Winter is the new Summer

Holy distended ball-sack batman! What the hell do you mean the first snowfall of the year was at the ass-end of December? Fuck you winter boots, nobody loves you because you are useless and take up prime real estate by the heater.for nothing!

In other news I have been day-dreaming the hell out of life in general the past few days because apparently that's what I do with my free time now. Sit quietly.

Oh and I keep hearing about how Riverside Park has some kind of Christmas lights festival going on and I never really care about the shit that goes on there. Unless I somehow end up making plans to go participate in the shit that goes on there.

So let's back up a bit here. Here in my hometown there's a giant ass field/park/grounds type place called Riverside Park. There may be a river nearby, I've never really noticed. This is where all types of big community events and family friendly junk happen like fireworks on Canada Day, Ribfest and a bunch of other crap. I actually never started attending any of these events until I was in my 20's despite living here pretty much my whole life. (some days I tend to forget the 2 years in Peterborough or that summer in Parry Sound cause in the long run being in either place didn't really affect my life so much)

However this last summer I was pretty much there all the damn time. Willing or not, cause my family is like that sometimes, but mostly I had fun. So while my mind was wandering this week I came up with this:

At riverside park some days they let people rent paddle boats and muck about on the tiny stream that we somehow call a bloody river. I've always wanted to rent one...and then raise a tiny pirate flag and ram/board the other boats. I think that would be an awesome afternoon, even if I'd never actually do it cause being arrested would suck big time, it's lots of fun to think about.

Death Approaches

For example:

You're playing Dad with your 2 kids and give in to the begging and pleading that is bound to happen when they think they could be having more fun then they are currently having if only you would break out the wallet and rent them a paddle boat, never mind the 60 bucks you already dropped on funny tasting hot dogs and ice cream. But hey, it'll keep em quiet for 10 minutes and that's worth all the hot dogs in the park at this point. "How did Mommy get out of this?" you idly wonder as you wander over to the funny little "dock".

You fiddle with the mandatory life jackets (why are there life jackets when the water is 2 feet deep! Really you call this a river? A river?! I'm going to take a bigger piss after I pawn the kids off on Mommy for the evening and have a couple beers to erase this memory) and get your whiny little crew into the boat.

You derp around for a while wondering if you can get through this day without dropping yet another 40 bucks on ice cream, then you notice another paddle boat coming right in your direction. On board is a dude who yells out "some thing's wrong I think it's broken". Well dammit now you have to get out of the way of this jackass. The wife will kill you if little Timmy's new backpack gets wet. Shit. Why didn't we leave that thing on the dock, it's not like the pre-teen employees are going to take a power rangers backpack full of carrot sticks.

Then the jackass in the boat gets closer and closer. You notice a malicious gleam in his eye. Wait? Eye? As in just one? Didn't he have 2 like 20 seconds ago? What's with the eye patch?  Where did THAT come from? Your heart grows cold. You look down at little Timmy and his backpack. Shit. Your wife is going to kill you. You look again and now you see a terribly drawn skull and crossbones flag in the hands of hear the laughing of a lunatic. The othger boat gently rocks up against yours and he shouts "Prepare to be boarded yarr!"

You then get in the water and chase down his stupid fucking paddle boat. The water is only 2 feet deep. River my ass. While you're throttling this poor lunatic for messing with your day you realize that this is much more eventful and entertaining than you thought. Johnson at the office is never going to believe this.

Annnnnd end scene.

This is the shit I'd like to inspire one day.

That's me. I'm never going to be allowed to have kids. But if I do they are going to have stories to tell by golly.


Spammy

So...we meet again.

So brain, we meet again. I'd like to know math again, but I refuse to give up drinking so we need to come to some sort of compromise on that. Also some sleep would be nice. And that thing we do where we get caught checking out women? Cut down on that.

