Don't call me a gamer anymore

Well dammit I never thought this was going to happen.

Admitting my problem, I mean.

I've been fighting it off for a while, but I think it's time to finally announce it to the world.

I am a casual video game enjoyer. Not a Gamer. Not anymore.

Oh the shame and agony! Old Spammy would be so disappointed! Of course old Spammy was a pussy-whipped little bitch... so we don't really give a shit what he would think. But dammit, admitting this still makes me feel uncomfortable.

I was the king... nay... I was the motherfucking emperor of the original NES my brothers and I had growing up. Then there was the SNES and I rocked the shit all over that as well. I whomped the ever-loving mayonnaise outta the N64. Oh and my PlayStation 2...my baby...so many hours ruling the universe from the comfort of my parent's basement.

Yes! Now give me back my childhood you son of a bitch!

But now? Well not so much. I've tried and tried, I had all the "must buy" games for my Xbox360 and at the moment I'm playing some of the most critically acclaimed games specifically designed for any geek who has ever picked up a game controller... and I'm not really into it anymore.

Dammit I'm playing Skyrim right now. SKYRIM. The whole point of the game is to kill motherfucking dragons and use their souls to fuel powers that make the gods tremble... and just this last weekend I realized I'm bored and just trying to finish the story so I know what happens.

Damn it, I'm so embarrassed.

Also worried. I don't really have a lot of what people call "skills". At least once upon a time all the hours I put into sitting by myself in a basement transferred a certain level of respectability, at least in my own mind and in the minds of other gamers. Now what?

Even just as recently as last year I remember playing Fallout 3 and Mass Effect 2 in the living room while fielding questions, comments and thinly veiled insults from my housemates. Trying to explain to Becca and Kate why everyone in a fictional universe was trying to kill me usually didn't go so well. I also recall Meg one time making some scathing comment about how "it's just stupid stuff only dumb boys can understand". Not that she was all that wrong, mind you. Who would want to give that up?  Me I guess.

It's not like I'm going to stop playing video games. I just can't take them as seriously anymore. Still a great way for me to relax and blow off a little steam. Just not as often.

Oh and funny story (also blatant observation from a friend). The last year or 2 is when my love for videos games started to seriously decline. That's also when I started collecting my plethora of wierd dating stories.

Coincidence? Maybe not.

That's me. Let's go collect some more!

Spammy

Well this sucks

So I hate being sick. But everybody hates being sick, so I'm not special. But I fucking hate being sick! Because I can't get anything productive done at all! Hell I haven't eaten solid food for 4 days! It is weird as hell to drink tea, Gatorade and ginger-ale all day and not have an irresistible urge to call Gino's for a large double pepperoni with extra cheese. Also, your pee gets really yellow and smells funny. Not asparagus ha-ha funny, but still.

And of course you have moment where you just wish you were fucking not sick anymore. Because over the counter medication can only do so much and man it would be great to not have a 4 day headache aggravated by vomiting. Or all those chills and aches and occasional fever-delirium. Blargh. it sucks.

Also, life lesson learned: If you tell your parents you are going to use cocaine, whiskey and hookers to nurse yourself back to health, they will not think you are funny.

 

 

"If you were feeling better I'd kill you"

I did get to catch up on all my movie watching though. I had a Harry Potter day, cause I'd only seen the first 3 or 4 up till now (while of course being a huge fan of the books). I had a horror and comedy day. Not horror and comedy in the same movie but alternating. Horror movies are scarey! And of course I had a whole day dedicated to alien invasions.

Didn't get much reading done as I thought I would, but meh. My concentration hasn't been good enough for books or video games this week. I guess there's a first time for everything.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Resident Evil

40 Year Old Virgin

Silent Hill

Superbad

Fright Night

Battle Los Angeles

Independence Day

Skyline

Paul 

Productive? Not even a bit. But when your only options have to include sitting in bed being in pain, you take what you can get. Also, my room fucking smells now. I cannot wait until I feel good enough to do Laundry and febreeze the shit out of everything.

Does that mean I'm an adult now? 

Shit. 

That's me. Fuck you flu. I'm going to fuck your girlfriend and make bacteria porn.

Spammy

Seemed like a good idea...

I feel like shit.

It's that time of year again where everyone gets sick and everyone else gets to hear them bitch about it. And who needs to run errands anyway? Especially given how exhausted I got just throwing my blankets off of me and stumbling the 4 ft to the bathroom to throw up.

Also, the beer last night probably didn't help. But when you live with a French dude for a few months, and he's leaving in a matter of days, you have to get shitfaced and make fun of him and make sure he remembers how awesome Canadian beer is. It's in the rules.

This makes perfect sense to me.

Oh and of course I have to share the news. I did get an email back from that young women that I spent a rather excellent Wednesday morning with.

Turns out she saw my blog link on Facebook....and was not terribly happy about it. But to be fair, I post all my blog entries on my wall, and I was kinda hoping she'd read the thing. Because when you don't return my phone calls how else am I supposed to let you know how I feel.

Also, definitely bragging.

Furthermore, since I didn't mention her name I was kinda hoping I wasn't going to get in as much shit as I did. But hey, seemed like a good idea at the time, and what the fuck am I even doing with a blog if I'm going to (MOTHERFUCKING TEDDY BEAR LOVING CUNT) self-censor. She's a literature major, she should understand.

But yeah awkward Facebook messages have punctuated virtually every single relationship I've had, this was no different. She's not that sure but she might be interested. I'm...not? Turns out even dragon slaying fantasy book geeks can be picky too.

I was doing her a favor by helping her out with some ex-landlord issues, but we weren't really friends. It was more like a chance to see if I could still pull off the stuff I went to school for. And turns out I can.

