Operation no pants is proceeding as planned. Mostly. I have to work and I get to go to Niagara Falls this weekend, and wearing pants is generally accepted as the norm for these types of situations. However I AM gaining converts. Muauahahahahahahahahah!

I do need a theme song. I think I'll work on that this weekend. Also I want to push Josh into something shiny. Shouldn't be too difficult, but it's always good to have a plan.

I don't care what you think about Dragonlance. Yes it may be dated, predictable and uncomplicated. To all that I have one response: Tasslehoff Burfoot. Tas is easily one of the most entertaining characters ever written, his logic is impeccable and his rationale unquestionable. As far as I'm concerned he's the main character in the series (he's in any of the books worth reading). It will be a sad day when a fantasy geek doesn't know the name of Tasslehoff.

Despite what is going to be a new-asshole ripping phone bill I am quite pleased with myself. Totally worth it to get to talk to people I don't normally get to talk to. In fact I'm thinking about changing my cell plan so I can possibly do this without a skull and crossbones on my phone statement. I miss people. It's the curse of being as awesome as I am that I have friends who are equally as awesome.

Not family tho, AS JAY CAN"T EVEN FOLLOW SIMPLE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS. Add yourself as a follower. I know you "follow" this blog. Make it a birthday present you didn't already pay for.(I kinda feel bad about that as I forgot I was probably an expensive house guest)

I am re-discovering bands I like. I love doing this. Papa Roach. I don't give a hairy rats ass what you think about them, I've liked them since College Ave(obscure school reference ftw!) and that hasn't seemed to stop. Also I found even more Apocalyptica that is awesome. I didn't think there was more but there is and Sammie likes. Faraway volume 2 and hope volume 2. Yes it is a lot of volume 2s.

That's me. By the time I post again I will be 25! But don't worry I promise I won't mature or anything stupid like that.

My housemate is in Germany for the next 2 weeks. Therefore operation "no pants" is in effect. It's a multi part plan involving many intricate details, but rest assured : THE WORLD WILL TREMBLE!

Muahahahahahahahahaahah!

I've been going to the Library. Stupid library has me reading series science fiction that isn't star wars and fantasy that doesn't involve Quick Ben. As far as I'm concerned this is reason enough to find a new hobby.

I did something bad. Which sucks because just recently I was proud of myself for NOT doing anything bad. I suppose it all comes down to how you define "bad". But yeah, it's pretty bad. I ate low fat yogurt and watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I think my penis might be inverting now. It's almost like the time mum and I got ice cream and watched a Gilmore Girls marathon. I'm such a sucker for witty banter. And Dean was such a retard.

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone care if my socks are mismatched and/or inside out. I feel it's a victimless crime. Besides, it's not like I wore them with sandals...again.

I have a lack of interesting things to discuss. Maybe I'll punch a hooker or terrorize a mini-put course while I'm in Niagara Falls for my birthday. We'll see what mum and dad are up for. Doesn't every good story start with "Well I was really drunk and I took a swing at..."

Herbert thinks human females taste the best. He really does have no idea. Stupid Dragons.

That's me. I think Mitch Hedburg said it best when he said "That tree is really far away".

So why the hell am I still in Guelph?

Errr... no clue?

When I decided I needed to go back to school I picked here. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I could have gone to Tbay to be closer to Jay (as was demanded many times, but who the hell knows where he's going to be and what he'll be dong six months from now) I could have, gone to Brock to be close to my parents, (I even know some people at Brock!) I could have gone almost anywhere in the arts program of my choice (according to Admissions at Guelph, since my Flemming marks were excellent).

Is is because of the other students I know? I know 4? 5? U of G students. Maybe 2 of them I'm hoping on seeing on a regular basis. So probably not that. Guelph has an amazing campus that I'm pretty familiar with already. Of course after spending some time at Trent (putting the e in shitty and the grey in ugly) ANY other campus looks nice. So probably not that either.

And for that matter, why Philosophy? Can you graduate, dress up in robes and become a philosopher making 80 grand a year? Hmmm nope. Well what if you went for your masters? Err, probably not even then. So is this just some really expensive and long term way to improve your writing? Maybe, but I might not do a lot of writing while I'm at school.

