Wow last night was a shit show. I'm talking drunk of Tequila proportions, but without the Tequila. And I so said something to people that I don't remember, but the problem is I want to remember because of the people... person... girl. Oops. The great thing is I'll be just as happy if I screwed it up in a funny way.

This no Internet thing blows. It'd probably be better if I had the xbox, but it's still packed up in Niagara Falls. So yeah. I'm starting to get slightly bored.

Random Melissa call turned into a visit, drunken wandering, and watching some dude's face just drop when she told him she had a boyfriend. And of course the usual philosophical rambling and life discussions. YAY!

This is why I miss the people I miss.

Liv's wedding in FOUR (4) DAYS! I should probably call Matt to get plans figured out. I should probably get his number.

I get to pick courses for the fall. This makes me happy.

That's me, brain dead and hungover.

Err Internet at home isn't working for the time being, but thank the lordy the public library is on the way to work! But yeah I'll try to keep on bloggering regularly but it might not happen.

So Trivia night diabolical plan was a huge bust of lonely proportions. I hate sitting at a bar by myself. I hated it even more 45 minutes later. Well there's one diabolical plan shot to shit, but I'm working on a few more. However I am slightly worried about what me and the girls (hah improper grammar just to piss people off! I know it should be "the girls and I") talked about on the way home. It's probably going to show up in ways I will laugh about later but be embarrassed about during.

I MOVED. Was a little stressful. I do have a housemate, I know I do! I've seen him walk out the door. And that's about it really. I hope he's not a shut in, or I am going to be super fucking bored all summer. Or maybe not as I'm dedicated to getting out and doing productive stuff with my days, and that has been going so super well lately. But yeah, I'd like to hang out with the guy I have to live with all summer.

The 20 minutes in the bathroom after a night of drinking is probably one of my happiest times.

I love how the girls have my back, I don't know why I'm surprised. It's just been a while since I was actually interested in a girl and slightly apprehensive as to how to proceed. I mean I've been doing well but mutual hookups and stuff isn't really the same as "real" dating. If that makes any sense. Going slow! Been a while... I really hope she's not going to date the douchebag I keep hearing about. it's not even my opinion, as I've never met the guy but I hear he's a giant douchebag. I'm better than a douchebag right?

Time to get creative. i like getting creative. That's where my diabolical plans come from.

Mum and Dad move today. Funny thing is that this doesn't bother me in the slightest, which I think might be kinda weird. I mean I grew up in this place, spent more time than I should have in the basement, and went though every major turning point of my life while at that house. And it doesn't bug me at all. Maybe it's because I can still walk by everyday if I fell the need.

That's me. Yes, yes I am. DINOSAUR HUNTING!

I love how my friends back me up. Allison is my favourite this week, as she came up with an amazing plan that I quickly turned diabolical.

For those who don't know, a diabolical plan is a plan involving a girl I like, and they usually have a pretty low chance of success. That's why I usually run 2 or 4 at once. Sometimes I skip 3. Fuck 3. I love it when a diabolical plan comes together, but the best part is I don't mind when they fall apart.

Herbert likes to let off a little stream. And a LOT of fire.

That's me. Mostly nonviolent.

All I need is ice cream and a huuuuuggggg!

I'm not sure about my whole dating situation. But I'm thinking a general "no more nice girls". They just seem to go south on me quick fast and in a hurry, not the good kind of going south either. Well sometimes. But I digress. I'd like a mouthy chick for once I think. I mean that's probably the reason I get along with Rachel and Lysee so well (even if I'd never date either of em but there's a whole bunch of real good reasons for that). Dare I say it? Yes I shall dare. I liked what Jay and Janice had. We're both suckers for witty banter.

Bagpipes + Melodic Death Metal = WIN! Seriously check out Eluveitie.

Fake pregnancy scares are bad. Really bad. This is past normal super villain type stuff and into "I need Batman" territory. Just about every guy I know has had a broken condom scare, and while they're super rare, it's a danger you have to be aware of (among many) if you're having sex. Especially after club drunken sex. But to a young couple or two drunken strangers a pregnancy scare is just that, fucking scary. This is why you should not mess around with faking such a fucked up situation. That shit is just pure evil craziness, and not the fun loving evil craziness I endorse. Just don't do it! Batman will figure it out and then you'll be sorry.

If you can't tell who the drunkest person at the party is, it's you.

Explain it to me in Star Wars. Star Wars I understand (few better!), micro biology I do not. But if you make one part Obi Wan and another Darth Maul, I have a pretty awesome chance of figuring it out. Seriously, it's how I got through high school biology. Well that and an awesome seminar presentation comparison of twins and clones. I'm the evil one. Twin AND clone. Hey I just had a good idea! I could probably pull off star wars philosophical discussions in class! YES! THAT'S SO MY GOAL FOR THE SEMESTER.