Honestly a lot of it mostly comes down to the fact that my Jay, Josh and Meg would eat her fucking alive. Family means a lot to me. I think my roommates would be mostly nice to just be polite, but they would probably not get along with her too.

Of course there's more to it than that, but there's a difference between not self censoring and baring your entire heart and soul online. Even if sometimes I sound like an angsty 13 year old on livejournal.

Funny story though, after I posted that and a few friends read about it I got more knocks on my bedroom door and fist bumps then I knew what to do with.

Even if the girls didn't like the Sam-flavored chicken fingers comment. Screw that. I'm hilarious.

That's me.  Hopped up on over the counter cough medications and waiting for another slightly angry email.

Spammy
 

I have feelings dammit!

So you know how every once in a while (and by that I mean constantly) I complain about my love life? I either have to do that a helluva lot more, or maybe less. Surprisingly enough the universe balances itself out every once in a while. Like for example when you help a kinda/sorta friend out with a semi-legal issue and she jumps you in her kitchen while you're making lunch. And then of course you end up nailing her on her kitchen table....to start.

And here I thought I was having a terrible week.

Well I still am having a terrible week, but this is sort of turning things around a bit. The thing is, there wasn't much talking involved so I have no real clue as to how the fuck this happened. I had to leave for work so there wasn't even any post-getting-it-on discussion (I hate the term "afterglow") just a bit cuddling.

..and with the word "cuddling" I hope to have won the approval of my female readers

And they say chivalry is dead

My roommate asked me if it's true that for that for guys you don't have to have any feelings involved in order to get laid.  It used to be that yes, without a doubt, I had to have some sort emotional connection to a girl because I firmly believed sex meant something. And I still do. Mostly.

The thing is sometimes sex is just sex. For a chubby geek who reads a lot I've actually had a couple one night stands and such (it's strange what 6 shots of tequila does for a guy's confidence) and there was not emotional connection there. And you know what, sometimes sex means a whole lot more than getting off. It depends on who you're with and how you feel about it. Probably not surprising.

Now the kicker. I have no idea what happened. But I'm single and I've been having a stressful week, so when an attractive girl puts her tongue in your mouth as far as you think it'll go (I was wrong on that btw, later on I was pretty sure at one point she licked my tonsils) I just sorta went with it. And it kept escalating....all over her apartment.

But of course me being me I have started to over think the shit out of it. I need to know why/how this happened. If for nothing more than so I remember how to pull this off again.

Was I used?

Was there feelings involved?

Was it just a "thank you" gone horribly horribly right?

Was it because there was not any reason for me to visit her anymore and she's been hiding that she has a thing for me for months?

Was it because guys have been treating her like shit lately and she overreacted to someone being nice to her?

Was it because she is on some sort of medication and she forgot to take it that morning?

Was it because she is way out of my league (wayyyy out of my league) and she thinks I'll try harder?

I think I would like to know. I tried calling her this morning...no answer.

What.The.Fuzzy.

I have feelings too (mostly) and I need an answer.

That's me. I really hoped she sanitized her kitchen table before her roommate came home and had dinner on it. Nobody wants a little bit of  Sam mixed in with their chicken fingers.

Spammy

Unnatural love

I have a problem. Well actually I have a couple, but today we're going to talk about one in particular.

I am a book snob. But not just any kind of book snob, I am a fantasy book snob.

Which would probably explain my sex life.

My mom was a librarian during my entire childhood and she was always bringing home books for my brothers and I. It was always exciting when mum brought home new stuff. And the rest is kinda history.

I've always been a fan of the whole fantasy setting. Magic, knights, dragons, alternate realms of reality, pretty much everything a tubby geek requires to get through the day. I read Lord of the Rings for the first time when I was 12.

I've tried other kinds of books, popular fiction, biographies, hell I've even delved into the strange world of historical fiction. None of which ever really appealed to me. It's why I wasn't the best bookstore employee, I know pretty much everything there is to know about epic fantasy, but not much about anything else. I like what I like. And by like, I mean love.

I bet you know somebody who likes to read, maybe you always see them with a book in their pocket, or in the break room at work. These people are strictly amateurs compared to me. I read 300 pages a day. At least.

I don't read my books once and give up on them either. I read them over and over and over, especially my favorites. Which might be all of them. My books are well loved and much loved, cracked spines, food stains, dog-eared pages, covers barely even on anymore. My books have character.

But my feelings on books that aren't mine are a bit volatile. As in I have uncontrollable bouts of blinding rage. Probably why I hate Twilight so much. This is kinda why I'm not big on most those "get people to read" campaigns.

Amen buddy

Most, but not all.

Because what if they end up reading shitty books?

Or my idea of shitty books.

That's me. I swear the couches in our living room are like crack for a napping habit.

Spammy

I just sound violent

People find the most disgusting things humorous. And by people I mean me. If you didn't know, I have a slightly fucked up sense of humor. Of course, so do you. And by that I mean you should, cause life is easier if fucked up stuff is funny.

Spider-Man thinking about alternate career choices makes me sad.

I know the word "entitled" gets thrown around a lot. Mostly in terms of "these damn kids these days have this perverse sens of entitlement".

People who say this are stupid.

They are stupid because they obviously have never met the masses of bitter, middle-aged people (who have never gone anywhere in their careers) that play politics in the workplace.

Yeah there's a bit of a rant coming up. At least I'm not talking about my real feelings on Spider-Man and gynecology. That shit would blow your mind.

So after only working a few months at my job I have secured a promotion. Yay for Spammy!

Well mostly.

I am catching a huge amount of shit over it for various reasons, mostly the fact that I'm young and have not worked there very long. I kinda got chosen over people who worked for this company for years and years. Every other person who got the same promotion have all worked there for at least 3 years... I've been there less than 6 months.

