Thursdays suck

My Thursday sucked.

Here are funny pictures.











That's me. Tomorrow shall be better, but not as good as Saturday shall be.

SpAmmy

Prom!

I just discovered a website called good, clean humour. Now, somebody tell me please, what is the fucking point of that?

So it's nearing the end of May, and you all know what that means... Prom season! And since I practice the menial tasks I'll most likely be saddled with for life at places where there are a number of high schoolers, I've been hearing a lot about it.

So today I'd like to tell MY prom story. I am bound to get some stuff wrong, and there might be some stuff I have forgotten, but it's actually a night I think I remember pretty well.

So there was this girl and her name was Mel. She was "friends" (no idea why they ever spent time together) with the girl my twin was dating at the time (hope she remembers/reads this). And so Mel and I started dating. It was pretty much a way to spend more time with my brother and his friends since I pretty much never saw him at the time, and dating Mel was actually a good excuse to hang out with him. Plus, boobs. Oh and I may have thought I was madly in love. As it turns out, not so much. (actually, I have been lucky enough to know what that feels like so I can honestly tell the difference)

Now Mel (and my brother and his friends, etc) went to a different high school than I did, and I really wanted nothing to do with my own school at this point, so I couldn't care less about my own school's damn Prom. But Mel's? Well it was a big deal to her, and so it was a big deal to me. I'm a slight romantic idealist at heart and thought nothing would be better than being all dressed up and on a dance floor with the girl I thought I was in love with as a slow ballad played.

Now the second you start making grand expectations about an event is when real life kicks in. The controversy, the drama, the awesome angry sex because your girlfriend is mad at everybody except for you (ish). The biggest thing was the seating arrangements. I shit you not, who sat where caused literally weeks of never ending tears and bitter backhanded comments about friendship. I couldn't have cared less.

My plans consisted of the following:

1) Wear a suit.

2) Fight the urge to make a rude or silly gesture during pictures.

3) Hang out with Jay and Lysee and Mel and take pleasure and amusement at the comments they made about people they didn't like.

4) Dance a little. Dance floor makeouts.

5) Stare at my date's boobs all night (mission accomplished, she looked great in that dress)

6) Get trashed and see what drunken sex was like

As you can see I'm not a real complicated dude.

So the evening came and I have one piece of advice. For fuck's sake get a goddamn corsage for your date. Trust me, she told me not to bother because they were overpriced, but just roses was not enough. I heard about it all fucking night. Even when you get 13 instead of a dozen so you can present one to her mom. Especially when her mom suddenly hates you for stealing her baby's virginity (I didn't).

However, the seating arrangement thing was pretty much all Mel wanted to talk about. We ended up at a table with another couple (or 2 maybe?) who she didn't really get along with (everyone was perfectly nice to me) and I had to endure complaining and her making me get up and "wandering" by the table she really wanted to be at. She did keep her arms crossed a whole lot, and that was nice (see #5).

Now Mel was a bit of a drama queen, and with all the Prom kafuffle she had been in fine form for weeks. I actually learned how to nod and agree without actually thinking or even paying attention. It is a skill that has served me in good stead ever since.

But during the dinner when all the class awards were given out and speeches were happening Mel won an award! It was the "most likely to be seen on Jerry Springer award". Everybody laughed and cheered! Yay!

She tried to play it off as no big deal, but damn she was more upset than I had ever seen her. I felt bad and tried to made her feel better, but on the dance floor for the rest of the night she was borderline in tears. I did what I could but she got incredibly bitter. I did my best, even requesting "our song" (don't actually remember what the song was) and going for a big romantic kiss (read: make out session) at the end, but she wasn't having any of it.

I wasn't too worried though. So far my plan was going well. You'd think my date being miserable and pissed would have been a deal breaker, but oddly enough not so much. Not a good sign for the relationship, but I didn't realize that at the time (actually we broke up a few weeks later).

So previously we decided we'd have our Prom after party in our backyard, so Jay and I went and got a whole bunch of Tiki torches and huge outdoor candles and begged/borrowed/stole as many lawn chairs as we could get our hands on. We invited everybody we knew and had a rather good turnout. I had just started working at Metro and was making some great friends and a whole bunch of people showed up. Mostly young women.

So Jay and I were setting up the backyard while our dates were changing, and people started showing up. My friend Liv (hope she reads/remembers this) came and, silly her, forgot to bring plastic cups to mix her drinks with. (actually if you plan a party you should always get some, and ever since I've always remembered to pick some up, life lesson learned there folks). So her and I walked to the convenience store and picked some up, taking the opportunity to have a little chat about how Prom went, since I kinda wanted to complain for a bit.

