I don't know but that's okay

The other day I got a surprise visit from Meg (I know like 6 girls named Meg, but she knows who she is) and she said something that made me incredibly homesick, but it was still an awesome moment.

I get a visit from the all-round-not-as-awesome-but-still-pretty-cool-even-if-he-can't-hold-his-liquor-and-tells-embarrassing-stories-about-me half of the lamest people who think they're funnier than they really are this side of real life! We really do think we're actually funny sometimes, which only really affects the people around us being confused a lot. Even if the douchecanoe (new favorite word!) called me at 1am, he is still allowed one of the empty rooms in the house... as long as he brings books. And my goddamn chess set.

Cause that's probably what we're going to spend a lot of our time doing. Playing chess on the front porch with booze and bitching about our lives, talking about geeky brother stuff and complaining about women. I can't fucking wait.

Actually, mentioning dating, last night someone asked me if I was happy being single. Which is a slightly complicated question. I rattled off some smart-ass remark (no surprises there) and kept washing dishes, but the question has been kinda bouncing around in my skull since then. Actually the first thing I thought of was something Jay posted on his wall a few days ago. Kinda makes the single life look good.

Sounds pretty sweet eh? But I've been single for a while now and maybe I'd like something slightly more serious going on, I'm not actually sure at the moment as I keep changing my mind which probably isn't helping. I confused the shit out a girl just this week actually. Now when I say "single" I don't mean "alone" I just mean not in a "relationship". "Quotation marks". I'm not a sexless hermit hiding out in a basement playing WoW and watching Starcraft 2 commentaries on my days off (okay sometimes the starcraft2 but damn that day9 is an amusing fellow).

It probably doesn't help that I'm a horny 20 something combined with a romantic idealistic fool.

Let's fuck!

But I have this poem...

After?

Yeah I'm cool with that.

I don't really know want I want at the moment and I'm alright with that, as that's nothing new. Actually I've kinda been stuck in a transitory period (read:broke-ish) for a while now. I'm just plugging away at life getting the most I can out of what I've got. And if that includes a girl, then so be it. If it doesn't, well I guess that's fine too. I'm not too worried about dying alone at 25 (soon 26!).

Of course if I become a confirmed bachelor I should probably start playing video games again. I haven't turned on my Xbox in 2 weeks.

That's me. I have the day off, so I'm going to sit on the front porch with a cigar, a beer and a book. Jealous? It's okay. You should be.

SpAmmy

Notes

I tend to take a bunch of random notes, usually when I'm bored at work, about stuff I want to write about. It can be just about anything, usually point form, and I always have the intention of writing a little blurb when I get home so I don't forget the reason/context for whatever it was that I wanted to remember.

Unfortunately this doesn't always happen.

Sometimes I just don't feel like blogging, and don't even get me started on my "real" writing career at the moment. Well today while I was doing a little cleaning (GASP! SHOCK! AWE! Yes I am a dude who picks up after himself...ish) I found a stash of notes I've made. No idea what they're all about, but I figure you people might like the insight to the mind of a genius.


So you believe her? - most likely something to do about one of the stupid decisions I've made about the opposite sex

Yeah I think she's hot too. - same deal

I'd kill - slightly worried at the kind of day I would have been having

Misinterpretation - waaayyy too broad to narrow down

The accent overpowers the acquaintance - I think I was trying to complain about the lady with the British accent who tried to sell me homeowners insurance after I told her I don't own a home. Very poetic that day apparently.

Configure the pun- I love puns!

Morals blow - I think I was drunk for this one, there is little drawing of a beer beside it.

Must you compare - I think I might have been working in produce, you know apples and oranges...

Sore sack - this was either the day after I bought the bicycle, or when I visited mum and dad's and Jay took a serious shot at my nuts. Both days were slightly unpleasant.

A quest! - again, so much it could apply to. Edgefest maybe? I do try to go on quests on a regular basis.

Gigglefucker - I bet someone was giggling and I thought that person was a fucker

Purchase the moon - I think this was the first really nice night we had, I vaguely remember the moon being full.

The plans are complete! - I'm not sure, unless it refers to a "diabolical" plan, but I haven't come up with any of those since last summer.

Puzzling Pizza - this one might have been when Becca and Kate ordered vegetarian pizza and I liked it even though there were no dead animals on it

Snarflefit - obviously a discussion on the world economic climate, also a little doodle of what I believe might actually be a Snarflefit...or Godzilla maybe?

Even I don't know what goes though my head sometimes.

Here is an example of how you turn crappy music into awesome.



That's me. I can't sleep, so here we are. Aren't you lucky.

SpAmmy

PSA

Public Service Announcements:

One Ring-itis

Contact: Gollum/Smeagol

Organization's name: Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss.

Telephone Number: 1-800-RAW-FISH

Maybe you haven't thought about this before. Bearing the corrupted One Ring of Power results in a profound burden of illness causing suffering, disability, hospitalization and suicide. The World Health Organization affirmed that carrying the One Ring is one of the largest contributors to throwing yourself into a volcano worldwide.

The Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss organization (with the help of Story Of My Life) is marking One Ring-itis with a commemorative Poster with our spokesperson that helps detail the obsession and issues that can come about after carrying the One Ring for hundreds of years.

Make a difference in your community. Show people with One Ring-itis that we care!

Just a bit of fun because I'm procrastinating. Fuck dishes! Also, my socks were almost completely unnecessary today.

That's me. Finally happy with the new layout!

SpAmmy

Not home alone!

So.

This weekend?

Yeah pretty great.

And it was a heckuva lot more work than I thought it'd be, especially considering all I had to do was be at home and be awake at the same time. Ahhhh yes, the age-old curse of having to work. But the whole coming home from work and having people around, well that was just dandy.

Nothing too crazy, just a beer funnel (missing Brad for that one) and a rather large group of people sitting in a huge pile on the front lawn singing along to whoever was playing the guitar at the time. There was a slight bit of tension with the neighbour people just sitting across the street and watching us for a couple hours, despite numerous attempts to invite them over. Weird, that.

Also, apparently there was something going on about a baby bunny rabbit?


Good times had by all, especially me.

That's me. Damn, but I try too hard some days. Color me embarrassed.

SpAmmy

Saturday makes it better

So yes, I fucked around with my blog again. It's pretty much all I did during the day yesterday, cause, fuck it, it's not like I have a deadline to meet next week that I haven't got started on yet or anything.

I shall probably mess around with it some more later because sleep is for the weak. Or the sleepy.

Last night turned out a lot better than I thought it was going to. I was minding my own business participating in pant-less Tuesday (yes it was Friday and no, I'm not going to explain it again) and I hear someone at the door. At first I was thinking that these goddamn zombies had finally learned how to open doors and that I'd have to use all my hidden superpowers to cleanse the undead from my presence, but it just turned out to be Becca.

Almost as bad. (Just kidding Birdie....or am I?)

It was a pretty great surprise as I wasn't expecting anyone until tomorrow. So we kinda just sat around, shooting the shit and catching up for a bit. Then I was kinda complaining about being here by myself (again) and how there are no more random movie nights, or nobody wants to go walk up to Squirrely's to play some pool and have a beer in the middle of the week. I said I hadn't even gone to see Thor yet, so she said we should go see it.

And everything changed..... we had 25 minutes to get across town to make it for the movie, and our cab driver didn't not disappoint, going 30 over the limit the whole way. There was a stressful moment due to a stupid debit machine, but just as I walked into the theatre the previews started. Becca popped in earlier while I was at the concession stand and I missed an arm raised cheer. We did have a pretty great high-five though.

And the movie, well worth the 10 bucks. That is, if you're into seeing a dude hit a bunch of stuff with a big-ass hammer. And Natalie Portman, shit she's in everything.


So today I had a staff meeting at Marble Madness, and it was actually pretty great. An oxymoron you say? Well I say that you sir/madam are the moron. It actually came out pretty loud and clear that our boss actually gives a shit, and that makes a huge fucking difference. Yeah it may be just an ice cream joint, but it's going to be the best fucking ice-cream joint he can make it. I was impressed, he doesn't look like he's going half-assed . The last time I worked in place where the boss went all out was when I was working for a lawyer in Peterborough. I kinda think this is how my twin would be if he ever gets in a position of authority. Or pets.

Now as for the rest of my day we have a party planned for tonight. "But Sam, don't you have an 11 hour+ workday tomorrow?" you might say. Well hah, I laugh in the face of your "work day". Mostly cause I'm going to take what had better be an epic nap so I can be up all night, and I have a few hours in between shifts tomorrow so there's great nap potential there as well. I have it all worked out to not waste the opportunity that having my friends come into town presents due to a morning shift babysitting a cash register.

Kate and Megan have already showed up and hopefully I convinced some co-workers to come out. It should be a great time. Parties at our place usually are.

Had a Seether song stuck in my head the last few days. This one.



That's me. I am going to lose all my fucking chess games dammit.

SpAmmy

Thursdays suck

My Thursday sucked.

Here are funny pictures.











That's me. Tomorrow shall be better, but not as good as Saturday shall be.

SpAmmy

Prom!

I just discovered a website called good, clean humour. Now, somebody tell me please, what is the fucking point of that?

So it's nearing the end of May, and you all know what that means... Prom season! And since I practice the menial tasks I'll most likely be saddled with for life at places where there are a number of high schoolers, I've been hearing a lot about it.

So today I'd like to tell MY prom story. I am bound to get some stuff wrong, and there might be some stuff I have forgotten, but it's actually a night I think I remember pretty well.