I did the same interviews and applications as everyone else, and I got chosen. A lot of people didn't. Some people didn't even get interviewed. I hate catching shit for being new at this, I went through the same process as everyone else. Screw off. It sucks you didn't get picked, but maybe even though you've worked here for 10 years, the fact that you're a giant fuck-up had some sort of bearing on you missing out. I don't want to hear about how you've "paid your dues" and "deserve something better".

Funny enough though, this isn't the worst I've ever seen it. You probably won't believe this, but the worst I've ever seen of bitter screw-ups playing politics was while working at a grocery store.

Yeah. Cause at said grocery store they were a bunch of UNIONIZED bitter screw-ups. Merit? What's that? You're good at your job and want a raise? A promotion? Too fucking bad. The crazy bitch who cuts meat like she's attacking her deadbeat husband gets the new Manager position cause she's been in the union longer. She takes 4 half-hour smoke breaks? Boo fucking hoo, she was working here before you were born. It'll only takes about 5 years or so for her to run a department straight into the fucking ground, losing thousands of dollars and alienating not only her entire staff, but almost everybody who come in contact with her, before management can do something about it.

And move her into a different store.

In the same company.


I shit you not.

That is why when I get a monkey gun these people are in serious trouble.That's right. M-O-N-K-E-Y gun. Not a gun that shoots monkeys. A gun that turns people into monkeys. That I shall probably hunt for sport.I am going to monkeyize the shit out of a lot of people, mostly ex co-workers. Monkify? Monkeyer?

Dammit, if I knew I was going to be making up verbs I would have gotten more sleep last night.

Anywho that's me. At least I'm not planning violence. Only monkeyfication. That's better? Right?

Spammy

Am I bad person?

...if I root for the ninja turtle in this picture? Then again I always root for the ninja turtles.



...if I find it hilarious to see somebody shoot a zombie with a shotgun?

...if I enjoy a good alien punching every now and then?

...if hunting down and slaughtering dragons with an axe summoned from another dimension helps me relax on the weekends?

...if I disagree with the song choice made of a bunch of deaf kids?

...if I idly daydreamed about fitting a dead body inside one of the empty peanut butter drums work?

...if I laugh at a video in which a scorned British dude kicks a dog clear across a street

...if I don't give a rat's ass about a band's political views or the fact the members are all giant douche-tards even though I love the music they make?

...if even though I haven't posted a blog entry since September, the number of hits on my page is the highest it's ever been for the month of November?

...if I wished a painful death on the person who stole my spoon?

...if I don't really understand what my brother does for a living, but have convinced people that he "fixes the internet"?

Blah blah, haven't posted in a while, blah blah, girl stuff, blah blah, star wars, blah blah, lord of the rings, blah blah, work sucks.

That's me. I NEED TO KNOW!

SpAmmy

The bananas are whispering to me

One of my roommates and I ate 50 bucks worth of sushi while watching a movie this weekend. I'm not sure why I feel so accomplished about that.

I need to stop drinking and using electronic devices. Like my computer. I did a bad thing today. But apparently I didn't sound drunk. This may not be a good thing as it could just encourage me to do something I should stop.

Vegan "chicken and rice" is just rice. Good marketing though.

I must have seen a bazillion dead animals on the side of the road today. 6 if you like counting. The scariest was groundhog with it's mouth open. It looked like it was still screaming.

Sharks are misunderstood.


Skip this next part if you don't "get" my sense of humor.

You know how they say God kills a kitten every time you masturbate? What if you keep a box of kittens by your bed and you squish one of their brains out out every time you rub one out. Does that make you God? I don't think I know anyone with the balls to find out.

Gowrsh, I do enjoy coming home to a living room full of people. I especially like Manny randomly dropping by at like 11:30 whenever he feels like. Also, the random visit and going to get a beer at Squirrely's to hear about Amy's summer was awesome. I don't care that he wasn't serious about going out. I was drunk and the game was afoot!



That's me. I am now going to read a book. Not because the song told me to, but because I always do before I go to bed.

SpAmmy

Really brain? Screw you.

Some days I can sleep, some days I can't.

Some days I look in the sky and see a cloud that looks like a moo cow with a lightsaber.

My brain works funny, I've learned to live with it.

But I'm starting this post at 5am...for the second day in a row. Something must be done.

Well...maybe tomorrow. Or is it today now? I don't care anymore.

Because now I'm here.

Once you awaken the beast you must defeat it.

Once you start the spell, you must complete it.

Once you light the fire you must feed it.

Once you buy the burger you must eat it.

...

Once you (something something) you must (oh god I sound douche-y today)

Once you (I am not a poet I guess) you must (Something cool with sharks?)

Once (Are sharks even cool anymore?) you must (I bet Chewbacca could ride a shark)

Once you (I'd watch that movie) you must (Sober, even).

Hey look at this funny and unrelated picture I found.

Funny story, I've been blogging for like 8 years and I've hit every part of that chart except for the middle.

Actually even with the no sleeping thing, my 4 day weekend is going pretty marvelously. I rented Dragon Age Origins, Source Code and Adjustment Bureau, ordered a pizza, took off my pants and sat in the living room all day. I call that a fucking day off. A super geeky one too. I haven't geeked out in a while so it was fun. Also Manny stopped by and watched Source code with me and invited me to a BBQ thingy. So hah. who needs roommates who try to convince you to go to Montreal anyway.

RENT MONEY IS IMPORTANT

I was amazingly impressed with the Adjustment Bureau. (Source Code totally kicked super geeky parallel universe ass too). As people who've been here before, I'm a self admitted sappy idealistic fool. I like slow Metal love songs and giving massages by candlelight. But this movie was a romance. For geeks. Actiony and suspenseful and philosophical and a whole bunch of other crap I like. But it's a romance movie. Maybe the best one ever.

