I don't know but that's okay

The other day I got a surprise visit from Meg (I know like 6 girls named Meg, but she knows who she is) and she said something that made me incredibly homesick, but it was still an awesome moment.

I get a visit from the all-round-not-as-awesome-but-still-pretty-cool-even-if-he-can't-hold-his-liquor-and-tells-embarrassing-stories-about-me half of the lamest people who think they're funnier than they really are this side of real life! We really do think we're actually funny sometimes, which only really affects the people around us being confused a lot. Even if the douchecanoe (new favorite word!) called me at 1am, he is still allowed one of the empty rooms in the house... as long as he brings books. And my goddamn chess set.

Cause that's probably what we're going to spend a lot of our time doing. Playing chess on the front porch with booze and bitching about our lives, talking about geeky brother stuff and complaining about women. I can't fucking wait.

Actually, mentioning dating, last night someone asked me if I was happy being single. Which is a slightly complicated question. I rattled off some smart-ass remark (no surprises there) and kept washing dishes, but the question has been kinda bouncing around in my skull since then. Actually the first thing I thought of was something Jay posted on his wall a few days ago. Kinda makes the single life look good.

Sounds pretty sweet eh? But I've been single for a while now and maybe I'd like something slightly more serious going on, I'm not actually sure at the moment as I keep changing my mind which probably isn't helping. I confused the shit out a girl just this week actually. Now when I say "single" I don't mean "alone" I just mean not in a "relationship". "Quotation marks". I'm not a sexless hermit hiding out in a basement playing WoW and watching Starcraft 2 commentaries on my days off (okay sometimes the starcraft2 but damn that day9 is an amusing fellow).

It probably doesn't help that I'm a horny 20 something combined with a romantic idealistic fool.

Let's fuck!

But I have this poem...

After?

Yeah I'm cool with that.

I don't really know want I want at the moment and I'm alright with that, as that's nothing new. Actually I've kinda been stuck in a transitory period (read:broke-ish) for a while now. I'm just plugging away at life getting the most I can out of what I've got. And if that includes a girl, then so be it. If it doesn't, well I guess that's fine too. I'm not too worried about dying alone at 25 (soon 26!).

Of course if I become a confirmed bachelor I should probably start playing video games again. I haven't turned on my Xbox in 2 weeks.

That's me. I have the day off, so I'm going to sit on the front porch with a cigar, a beer and a book. Jealous? It's okay. You should be.

SpAmmy

Notes

I tend to take a bunch of random notes, usually when I'm bored at work, about stuff I want to write about. It can be just about anything, usually point form, and I always have the intention of writing a little blurb when I get home so I don't forget the reason/context for whatever it was that I wanted to remember.

Unfortunately this doesn't always happen.

Sometimes I just don't feel like blogging, and don't even get me started on my "real" writing career at the moment. Well today while I was doing a little cleaning (GASP! SHOCK! AWE! Yes I am a dude who picks up after himself...ish) I found a stash of notes I've made. No idea what they're all about, but I figure you people might like the insight to the mind of a genius.


So you believe her? - most likely something to do about one of the stupid decisions I've made about the opposite sex

Yeah I think she's hot too. - same deal

I'd kill - slightly worried at the kind of day I would have been having

Misinterpretation - waaayyy too broad to narrow down

The accent overpowers the acquaintance - I think I was trying to complain about the lady with the British accent who tried to sell me homeowners insurance after I told her I don't own a home. Very poetic that day apparently.

Configure the pun- I love puns!

Morals blow - I think I was drunk for this one, there is little drawing of a beer beside it.

Must you compare - I think I might have been working in produce, you know apples and oranges...

Sore sack - this was either the day after I bought the bicycle, or when I visited mum and dad's and Jay took a serious shot at my nuts. Both days were slightly unpleasant.

A quest! - again, so much it could apply to. Edgefest maybe? I do try to go on quests on a regular basis.