Because life is always easier if you have a plan.

How can I be not sure if I have a crush or not? Usually I'd say that since I'm not sure, then I probably don't. Meh. I only have like another week. I'll probably pull the trigger. Hell my shit is so all over the place lately I can't see how adding more crap could be a problem. Famous last words right? I even had a pretty good toy dinosaur idea. I'm fucking sneaky. Yay semi-diabolical plan! I always know I'm interested if I start thinking up diabloical plans.

I like reading blogs. I have a random interest in random people in general. Even if there are just so darn many of us kicking around on the planet, every really is unique. Everyone has a story, and I've always loved a good story.

That's me. Not the drunkest person at this party. Yet.

Wanna know why I like Herbert? I mean, besides the fact that he's an imaginary dragon that lives on my blog? Or that he's a dragon and dragons are fucking wicked and awesome and breathe fire. He's pretty non judgemental. He's a dragon, and who needs to worry about human problems when you're a dragon? Plus, he has a sense of humor.

Had a nice talk with him the other day.

Sam: Hey Herbert, how's it going?

Herbert: Pretty fulfilling, I ate some hot chicks the other day!

Sam: Nice! Kudos for getting laid!

Herbert: *chuckles like a dragon* You're such a dumb ass. I breathed fire on some chickens and ate them.

Sam: *palm to forehead* Puns are the lowest form of comedy.

Herbert: I'm a fucking Dragon.

Sam: Touche.

Herbert: Besides I only get laid by Dragon babes, human chicks suck.

Sam: Only the ones worth keeping around.

Herbert: Hah, nice!

*dragon claw/human hand fist bump*

Sam: Yeah lately I'm leaning towards your point of view, chicks suck. How do Dragons deal with relationship drama?

Herbert: It's different for every Dragon. I mean we're pretty good at eating stuff and sleeping on piles of gold, but it's mostly same shit different species.

Sam: Oh yeah? How so?

Herbert: Well this one time I was with this chick dragon, she was pretty cute. You know, snout not too long, nice tail, shiniest blue scales you've ever seen. Did you meet her? Amy?

Sam: Nope I don't think so, as you've only existed for a few weeks.

Herbert: Oh yeah I keep forgetting. Probably for the best that you never knew her, I think she's some kind of tyrannical, human eating overlord now. Bad news. Anyway I was doing my normal guy dragon stuff, knocking down castles, stealing treasure, kidnapping princesses and such.

Sam: *sarcastic tone* Oh really? Well you've sure come a long way from that, since you're living on a blog header now.

Herbert: Fuck you douche bag!

Sam: Eat me!

Herbert: I just might! I'm a ----

Sam & Herbert:---motherfucking Dragon.

*they share a little laugh together*

Herbert: Anyway I was growing new teeth and eating people hurt so I just kinda kept all these princesses around. Well Amy didn't like that me having a whole bunch of princesses around, typical jealousy issues.

Sam: I hear ya pal, all my closest friends are women and the girls I date always have an issue with that.

Herbert: *nods knowingly* Chicks are crazy.

Sam: Indeed. So what happened? She eat them or something?

Herbert: I thought that was what she was going to do. I mean, princess are HOT, and I thought that's what Amy was all pissy about. But since I couldn't really do normal dragon stuff with em, I just had them clean the cave and tidy my gold piles and shit. And I guess that's what the issue was. Not me having babes all over the place, but the cleaning and cooking.

Sam: Amy's not into housekeeping?

Herbert: Well not really. She's a motherfucking dragon too, and we don't tidy. Turns out she just wanted some maids of her own. Long story short, she kidnapped the princesses from me, they all became best of friends and now those bitchy princesses rule a small country now.

Sam: Well that's slightly---

Herbert: If you say something about the irony of the my ex kidnapping the princess I originally kidnapped I'm going rip out your eyes and show them to you before you die.

Sam: ---fucked up. Chicks are weird.

Herbert: Bat shit certifiable. Even Dragon chicks. I do miss having my cave tidied... if you have any spare time would you mind? *gives sappy puppy/dragon eyed look*

Sam: I'm going to get a magic fucking sword in a second.

Herbert: Okay okay chill.

Sam: Just so we're on the same page.

Herbert: Wanna get wasted and watch UFC?

Sam: *gets excited* Hell yeah!

Herbert: *to himself* Heh stupid humans punching each other.

Sam: *to himself* Heh stupid dragons need maids.

That's me. I can't decide what's crazier. Having conversations with myself, or having conversations with an imaginary Dragon.