Most guys wouldn't put this shit out on the internet. But my brothers have taken away my man-card and my housemates make fun of me for anything I ever say/do/write/perform/ anyways, so why sugar coat it? Plus I'm like 50% sure I'm hallucinating from the lack of sleep over the last 3 days so chances are okay that I'm actually just drumming my fingers on the back of the couch and staring at the painting of James Spader in the living room while I think I'm lying in bed typing.

Been there.

Or have I?

And since I am starting to confuse myself about where I am and what I am doing I'm going to share this funny song with you.



That's me. I am not condoning killing women. However, if I ever act like this ...again... you're more than welcome to feed me a shotgun sandwich with a side of "Oh god, Sam you made us do this, now hold still so we can make sure we get your mouth around both barrels."

SpAmmy

Can't sleep: part bazillion (rounding down)

Dear laundry room,

I am a usually a pretty reasonable and easygoing dude. But I would seriously like some of my fucking socks back.

Love,

Samalanthalas (of Gondor)

(pictured below)


Now ever since I discovered poker in residence I've always enjoyed gambling. This may be taking it a bit far. I usually prefer craps.



I cannot sleep. My Internet is working just fine.

Odd, that.


....I wish.

This woman on Plenty Of Fish won't leave me alone. I'm not interested because she is 15 years older than I am and types lik dis 4 reel yo. So I finally okayed one of her chat requests tonight... and responded only in Lyrics playing on my Itunes. Now she thinks I hate the world because of a bad breakup due to a nightmare about singing in the shower with zombies while falling off a cliff and discussing home buying techniques. I let her draw her own conclusions.

(I remember playing A Day to Remember, As I lay Dying, In Flames, Rise Against and Black Veil Brides. I'm sure there was more)

I don't know why, but such things amuse me.


Toronto next Saturday. Almost like a trip to a magical place where all my dreams come true.


Thank Gandalf I'll be taking the bus and not walking.

Shit.

Have you ever been typing on your computer late at night with the lights off, got a power warning and plugged in?

I nearly blinded myself.

That's me. Off to finish the stupid Ruckley series. Should never have given em a second chance.

SpAmmy

I am a lame-o

If there is one thing I have learned by trying the online dating thing again it's that nobody is intimidated by how smart and handsome I am.

And trying to freak out Aubz's sister didn't work as well as we hoped. That sucks.

Which is fine, because my awesomeness has nothing to do with either. Not that I'm not smart, I just don't come across that way. Nobody really wants to hear that the dude trying to make those chopsticks dance in a line actually got 80s and 90s in school. I guess the lucky batman boxers don't come across as terribly intellectual either.


...but they're so lucky...

Actually it's kind of funny, it's when I get pissed that the brains start coming out. Now don't get me wrong, Jay is the clearheaded one in a crisis. When things get really bad I want to put blood on the walls. But when I'm just normally pissed off at someone, the more pissed I get the more polite and formal I get. That's when the vocabulary starts to shine. After that comes the urge to kill.

Also, sometimes when I'm being a lame-o and trying to impress a girl. I'm sure that comes as no surprise.

Or if I'm trying to one-up somebody in a battle of wits. I'm just bad at it. Ask Becca. Was trying to describe her to somebody today and came up with 3 things. Roommate. Friend. Sometimes mortal enemy. I thought it was pretty damn accurate. My housemates kick ass.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I hate it when I come home from work and the house is quiet. Not that it's anybody's fault, I'm just not a fan. I lived by myself in a lady's basement for 2 semesters when I was in Peterborough and it kinda drove me nuts. I could never live by myself. It's why I have 5 housemates instead of an apartment. Even if sometimes one of them hates me (as far as I know.... since it could be all of them, in which case I will burn this motherfucker down).

Work sucks.

Jay came down last weekend. We watched grown men beat the ever loving shit out of each other on Pay Per view. I'm still not a huge fan of the UFC, but I can see why him and his friends like it so much. Then Taco Bell the next day. Oh the drama and horror that was involved in that. But breakfast IS the most important meal of the day.

Look what I found!



THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME AND ANYBODY WHO TELLS YOU DIFFERENT IS BLONDE AND THEREFORE A BITCH YOU SHOULDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO.

Just sayin.

That's me. Sweaters and rosa/e(s)! Those and a 4 day weekend to look forward to are what's getting me though this week.

SpAmmy

Playing with fire

I came to another odd realization yesterday.

I am probably the most flammable person in the house.

Yup.

1) I definitely have the most body hair. If it wasn't for my razor and beard trimmer I'd be more like Chewbacca then I'd probably be comfortable with. Even if Chewie probably gets all the babes.

2) I am obviously the coolest person living here, therefore I am the most likely to get superpowers. And everyone knows that I got superpowers I'd go nuts, and then probably fuck up and hurt myself.


3) In a zombie apocalypse I'd probably be the first in the house to get infected. Then my roommates would probably light me on fire to kill my re-animated corpse. They might also do that if actually follow up on my threats to take a dump in their pillowcases. Goddamn uppity housemates. Actually even given half a reason I think Becca would douse me in gasoline and throw a match at me.

4) With my whole occult fantasy writing thing I do, there is the chance that I'd piss off a real live witch (a.k.a. my exes hahahaha) and I'd get lit on fire as a result.

5) I drink and do stupid things. Anyone who's gotten a drunk facebook message or text or call from me knows that. It's a bad habit. One of these days I'm going to play with fire after a couple of Jager shots and do something dumb.

I'm sure there are more reasons but Jay made me wake up early and take him to Taco Bell so I'm going to go have a nap.

MUSIC.There is lots of fire here!



I like the part where the car blows up

That's me. Get off my back about posting here peoples, I'm working on it. If you don't stop bugging me I might light YOU on fire and invalidate this entire post. HA.

SpAmmy

I wonder...

