Just call me Pops

So in a weird turn of either coincidence or because of the bandannas I started wearing at work to keep the sweat from pouring down my face all day I have been asked by pretty much everybody I work with if I'm married or have kids. For the record I have neither.

And seriously, this guy? With kids and a wife?

If you look hard you can see the camera. If you look harder you can see my friends asking me if I'm worried about picking up herpes from the bus shelter.

Quack! This pose really shows off the creepy hair necklace I finally got rid of just recently. I need to clean my bulletin board more often.

Apparently it's tradition to steal cutlery from somebody on their birthday. Not that that was going to stop me. I like cake.

 Although according to my junk mail folder there are tons of singles in my area waiting to hook-up, and hot sexy Russian babes who want a Canadian husband. I'm not quite convinced.

However I apparently look like a family man. Was that a fat joke? Also I should apparently have a house and a mortgage and a car and pets cause that's what people with full time jobs have. I also go out on the weekends but dancing in a club is also apparently weird for people my age. I didn't think 26 was too old to get smashed with your friends and scream your heart out to songs you can't even recognize when you're sober.

Well fuck that shit. I look how I look and I have no wife or kids, I don't have a mortgage or a car and I like to get trashed with my friends at bars and check out hot girls who are out my league as well as walk up to band members who just killed a live set and try to buy them a drink. I'm pretty damn okay with that.

I try to live life how it makes sense for me, and you know what? I'm still a mature responsible adult most of the time. I'm excited about buying furniture for the apartment I'm planning on having in the fall. There's a lady at the bank who I talk to about investments and taxes and fiscal planning and other made-up words.

Although let's be honest here, there were plans for a Star Wars nook. Now the idea has been expanded since I saw some cool lord of the rings mugs and awesome Wolverine book ends. Currently I'm trying to "fiscally plan" that shit to match the living room set I have my eye on at Leon's.

As for the wife/relationship bit, well if it happens then it happens. A few weeks ago I saw this awesome list of cool ideas for a date. I'm actually doing the Plenty of Fish thing again in an attempt to actually try some of them.

And kids? Well I'd have to expand the nook. But they can't play with the toys. The toys are mine.

That's me. Sorry ladies, if you want to know the date ideas you have to ask me out. Fresh underpants, a first aid kit and the ability to have an open mind while creating what might be an great Batman story later on are also good ideas.

Spammy

My head feels fuzzy.

I am a victim of marketing: I really did think the new laundry detergent would make my clothes smell like a mountain spring. Now I think my clothes smell like what I imagine gonorrhea smells like..

I accidentally hit myself in the balls while putting on my boxers this morning.

I saw a robot in a toga today. I might have called it a lesbian. Did I misread that?

I can't change my ringtone, the world is now a better place.

I hate toilets. They scare the shit out of me.

I heard the term "more exciting than a bag of vibrators" today. Is this a thing now?

I never gave up on magic. Poof! I'm a geek.

I'm not sure if I have any idea as to what a reasonable number of babies is.

I'm old enough to know better, but optimistic enough to think I can still pull it off.  Suddenly, meatloaf.

I heard that they found Atlantis in a Spanish swamp. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but bless them they found it.

I want salt and pepper shakers in the form of things you usually don't put salt and pepper on. Like dignity. Or self-respect.

 I found a whole bunch of cool date ideas online. Now I need a date. And a camera. Sounds a bit creepy when I say it like that.

I swear to god this won't end up on the internet

That's me. So I haven't seen my roommate Kate in just about a week. Today she walked upstairs and told me that all the bottles of shampoo and girly stuff are gone from her shower. And she can't very well wash her hair with conditioner can she? Haha Kate lost everybody's shampoo!


Sam

I'm on a boat!

Despite living virtually my whole life in a city that is so landlocked that people from other cities that are landlocked say "Damn! Your city is landlocked", I like being out on the water.

Being "in" the water is a different story.

But I know lots of water-related stuff, like how to scream when you're on a tube behind a boat with a lady behind the wheel who is not all that okay with you dating her daughter. Or how it's okay if you pee, cause hey, who's going to notice? Unless of course you told someone you had to pee. And then they tickled you too much and then asked how you were holding up and you said "I'm all good now, just don't go near *that* area of the water." Same day I learned about how pee is funny colors is some kinds of pools. That's science.

But I also know that you call really big boats "ships".

Other kinds of ships that are not always water related, but it's fun to think that they are.

relationships - "insert something witty here" (ha-ha that's what she said)

friendships - Yay!

workmanship - The workmanship on this ship is of high quality.

penmanship - Pen15

marksmanship -  I don't know anyone named Mark.

gunship - Pew pew!

dealership - Misleading since most dealerships deal in cars. Unless the dealership deals in actual ships. (note: upon discussion with available roommates, we decided you could call a place that sells boats a boat dealership)

And then, of course, spaceships. The best kind of ships. Also cool? Space stations.

That's no moon...

Want to know what I like on space ships? Lights.

Want to know where there are lights? Toronto.

What else is in Toronto? Rise Against and A Day To Remember.

When? In May. And I have tickets (note:not really but they are coming in the mail)

At the moment, it's pretty much what I'm living life for.

That's me. I want a spaceship. And a Chewbacca.

Sam

We'll sneak out while they sleep
And sail off in the night.
We'll come clean and start over the rest of our lives.
When we're gone, we'll stay gone.
Out of sight, out of mind.
It's not too late,
We have the rest of our lives.