Gigglefucker - I bet someone was giggling and I thought that person was a fucker

Purchase the moon - I think this was the first really nice night we had, I vaguely remember the moon being full.

The plans are complete! - I'm not sure, unless it refers to a "diabolical" plan, but I haven't come up with any of those since last summer.

Puzzling Pizza - this one might have been when Becca and Kate ordered vegetarian pizza and I liked it even though there were no dead animals on it

Snarflefit - obviously a discussion on the world economic climate, also a little doodle of what I believe might actually be a Snarflefit...or Godzilla maybe?

Even I don't know what goes though my head sometimes.

Here is an example of how you turn crappy music into awesome.



That's me. I can't sleep, so here we are. Aren't you lucky.

SpAmmy

PSA

Public Service Announcements:

One Ring-itis

Contact: Gollum/Smeagol

Organization's name: Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss.

Telephone Number: 1-800-RAW-FISH

Maybe you haven't thought about this before. Bearing the corrupted One Ring of Power results in a profound burden of illness causing suffering, disability, hospitalization and suicide. The World Health Organization affirmed that carrying the One Ring is one of the largest contributors to throwing yourself into a volcano worldwide.

The Prreeeeecccciiiooouussssss organization (with the help of Story Of My Life) is marking One Ring-itis with a commemorative Poster with our spokesperson that helps detail the obsession and issues that can come about after carrying the One Ring for hundreds of years.

Make a difference in your community. Show people with One Ring-itis that we care!

Just a bit of fun because I'm procrastinating. Fuck dishes! Also, my socks were almost completely unnecessary today.

That's me. Finally happy with the new layout!

SpAmmy

Not home alone!

So.

This weekend?

Yeah pretty great.

And it was a heckuva lot more work than I thought it'd be, especially considering all I had to do was be at home and be awake at the same time. Ahhhh yes, the age-old curse of having to work. But the whole coming home from work and having people around, well that was just dandy.

Nothing too crazy, just a beer funnel (missing Brad for that one) and a rather large group of people sitting in a huge pile on the front lawn singing along to whoever was playing the guitar at the time. There was a slight bit of tension with the neighbour people just sitting across the street and watching us for a couple hours, despite numerous attempts to invite them over. Weird, that.

Also, apparently there was something going on about a baby bunny rabbit?


Good times had by all, especially me.

That's me. Damn, but I try too hard some days. Color me embarrassed.

SpAmmy

Saturday makes it better

So yes, I fucked around with my blog again. It's pretty much all I did during the day yesterday, cause, fuck it, it's not like I have a deadline to meet next week that I haven't got started on yet or anything.

I shall probably mess around with it some more later because sleep is for the weak. Or the sleepy.

Last night turned out a lot better than I thought it was going to. I was minding my own business participating in pant-less Tuesday (yes it was Friday and no, I'm not going to explain it again) and I hear someone at the door. At first I was thinking that these goddamn zombies had finally learned how to open doors and that I'd have to use all my hidden superpowers to cleanse the undead from my presence, but it just turned out to be Becca.

Almost as bad. (Just kidding Birdie....or am I?)

It was a pretty great surprise as I wasn't expecting anyone until tomorrow. So we kinda just sat around, shooting the shit and catching up for a bit. Then I was kinda complaining about being here by myself (again) and how there are no more random movie nights, or nobody wants to go walk up to Squirrely's to play some pool and have a beer in the middle of the week. I said I hadn't even gone to see Thor yet, so she said we should go see it.

And everything changed..... we had 25 minutes to get across town to make it for the movie, and our cab driver didn't not disappoint, going 30 over the limit the whole way. There was a stressful moment due to a stupid debit machine, but just as I walked into the theatre the previews started. Becca popped in earlier while I was at the concession stand and I missed an arm raised cheer. We did have a pretty great high-five though.

And the movie, well worth the 10 bucks. That is, if you're into seeing a dude hit a bunch of stuff with a big-ass hammer. And Natalie Portman, shit she's in everything.