So there was this girl and her name was Mel. She was "friends" (no idea why they ever spent time together) with the girl my twin was dating at the time (hope she remembers/reads this). And so Mel and I started dating. It was pretty much a way to spend more time with my brother and his friends since I pretty much never saw him at the time, and dating Mel was actually a good excuse to hang out with him. Plus, boobs. Oh and I may have thought I was madly in love. As it turns out, not so much. (actually, I have been lucky enough to know what that feels like so I can honestly tell the difference)

Now Mel (and my brother and his friends, etc) went to a different high school than I did, and I really wanted nothing to do with my own school at this point, so I couldn't care less about my own school's damn Prom. But Mel's? Well it was a big deal to her, and so it was a big deal to me. I'm a slight romantic idealist at heart and thought nothing would be better than being all dressed up and on a dance floor with the girl I thought I was in love with as a slow ballad played.

Now the second you start making grand expectations about an event is when real life kicks in. The controversy, the drama, the awesome angry sex because your girlfriend is mad at everybody except for you (ish). The biggest thing was the seating arrangements. I shit you not, who sat where caused literally weeks of never ending tears and bitter backhanded comments about friendship. I couldn't have cared less.

My plans consisted of the following:

1) Wear a suit.

2) Fight the urge to make a rude or silly gesture during pictures.

3) Hang out with Jay and Lysee and Mel and take pleasure and amusement at the comments they made about people they didn't like.

4) Dance a little. Dance floor makeouts.

5) Stare at my date's boobs all night (mission accomplished, she looked great in that dress)

6) Get trashed and see what drunken sex was like

As you can see I'm not a real complicated dude.

So the evening came and I have one piece of advice. For fuck's sake get a goddamn corsage for your date. Trust me, she told me not to bother because they were overpriced, but just roses was not enough. I heard about it all fucking night. Even when you get 13 instead of a dozen so you can present one to her mom. Especially when her mom suddenly hates you for stealing her baby's virginity (I didn't).

However, the seating arrangement thing was pretty much all Mel wanted to talk about. We ended up at a table with another couple (or 2 maybe?) who she didn't really get along with (everyone was perfectly nice to me) and I had to endure complaining and her making me get up and "wandering" by the table she really wanted to be at. She did keep her arms crossed a whole lot, and that was nice (see #5).

Now Mel was a bit of a drama queen, and with all the Prom kafuffle she had been in fine form for weeks. I actually learned how to nod and agree without actually thinking or even paying attention. It is a skill that has served me in good stead ever since.

But during the dinner when all the class awards were given out and speeches were happening Mel won an award! It was the "most likely to be seen on Jerry Springer award". Everybody laughed and cheered! Yay!

She tried to play it off as no big deal, but damn she was more upset than I had ever seen her. I felt bad and tried to made her feel better, but on the dance floor for the rest of the night she was borderline in tears. I did what I could but she got incredibly bitter. I did my best, even requesting "our song" (don't actually remember what the song was) and going for a big romantic kiss (read: make out session) at the end, but she wasn't having any of it.

I wasn't too worried though. So far my plan was going well. You'd think my date being miserable and pissed would have been a deal breaker, but oddly enough not so much. Not a good sign for the relationship, but I didn't realize that at the time (actually we broke up a few weeks later).

So previously we decided we'd have our Prom after party in our backyard, so Jay and I went and got a whole bunch of Tiki torches and huge outdoor candles and begged/borrowed/stole as many lawn chairs as we could get our hands on. We invited everybody we knew and had a rather good turnout. I had just started working at Metro and was making some great friends and a whole bunch of people showed up. Mostly young women.

So Jay and I were setting up the backyard while our dates were changing, and people started showing up. My friend Liv (hope she reads/remembers this) came and, silly her, forgot to bring plastic cups to mix her drinks with. (actually if you plan a party you should always get some, and ever since I've always remembered to pick some up, life lesson learned there folks). So her and I walked to the convenience store and picked some up, taking the opportunity to have a little chat about how Prom went, since I kinda wanted to complain for a bit.

Well Mel had always been insecure about my friends. Mostly because most of them were young women around my age and, in her words, "too pretty for her to be comfortable with". (in fact, most of my friends are still women and not a single girl I have ever dated has been comfortable with that). So Mel was pissed. She kinda hung out and got all jealous and sat in my lap and did her best to keep her tongue in my mouth all night. I, however, didn't want to bail on all the people I had invited to my backyard, not to mention I was having a good time. So Mel went to bed early and I stayed till the bitter end and had a great time getting wasted with my friends.

I never got to experience drunken sex until years later. Didn't miss out on much.

The funny thing is, despite my date, I remember the night fondly. It was quite the experience, if not the dream fueling romantic fantasy that everyone expects (I find big stereotypical events and expectations rarely are) and I had a good time, if just for the experience. I wondered for weeks afterwards if there was anything I could have done to make the night better (probably), but now it doesn't matter. It was what it was and if I could do it again I doubt I'd do anything different.

That's me. I still have the prom picture somewhere, and Mel looks happy and beautiful. Too bad I know better.

SpAmmy