HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Present were pretty practical so I'm thinking about spending some hard earned money on something shiny and loud.

However I noticed that not everybody on my friends list on facebook wrote a happy birthday message on my wall. I kept score and will now write heartfelt dramatic messages detailing my hurt.... or I might shrug and move on with my life since facebook is not the be all and end all of my social interactions. Also, facebook might be the devil.

(p.s. this was said in humor and in a jovial manner, and so I apologize if you are too stupid to understand this and become insulted)

I'm 25 now! The world is of full of hope and promise and rainbows and kittens and puppies and groups of big breasted arts majors who like to hang out and discuss how they all have open views on sexuality.

I'd watch that show. Only because there's not a whole lot a pair of feisty redheads can't cure.

Niagara Falls was fun, mum and dad loved the company and Josh and I basked in the glory that is cable television. Yay Demolition Man! "Mellow greetings citizen, what is your boggle?" A whole bunch of people I know make a big deal of vising Niagara Falls, and I've never really understood that. Probably has something to do with the fact that during most of my childhood we went every six weeks or so. Yeah definitely has something to do with that.

Also, Josh and I discussed dating requirements. Mostly because we found my copy of "the Bro Code", which I then forgot in mum and dad's basement. We decided that I should have the old "Hooters" test for women, in an attempt to weed out the crazy ones (and also with a cursory glance at the crazy/hot chart in the book). The test being, you ask them politely to walk towards a wall, if their nose touches first, then they lose. I assume if their nose touches first they're still one night stand worthy but I'll get back to you. Boy is dating complicated or what? I think there might be provisions for water bras as they are such a cruel trick. However I am a HUGE fan of bras that open from the front. See? Complicated.

I showed Josh the patented Jay technique of beating Sam in an arcade fighting game. Right at the start of the match you body check the guy away from the controls and then box him out while furiously kicking the shit out of his character while it's not doing anything. It's foolproof.

Oh and I like getting mail, another fun reason to go home. I received the best ever personalized thank-you card from Liver and Eric. Granted there's not a lot of competition, but I seriously doubt they get better. Yay!

That's me. Sorry for not punching a hooker.










I CAN FIX STUFF THROUGH THE INTERNET!

No.

Wait.

I can't.

I CAN"T FIX STUFF THROUGH THE INTERNET!

Glad we cleared that up. Now call me so we can talk like real people in real life. Email tag is only fun when you're having fun. Note: we're not having fun.

Operation no pants is proceeding as planned. Mostly. I have to work and I get to go to Niagara Falls this weekend, and wearing pants is generally accepted as the norm for these types of situations. However I AM gaining converts. Muauahahahahahahahahah!

I do need a theme song. I think I'll work on that this weekend. Also I want to push Josh into something shiny. Shouldn't be too difficult, but it's always good to have a plan.

I don't care what you think about Dragonlance. Yes it may be dated, predictable and uncomplicated. To all that I have one response: Tasslehoff Burfoot. Tas is easily one of the most entertaining characters ever written, his logic is impeccable and his rationale unquestionable. As far as I'm concerned he's the main character in the series (he's in any of the books worth reading). It will be a sad day when a fantasy geek doesn't know the name of Tasslehoff.

Despite what is going to be a new-asshole ripping phone bill I am quite pleased with myself. Totally worth it to get to talk to people I don't normally get to talk to. In fact I'm thinking about changing my cell plan so I can possibly do this without a skull and crossbones on my phone statement. I miss people. It's the curse of being as awesome as I am that I have friends who are equally as awesome.

Not family tho, AS JAY CAN"T EVEN FOLLOW SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS. Add yourself as a follower. I know you "follow" this blog. Make it a birthday present you didn't already pay for.(I kinda feel bad about that as I forgot I was probably an expensive house guest)

I am re-discovering bands I like. I love doing this. Papa Roach. I don't give a hairy rats ass what you think about them, I've liked them since College Ave(obscure school reference ftw!) and that hasn't seemed to stop. Also I found even more Apocalyptica that is awesome. I didn't think there was more but there is and Sammie likes. Faraway volume 2 and hope volume 2. Yes it is a lot of volume 2s.