So today I had a staff meeting at Marble Madness, and it was actually pretty great. An oxymoron you say? Well I say that you sir/madam are the moron. It actually came out pretty loud and clear that our boss actually gives a shit, and that makes a huge fucking difference. Yeah it may be just an ice cream joint, but it's going to be the best fucking ice-cream joint he can make it. I was impressed, he doesn't look like he's going half-assed . The last time I worked in place where the boss went all out was when I was working for a lawyer in Peterborough. I kinda think this is how my twin would be if he ever gets in a position of authority. Or pets.

Now as for the rest of my day we have a party planned for tonight. "But Sam, don't you have an 11 hour+ workday tomorrow?" you might say. Well hah, I laugh in the face of your "work day". Mostly cause I'm going to take what had better be an epic nap so I can be up all night, and I have a few hours in between shifts tomorrow so there's great nap potential there as well. I have it all worked out to not waste the opportunity that having my friends come into town presents due to a morning shift babysitting a cash register.

Kate and Megan have already showed up and hopefully I convinced some co-workers to come out. It should be a great time. Parties at our place usually are.

Had a Seether song stuck in my head the last few days. This one.



That's me. I am going to lose all my fucking chess games dammit.

SpAmmy

Thursdays suck

My Thursday sucked.

Here are funny pictures.











That's me. Tomorrow shall be better, but not as good as Saturday shall be.

SpAmmy

Prom!

I just discovered a website called good, clean humour. Now, somebody tell me please, what is the fucking point of that?

So it's nearing the end of May, and you all know what that means... Prom season! And since I practice the menial tasks I'll most likely be saddled with for life at places where there are a number of high schoolers, I've been hearing a lot about it.

So today I'd like to tell MY prom story. I am bound to get some stuff wrong, and there might be some stuff I have forgotten, but it's actually a night I think I remember pretty well.

So there was this girl and her name was Mel. She was "friends" (no idea why they ever spent time together) with the girl my twin was dating at the time (hope she remembers/reads this). And so Mel and I started dating. It was pretty much a way to spend more time with my brother and his friends since I pretty much never saw him at the time, and dating Mel was actually a good excuse to hang out with him. Plus, boobs. Oh and I may have thought I was madly in love. As it turns out, not so much. (actually, I have been lucky enough to know what that feels like so I can honestly tell the difference)

Now Mel (and my brother and his friends, etc) went to a different high school than I did, and I really wanted nothing to do with my own school at this point, so I couldn't care less about my own school's damn Prom. But Mel's? Well it was a big deal to her, and so it was a big deal to me. I'm a slight romantic idealist at heart and thought nothing would be better than being all dressed up and on a dance floor with the girl I thought I was in love with as a slow ballad played.

Now the second you start making grand expectations about an event is when real life kicks in. The controversy, the drama, the awesome angry sex because your girlfriend is mad at everybody except for you (ish). The biggest thing was the seating arrangements. I shit you not, who sat where caused literally weeks of never ending tears and bitter backhanded comments about friendship. I couldn't have cared less.

My plans consisted of the following:

1) Wear a suit.

2) Fight the urge to make a rude or silly gesture during pictures.

3) Hang out with Jay and Lysee and Mel and take pleasure and amusement at the comments they made about people they didn't like.

4) Dance a little. Dance floor makeouts.

5) Stare at my date's boobs all night (mission accomplished, she looked great in that dress)

6) Get trashed and see what drunken sex was like

As you can see I'm not a real complicated dude.

So the evening came and I have one piece of advice. For fuck's sake get a goddamn corsage for your date. Trust me, she told me not to bother because they were overpriced, but just roses was not enough. I heard about it all fucking night. Even when you get 13 instead of a dozen so you can present one to her mom. Especially when her mom suddenly hates you for stealing her baby's virginity (I didn't).

However, the seating arrangement thing was pretty much all Mel wanted to talk about. We ended up at a table with another couple (or 2 maybe?) who she didn't really get along with (everyone was perfectly nice to me) and I had to endure complaining and her making me get up and "wandering" by the table she really wanted to be at. She did keep her arms crossed a whole lot, and that was nice (see #5).

