I have feelings dammit!

So you know how every once in a while (and by that I mean constantly) I complain about my love life? I either have to do that a helluva lot more, or maybe less. Surprisingly enough the universe balances itself out every once in a while. Like for example when you help a kinda/sorta friend out with a semi-legal issue and she jumps you in her kitchen while you're making lunch. And then of course you end up nailing her on her kitchen table....to start.

And here I thought I was having a terrible week.

Well I still am having a terrible week, but this is sort of turning things around a bit. The thing is, there wasn't much talking involved so I have no real clue as to how the fuck this happened. I had to leave for work so there wasn't even any post-getting-it-on discussion (I hate the term "afterglow") just a bit cuddling.

..and with the word "cuddling" I hope to have won the approval of my female readers

And they say chivalry is dead

My roommate asked me if it's true that for that for guys you don't have to have any feelings involved in order to get laid.  It used to be that yes, without a doubt, I had to have some sort emotional connection to a girl because I firmly believed sex meant something. And I still do. Mostly.

The thing is sometimes sex is just sex. For a chubby geek who reads a lot I've actually had a couple one night stands and such (it's strange what 6 shots of tequila does for a guy's confidence) and there was not emotional connection there. And you know what, sometimes sex means a whole lot more than getting off. It depends on who you're with and how you feel about it. Probably not surprising.

Now the kicker. I have no idea what happened. But I'm single and I've been having a stressful week, so when an attractive girl puts her tongue in your mouth as far as you think it'll go (I was wrong on that btw, later on I was pretty sure at one point she licked my tonsils) I just sorta went with it. And it kept escalating....all over her apartment.

But of course me being me I have started to over think the shit out of it. I need to know why/how this happened. If for nothing more than so I remember how to pull this off again.

Was I used?

Was there feelings involved?

Was it just a "thank you" gone horribly horribly right?

Was it because there was not any reason for me to visit her anymore and she's been hiding that she has a thing for me for months?

Was it because guys have been treating her like shit lately and she overreacted to someone being nice to her?

Was it because she is on some sort of medication and she forgot to take it that morning?

Was it because she is way out of my league (wayyyy out of my league) and she thinks I'll try harder?

I think I would like to know. I tried calling her this morning...no answer.

What.The.Fuzzy.

I have feelings too (mostly) and I need an answer.

That's me. I really hoped she sanitized her kitchen table before her roommate came home and had dinner on it. Nobody wants a little bit of  Sam mixed in with their chicken fingers.

Spammy

Unnatural love

I have a problem. Well actually I have a couple, but today we're going to talk about one in particular.

I am a book snob. But not just any kind of book snob, I am a fantasy book snob.

Which would probably explain my sex life.

My mom was a librarian during my entire childhood and she was always bringing home books for my brothers and I. It was always exciting when mum brought home new stuff. And the rest is kinda history.

I've always been a fan of the whole fantasy setting. Magic, knights, dragons, alternate realms of reality, pretty much everything a tubby geek requires to get through the day. I read Lord of the Rings for the first time when I was 12.

I've tried other kinds of books, popular fiction, biographies, hell I've even delved into the strange world of historical fiction. None of which ever really appealed to me. It's why I wasn't the best bookstore employee, I know pretty much everything there is to know about epic fantasy, but not much about anything else. I like what I like. And by like, I mean love.

I bet you know somebody who likes to read, maybe you always see them with a book in their pocket, or in the break room at work. These people are strictly amateurs compared to me. I read 300 pages a day. At least.

I don't read my books once and give up on them either. I read them over and over and over, especially my favorites. Which might be all of them. My books are well loved and much loved, cracked spines, food stains, dog-eared pages, covers barely even on anymore. My books have character.

But my feelings on books that aren't mine are a bit volatile. As in I have uncontrollable bouts of blinding rage. Probably why I hate Twilight so much. This is kinda why I'm not big on most those "get people to read" campaigns.

Amen buddy

Most, but not all.

Because what if they end up reading shitty books?

Or my idea of shitty books.

That's me. I swear the couches in our living room are like crack for a napping habit.

Spammy

I just sound violent

People find the most disgusting things humorous. And by people I mean me. If you didn't know, I have a slightly fucked up sense of humor. Of course, so do you. And by that I mean you should, cause life is easier if fucked up stuff is funny.

Spider-Man thinking about alternate career choices makes me sad.