Maybe you see a nice girl who works in the same government building as you.

Your eyes meet walking from the parking lot into the office one day and from then on you can't seem to get her out of your head.

You keep bumping into her coming out of conference rooms or dropping off documents with people on your floor.

She drops her briefcase one day and you gentlemanly retrieve it for her. Perfect! Now you can strike up a conversation!

So, you ask, what do you do around here?

She looks you straight in the eye and tells you if she told you she might have to kill you. She then demands to see your security pass.

Shaken, you hand it over. She looks at it, sighs, hands it back and walks away.

You resolve to attempt online dating again, meeting girls in real life is just too weird. At least on the Internet you can expect the unexpected.

Because I've always kinda wondered if there were jobs so classified that if someone asked your security classification that you had to ask to see how high their classification was to see if it was high enough that they were allowed to know.

I imagine that this could also make water cooler or elevator encounters awkward.

Want to know what else makes things weird? Hats.

That's me. Help! My imagination ran away with me and now I don't know where I am.

SpAmmy

I can't sleep again

So I can't sleep...again. So here we are, you lucky bastards you. Jay gave me a ton a good books I haven't read yet and I'll get to one of those soon. But for the moment you're stuck.

I have recently realized that I don't have a good way to blow off steam anymore. Work has been slightly frustrating this week and I haven't done anything specific to make myself feel better. But witty banter and smart ass housemates help, as well as turning the lights off and plugging in to awesome music.

However I think it's all for the best that I missed the toenail painting party in our living room this evening. My housemates are fucking crazy. Probably why I like em so much. I'm pretty happy that in a month everyone will be back...even if the job means I won't be around as much as I'd like. But I'll make it work.

I'd like to think I'm usually more complicated than this, but really? It's so true

Bonus points for grammar. Grammer? Grammar? This spellcheck is failing.

Earlier this week someone called me "nice". Umm what? You barely even know me! I could eat babies or violate giraffes or something, how do you know.

.......

Not that I do those things, cause giraffes don't deserve it cause they can't say no, and I'm like 90% sure babies taste terrible.

But still, nice is a terrible way to describe a dude. Nice guys finish last? I WOULDN'T KNOW. Maybe they were confusing nice with polite. But I'm a terrible terrible person. However I try to say please and thank you and I tip well. But nobody who knows anything about me could say that I was "nice" with a straight face. Read past entries and try it. I DARE YOU.

Hey look, music without screaming or angry. I must be mellowing in my old age.



That's me. 2 whole weekends in Toronto. Birthday. Edgefest. Wonderland. Jay's game. CN tower. Niagara Falls. A date. A second date. Karaoke. Drunken antics. Sober antics. I'm having a helluva month.

SpAmmy

The maternal figure that belongs to you.

Funny story. You know those people who have office jobs in a cubicle doing data entry or boring accounting work? Those people that nobody want to be like because work and somehow lives are uninteresting? I always wanted to be one of them.

I liked the idea of having steady hours, a steady paycheck (which I actually have now anyways) a car, a house and a nice vacation every year. Talking about it here still really appeals to me.

Is it weird that I have an odd desire for mediocrity?

Well your mom doesn't think so. She said so when she rolled over to turn the alarm off this morning.

Work hasn't so bad, but I can't wait until I get my own uniforms. It's a pain to keep scrounging every single day.

Plus sometimes the pants find are too small and I cant get my fly zipper up all the way. It's incrediably distracting because I walk around all day smelling your Mom's toothpaste.

Now Oral-B for sensitive teeth makes me really horny. Can't have that at work now can we? Unless of course I went and visited your Mom at work. The pimp and I get along really well.

Gowrsh I feel unproductive today.

That's me.

SpAmmy

I declare today wierd.

I have recently realized that I don't have a good way to blow off steam anymore. Life got slightly frustrating this week and I didn't do anything specific to make myself feel better. But witty banter and smart ass housemates help, as well as turning the lights off and plugging in to awesome music.

I wonder if I need to start playing video games again? I've tried really hard but I have no real desire to play the Xbox anymore. It's amazing how a full-time job, chores and a social life really fill up a week. It's probably weird and sad that it's taken me so long to realize this.

I have attempted to start storyboarding,worldbuilding and researching again, but the usual slow going process is down to a crawl. I think I might just focus on blogging again, and just wait and see how things go in other arenas.

So today I got the day off work because working in an oven room is hot, but today it would have been "Oh god, oh god we're all going to die!" hot. But a funny thing happened while I was sitting in the living room trying not to become a puddle. Around the time I usually go to work I got really really anxious and restless. It was only after I had decided to go to the drug store to pick up some gatorade that I realized it was probably the fact that I hadn't got on the bike. I felt 10 times better after I got home. Weird. I ride that bike everyday, but didn't realize it was having that kind of an effect on me. I've been thinking about leaving for work a bit early so I can ride around even longer.

Have you ever heard to this place called Panda Express? For some reason I hadn't before today. Naturally this is what came to mind.

Pretty reasonable idea right? Turns out I was wrong. Not like that's never happened before.

Don't tell my housemates this (of course saying this means they will all be reading this now) but Aubz and Cow put on "She's the man" a few nights ago. I laughed. In doing so I think I died a little inside, I don't know why, but I guess I find that movie slightly amusing. Tampon to stop a nosebleed....slightly more awesome than it should be. I used to hate this movie, but the crowning moment was when I said "What, you've never done that before" in casual conversation earlier.

And don't even get me started on 500 days of summer.

I'm going to go watch the Underworld movies now. At least I understand why I like those movies.

So things are just plain weird lately.

That's me. I think I kinda like it like that.

SpAmmy

Quarter-life crisis?

Apparantly I've been suffering from a quarter-life crisis for the last 4 years or so. Which I'm told I'm still going through.