Okay so you want to stay in Guelph and be close to your friends. Well yeah I don't want to ditch my friends (I'd miss the girls terribly), but I kinda know people all over. I plan on meeting new people anyways.

So why Guelph and why Philosophy? Well I like Guelph. And Philosophy. And I'm going to make it work out. Do I have to have reasons? Justifications? I suppose if I dug down deep enough I'd come up with some good, understandable stuff. But I won't. Not at the moment anyways. No one doubts that I'll do well in school and no one thinks it's a bad idea. Maybe we can just leave it at that?

After all, third time's the charm.

That's me.

So I used the phrase "I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick" on the phone the other day, it was both a justification and a comedic throwback. Except I couldn't remember if it was Mitch Hedburg or George Carlin who said it. Then I got a message the next day: So as a heads up... googling "fuck with a borrowed dick" is not the best idea.. still not sure which comedian said it first.

I almost peed myself. I giggled like a schoolboy for like 5 minutes straight, and I'm not usually prone to giggling. It was George Carlin btw.

I read in another blog today about how a study came out this week that proves romantic movies create unrealistic expectations in women. I can just see how it went down.

"Hey George, do you think women have unrealistic expectations?"

"Yes."

"Think it has anything to do with shitty romantic comedies?"

"Yes."

"Yeah that's what we thought, lets go drink."

"Yes."

Because you can totally tell it was a bunch of guys sitting around a bar who came up with the idea for this study. Us men are pretty dumb this way... or maybe smart, cause I bet these guys got to legitimately talk to dozens of chicks about their relationship wants. I'll bet someone got some action because of this. You know what that's called?

Insider trading.

That's me. Think smarter, not harder.

Oh Spammy, that was ill advised. You'd think you'd know better now. At least you used that delete/block button with authority. After the fact of course, but at least you've learned your lesson.

Kayne West is a Gay Fish, I'd so be a pirate with a lightsaber, Butters is the best and nicest pimp ever I've ever seen, Cartmen is addicted to abortions, fuck you dolphin, and Cartmen singing Lady Gaga may have been the highlight of my year. Man I love SouthPark.

I stubbed my toe today and it made me angry. Like kick a puppy angry. But I couldn't find a puppy. I did however see a turtle. I didn't kick the turtle. Turtles aren't puppies. Puppies can't be mutant ninjas like turtles can. I think. If you know different, let me know.

The Library is closed tomorrow. I want it to be open because I read all the library books I picked up the other day. Time for an angry letter!

Weird but cute chick from the bus turned out to be really stupid. Not so stupid I wanted to slap her, like so stupid I wanted to slap myself. I think it fell apart after the rant about how "them paki-dot people kept me from being promoted at Wendy's, cause I, like, only stole a little".

Ahh let's not kid ourselves, I wanted to slap her.

Kicking puppies, slapping bitches and writing angry letters. At least Spammy's keeping the pimp hand strong! Ish. I don't really have much of a pimp hand. Also I didn't kick a puppy (I wanted to) and I won't write an angry letter (won't do anything) and I didn't slap the idiot (phones can't let you do that... yet).

That's me. I've lost 20 pounds. "I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised." -shitmydadsays.

Things I learned today:

-Man may just be the deadliest game of all. But if you're being hunted by a race of intergalactic predator beings with technology far above and beyond what you know, well then you'd better put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

-Never watch Iron Chef when you're hungry. Or just watch the squid episode cause that was pretty icky. And inky.

-Koodoo is better than Fido.

-My left shoe is a little more worn down than my right shoe. This weird chick pointed it out on the bus.

-Flirting with weird chicks on the bus is a very time oriented process. You just can't know what stop they're taking.

-A smile and a blush from a cute girl you're chatting up is one of my favourite things, up there with lightsabers and dragons.

-Tripping while getting off a machine at the gym is one of the most embarrassing thing I've done in a while.

Hmm it's been a rather prolific week for my writing.