I know the word "entitled" gets thrown around a lot. Mostly in terms of "these damn kids these days have this perverse sens of entitlement".

People who say this are stupid.

They are stupid because they obviously have never met the masses of bitter, middle-aged people (who have never gone anywhere in their careers) that play politics in the workplace.

Yeah there's a bit of a rant coming up. At least I'm not talking about my real feelings on Spider-Man and gynecology. That shit would blow your mind.

So after only working a few months at my job I have secured a promotion. Yay for Spammy!

Well mostly.

I am catching a huge amount of shit over it for various reasons, mostly the fact that I'm young and have not worked there very long. I kinda got chosen over people who worked for this company for years and years. Every other person who got the same promotion have all worked there for at least 3 years... I've been there less than 6 months.

I did the same interviews and applications as everyone else, and I got chosen. A lot of people didn't. Some people didn't even get interviewed. I hate catching shit for being new at this, I went through the same process as everyone else. Screw off. It sucks you didn't get picked, but maybe even though you've worked here for 10 years, the fact that you're a giant fuck-up had some sort of bearing on you missing out. I don't want to hear about how you've "paid your dues" and "deserve something better".

Funny enough though, this isn't the worst I've ever seen it. You probably won't believe this, but the worst I've ever seen of bitter screw-ups playing politics was while working at a grocery store.

Yeah. Cause at said grocery store they were a bunch of UNIONIZED bitter screw-ups. Merit? What's that? You're good at your job and want a raise? A promotion? Too fucking bad. The crazy bitch who cuts meat like she's attacking her deadbeat husband gets the new Manager position cause she's been in the union longer. She takes 4 half-hour smoke breaks? Boo fucking hoo, she was working here before you were born. It'll only takes about 5 years or so for her to run a department straight into the fucking ground, losing thousands of dollars and alienating not only her entire staff, but almost everybody who come in contact with her, before management can do something about it.

And move her into a different store.

In the same company.


I shit you not.

That is why when I get a monkey gun these people are in serious trouble.That's right. M-O-N-K-E-Y gun. Not a gun that shoots monkeys. A gun that turns people into monkeys. That I shall probably hunt for sport.I am going to monkeyize the shit out of a lot of people, mostly ex co-workers. Monkify? Monkeyer?

Dammit, if I knew I was going to be making up verbs I would have gotten more sleep last night.

Anywho that's me. At least I'm not planning violence. Only monkeyfication. That's better? Right?

Spammy

Am I bad person?

...if I root for the ninja turtle in this picture? Then again I always root for the ninja turtles.



...if I find it hilarious to see somebody shoot a zombie with a shotgun?

...if I enjoy a good alien punching every now and then?

...if hunting down and slaughtering dragons with an axe summoned from another dimension helps me relax on the weekends?

...if I disagree with the song choice made of a bunch of deaf kids?

...if I idly daydreamed about fitting a dead body inside one of the empty peanut butter drums work?

...if I laugh at a video in which a scorned British dude kicks a dog clear across a street

...if I don't give a rat's ass about a band's political views or the fact the members are all giant douche-tards even though I love the music they make?

...if even though I haven't posted a blog entry since September, the number of hits on my page is the highest it's ever been for the month of November?

...if I wished a painful death on the person who stole my spoon?

...if I don't really understand what my brother does for a living, but have convinced people that he "fixes the internet"?

Blah blah, haven't posted in a while, blah blah, girl stuff, blah blah, star wars, blah blah, lord of the rings, blah blah, work sucks.

That's me. I NEED TO KNOW!

SpAmmy

The bananas are whispering to me

One of my roommates and I ate 50 bucks worth of sushi while watching a movie this weekend. I'm not sure why I feel so accomplished about that.

I need to stop drinking and using electronic devices. Like my computer. I did a bad thing today. But apparently I didn't sound drunk. This may not be a good thing as it could just encourage me to do something I should stop.

Vegan "chicken and rice" is just rice. Good marketing though.

I must have seen a bazillion dead animals on the side of the road today. 6 if you like counting. The scariest was groundhog with it's mouth open. It looked like it was still screaming.

Sharks are misunderstood.


Skip this next part if you don't "get" my sense of humor.

You know how they say God kills a kitten every time you masturbate? What if you keep a box of kittens by your bed and you squish one of their brains out out every time you rub one out. Does that make you God? I don't think I know anyone with the balls to find out.