Now Mel was a bit of a drama queen, and with all the Prom kafuffle she had been in fine form for weeks. I actually learned how to nod and agree without actually thinking or even paying attention. It is a skill that has served me in good stead ever since.

But during the dinner when all the class awards were given out and speeches were happening Mel won an award! It was the "most likely to be seen on Jerry Springer award". Everybody laughed and cheered! Yay!

She tried to play it off as no big deal, but damn she was more upset than I had ever seen her. I felt bad and tried to made her feel better, but on the dance floor for the rest of the night she was borderline in tears. I did what I could but she got incredibly bitter. I did my best, even requesting "our song" (don't actually remember what the song was) and going for a big romantic kiss (read: make out session) at the end, but she wasn't having any of it.

I wasn't too worried though. So far my plan was going well. You'd think my date being miserable and pissed would have been a deal breaker, but oddly enough not so much. Not a good sign for the relationship, but I didn't realize that at the time (actually we broke up a few weeks later).

So previously we decided we'd have our Prom after party in our backyard, so Jay and I went and got a whole bunch of Tiki torches and huge outdoor candles and begged/borrowed/stole as many lawn chairs as we could get our hands on. We invited everybody we knew and had a rather good turnout. I had just started working at Metro and was making some great friends and a whole bunch of people showed up. Mostly young women.

So Jay and I were setting up the backyard while our dates were changing, and people started showing up. My friend Liv (hope she reads/remembers this) came and, silly her, forgot to bring plastic cups to mix her drinks with. (actually if you plan a party you should always get some, and ever since I've always remembered to pick some up, life lesson learned there folks). So her and I walked to the convenience store and picked some up, taking the opportunity to have a little chat about how Prom went, since I kinda wanted to complain for a bit.

Well Mel had always been insecure about my friends. Mostly because most of them were young women around my age and, in her words, "too pretty for her to be comfortable with". (in fact, most of my friends are still women and not a single girl I have ever dated has been comfortable with that). So Mel was pissed. She kinda hung out and got all jealous and sat in my lap and did her best to keep her tongue in my mouth all night. I, however, didn't want to bail on all the people I had invited to my backyard, not to mention I was having a good time. So Mel went to bed early and I stayed till the bitter end and had a great time getting wasted with my friends.

I never got to experience drunken sex until years later. Didn't miss out on much.

The funny thing is, despite my date, I remember the night fondly. It was quite the experience, if not the dream fueling romantic fantasy that everyone expects (I find big stereotypical events and expectations rarely are) and I had a good time, if just for the experience. I wondered for weeks afterwards if there was anything I could have done to make the night better (probably), but now it doesn't matter. It was what it was and if I could do it again I doubt I'd do anything different.

That's me. I still have the prom picture somewhere, and Mel looks happy and beautiful. Too bad I know better.

SpAmmy

Good?

Funniest thing I read recently:

"You don't wait for a girl to verbally tell you she likes you. It's the sparkle in her eyes, her posture, the way she grabs your head and shoves your face into her boobs."

I was talking about my dating life with a buddy the other day and we were kinda bitching and whining about how we're both striking out lately, and I read this on an article online earlier that day and dropped it just at the perfect time. We both had a laugh and then decided that women hate us and had a beer. That was a good day.

So on Friday the 13th I came home smelling like sunscreen and dirt and sweat. And that only means one thing... Garden Centre is open! I very much liked it out there last summer and It all came back . That was a good day too.


Actually things are going pretty snazy at both jobs, which, to tell you the truth, is slightly disappointing. It's just that I need a real and full time job rather than jobs I would have been good at in high school. I'm looking, but having a good time at the jobs I have now is just going to make it harder if I hate to quit one (or both). But I'll burn that bridge when I cross it, like I usually do.