Well Mel had always been insecure about my friends. Mostly because most of them were young women around my age and, in her words, "too pretty for her to be comfortable with". (in fact, most of my friends are still women and not a single girl I have ever dated has been comfortable with that). So Mel was pissed. She kinda hung out and got all jealous and sat in my lap and did her best to keep her tongue in my mouth all night. I, however, didn't want to bail on all the people I had invited to my backyard, not to mention I was having a good time. So Mel went to bed early and I stayed till the bitter end and had a great time getting wasted with my friends.

I never got to experience drunken sex until years later. Didn't miss out on much.

The funny thing is, despite my date, I remember the night fondly. It was quite the experience, if not the dream fueling romantic fantasy that everyone expects (I find big stereotypical events and expectations rarely are) and I had a good time, if just for the experience. I wondered for weeks afterwards if there was anything I could have done to make the night better (probably), but now it doesn't matter. It was what it was and if I could do it again I doubt I'd do anything different.

That's me. I still have the prom picture somewhere, and Mel looks happy and beautiful. Too bad I know better.

SpAmmy

Good?

Funniest thing I read recently:

"You don't wait for a girl to verbally tell you she likes you. It's the sparkle in her eyes, her posture, the way she grabs your head and shoves your face into her boobs."

I was talking about my dating life with a buddy the other day and we were kinda bitching and whining about how we're both striking out lately, and I read this on an article online earlier that day and dropped it just at the perfect time. We both had a laugh and then decided that women hate us and had a beer. That was a good day.

So on Friday the 13th I came home smelling like sunscreen and dirt and sweat. And that only means one thing... Garden Centre is open! I very much liked it out there last summer and It all came back . That was a good day too.


Actually things are going pretty snazy at both jobs, which, to tell you the truth, is slightly disappointing. It's just that I need a real and full time job rather than jobs I would have been good at in high school. I'm looking, but having a good time at the jobs I have now is just going to make it harder if I hate to quit one (or both). But I'll burn that bridge when I cross it, like I usually do.

So I've been playing chess again, mostly with Jay on Facebook, and that's been fun. Every year or so I go through a chess revival type thing where I want to play all of the freaking time and then get disappointed that I'm not as good as when I was 12 and taking on all comers at a Toronto public library. It's still fun though. I'll try to keep going as much as possible since the internet makes playing very easy. It is good.

(if you like chess and use the chess.com facebook thing my username is Samooel)

Oh and in interesting news, a coworker of mine is having twin girls. Since I'm a twin I think this is super awesome. She will also probably think it's awesome until she discovers that the evil/good twin concept is a real thing. I'm definitely the evil one. Jay agrees. In fact, pretty much anyone who knows the both of us agree with this. For example, tonight at work I bribed 2 of my coworkers with pizza to dance and sing the "cha-cha slide" in front of customers. Not that good, but for a reason.

Cause that's how I roll bitchez.

I've also been kinda nervousy and shit lately. There's a bit of a dilemma I have to work out, but suffice to say, there is a girl I'm kinda interested in. And no more shall be said on the subject.

For now.

And Jay has some good ideas.

That is all.

Potentially good.


I also finished season 6 of How I Met Your Mother (super awesome show, if you have a sense of humor you should check it out) and need a new TV show to watch. I'm thinking BattleStar Galactica, since I'm a huge geek and I've heard good things.

Anyway, that's me. Shit where I eat?

SpAmmy

Sick of it All

When I had first discovered that my taste in music ran a little bit more intense than than the all the pop and easy listening rock that most of my friends were listening to, I discovered the band Finger Eleven. At the time they were amazing in a way that spoke to me more than any other band I had heard up until that point. Their CD, Greyest of Blue Skies, is always going to be one of my favourite albums of all time (especially since the band blows ass now, god that makes me disappointed).

It's hard to believe that the CD came out about 10 years ago. Kinda makes me feel old.

Another thing I like that bands do is acoustic covers of their own songs. For some reason I've always enjoyed hearing a song I love played in a different way. Now it doesn't always work out, but when it does it's just awesome.

Like this.



I had never heard this version of the song before I discovered it on YouTube last night, and after the first play through I just about shit everywhere.

That's me. Nostalgia is awesome.

SpAmmy

I changed my mind.

So I started writing this "great" post that pretty much just listed off all the stupid things I have done this week.

....and then after I hit 20 or so I decided that this week kinda sucked and my list didn't make me terribly happy.

So instead, here I went and found a picture of a hotdog who is awesome.


This is an awesome hotdog (who definitely did NOT make an ass of himself all week like I did).

His name is Barry. He escaped from a hotdog factory by showing raunchy promotional pictures of that time those Victoria Secret models toured the hotdog making factory and took turns teasing the underpaid illegal aliens (and the employees HEY-OH, but seriously Martians need love too). He then came to visit my blog for a day and be awesome. In that order.

So this week wasn't ALL bad. Just a variety of work-related issues that were more silly than anything else.