Star Wars word of the day: Wookie

Dictionary.com definition: none

Urban Dictionary.com definition: Massive, dark, hairy, screaming waste matter discharged through the anus.

Star Wars Definition: The Wookiees, whose name for themselves translated to the People of the Trees, were a species of hairy bipedal humanoids that were inhabitants of the planet Kashyyyk.

Sam's definition: I wish I was a wookie.


Fantasy word of the day: Unicorn

Dictionary.com definition: A mythical creature resembling a horse, with a single horn in the center of its forehead: often symbolic of chastity or purity.

Urban Dictionary.com definition: As seen in Wide Awake, a Twilight Fanfiction by AngstGoddess003: 1. A unicorn symbolizes an orgasm. 2. "A very pretty, white, majestic, non existent mythical creature that everyone talks about, but you never actually see first hand."

Sam's definition: Even though I'm not a big fan, I don't understand why unicorns are gay.


Dirty Sounding word of the day: Naughty

Dictionary.com definition: disobedient; mischievous

Urban Dictionary.com definition: An adjective that describes a bad girl who needs to be punished (usually by fucking her), or a lady who wears tight, revealing clothing. Can also apply to a female who is into bondage.

Sam's definition: Drop the word in a crowded room and find out how many people are interested. Probably everyone. It's not a dirty word, it just sounds like one, that means you can use it as much as you want and people will be interested. Try it!


Chick word of the day: Commitment

Dictionary.com definition: the act of committing

Top Urban Dictionary.com definition: Something men are frequently afraid of.
Proposal of this will most defiantly end a relationship

Sam's definition: Why drop this on a guy after he makes it clear this is not what he's looking for. Pay attention dammit. If we have to catch signals to ask you out, you should have to catch signals to bring this up in conversation. Stop texting me you whack job.


Educational disciplining tool of the day: Bitchslap

Dictionary.com definition: none

Urban Dictionary.com definition: To slap someone (particularly but not necessarily female) who is being rude or nasty, perhaps screaming a lot (i.e., being a bitch). The idea is to get them to calm down and behave. It doesn't necessarily mean you really hit the person; there is such a thing as a verbal bitchslap.

Sam's definition: Keep your pimp hand strong! Fucking mouthy kids these days. One more screaming brat at work and I would have snapped.


Made up sounding word of the day : Discombobulate.

Dictionary.com definition: to confuse or perplex someone.

Urban Dictionary.com definition: One of those rare and wonderful words that means exactly what it sounds like. There is no word more onomatopoeic to confusion than discombobulate. Also, a one-word admonition to Robert for being tardy to a seventies dance party.

Sam's definition: I'm going to discombobulate all over her face!

That's me. I'm educational today!

I FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE. It's actually literally down the street from the house I grew up in. We're talking like thirty houses and a pond. But I saw some real dumps, this place is pretty good for what I'm paying, all inclusive rent is awesome and the people there don't seem like axe murderers (important!).

I can't tell if my penis is taking control of my subconscious and therefore taking over my life or if my penis IS my subconscious and is therefore taking over my life. Either way this bout of shameless flirting and innuendo is exhausting. Effective though. Stupid penis doing stuff I think I might want it to.

Jumping out of porta potties in a gorilla suit is just asking for trouble. Just because people who go to porta potties need to use the porta potty. Logical? Yes. If I had to pee and someone jumped out at me and I then suddenly had no need for the facilities, I would make said joker eat my soiled boxers. But that's just me.

I have an unnatural love of sitcoms. I'll watch em all and find them almost equally hilarious. I can't decide if it because I'm easily amused or I have a problem. Of course one is supposed to find sitcoms funny and I'm a hug fan of comedy in general. I like to laugh out loud.

You know what I like? Buttery flaky homemade biscuits with a light drizzle of honey, so delectable and delicate it almost melts in your mouth, almost like that orgasm your boyfriend couldn't quite give you.

I'm a bad person, but I like me my busciuts.

I've been listening to a bunch of rap-type music lately. I noticed that in a lot of rap music, the artists tend to reference the crappy personal life struggles they went through. I don't think I'd mind this if it was one song, or in a more general way about how life can suck. But some of these guys they talk about the same messed up childhood/high school/family stuff every freaking song. However it's not all bad, as some of the stuff is pretty good. Let's just tone it down a bit.

They say one you go Spammy you never go back. Or you switch teams and he somehow manages to nail the chick you like. Out of context that is perhaps my best story. I tend to forget about the crippling emotional battleground that was my life immediately after that somewhat misguided series of events....I mean pretty sweet eh?

Err no idea why I'm reliving that period of my life lately.

Any who, that's me. Slightly ALL OVER THE PLACE. And kinda loving it.