Okay so I'm going to miss out on wonderland. Again. That's fine as wonderland is usually a Sam & Jay birthday thing, and I probably can't/shouldn't afford it. But I like wonderland.

I did have plans for today, but then I got cancelled on. So with the day suddenly free I hopped on a bus and treated myself to lunch and a movie. I love lunch and a movie. I will admit I prefer it with company, however things have been pretty weird lately, it was nice to have a day out to myself. Plus, neon green blood. Topher Grace kinda surprised me at how well he did playing a psychopath on an Alien planet. I just hope he doesn't have a freezer full of body parts from preparing for the role. Oh and an awesome sword fight in a windy field. So bad ass. Sammie like Predators, always has and probably always will.

I've been watching a whole lot of Iron Chef America. A lot. I mostly like the battles with Mario Batali and Cat Cora. because they very obviously have the most fun. In fact I like that the show is just fun to watch and, for the most part, doesn't take itself too seriously.

I'm not very excited about my birthday, I just don't get that way when Jay isn't around. However having people over and going up to Squirely's sounds pretty damn good. Even if only 2 people show up (which is always a chance when Rachel and Trish arn't hosting and there's no Vinyl involved).

I've been working on some serious storyboarding lately. I don't like to have everything planned out before I start writing but I like to have some stuff ready and available, and with fantasy stories worldbuilding requires extra effort. It looks like my latest one will be my most ambitious progect yet. I'm kinda excited to get started on it for real, but I probably have at least 6 hours (if not more) of worldbuilding involved.

That's me. My left shoe might be more worn down, but my right shoe is my ass kicking shoe so I don't mess with it as much.

Cheers to Matt who put forth effort! You sir are NOT an asshat. Or should that be IS not an asshat. This is why I need a copy editor. Nope, fuck copy editors, this is my blog. Matt you sir is/are not an asshat.

Lysee has decided to hate me. Well not really. She is expecting a rant (or should be cause I told her to) but I'm not really in a ranting mood. Ish. She knows how I feel. Stupid-head has to be all up in Vancouver. Some days I almost wish I had pursued the cruise ship job and NOT gone to school. For about 2 seconds. I wanna travel. Looking into studying abroad, cause that would be absolutely super.

I find myself trying to organize the dozens and dozens of music videos I have bookmarked on Youtube. It's pretty much the whay I listen to music since switching computers sent me over a couch and showed me who was boss.

Who the hell knows what you mean, when you won't say what you mean. You are a stupid prick.

I can't tell if I had an awkward or exciting moment at work today. If awkward it wouldn't have been like calling out your sister's name in bed awkward, but maybe as awkward as being panted in front of a women's lacrosse team. And maybe not exciting because it could have been Spammy defensiveness in the form of being engaging and social. I just can't tell. Maybe being defensive while being panted in front of a women's lacrosse team?

I found something good that involves twilight!

If you believed that then I can/should/will kick you in the baby making parts. Nothing good comes from twilight. I refuse to even capitalize the word. This should convey my lack of respect love and understanding towards something that may have ruined Vampires and my favourite time of day forever. I wish Blade was in twilight, cause I'd sure as hell watch that, show them sparkly asshats who's boss.

I should explain something from my vocabulary that is kind of a Spammy thing. The word "Ish". It means both "amused" and "kinda" all at the same time. So if I said I like having sex with your mom. Ish. That means I only kinda like having sex with your mom but I find it amusing. Or I may be amused by the situation in general, it's flexible like that. So is your mom. Ish.

I'm doing that thing where I say I'm gonna behave myself and whatnot. One of those "This is the last time" things. Except for me it's always the "last time", until I do it again. I always do it again. I won't do it anymore....starting tommorow. So I'm trying to embrace the fact that my dating life is going to be batshit crazy.

That's me. Thinking birthday thoughts. Jay is so not invited.

Odd conversation tonight has me quite contemplative, and that feeling has been enhanced by the odd things that have happened around me. Weirdly appropriate songs hitting my playlist and the turn of phrase in a short story I was reading, none of which got my mind off things and all of which has led me here.