So I've been playing chess again, mostly with Jay on Facebook, and that's been fun. Every year or so I go through a chess revival type thing where I want to play all of the freaking time and then get disappointed that I'm not as good as when I was 12 and taking on all comers at a Toronto public library. It's still fun though. I'll try to keep going as much as possible since the internet makes playing very easy. It is good.

(if you like chess and use the chess.com facebook thing my username is Samooel)

Oh and in interesting news, a coworker of mine is having twin girls. Since I'm a twin I think this is super awesome. She will also probably think it's awesome until she discovers that the evil/good twin concept is a real thing. I'm definitely the evil one. Jay agrees. In fact, pretty much anyone who knows the both of us agree with this. For example, tonight at work I bribed 2 of my coworkers with pizza to dance and sing the "cha-cha slide" in front of customers. Not that good, but for a reason.

Cause that's how I roll bitchez.

I've also been kinda nervousy and shit lately. There's a bit of a dilemma I have to work out, but suffice to say, there is a girl I'm kinda interested in. And no more shall be said on the subject.

For now.

And Jay has some good ideas.

That is all.

Potentially good.


I also finished season 6 of How I Met Your Mother (super awesome show, if you have a sense of humor you should check it out) and need a new TV show to watch. I'm thinking BattleStar Galactica, since I'm a huge geek and I've heard good things.

Anyway, that's me. Shit where I eat?

SpAmmy

Sick of it All

When I had first discovered that my taste in music ran a little bit more intense than than the all the pop and easy listening rock that most of my friends were listening to, I discovered the band Finger Eleven. At the time they were amazing in a way that spoke to me more than any other band I had heard up until that point. Their CD, Greyest of Blue Skies, is always going to be one of my favourite albums of all time (especially since the band blows ass now, god that makes me disappointed).

It's hard to believe that the CD came out about 10 years ago. Kinda makes me feel old.

Another thing I like that bands do is acoustic covers of their own songs. For some reason I've always enjoyed hearing a song I love played in a different way. Now it doesn't always work out, but when it does it's just awesome.

Like this.



I had never heard this version of the song before I discovered it on YouTube last night, and after the first play through I just about shit everywhere.

That's me. Nostalgia is awesome.

SpAmmy

I changed my mind.

So I started writing this "great" post that pretty much just listed off all the stupid things I have done this week.

....and then after I hit 20 or so I decided that this week kinda sucked and my list didn't make me terribly happy.

So instead, here I went and found a picture of a hotdog who is awesome.


This is an awesome hotdog (who definitely did NOT make an ass of himself all week like I did).

His name is Barry. He escaped from a hotdog factory by showing raunchy promotional pictures of that time those Victoria Secret models toured the hotdog making factory and took turns teasing the underpaid illegal aliens (and the employees HEY-OH, but seriously Martians need love too). He then came to visit my blog for a day and be awesome. In that order.

So this week wasn't ALL bad. Just a variety of work-related issues that were more silly than anything else.

But in the"is Sam ever going to touch a boob again" category I found this dude on YouTube who casts commentaries of Dawn of War 2 games. So yeah. So I'm still a geek. I did stop playing Lord Of The Rings online after a very unsatisfactory argument about my credit card information though. As in they made a mistake and I told them to get rid of my info, and they didn't want to. Weird huh?

Oh and I had Plenty of Fish date! Kinda. Well I was supposed to, anyway. I got cancelled on again. So since this is the third or fourth time this has happened, I kinda think that'll be it for my second attempt at finding the woman of my dreams online. Plus I'll have more time to watch video-game commentary online!

So besides all that junk, I've just been keeping busy, going out on my bike, reading and attempting to spend time with friends. Nothing special. Still kinda bored.

That's me. Trying to make new nicknames stick is harder than you'd think.

SpAmmy

It makes me talk to myself

Sappy music. Just cause.



My brain! It has failed me.

My brain! It is not a redhead in a Princess Leia slave costume!

My brain! It's only weakness is Kryptonite! (whisper) I might be superman.