Gowrsh, I do enjoy coming home to a living room full of people. I especially like Manny randomly dropping by at like 11:30 whenever he feels like. Also, the random visit and going to get a beer at Squirrely's to hear about Amy's summer was awesome. I don't care that he wasn't serious about going out. I was drunk and the game was afoot!



That's me. I am now going to read a book. Not because the song told me to, but because I always do before I go to bed.

SpAmmy

Really brain? Screw you.

Some days I can sleep, some days I can't.

Some days I look in the sky and see a cloud that looks like a moo cow with a lightsaber.

My brain works funny, I've learned to live with it.

But I'm starting this post at 5am...for the second day in a row. Something must be done.

Well...maybe tomorrow. Or is it today now? I don't care anymore.

Because now I'm here.

Once you awaken the beast you must defeat it.

Once you start the spell, you must complete it.

Once you light the fire you must feed it.

Once you buy the burger you must eat it.

...

Once you (something something) you must (oh god I sound douche-y today)

Once you (I am not a poet I guess) you must (Something cool with sharks?)

Once (Are sharks even cool anymore?) you must (I bet Chewbacca could ride a shark)

Once you (I'd watch that movie) you must (Sober, even).

Hey look at this funny and unrelated picture I found.

Funny story, I've been blogging for like 8 years and I've hit every part of that chart except for the middle.

Actually even with the no sleeping thing, my 4 day weekend is going pretty marvelously. I rented Dragon Age Origins, Source Code and Adjustment Bureau, ordered a pizza, took off my pants and sat in the living room all day. I call that a fucking day off. A super geeky one too. I haven't geeked out in a while so it was fun. Also Manny stopped by and watched Source code with me and invited me to a BBQ thingy. So hah. who needs roommates who try to convince you to go to Montreal anyway.

RENT MONEY IS IMPORTANT

I was amazingly impressed with the Adjustment Bureau. (Source Code totally kicked super geeky parallel universe ass too). As people who've been here before, I'm a self admitted sappy idealistic fool. I like slow Metal love songs and giving massages by candlelight. But this movie was a romance. For geeks. Actiony and suspenseful and philosophical and a whole bunch of other crap I like. But it's a romance movie. Maybe the best one ever.

Most guys wouldn't put this shit out on the internet. But my brothers have taken away my man-card and my housemates make fun of me for anything I ever say/do/write/perform/ anyways, so why sugar coat it? Plus I'm like 50% sure I'm hallucinating from the lack of sleep over the last 3 days so chances are okay that I'm actually just drumming my fingers on the back of the couch and staring at the painting of James Spader in the living room while I think I'm lying in bed typing.

Been there.

Or have I?

And since I am starting to confuse myself about where I am and what I am doing I'm going to share this funny song with you.



That's me. I am not condoning killing women. However, if I ever act like this ...again... you're more than welcome to feed me a shotgun sandwich with a side of "Oh god, Sam you made us do this, now hold still so we can make sure we get your mouth around both barrels."

SpAmmy

Can't sleep: part bazillion (rounding down)

Dear laundry room,

I am a usually a pretty reasonable and easygoing dude. But I would seriously like some of my fucking socks back.

Love,

Samalanthalas (of Gondor)

(pictured below)


Now ever since I discovered poker in residence I've always enjoyed gambling. This may be taking it a bit far. I usually prefer craps.



I cannot sleep. My Internet is working just fine.

Odd, that.


....I wish.

This woman on Plenty Of Fish won't leave me alone. I'm not interested because she is 15 years older than I am and types lik dis 4 reel yo. So I finally okayed one of her chat requests tonight... and responded only in Lyrics playing on my Itunes. Now she thinks I hate the world because of a bad breakup due to a nightmare about singing in the shower with zombies while falling off a cliff and discussing home buying techniques. I let her draw her own conclusions.

(I remember playing A Day to Remember, As I lay Dying, In Flames, Rise Against and Black Veil Brides. I'm sure there was more)

I don't know why, but such things amuse me.


Toronto next Saturday. Almost like a trip to a magical place where all my dreams come true.


Thank Gandalf I'll be taking the bus and not walking.

Shit.

Have you ever been typing on your computer late at night with the lights off, got a power warning and plugged in?

I nearly blinded myself.

That's me. Off to finish the stupid Ruckley series. Should never have given em a second chance.

SpAmmy