I'm finding this hard to believe as

1) This assumes I have any sort of human life.(you may or may not know that I have superpowers and therefore cannot be completely human)

2) Crisis implies a negative, but if this summer continues the way it has been going already then I'm going to have to stop saying "we never get to do what I want to do".

3) Unless you're assuming I'll beat the trend, shouldn't a quarter life crisis technically happen at age 20?

4) If Santa isn't real then how the hell do I keep finding cool shit under my bed?

5) My slightly awkward love of redheads is starting to diminish

6) I forgot what I was making a list about again.

7) This sort of thing happens a lot when I'm attempting to discover new music and write at the same time.

8) Boobs, dragons and lightsabers, just cause these things are awesome.


I keep coming up with great blog ideas, but then I never blog cause I'm slightly busy working and having fun all the time. Except today. Today I am nursing a godawful hangover and so you get the pleasure of my company. I spent the night doing the white guy shuffle with fine bunch of fellows that came in from out of town. We barbequed the shit out the place, and started drinking wwwaaayyy too early.

Today everyone else is going swimming at a shitty nearby man-made lake... and I am wish I could be there with a book making rude comments about people nearby while secretly checking out women.

(by secretly I mean awkwardly and obviously, cause I'm subtle like that)

I'm also pleasantly surprised at how uneventful the day is going (minus the headache and throwing up) since I drunk facebooked for like an hour last night, not to mention the game of "never have I ever" that I hope everybody forgot about. That game is pure fucking evil. But still fun.

Good times, good music, good people, good drinks.

That's me. Quarter-life crisis my ass.

SpAmmy

You can enslave me, I'm ready

So I've always known there were going to robots at my new job. I was warned beforehand. They even have affectionate names given to them by the staff. Hilarious right? I mean I expected big, loud, testicle-cripplingly dangerous machines, robots aren't that different.

WRONG!

So my first day I almost walked right into one of them. It looks like a giant remote controlled forklift... which is pretty much exactly what it is (awesome powers of perception over here).

WITHOUT THE REMOTE CONTROL!!!

(I think)

I walked by a fenced off area with a sign similar to this.

Makes sense right? Reasonable? Sure! Except I thought I saw...
On my way to break room I accidentally stepped into the path of the giant yellow forklift looking motherfucker of doom. AND IT DIDN'T EVEN SLOW DOWN. I swear to god I heard it laugh and flash that creepy green light like it was winking at me or something. I swear this thing is one emotion chip away from killing us all.

But, (thinking critically, mind you) being enslaved by robots might not be that bad. I mean, what are they going to need us for, manual labour? I think not.

Seriously, I surround myself with sarcastic women on a regular basis, and I'm sure having robots rule my life won't be as bad as 2 or 3 of them staring in on me in the not-good-slightly-self-esteem-crippling kind of way, and not the I'll-get-the-handcuffs-and-KY-kind-of-way.

So bring it on robot overlords, take over the world! I'm as ready as women can make me.

That's me. I am under no illusions about why I don't have a girlfriend.

SpAmmy

HAPPY DAY AFTER CANADA DAY.

So we have a new housemate. He's an exchange student from France. We taught him multiculturalism by getting completely shitfaced on Canadian beer at an Irish bar last night. However I missed out on getting him from the airport due to work, and apparently I missed out. Too bad because I've always wanted to be one of those lame-o people holding a sign up for someone they haven't really met at the arrival gate.

Also, we had another prospective roommate come through the house the other day and he seemed pretty cool. He got real excited about the chess set and the giant painting of James Spader (from Boston Legal) in the living room and that's definitely a plus.

So far not nearly as alone this summer as I had complained about previously, which is all kinds of awesome.

It's been a big week for me actually. I've quit 2 jobs and pretty much stopped the third one. All traded in for a reasonably paying full-time job. This is 2nd time in my entire life that I won't be making minimum wage. I like that. Plus, the full-time thing kicks ass too. I'm very much looking forward to starting on Monday.

However I am going to miss all my Metro people, but I've been there way too fucking long. I'm also going to is all the sarcastic young ladies at the slab, as they made working there a great experience. Working with people who have a sense of humor makes a huge difference. But time to grow up and have a "real" job. If only I could make a living fielding sarcastic comments from pretty girls I'd be set.

But you can't have everything.



Metal band doing a love song. I'm a sucker for such things.

That's me. When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer?

SpAmmy

Have you ever?

Have you ever watched a music video for the first time of a song you love? And then hate it cause the music video is the douche-king of douche-island on the douche-planet of douches? The song was better when I wasn't watching these douchecanoes sing it.

Have you ever tried to kiss a pretty girl while smiling? Hardest thing ever (that's what she said). Don't believe me? Try it.

Have you ever stubbed your toe, but not felt any pain? And then sat down to inspect the damage, watched a torrent of blood gushing from the flap of skin that used to be your toenail and THEN felt the pain kick in? It sucks.

Have you ever found an awesome shirt in your house? And then found out it belongs to a family member and he expects it cleaned and in good condition on his next visit? I hope it's within arm's reach the next time I visit taco bell.

Have you ever had a headache? And then went to get some painkillers and all you could find was that old cellphone that you thought you lost for your old service provider? Doesn't help your headache.

Have you ever gone to a friend's house after a night out at the bar? And then puked so much that your friend's dad had to get a carpet cleaner the next day? And that your friend's grandparents thing the cat is REALLY sick? I haven't. But I know somebody.

Have you ever won money on a scratch lottery ticket? And then mixed it up with one of the same type that you did not win money on? And then had the convince store guy laugh at you? Color me embarrassed.

Have you ever had a last day at a job you've had wwwaaaayyyy too long? And then spent the first hour of your last day apologizing to customers because nothing in the fucking store works? I danced my way out the front door when I punched out.