That's me. By the time I post again I will be 25! But don't worry I promise I won't mature or anything stupid like that.

My housemate is in Germany for the next 2 weeks. Therefore operation "no pants" is in effect. It's a multi part plan involving many intricate details, but rest assured : THE WORLD WILL TREMBLE!

Muahahahahahahahahaahah!

I've been going to the Library. Stupid library has me reading series science fiction that isn't star wars and fantasy that doesn't involve Quick Ben. As far as I'm concerned this is reason enough to find a new hobby.

I did something bad. Which sucks because just recently I was proud of myself for NOT doing anything bad. I suppose it all comes down to how you define "bad". But yeah, it's pretty bad. I ate low fat yogurt and watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I think my penis might be inverting now. It's almost like the time mum and I got ice cream and watched a Gilmore Girls marathon. I'm such a sucker for witty banter. And Dean was such a retard.

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone care if my socks are mismatched and/or inside out. I feel it's a victimless crime. Besides, it's not like I wore them with sandals...again.

I have a lack of interesting things to discuss. Maybe I'll punch a hooker or terrorize a mini-put course while I'm in Niagara Falls for my birthday. We'll see what mum and dad are up for. Doesn't every good story start with "Well I was really drunk and I took a swing at..."

Herbert thinks human females taste the best. He really does have no idea. Stupid Dragons.

That's me. I think Mitch Hedburg said it best when he said "That tree is really far away".

So why the hell am I still in Guelph?

Errr... no clue?

When I decided I needed to go back to school I picked here. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I could have gone to Tbay to be closer to Jay (as was demanded many times, but who the hell knows where he's going to be and what he'll be dong six months from now) I could have, gone to Brock to be close to my parents, (I even know some people at Brock!) I could have gone almost anywhere in the arts program of my choice (according to Admissions at Guelph, since my Flemming marks were excellent).

Is is because of the other students I know? I know 4? 5? U of G students. Maybe 2 of them I'm hoping on seeing on a regular basis. So probably not that. Guelph has an amazing campus that I'm pretty familiar with already. Of course after spending some time at Trent (putting the e in shitty and the grey in ugly) ANY other campus looks nice. So probably not that either.

And for that matter, why Philosophy? Can you graduate, dress up in robes and become a philosopher making 80 grand a year? Hmmm nope. Well what if you went for your masters? Err, probably not even then. So is this just some really expensive and long term way to improve your writing? Maybe, but I might not do a lot of writing while I'm at school.

Okay so you want to stay in Guelph and be close to your friends. Well yeah I don't want to ditch my friends (I'd miss the girls terribly), but I kinda know people all over. I plan on meeting new people anyways.

So why Guelph and why Philosophy? Well I like Guelph. And Philosophy. And I'm going to make it work out. Do I have to have reasons? Justifications? I suppose if I dug down deep enough I'd come up with some good, understandable stuff. But I won't. Not at the moment anyways. No one doubts that I'll do well in school and no one thinks it's a bad idea. Maybe we can just leave it at that?

After all, third time's the charm.

That's me.

So I used the phrase "I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick" on the phone the other day, it was both a justification and a comedic throwback. Except I couldn't remember if it was Mitch Hedburg or George Carlin who said it. Then I got a message the next day: So as a heads up... googling "fuck with a borrowed dick" is not the best idea.. still not sure which comedian said it first.

I almost peed myself. I giggled like a schoolboy for like 5 minutes straight, and I'm not usually prone to giggling. It was George Carlin btw.

I read in another blog today about how a study came out this week that proves romantic movies create unrealistic expectations in women. I can just see how it went down.

"Hey George, do you think women have unrealistic expectations?"

"Yes."

"Think it has anything to do with shitty romantic comedies?"

"Yes."

"Yeah that's what we thought, lets go drink."

"Yes."

Because you can totally tell it was a bunch of guys sitting around a bar who came up with the idea for this study. Us men are pretty dumb this way... or maybe smart, cause I bet these guys got to legitimately talk to dozens of chicks about their relationship wants. I'll bet someone got some action because of this. You know what that's called?

