Dear Jay...

Jay is pretty much always right, and I fucking hate that about him. You'd think, being twins and all, that I would be right sometimes.

Nope.

That's me, that's all.

SpAmmy

Love?

So umm I think I fell in love.

Wait

What?

Yup.

But not to worry, it's not the involved and emotional kind of love. It's the creepy internet stalking kind of love.

Oh. That's okay then.

You might remember her from the instrumental ystem of a Down Toxicity cover I posted here a few days ago. Here is her doing a drum cover of Tears Don't Fall by Bullet for My Valentine.



Jay likes her too. Shhh! Don't forget that this is our little secret.

Also I am the vegetable king.

Well no I am not the vegetable king. I might be the vegetable fight king. Well no, probably not the vegetable fight king either. I think I wold be pretty bad ass at a vegetable-only fight. Especially with Mushrooms.

Cause nothing says vegetable fight like a mushroom slap to the face of your opponent.



Hee hee hee.

We had a drunken face off over vegetable naming last night at the bar. It was epic. laughed, I cried, I wet myself a little, hell I even overthrew a small civilization of mole people. Oh yeah there was a lot of less-than-mediocre pool playing, as well as a bunch of much-better-than mediocre people singing and playing the guitar.

It was difficult to determine if Corrine is a professional pool player in disguise. She ran the bloody table on everyone last night. It was also hard to figure out if Becca was bored as hell or having the time of her life. Oddly enough, I also saw both of the at work today.

Normally I'd just go with a standard "chicks are weird", but nope. I'm the weird one. Well today at least.

Restless. But I have the weekend off. That's good right?

Yeah that's good.

I think.

Voyager awaits!

That's me. Star Trek/Terminator crossovers are more interesting than you'd think, but vegetables smell better than they taste.

SpAmmy

I'm not watching you.

I hope it fucking snows all over this town tonight. I hope the city shuts down and little old ladies have to ask their disgruntled teenage neighbours to shovel their driveways. I hope the normally short trip from front doors to vehicles tomorrow involve ice picks, dog sleds, and an journey that could be described as "trudging through an icy wasteland." Now one might as why would I wish this situation on the general public.

Cause that would make tonight fucking worth it.

Work was a fucking zoo. Any idiot with a car who heard there was going to be snowstorm came into the store tonight to stock up on frozen pizza and tea. Crazy busy. Also, someone called in sick so we were short a body too. It was bazonkers.

However despite my complaining...well it was kinda fun.

Shhhhhh don't tell anybody. I trust you. Mostly.



Enough of being creepy for now.

So this last weekend I went to mum and dad's place for mum's birthday. One thing I love about my family is, even thought it was mum's birthday, I got a cheesecake made especially for me. Yep. That sound you just heard? That was the sound of awesome.

There was a big get-together at Charlene's place. I was going to say something trite about deaf parties always having awesome baked goods, but that's pretty much goes for everywhere my mom is. I had a good time. I am also really happy Jay knew how old mum was turning. I just have trouble remembering that shit. I bet he even knows how old dad is too. One of these days he's going to tell me the wrong number to put on the birthday card just to mess with me. I must admit, that would be pretty funny.

I pretty much spent the whole time at home doing brother stuff with Jay. We watched television, put on a whole bunch of kick ass music, and talked about video games. But the icing on the cake? going through his profile/inbox on PlentyofFish. That part was definitely my favourite. Nothing says male bonding like in-depth critiques on your dating life. It was pretty one sided too, and that's always fun. Well ish. In this case the one sidedness was because I don't have a dating life.

Ahh well. Life is moving on. Slowly. But I can be patient.

That's me. My roommates called around the city cause I came home late from work. Sweet or creepy? You decide.

SpAmmy

Turtle Power.

Today was a big day.

With the chip readers at work I sometimes tell customers to insert their debit/credit cards into the bottom of the machine.

Sometimes I just say "insert it in the bottom".

I realized the sexual connotation of that statement.

I couldn't keep a straight face for the rest of my shift.

Then it hit me.

My sense of humor hasn't evolved in any way, shape or form since I was 15 years old.

I am just a silly kid.

But with less ninja turtles.

I need more ninja turtles.

They'll go well with the Star Wars Mr. Potato Heads.

That's me. Work might be ruined for me now. But I might get more toys out of it?

Home alone.

I hate coming home to an empty, quiet house. Now it's kinda funny because I know mum said that a whole lot after we all started moving out, and she is always crazy happy when we come home or she has guests over. Is it weird I kinda feel the same way? I like having people around. But I kinda like doing my own thing when I'm here too.

I'm a social loner? I like being in a house full of people but doing my own thing? Does that even make sense? If I can sit on a couch in the same room with you and casually read a book, well that's a pretty good sign.