I'd like to think I have a pretty good idea of who I am and my goals for the future, and my attitude towards life in general. I suppose this is one of the times where most people ask their friends or family or people close to them to clarify or provide insight into this. I'm trying to avoid that. It's not that I don't trust my loved ones to paint an accurate picture of what I represent, not at all. It's just that I trust myself MORE. And why not? Only one person out there knows everything there is to know, everyone else has just bits and pieces. Some rather significant bits and pieces I might add, but bits and pieces nonetheless.

It's still difficult to define oneself, and it should be, I think. If it were easy I'd have less reason to listen to the music I do, read what I like, write how I like. If I had a easy time defining myself I wouldn't be me, which would defeat the whole point of the exercise, wouldn't it? But since I am me, the self exploration, the contemplation and the looking inward are all part of the package.

I could put down a whole list of things, what I am, what I think I am and what I want other people to think I am. But I don't think so, since I'm actually pretty content at the moment (even while over thinking things).

Besides, chances are if you're reading this you probably have a pretty good idea of who I am anyways. And if you don't: Hi! I'm Sam and this is my blog, if you're a single chick then I'm amazing in the sack. If you're taken or not my type I'm still amazing in the sack, you'll just never find out. The Dragon's name is Herbert. He's not interested.

That's me. Also, I am awesome.

If you read this, take the 2 minutes to make a profile and add youself as a follower. I have 2. One of them is me. Jay I know you fucking read this, do it or you're not invited to my birthday party!

I have Internet at home! It only took some pasta, a bottle of wine and a geeky movie! Not that I didn't do too badly while I didn't have Internet as easy and regular access to a couple of libraries did me quite well. Still, YAY! And maybe I get to talk at Lysee on MSN? I hope so. Not like she blogs or anything...

ALMOST FINISHED WITH MY STUPID PHONE SHIT!

I read a thousand pages yesterday. I didn't mean to, I swear! It just kinda happened. The weird thing I still had a productive day of errand running, mailing school stuff and going to the gym. I wonder if it's hobby hunting time.

I'm going to start carrying around an extra notebook or something in my pocket or backpack. Probably backpack as I tend to collect quite the assortment of necessary crap in my pockets. I keep finding stuff or thinking of stuff I want to blog and/or write about, but I can never quite remember everything when I actually get to a computer.

WEDNESDAY IS GARBAGE DAY.

Herbert want to blog. He seems to think I'm setting an example for him to unleash his wrath upon the Internet. I'm not sure that I do lots of wrath unleashing (not lately anywho) but he's pretty adamant. I'm not sure if he'll be posting her or starting up on one his own. We'll call it an experiment.

I was talking to this guy at the gym when he suddenly trailed off mid sentence. I swear I freaked for a second because I thought he was having a stroke. Then I saw what he saw: an epic set of legs and ass having a whole lot of trouble picking up her towel and water bottle. I may be a fucking pig (I even admit it) but it was definily a guy bonding moment. We fist bumped. And then I went over and helped her get her stuff. Her name is Jennifer. I'm a gentleman AND a pig, but at least I admit it.

I'd like pictures from the wedding to be posted. It's always fun seeing how much of a drunken ass you made of yourself after the fact. I might be cutting down on the drunken assness though, considering what happened the last time I drunk myself forgetful. Oh and beer is all empty calories. I might just switch back to exclusively tequila. Of course tequila does facilitate the whole drunken ass part.

Hmm it seems I'm in the midst of a dilemma.

That's me. No children under the age of 18 were harmed in the making of this blog...this time. Muahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Dear women: I'm sorry. I'm not sure what exactly I'm apologizing for but I'm sure I did something. So take your shot so we can move on. Please. Jay said something last night that both amused and distressed me: 1 or 2 it's coincidence, 3 or 4 is a pattern, 5 or 6 and you should have realized it's probably YOUR fault. So I guess I'm apologizing because it my fault? Maybe? Screw it.

I hate hate hate being sick. I missed out on Dad's birthday stuff, Trish's birthday stuff, a shift I needed at work, and getting my phone junk figured out so I can call people. Urgh. Liver I haven't forgotten about the call I owe you! I'm working on it.