But in the"is Sam ever going to touch a boob again" category I found this dude on YouTube who casts commentaries of Dawn of War 2 games. So yeah. So I'm still a geek. I did stop playing Lord Of The Rings online after a very unsatisfactory argument about my credit card information though. As in they made a mistake and I told them to get rid of my info, and they didn't want to. Weird huh?

Oh and I had Plenty of Fish date! Kinda. Well I was supposed to, anyway. I got cancelled on again. So since this is the third or fourth time this has happened, I kinda think that'll be it for my second attempt at finding the woman of my dreams online. Plus I'll have more time to watch video-game commentary online!

So besides all that junk, I've just been keeping busy, going out on my bike, reading and attempting to spend time with friends. Nothing special. Still kinda bored.

That's me. Trying to make new nicknames stick is harder than you'd think.

SpAmmy

It makes me talk to myself

Sappy music. Just cause.



My brain! It has failed me.

My brain! It is not a redhead in a Princess Leia slave costume!

My brain! It's only weakness is Kryptonite! (whisper) I might be superman.

My brain! Math is not my friend.

My brain! It talks to itself. Out loud.

I'm not a huge fan of working for a living, but I suppose I need something to do with my time since I do tend to get bored rather easily. But the new job scooping ice-cream and mixing candy into it isn't too bad. It's actually a pretty great work environment, and the people don't seem like they want to kill me and wear my head as a hat, and that usually a good sign. So far, thumbs up.

Oh yeah and maybe there are things I shouldn't mention there till people get "used" to me.

For example my habit of talking to myself has bitten me in the ass (again). When I spend a lot of time at the house by myself I tend to discuss stuff...with myself. It kinda fills the silence. But I kinda get into it too much and have a bit of trouble NOT talking to myself when I'm back around real people. Slightly awkward when a co-worker thinks you're talking to them when you're not. Even if you happen to be looking right at them.

I'm going to get a reputation. Chances are it'll probably be the same one I already have.

Also I probably should not have discussed pant-less Tuesdays outside the house. Apparently some "people" (and friends) don't get it. Pant-less Tuesday doesn't just happen on Tuesdays people, it is a celebration that happens when I don't need to get dressed because nobody else is here. Why is this a difficult concept? I mean, besides the whole name of the event confusing people thing. That part I think I get.

Today I did Laundry and cleaned my room (and watched like 7 episodes of How I met Your Mother, Barney is so awesome, but sometimes it bothers me how much Ted reminds me of me what with the failed philosophizing and idealistic romantic notions and such) Tomorrow will be the kitchen and fridge. I'm productive!

....and bored as shit. I should probably work on that whole "social life" thing some people have. I might have a Plenty of Fish date coming up, but those are always a mixed bag at best. Of course I'll tell you how it goes.

Oh and interesting ideas for the future lately, and that's always fun!

Anyway that's me. No idea how a 1/2 hour bike ride justified more than 3 hours of video games. Maybe my brain is good for something after all!

SpAmmy

Where am I?

Tonight was an absolutely beautiful night. To me, at least. A misty fog covering the streets in just-nice-enough-to-not-wear-a-jacket temperature. A perfect night to walk home from a late night at work. (Also, probably a perfect night for vampires). I, blissfully forgetful, come down the street and see that the lights are on in my living room, and for a second or 2 I idly wonder what everybody is up to. I like coming home to people laughing, it happens on a pretty regular basis around here.

Well it used to.

I know I said I'd try not to complain too much about people leaving, but seriously? This sucks more than an inbred redneck trying to make sweet sweet love to a doorknob. I just don't like it. Brad left. Meg left. Kate left. Becca left. Corinne, Laura and Amy are all gone too.


I did have a great time this last week (minus all the possibly permanent goodbyes). All kinds of awesome people in and out of the house, Chotchy's Hamilton friends, Becca's gals from Toronto a very cool bunch. And last night was all kinds of awesome. You see Becca, Kate and I got all dressed up (I wore a fucking tie!) and went out to dinner and a movie. And on the cab ride home? A quick, unplanned, necessary detour downtown for one last night dancing (by dancing I mean doing the "white guy shuffle") at Vinyl. Awesome.

But I have an even better story about that night too. I ran into an old friend of mine, a buddy I haven't seen since high school. It was completely unexpected, and really awesome. We stood outside the bar for like an hour trying to catch up and the whole thing was surreal and mind blowing. It was...good.

Something else on the bright side? Pant-less Tuesdays are back. And by pant-less Tuesdays I mean every moment I can be comfortable sure I have the entire house to myself. So pant-less Tuesday is going to happen at a lot of times that are not really Tuesday. But don't be too worried, I keep an emergency pair of basketball shorts for when somebody knocks on the door.

So yeah not so happy with everyone being not here, but not terribly bad off all things considered. I'll do my best to make sure this trend continues.

That's me. Stay tuned next time for slightly philosophical rambling. And maybe more feeling sorry for myself, we'll play it by ear.

SpAmmy