But yeah pretty much anything is better than being home alone.


Also, being home alone during the week makes me wonder if everyone else is out at the bar or something and having a good time and I got ditched. But that's just crazy talk... right?

Right?

Shit.

What if there are burglars? I don't think my imagination is up to creating traps to foil them! Well maybe, my imagination IS pretty bad ass. Wait, what if the burglars are zombies?! I can't fight zombies by myself! Thanks roommates. Now all our stuff is going to be stolen and I"m going to get eated all cause you couldn't be bothered to tell me there's an awesome bar night going on.

Well I can't do much about the zombie burglars (maybe), but I can entertain myself by telling work stories to the internet.

The other day 2 kids came though my till. One was a boy about 9 or 10 and the other was his little sister, probably 7 or 8.

Older brother (obviously proud of being a responsible grocery store shopper) puts down a box of cookies on the checkout. "I'd like these cookies please sir", he then nudges little sister and says in a whisper that could probably be heard in space "Say please, it's polite!"

Little sister, slightly annoyed but with a cute little kid grammar "Yes, please. I would like the cookies".

I (trying not to laugh) say "Actually those cookies are buy one get one free. That means you could get a whole other box of cookies for free! Would you like me to get some for you?"

OB, trying to play it off all nonchalantly says "No just this box is fine, we have to meet our mom."

LS, with a mixed look of consternation and delight says to her brother "But we could get more cookies?! We could have a whole box each! Oh oh oh can we please get the more cookies"

OB, still slightly skeptical "Mom's gong to make us share anyway"

LS, pretty smart " Yeah but we'll have TWICE as much cookies to share. This way dad can't sneak em all like last time."

(I am red in the face trying not to laugh. I make a mental note to sneak my kids' cookies when I become a father.)

OB, finally convinced, puts a stern look in his eyes and faces me, "Okay I guess we could get another box. But only if it's free now."

I, still not really sure if this is actually happening say "I promise". I then go and grab another box of the same cookies. Then I ring the order up. "3.79 today then"

OB, trying to make sure he wasn't fooled by what he sees as a sneaky cookie offer says "I THINK that sounds right, but I'm not sure."

I calmly show him the screen and show him where the price of the free box of cookies came off.

OB, finally satisfied says "Okay I guess I'll believe you this time." Hand over the money.

LS, very pleased with the turn of events, "Yeah, we got lots of cookies now!"

I then ask "Hey you guys like stickers?"

OB immediately chimes in with "No sir! Stickers are for little kids!"

LS, slightly concerned says "Wait! Even if he doesn't want one can I have one please?"

"Of course" I say, "And I'll even give you one for your brother here if he changes his mind".

LS really quite pleased now "Wow extra cookies AND stickers. We're definitely coming back".

OB trying to be all responsible again "Only if they still have good sales. " He looks at me "Goodbye."

I wave. LS puts the sticker on her cheek and already has a box open and is and happily munching away.

Kids like that give me hope for humanity. This kinda thing makes me miss doing volunteer stuff and very certain specific days working for the Y in Parry Sound. Maybe when I finally get my shit together I'll look into doing more volunteer work. Big Brothers maybe?

Work was actually pretty good this week. Who'd have thunk.

In other news,I found this. It is so cool. I wish I had talent. Or the phone number of one of these girls, howza!



That's me. Yay it's Aubz! Becca and I were wondering about the creeper posting comments on our blogs. Glad to know it's not a stalker or serial killer........then again, how much do we really know about our old roommate? Food for thought.

SpAmmy

Zombie Cigars

I have neighbours, I'm almost sure of it! We hear thumping and footsteps all the time. That's proof right there that someone is living next door. I think. After all I'm no Gil Grissom. I actually have only seen people going into the house next door once. Some of is were sitting outside smoking cigars and being all cool and stuff like we are.

That's right. Smoking cigars makes you cool. Like Alan And Denny on Boston Legal.


Oh man, we should totally start watching that again.

Anyways. So the neighbour people walked by and towards their house. Normal seeming people too, probably students. We said hi. The stopped their conversation, looked over at us. I probably waved. In fact, I'm sure I waved. In a friendly manner too! Then they ignored us and walked into their house.

What. The. Fuzzy?

Ever heard that song, "Killing me softly" by the Fugees? Well what if someone was over here and killing us. But not softly, like loudly with chainsaws or lasers or lightsaber batarangs or zombie dinosaurs or some shit? Would they ignore us then too? Dammit if someone was over in THEIR house with lightsaber batarangs I would be over there in a second. See if I ever try to make nice with them again. If the zombie apocalypse happens they're on their fucking own.