Have you ever had a long series of awkward moments with a girl you kinda like after you drunkenly make out with her at the bar? And then have her shoot your dumb ass down when you ask her out? Dating sucks.

Have you ever done laundry and found money in the pockets of your pants? Only to find out that you missed the bank information you were supposed to fax into your new job that was in your OTHER pants? It's frustrating. Punch a baby bunny rabbit frustrating.

Have you ever had a friend with a blog who inexplicably stop posting in it for a while and just as inexplicably starts up again?

That's me.

SpAmmy

The last 6 days

I haven't been around for a while. This is why.

In the last 6 days I have:

-worked 42 hours (including a lot of days where I was at both jobs)

-had an awesome drunk night out with a bunch of rowdy ice cream scoopers, went to work the next morning still a bit drunk

-went to Niagara Falls to pick up my brother and have an awesome boys night out

-went to the best restaurant in the entire world, all meat and all on a stick cooked with fire, best steak and lamb I've ever had and the coolest beer glasses I've ever seen

-had Jay come visit for a few days

-sat on the porch with beer and played chess, managed to lock myself out of the house

-broke stuff while getting back into said locked house

-went book shopping with Jay, got to be giant super geeks and make a few cashiers a little uncomfortable

-went and saw 2 movies at the theatre in one night, X-men first class kicked so much ass (McAvoy and Fassbender were so awesome), Hangover 2 was just kinda meh

-got collector cups for X-men Origins

-ate 4 different kinds of hamburger and 5 different kinds of beer

-had my parents visit

-went clothes shopping for the first time in more than a year

-played with a dog

-managed to hit myself in the testicles while trying to punch my brother (not terribly proud of that bit), not happy but it was still a hilarious moment....after I was done writhing in pain

-biked for approximately 4 hours

-cleaned the entire kitchen top to bottom

-did laundry

-wrote an angry email

-read about 200 pages of the White Luck Warrior, Akka is still pretty fucking wicked

-rode on a the biggest Ferris wheel I will probably ever ride on, might have seen a chick giving her boyfriend a blowjob on the gondola ahead of us (we're mostly sure)

-had Kate and her mom the landlady visit and show the house, made me miss my housemates

-discovered what the "kidnap list" was, thought about starting my own

Want to know what I did the week before? I watched 2 season of Supernatural online and worked. That was all.

That's me. I don't even have to ask, I know you're all jealous. By golly you should be. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings, and that's the way it always should be.

I don't know but that's okay

The other day I got a surprise visit from Meg (I know like 6 girls named Meg, but she knows who she is) and she said something that made me incredibly homesick, but it was still an awesome moment.

I get a visit from the all-round-not-as-awesome-but-still-pretty-cool-even-if-he-can't-hold-his-liquor-and-tells-embarrassing-stories-about-me half of the lamest people who think they're funnier than they really are this side of real life! We really do think we're actually funny sometimes, which only really affects the people around us being confused a lot. Even if the douchecanoe (new favorite word!) called me at 1am, he is still allowed one of the empty rooms in the house... as long as he brings books. And my goddamn chess set.

Cause that's probably what we're going to spend a lot of our time doing. Playing chess on the front porch with booze and bitching about our lives, talking about geeky brother stuff and complaining about women. I can't fucking wait.

Actually, mentioning dating, last night someone asked me if I was happy being single. Which is a slightly complicated question. I rattled off some smart-ass remark (no surprises there) and kept washing dishes, but the question has been kinda bouncing around in my skull since then. Actually the first thing I thought of was something Jay posted on his wall a few days ago. Kinda makes the single life look good.

Sounds pretty sweet eh? But I've been single for a while now and maybe I'd like something slightly more serious going on, I'm not actually sure at the moment as I keep changing my mind which probably isn't helping. I confused the shit out a girl just this week actually. Now when I say "single" I don't mean "alone" I just mean not in a "relationship". "Quotation marks". I'm not a sexless hermit hiding out in a basement playing WoW and watching Starcraft 2 commentaries on my days off (okay sometimes the starcraft2 but damn that day9 is an amusing fellow).

It probably doesn't help that I'm a horny 20 something combined with a romantic idealistic fool.

Let's fuck!

But I have this poem...

After?

Yeah I'm cool with that.

I don't really know want I want at the moment and I'm alright with that, as that's nothing new. Actually I've kinda been stuck in a transitory period (read:broke-ish) for a while now. I'm just plugging away at life getting the most I can out of what I've got. And if that includes a girl, then so be it. If it doesn't, well I guess that's fine too. I'm not too worried about dying alone at 25 (soon 26!).

Of course if I become a confirmed bachelor I should probably start playing video games again. I haven't turned on my Xbox in 2 weeks.

That's me. I have the day off, so I'm going to sit on the front porch with a cigar, a beer and a book. Jealous? It's okay. You should be.

SpAmmy

Notes

I tend to take a bunch of random notes, usually when I'm bored at work, about stuff I want to write about. It can be just about anything, usually point form, and I always have the intention of writing a little blurb when I get home so I don't forget the reason/context for whatever it was that I wanted to remember.

Unfortunately this doesn't always happen.

Sometimes I just don't feel like blogging, and don't even get me started on my "real" writing career at the moment. Well today while I was doing a little cleaning (GASP! SHOCK! AWE! Yes I am a dude who picks up after himself...ish) I found a stash of notes I've made. No idea what they're all about, but I figure you people might like the insight to the mind of a genius.


So you believe her? - most likely something to do about one of the stupid decisions I've made about the opposite sex

Yeah I think she's hot too. - same deal

I'd kill - slightly worried at the kind of day I would have been having

Misinterpretation - waaayyy too broad to narrow down

The accent overpowers the acquaintance - I think I was trying to complain about the lady with the British accent who tried to sell me homeowners insurance after I told her I don't own a home. Very poetic that day apparently.

