now to clear things up a bit, I'm not saying that I've been nailing my roommates while I think I'm sleeping on the couch. That would be more than a bit awkward. What I'm saying is, at a few points, they have woken me up, had short conversations with me that most likely ended mid-word, and left feeling like any other person who talks to me. Slightly disgusted, but maybe amused. I, however, don't remember a fucking thing. I just know they're going to find some way to take advantage of this. I'm not worried though, cause whatever they come up with will probably be hilarious. I just hope the videos are tasteful.

And dreaming, shit don't even get me started on dreaming. I used to dream completely in black and white. Don't even ask me how I know that, cause I just do. I also used to completely forget my dreams upon awakening. Which bothered me a bit, but hey, I forget where my socks are on a regular basis, so it didn't really bother me.

Then I decided that dreams were probably more significant that I first believed, so I started a dream log. I write down what I dream first thing after I wake up, while I can still remember. Would you like to know what I've discovered?

Ignorance is bliss.

My dreams are a cross between a romantic comedy that's not funny and stuff that would come up in a regular lunch with Tim Burton, Neil Gaiman, and the devil. (and who's to say that doesn't happen anyway). At least I've got a lot of good story ideas from it. That is, if my subconscious didn't both amuse and terrrify me at the same time.

That's me. I am a sheep. I am also hooked on phonics. Hewked oun fonicks werkud fur me.