Want to know what I hate? Something that drives me nuts? People.

That's all.

Well in this case I could stand to be more specific.

It drives me around the bend when people say they know ASL or how to sign and yet cannot talk to deaf people. They go around feeling all proud of themselves and shit, but when push comes to shove they can't actually communicate. God I hate that. Talking to a real deaf person isn't like getting instruction from a deaf professor who can speak and is used to talking with stupid wannabes all day. If the zombie apocalypse happen, they're on their own too.

You ever run into someone you used to know years back only to have them ignore you straight to your face and give you a look that could melt a baby seal? Then you remember that, Oh yeah! You hate each other! I had that happen today. It was pretty funny but it's a good thing no baby seals were around. That's person is going to get eated by the zombies too. I'll make sure of it.

All those baby seals.

There's something to be said about eliminating ambiguity. I like it. Say what you mean. After all, if you don't say what you mean then how the hell will anyone know what you're talking about. The other night at work I was told to switch till and to not give cash back. These are pretty typical instructions and I was not worried about accomplishing these tasks. Then I was told that if I did give cash back I would be killed.

You know what? I believed her. The zombies might have trouble with this one. Maybe.

I have a friend who spent last semester taking apart a cadaver. You'd think she'd be good at the anti-zombie stuff. But I don't see it. I just don't see it. Also probably cause she admitted zombies give her nightmares. Now if it were me that was the biology, kinetics, genetics studying person I would probably put all my efforts into counteracting the almost inevitable zombie apocalypse.

But that's just me.


That's me. I have zombies on the brain again. Probably better than having zombies eating my brain, am I right? See what I did there? Pretty funny right? Right? I love puns.

SpAmmy

So many voices.

Today the windchill was bad.

How bad was it Sam?

Err it was really really bad?

You're not giving me a whole lot to work with here pal.

Work? What work? What the hell are you talking about.

Well I was expecting a smart-ass answer probably involving your testicles.

Sorry to disappoint?

You're fucking right you're sorry, now do better or we're going to have a problem.

A problem? What kind of problem.

The kind of problem that leads to the last thing you ever see being your own face is a busted mirror.

Oh. Okay then. Really?

I'm not fooling around here, now be funny goddammit.

...

Well?

I don't perform so well under pressure.

Yeah that's what your last date said. When was that again?

Ouch. Maybe you should just tell the jokes then.

Well I am.

Oh yeah. I guess you are.


I talk to myself. I also spend a lot of time randomly puttering around in my own head, sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't. When it starts not working I tend to wander aimlessly. Want to know what I hate about winter? It is fucking difficult to wander aimlessly. Also, slushees in the below-zero weather blow.

I miss being able to wander. I can do it by myself alright, even when the weather sucks. Want to know what's ideal? Me, some company, a cold icy treat and not having to work the next morning. Hell even better, a lake, a dock, a sunset and a nice summer breeze.

Hah! Nights I live for.

Heck, even the walk home from work is usually a nice time. When it's not as cold as balls outside that is. It's not like I hate the cold either, it's just not conducive to wandering about. Not that I don't try.

I walk home from downtown after drinking from time to time. It usually takes about an hour or so, which is a pretty long time for a mostly drunk dude to be wandering. Funny how it seems like it takes no time at all when I flop into bed afterwards. I've walked home from downtown after nights out so many times I cannot keep track. Damn, I even regularly walked home from beyond downtown with Allison from a night out at Trish and Rachie's old place.

Stuff I like more when I'm drunk: phones, facebook, pizza and physical fucking activity.

Apparently I'm big on making lists. I use them to explain stuff I'm talking about, as I guess I like to give a lot of examples. I never noticed till my roommates pointed it out the other day. Now I can't stop noticing. Not that I care, I just notice now.

Wierd.

The other night I had an enjoyable night out. I met Kate at the campus pub for drinks with a bunch of people we collectively refer to at the house as "Kate's art friends". Had a few beers at the Brass Taps, which is a place I've only ever been a bare handful of times. Music wasn't too bad and Kate's art people were pretty cool. (pretty cool = mostly chicks)

The Albion later wasn't so great, but hey I guess with enough beer I'll join the dance floor for house music. You learn something new everyday. But gosh darn I fucking hate house music. I went home and put on Marilyn Manson and Apocalyptica to make myself feel better. I needed to be cleansed.

Today I also got into a discussion about how if a guy takes a girl out for dinner and a movie, there is almost no guarantee that she will put out. However if a chick takes a guy out for dinner and a movie he will almost definitely put out. Double standard? Accepted rules of dating?

Any ideas? Let me know.

That's me. With a little exercise the voices usually don't bother me.

SpAmmy