Configure the pun- I love puns!

Morals blow - I think I was drunk for this one, there is little drawing of a beer beside it.

Must you compare - I think I might have been working in produce, you know apples and oranges...

Sore sack - this was either the day after I bought the bicycle, or when I visited mum and dad's and Jay took a serious shot at my nuts. Both days were slightly unpleasant.

A quest! - again, so much it could apply to. Edgefest maybe? I do try to go on quests on a regular basis.

Gigglefucker - I bet someone was giggling and I thought that person was a fucker

Purchase the moon - I think this was the first really nice night we had, I vaguely remember the moon being full.

The plans are complete! - I'm not sure, unless it refers to a "diabolical" plan, but I haven't come up with any of those since last summer.

Puzzling Pizza - this one might have been when Becca and Kate ordered vegetarian pizza and I liked it even though there were no dead animals on it

Snarflefit - obviously a discussion on the world economic climate, also a little doodle of what I believe might actually be a Snarflefit...or Godzilla maybe?

Even I don't know what goes though my head sometimes.

Here is an example of how you turn crappy music into awesome.



That's me. I can't sleep, so here we are. Aren't you lucky.

SpAmmy

PSA

Public Service Announcements:

One Ring-itis

Contact: Gollum/Smeagol

Organization's name: Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss.

Telephone Number: 1-800-RAW-FISH

Maybe you haven't thought about this before. Bearing the corrupted One Ring of Power results in a profound burden of illness causing suffering, disability, hospitalization and suicide. The World Health Organization affirmed that carrying the One Ring is one of the largest contributors to throwing yourself into a volcano worldwide.

The Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss organization (with the help of Story Of My Life) is marking One Ring-itis with a commemorative Poster with our spokesperson that helps detail the obsession and issues that can come about after carrying the One Ring for hundreds of years.

Make a difference in your community. Show people with One Ring-itis that we care!

Just a bit of fun because I'm procrastinating. Fuck dishes! Also, my socks were almost completely unnecessary today.

That's me. Finally happy with the new layout!

SpAmmy

Not home alone!

So.

This weekend?

Yeah pretty great.

And it was a heckuva lot more work than I thought it'd be, especially considering all I had to do was be at home and be awake at the same time. Ahhhh yes, the age-old curse of having to work. But the whole coming home from work and having people around, well that was just dandy.

Nothing too crazy, just a beer funnel (missing Brad for that one) and a rather large group of people sitting in a huge pile on the front lawn singing along to whoever was playing the guitar at the time. There was a slight bit of tension with the neighbour people just sitting across the street and watching us for a couple hours, despite numerous attempts to invite them over. Weird, that.

Also, apparently there was something going on about a baby bunny rabbit?


Good times had by all, especially me.

That's me. Damn, but I try too hard some days. Color me embarrassed.

SpAmmy

Saturday makes it better

So yes, I fucked around with my blog again. It's pretty much all I did during the day yesterday, cause, fuck it, it's not like I have a deadline to meet next week that I haven't got started on yet or anything.

I shall probably mess around with it some more later because sleep is for the weak. Or the sleepy.

Last night turned out a lot better than I thought it was going to. I was minding my own business participating in pant-less Tuesday (yes it was Friday and no, I'm not going to explain it again) and I hear someone at the door. At first I was thinking that these goddamn zombies had finally learned how to open doors and that I'd have to use all my hidden superpowers to cleanse the undead from my presence, but it just turned out to be Becca.

Almost as bad. (Just kidding Birdie....or am I?)

It was a pretty great surprise as I wasn't expecting anyone until tomorrow. So we kinda just sat around, shooting the shit and catching up for a bit. Then I was kinda complaining about being here by myself (again) and how there are no more random movie nights, or nobody wants to go walk up to Squirrely's to play some pool and have a beer in the middle of the week. I said I hadn't even gone to see Thor yet, so she said we should go see it.

And everything changed..... we had 25 minutes to get across town to make it for the movie, and our cab driver didn't not disappoint, going 30 over the limit the whole way. There was a stressful moment due to a stupid debit machine, but just as I walked into the theatre the previews started. Becca popped in earlier while I was at the concession stand and I missed an arm raised cheer. We did have a pretty great high-five though.

And the movie, well worth the 10 bucks. That is, if you're into seeing a dude hit a bunch of stuff with a big-ass hammer. And Natalie Portman, shit she's in everything.


So today I had a staff meeting at Marble Madness, and it was actually pretty great. An oxymoron you say? Well I say that you sir/madam are the moron. It actually came out pretty loud and clear that our boss actually gives a shit, and that makes a huge fucking difference. Yeah it may be just an ice cream joint, but it's going to be the best fucking ice-cream joint he can make it. I was impressed, he doesn't look like he's going half-assed . The last time I worked in place where the boss went all out was when I was working for a lawyer in Peterborough. I kinda think this is how my twin would be if he ever gets in a position of authority. Or pets.

Now as for the rest of my day we have a party planned for tonight. "But Sam, don't you have an 11 hour+ workday tomorrow?" you might say. Well hah, I laugh in the face of your "work day". Mostly cause I'm going to take what had better be an epic nap so I can be up all night, and I have a few hours in between shifts tomorrow so there's great nap potential there as well. I have it all worked out to not waste the opportunity that having my friends come into town presents due to a morning shift babysitting a cash register.

Kate and Megan have already showed up and hopefully I convinced some co-workers to come out. It should be a great time. Parties at our place usually are.

Had a Seether song stuck in my head the last few days. This one.



That's me. I am going to lose all my fucking chess games dammit.

SpAmmy

Thursdays suck

My Thursday sucked.

Here are funny pictures.











That's me. Tomorrow shall be better, but not as good as Saturday shall be.

SpAmmy