Not to say I didn't do anything while I was sick, mind you. Herbert and I watched an assload of movies (assload = a small selection watched multiple times...I think). I found a copy of Constantine I didn't know I had. I cheered like a schoolboy, and then watched it everyday I was sick. 4 times if anyone's counting. I don't know why I love the movie so much, especially since after multiple viewings the plot holes and inconsistencies become really obvious. I just have this thing about Angels and Demons. And not just the Dan Brown book. Oh and Passive, damn but I love Passive. If I found a bar that played Passive I'd never go anywhere else.

Met back up with Darth Frankenstein. That was quite the pleasant surprise. He lives nearby and he's been helping me with workout and training goals and ideas, and despite my recent track record I've been giving him girl advice. He also wanders with music. Too bad he's in Toronto during the year and doesn't like facebook or msn.

Was slightly surprised and flabbergasted at work when one of my (very awesome) co-workers told me she read this after I posted the link. The link was meant for a specific person, but I figured why not go balls out and see who's interested. Turns out that's more people than I expected. I admit I panicked for a second or two, but that turned into a more contemplative process real quick fast and in a hurry.

I'm still not posting any of my stories though. This blog is for me and by me, it keeps me sane. It's an unpolished transcription of my very pronounced internal dialogue. But my "real" writing is a lot different. Maybe if I actually make a sale and get published "for real" instead of in online e-zines for next to nothing. I just don't have enough faith in my stories to show them to people whose opinions I care about. I'm worried I won't have much time for anything other than this blog and schoolwork come September and I don't like the idea. I'd still love to work on my writing but school has to take priority.

Anywho, that's me. Not sick and being productive!

Hello peoples of the world. Err like the 3 people who read this. However I'm being hardcore pressured to share this... so umm yeah, if you read this I like you :)

Liver and Eric's wedding was fun, the weekend was super awesome. However it did make me realize how many people I used to be close with and spend time with that I just don't anymore. Fuck that shit. When things finally get settled down I'm going to be collecting numbers and harassing people all across the province. Don't think I won't! But remind me... cause I'm dumb and forget such things too much as it is.

Oh and thanks to Matt for coming up with our catchphrase, which we probably overused. Fuck it, I'm epic. Words to bloody live by I think, and close enough to my recent attitude towards life that I had no problems with blurting it out every chance I got. And boy can drunk Spammy do some blurting.

So happy for Liver and Eric, the wedding was great (even if a bit too windy to hear what was reportedly an awesome back and forth speech at the alter). I always remember Eric as smiling, as that's pretty much all he does, but the whole day I never saw it drop once, buddy's face was fucking shining. One of these days I hope I can look like that, cause it was something special. And Liver, well I've spent YEARS trying to find someone as good as her at late night shlushee wandering, and some have come close, but you can't beat the original.

Damn but I miss em both.

That's me, picking courses for the fall!

FUCK IT, I'M EPIC!

Well that QUITE went down in flames, and not in the good way, like the band. The band In Flames is wicked. My love life in flames, not so much. Surprisingly not so bothered. I mean yes, disappointed, but I hate being the subject of gossip around work. Also shy and reserved doesn't really do it for me that much anymore. You seemed pretty cool and kooky enough that I was interested, but by no means were you my perfect date. I was just looking for someone cool to spend time with.

Lots of ill advised drinking though, that's a plus. Ahh I miss the Spammy/Allison drunken wandering of Guelph. I also like being called Spammy. A lot. I like having a name only people close to me refer to me as. Spammy likes :)

Liv and Eric's Wedding! Mmmm bridesmaids...

Jay should call me because he has a phone at home. He should call me after 7pm on Sunday or Monday night. If he checks this blog he should also check his facebook. If he doesn't check this blog he should be raped by a bear. A big fucking bear. Like bear cavalry. He should be raped by a unit of bear cavalry.But only if he doesn't check this blog.

I need to have Rachel come over to my house so I can have internet again, cause this is a bitch!

That's me. Annoyed at Herbert for not knowing what a bus is.