Take life by the horns and fuck it so hard that it won't look you in the eyes at breakfast the next morning.

Yes I will help you carry bags of sod and mulch to your car, we have a wide open gate where you can back your vehicle up and make this a simple process. However, I will not carry it across the parking lot after listening to you and your douche bag wigger friend talk about how gay flower shopping is. We have families and children that wander the garden section looking at all the pretty stuff. I'll bet you guys are the coolest kids at high school. Sorry your mom made you go shopping for her. Go die in a fire. But get that mulch and sod home to your mom first, especially after I carried all that shit for you.

I love you. Fuck off.

Today was busy and hot and sweaty, and apart from 1 or 2 douche bag encounters it was pretty awesome. However it seems I underestimated the slightly overcastedness (it IS TOO a real word) of the day. I still used sunscreen but I got pretty cooked. I look like a lobster. Hmm well not really as lobster don't get as red as I am until they're steamed. But I'm not THAT red. I'm as red as a lobster that was steamed and left under a heat lamp for a few hours in a busy kitchen. Make sense? Thought so.

I don't understand how being proud of yourself somehow means you can insult and oppress others. Hate people because they're assholes, not because they're different from you.

Something Something Darkside is on television. If I wasn't so lazy right now I could just go downstairs and get the uncensored version I got at Christmas.













STOP READING


















That's me. I'm thinking of you naked. You reading this right now, I'm thinking of you naked. YOU.

Bet you wish you stopped reading eh?

If you're into me thinking of you naked, gimme a call.

Chicks only. Unless you have a hot girlfriend you're willing to share.

No touching or eye contact, two high fives will be permitted, one during the "pig roasting" portion and one after we both finish.