My brain! Math is not my friend.

My brain! It talks to itself. Out loud.

I'm not a huge fan of working for a living, but I suppose I need something to do with my time since I do tend to get bored rather easily. But the new job scooping ice-cream and mixing candy into it isn't too bad. It's actually a pretty great work environment, and the people don't seem like they want to kill me and wear my head as a hat, and that usually a good sign. So far, thumbs up.

Oh yeah and maybe there are things I shouldn't mention there till people get "used" to me.

For example my habit of talking to myself has bitten me in the ass (again). When I spend a lot of time at the house by myself I tend to discuss stuff...with myself. It kinda fills the silence. But I kinda get into it too much and have a bit of trouble NOT talking to myself when I'm back around real people. Slightly awkward when a co-worker thinks you're talking to them when you're not. Even if you happen to be looking right at them.

I'm going to get a reputation. Chances are it'll probably be the same one I already have.

Also I probably should not have discussed pant-less Tuesdays outside the house. Apparently some "people" (and friends) don't get it. Pant-less Tuesday doesn't just happen on Tuesdays people, it is a celebration that happens when I don't need to get dressed because nobody else is here. Why is this a difficult concept? I mean, besides the whole name of the event confusing people thing. That part I think I get.

Today I did Laundry and cleaned my room (and watched like 7 episodes of How I met Your Mother, Barney is so awesome, but sometimes it bothers me how much Ted reminds me of me what with the failed philosophizing and idealistic romantic notions and such) Tomorrow will be the kitchen and fridge. I'm productive!

....and bored as shit. I should probably work on that whole "social life" thing some people have. I might have a Plenty of Fish date coming up, but those are always a mixed bag at best. Of course I'll tell you how it goes.

Oh and interesting ideas for the future lately, and that's always fun!

Anyway that's me. No idea how a 1/2 hour bike ride justified more than 3 hours of video games. Maybe my brain is good for something after all!

SpAmmy

Where am I?

Tonight was an absolutely beautiful night. To me, at least. A misty fog covering the streets in just-nice-enough-to-not-wear-a-jacket temperature. A perfect night to walk home from a late night at work. (Also, probably a perfect night for vampires). I, blissfully forgetful, come down the street and see that the lights are on in my living room, and for a second or 2 I idly wonder what everybody is up to. I like coming home to people laughing, it happens on a pretty regular basis around here.

Well it used to.

I know I said I'd try not to complain too much about people leaving, but seriously? This sucks more than an inbred redneck trying to make sweet sweet love to a doorknob. I just don't like it. Brad left. Meg left. Kate left. Becca left. Corinne, Laura and Amy are all gone too.


I did have a great time this last week (minus all the possibly permanent goodbyes). All kinds of awesome people in and out of the house, Chotchy's Hamilton friends, Becca's gals from Toronto a very cool bunch. And last night was all kinds of awesome. You see Becca, Kate and I got all dressed up (I wore a fucking tie!) and went out to dinner and a movie. And on the cab ride home? A quick, unplanned, necessary detour downtown for one last night dancing (by dancing I mean doing the "white guy shuffle") at Vinyl. Awesome.

But I have an even better story about that night too. I ran into an old friend of mine, a buddy I haven't seen since high school. It was completely unexpected, and really awesome. We stood outside the bar for like an hour trying to catch up and the whole thing was surreal and mind blowing. It was...good.

Something else on the bright side? Pant-less Tuesdays are back. And by pant-less Tuesdays I mean every moment I can be comfortable sure I have the entire house to myself. So pant-less Tuesday is going to happen at a lot of times that are not really Tuesday. But don't be too worried, I keep an emergency pair of basketball shorts for when somebody knocks on the door.

So yeah not so happy with everyone being not here, but not terribly bad off all things considered. I'll do my best to make sure this trend continues.

That's me. Stay tuned next time for slightly philosophical rambling. And maybe more feeling sorry for myself, we'll play it by ear.

SpAmmy