I have discovered that while it is possible to make tacos without sour cream and old el paso taco sauce, that there really is no point.

Cute HMV girl seems pretty cool. However I have deducted that all she wants to do is wrap her legs around me and scream at the top of her lungs. I'll bet she's loud. As much fun as that sounds I am attempting to keep my head on straight and I'm not really in the mood for another disastrous experience. Plus, I hate those house decorating television shows that she seems to favor.

Today wasn't terribly productive. Tomorrow my only goal is to buy bread, because you can't have toasted tomato sandwiches if you don't have bread for the toast.

I am pretty nervcited about school. And not just because need something to do with my days besides going to the gym and watching Boston Legal (I can never get enough BL... but eight episodes a day seems extreme). Like hardcore nervcited. Which is kinda awesome because lately it's rare that I get nervous OR excited. Though my fingernails do happen to be suffering at the moment.

I find myself speaking pompously. I think it's because of all the Alan Shore I've been watching on Boston Legal lately. It doesn't mean I NOT going to buy the third season form cute HMV girl tomorrow, but I probably should watch the highbrow vocabulary as it sometimes leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Children Spammy? What the fuck is going through your head?

Oh and I've taken to trying out the family sign off when writing letters and emails and such to people. I don't know if I'm going to keep doing it. Deaf culture is a bit different (well a lot different in a lot of ways) when dealing with goodbyes.

lml/

That's me. I love having facebook battles with Jay. I also love how the uninformed think we hate each other.

Funny Stuff I heard/read/witnessed/participated in recently:


On Pets:

I love baby animals! With a little effort you can get the entire head off in a single bite!

Note: I'm kinda proud of this one. Even more proud of the look on the pet store cashier's face. That should teach them not to have fish tank dragons.


On being an adult:

I insist that I didn't suffer through childhood and adolescence just to end up with a bedtime and a cookie limit.

Note: Go read Crymes Syndicate ---------------------------------->


On sleep disorders:

I sodomize people in my sleep. Even when they tell me to stop I don't.

Note: That's one way to avoid sharing a hotel bed with friends.


On women:

If she didn’t want attention, she shouldn't’t have been so blatantly female over Xbox Live

Note: Agreed


On being lonely:

You feel so bad that you don’t want to even leave the house, which is pretty convenient, because you weren’t going to anyway. But still, it’s bad.

Note: Erm?


On dating:

There are other fish in sea. There have to be, like, literally dozens of female gamers in the world.

Note: No matter how nicely you ask, they still aren't going to show you their boobs.


On health:

I don't drink stuff that came out of a person.

Note: Should go without saying. Also makes watching breastfeeding less awkward if you have a stance on it.


Everyone should do stuff I tell them to. While we're on the topic everyone should go watch Boston Legal, praise the ORIGINAL Star Wars trilogy, send me money, admit that DS9 was the best Star Trek ever got, exclaim "HULK SMASH" more often, kick Jason in the balls for being uppity, read books with Quick Ben and Locke Lamora, practice throwing tomahawks, teach parrots dirty poetry, eat more pakoras, smile at the next idiot who pisses you off and, finally, spoil a child that doesn't belong to you so you don't have to deal with the aftermath.

I'm sure I have more commands that would benefit mankind but I'm kinda sleepy.

That's me. Italian is on my ishuffle! How do I get it off?

Erm I think I just wet myself. And step number 5 definitely got another crack at me too during the excitement.

But I don't care.

I"M PUBLISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like in print and everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I busted my ass doing some writing before I have to go back to school and this sci fi magazine in California bought my story! For real money and not he piddly crap I got with e-zines and web publications! It's their November issue and they said they'll send me a dozen magazines at cost to share with friends and family! I just have to wait until it's printed of course.

Pizza and beer! And maybe I'll call a friend tomorrows and get sushi too! Man this has been a good week.

That's me. I MIGHT BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING AFTER ALL!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I'm having a good time surprising people lately. The landlady came by the other day while I was folding laundry in front of the television. She was absolutely blown away to see a (mostly) grown man folding laundry. Just wait until I get my iron back from my parents! I don't know why this is surprising. I also do housework (usually blaring slipknot or killswitch, if I get complaints well the more help I get the sooner the music goes off)

I like making KD and being all hospitable and shit for the girls last night. I have more fun entertaining then I admit. It could also have something to do with me living by myself, in effect, for the last few weeks.

Last night was awesome. Even if I'm a little bitter about the karaoke. But having good people and chilling at Squirrely's is one of my favourite things. I hope my housemates are u for shit like that come September.

Oh and on a related note it turns out that I'm not going to be living with all chicks in the fall. I was a bit worried about that, to be honest. But there will be another guy. Maybe I'll get to leave the toilet seat up after all.

Awesomely pleased that Rachie drunk texted that dude.

Not so pleased that I spent most of the day with the nasty taste of foot in mouth. But I don't back away form that shit, even if it turns out to be more than slightly embarrassing. You have to get shit settled sometimes regardless of how it ends up.

That's me. Yay rain checks with 11 beers! Maybe I'll get sushi too! Mmm sushi.

I don't think I'm ever going to be one of those "good" bloggers. Y'know those witty, entertaining, amusing people with 1200 followers and enough knowledge of html to completely customize their awesome looking blogs.