Insider trading.

That's me. Think smarter, not harder.

Oh Spammy, that was ill advised. You'd think you'd know better now. At least you used that delete/block button with authority. After the fact of course, but at least you've learned your lesson.

Kayne West is a Gay Fish, I'd so be a pirate with a lightsaber, Butters is the best and nicest pimp ever I've ever seen, Cartmen is addicted to abortions, fuck you dolphin, and Cartmen singing Lady Gaga may have been the highlight of my year. Man I love SouthPark.

I stubbed my toe today and it made me angry. Like kick a puppy angry. But I couldn't find a puppy. I did however see a turtle. I didn't kick the turtle. Turtles aren't puppies. Puppies can't be mutant ninjas like turtles can. I think. If you know different, let me know.

The Library is closed tomorrow. I want it to be open because I read all the library books I picked up the other day. Time for an angry letter!

Weird but cute chick from the bus turned out to be really stupid. Not so stupid I wanted to slap her, like so stupid I wanted to slap myself. I think it fell apart after the rant about how "them paki-dot people kept me from being promoted at Wendy's, cause I, like, only stole a little".

Ahh let's not kid ourselves, I wanted to slap her.

Kicking puppies, slapping bitches and writing angry letters. At least Spammy's keeping the pimp hand strong! Ish. I don't really have much of a pimp hand. Also I didn't kick a puppy (I wanted to) and I won't write an angry letter (won't do anything) and I didn't slap the idiot (phones can't let you do that... yet).

That's me. I've lost 20 pounds. "I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised." -shitmydadsays.

Things I learned today:

-Man may just be the deadliest game of all. But if you're being hunted by a race of intergalactic predator beings with technology far above and beyond what you know, well then you'd better put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

-Never watch Iron Chef when you're hungry. Or just watch the squid episode cause that was pretty icky. And inky.

-Koodoo is better than Fido.

-My left shoe is a little more worn down than my right shoe. This weird chick pointed it out on the bus.

-Flirting with weird chicks on the bus is a very time oriented process. You just can't know what stop they're taking.

-A smile and a blush from a cute girl you're chatting up is one of my favourite things, up there with lightsabers and dragons.

-Tripping while getting off a machine at the gym is one of the most embarrassing thing I've done in a while.

Hmm it's been a rather prolific week for my writing.

Okay so I'm going to miss out on wonderland. Again. That's fine as wonderland is usually a Sam & Jay birthday thing, and I probably can't/shouldn't afford it. But I like wonderland.

I did have plans for today, but then I got cancelled on. So with the day suddenly free I hopped on a bus and treated myself to lunch and a movie. I love lunch and a movie. I will admit I prefer it with company, however things have been pretty weird lately, it was nice to have a day out to myself. Plus, neon green blood. Topher Grace kinda surprised me at how well he did playing a psychopath on an Alien planet. I just hope he doesn't have a freezer full of body parts from preparing for the role. Oh and an awesome sword fight in a windy field. So bad ass. Sammie like Predators, always has and probably always will.

I've been watching a whole lot of Iron Chef America. A lot. I mostly like the battles with Mario Batali and Cat Cora. because they very obviously have the most fun. In fact I like that the show is just fun to watch and, for the most part, doesn't take itself too seriously.

I'm not very excited about my birthday, I just don't get that way when Jay isn't around. However having people over and going up to Squirely's sounds pretty damn good. Even if only 2 people show up (which is always a chance when Rachel and Trish arn't hosting and there's no Vinyl involved).

I've been working on some serious storyboarding lately. I don't like to have everything planned out before I start writing but I like to have some stuff ready and available, and with fantasy stories worldbuilding requires extra effort. It looks like my latest one will be my most ambitious progect yet. I'm kinda excited to get started on it for real, but I probably have at least 6 hours (if not more) of worldbuilding involved.

That's me. My left shoe might be more worn down, but my right shoe is my ass kicking shoe so I don't mess with it as much.