I picked a template and added a picture of a dragon. Dragons are awesome. His name is Herbert. He might be posting here soon, since he is a pretty bored Dragon. Also, he is fictional. So far. Lets see those good bloggers tame Dragons.

I started writing stuff down almost 6 years ago. Ish. This was mostly an attempt to impress a series of girls I was dating at the time in a hope that they might actually understand something about me. Well they never read my stuff and still have yet to get into my head (which is fine). This was all due mostly to the encouragement of a (newly married!) friend who used to post stuff about what was going on in her life from time to time, and I thought what the hell, if I'm going to be awake at 2 am and worried about life, I might as well make it a little more concrete then all the whining I usually did at the time.

I have experienced accounts on diary land, accounts on live journal and even tried blogging on my space (for about 10 minutes or so). It's been quite the journey. I used to be all about the angst and complaining and whining and bitching, in between attempted comedy. I'm a bit better now I hope.

I have no real direction here, just a sort of compiling of the random crap that goes through my head and some of the events that accompany my life. The good bloggers tell stories from their life and turn them into amusing displays of wit and humor. Or maybe they like to discuss certain issues or news or...well anything really. But the good stuff usually has some sort of direction. I tend to ramble.

I can't even be bothered to come up with proper titles to my blog entries. Mostly because If I had to add a title every time it would be an agonzing search of my brain for something witty and that would drive me insane as my wit is usually unintentional (also my wit likes to hide behind doors and jump out and scare people and when I blog I'm usually sitting down in one spot for a while so my wit has no chance to jump out and scare me). The good bloggers titles are always pretty neat.

Now don't get me wrong, I love reading blogs. I love seeing insights into people lives, I love the comedy, the entertainment and the sheer awesomeoness of some of the stuff out there. Seriously check out White Coller Redneck or Crymes Syndicate, the links are right there people! -------------------------->

Note: the links may not be actually right there but with a little effort called "scrolling down" and "looking" at the side bar you will find them.

However even though I don't feel like I'm in "I'm a good blogger" territory it definitly doesn't mean I'm going to stop anytime soon. Or at all. Ever. This is one of the things that keeps me sane and stop from comitting heinous violence on the general public.

That's me. I get to clean up and be social tommorow! Also, there will be booze.

Today I decided I was going to be productive and funny. Not necessarily in that order but hey, I was willing to wing it.

That was before I fell down the stairs. That's right, step number 5 (counting from the bottom) tried to kill me.

I then accidentally stood too close and opened the fridge...into myself. I clipped the left side of a very important piece of my anatomy.

After I was done fighting back the tears (I mean err meat, gunfights! and chainsaws!)I then discovered I may just have lost a library book. I go to the library because I can't afford new books all the time. You know, to avoid paying for them and stuff like that.

And then I went back to bed, because when your day starts off like that there really is no point.

I also might have forgotten to be funny OR productive.

That's me. I'm so mad I hate Wookies.





P.S. I so don't hate wookies I was just showing my extreme displease. Chewbacca could eat my firstborn and I'd still hang out in cantinas with him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Present were pretty practical so I'm thinking about spending some hard earned money on something shiny and loud.

However I noticed that not everybody on my friends list on facebook wrote a happy birthday message on my wall. I kept score and will now write heartfelt dramatic messages detailing my hurt.... or I might shrug and move on with my life since facebook is not the be all and end all of my social interactions. Also, facebook might be the devil.

(p.s. this was said in humor and in a jovial manner, and so I apologize if you are too stupid to understand this and become insulted)

I'm 25 now! The world is of full of hope and promise and rainbows and kittens and puppies and groups of big breasted arts majors who like to hang out and discuss how they all have open views on sexuality.

I'd watch that show. Only because there's not a whole lot a pair of feisty redheads can't cure.

Niagara Falls was fun, mum and dad loved the company and Josh and I basked in the glory that is cable television. Yay Demolition Man! "Mellow greetings citizen, what is your boggle?" A whole bunch of people I know make a big deal of vising Niagara Falls, and I've never really understood that. Probably has something to do with the fact that during most of my childhood we went every six weeks or so. Yeah definitely has something to do with that.

Also, Josh and I discussed dating requirements. Mostly because we found my copy of "the Bro Code", which I then forgot in mum and dad's basement. We decided that I should have the old "Hooters" test for women, in an attempt to weed out the crazy ones (and also with a cursory glance at the crazy/hot chart in the book). The test being, you ask them politely to walk towards a wall, if their nose touches first, then they lose. I assume if their nose touches first they're still one night stand worthy but I'll get back to you. Boy is dating complicated or what? I think there might be provisions for water bras as they are such a cruel trick. However I am a HUGE fan of bras that open from the front. See? Complicated.

I showed Josh the patented Jay technique of beating Sam in an arcade fighting game. Right at the start of the match you body check the guy away from the controls and then box him out while furiously kicking the shit out of his character while it's not doing anything. It's foolproof.

Oh and I like getting mail, another fun reason to go home. I received the best ever personalized thank-you card from Liver and Eric. Granted there's not a lot of competition, but I seriously doubt they get better. Yay!

That's me. Sorry for not punching a hooker.










I CAN FIX STUFF THROUGH THE INTERNET!

No.

Wait.

I can't.

I CAN"T FIX STUFF THROUGH THE INTERNET!

Glad we cleared that up. Now call me so we can talk like real people in real life. Email tag is only fun when you're having fun. Note: we're not having fun.