I saw a job post for a laser operator on kijiji this week and thought "holy crap this is the job for me"! Hell I already make laser noises at cats on a regular basis and half of all the posters I own are Star Wars ones. This shit should be right up my alley, except for one thing: all my real life experience with lasers is imaginary, so I doubt I'd be as good with a real one. But hell if there's one thing I'm good at it's daydreaming. Some days I want to feel like a terminator with a laser gun, is that too much to ask?

The best weekend of the summer by far and away was the Heavy TO heavy metal concert festival that I went to. Some of my all time favorite bands played some of my all time favorite songs. I'm not going to lie, I cried. Twice. I even learned some things:

1) I inadvertently called concert merchandise "band swag". This irritates the hell out of some people. (So I kept doing it)

2) Apparently metal really is all ages. There were strollers. (kids had on industrial grade ear protection though, go responsible parents!) Hell, a pair of 10 years olds got dragged on stage by the lead singer of Five Finger Death Punch and headbanged better than most of the crowd.

3) I can get starstruck. I would have never thought. We hung out in the Jager tent area when Killswitch Engage was signing autographs. The group of us hung out there for an hour. I stared and then tried to play it off like I wasn't staring. I even thought about getting in the huge line-up, but if I actually got up to a band I've loved for 10 years I'm pretty sure I would have fainted. Oh and they played a killer set.

4) It seems as though I can get the best night of sleep I've had all damn year on a single tiny blowup mattress in the corner of a damp tent. Even trains passing right by the campgrounds didn't even phase me. I slept like a happy, slightly drunk, wet, tired baby. (which may be the best band name ever..imagine: " WEEEE AREEEE THE DRUNK! TIRED! BAAAABBBIIIIEEEESSSSS!")

5) Starting a fire with wet wood only requires one thing. Bug spray. Of course said bug spray may disappear off into the night and 6 people might spend the next day looking for it and not being able to find the stuff. Thank you bug spray... wherever you are.

My hands were stuck like that for days!

I moved out of the house I've been living in the past 2 years. And even though it wasn't going to be the same with almost of people I like not going to be living there this year, I still didn't have an easy time of it. The new place does have it's perks and I think I'll be just fine, I'm still going to miss the place. But my happiness there was more about the people I was with and I'm damn sure not going to stop seeing them just because we all don't live together anymore.

I was talking to a dude at the comic book store who is so pumped for another world war that I'm pretty sure he's going to offer to start one himself if there isn't one by Christmas. Which is absolutely ridiculous. Everyone knows that the next "world war" is going to be the computer/machine/matrix uprising.

That's where all those laser operators are going to come in real handy.

That's me. Free time is for the weak! Tomorrow, pillows!

Sam

Don't play with your food based toys.

My Star Wars Mr. Potato Head dolls don't do much. Well not as much as I want them to. Which I think kinda makes me sound like an uncompromising son of a bitch since I just declared "I want my inanimate objects to do more than inanimate objects normally do". I kinda wish they went on adventures and such, especially since my mom brought back a bag of junk lying around my parents house and I found Optimus Prime's legs.

And then I thought, well Sam, why don't you just MAKE them do shit.

I know it sounds like I'm pulling small scale super-villainy shit here but hear me out. Maybe I finally get a camera and take pictures of my Mr. Potato Head Dolls doing stuff and make up stories. I'd post all that stuff here, or maybe in yet another blog. I think that might be fun, and since fun stuff is what drags me through my work week. I am liking the idea. Plus the opportunity for puns is pretty much endless. Win/win.

I think I might be a genius

But then again I might not be as I keep losing shit all over the place the last few weeks. Keys? Niagara Falls. Phone? In a cab? Keys? In my room. Book? Front entrance at work. A few weeks ago I switched up which pocket I put stuff in and it pretty much ruined my damn life.

The people need to know that Kate is Awesome. She never reads this but she's sitting on a couch across the room from me and made a request.

So I've been pretty busy the last few weeks, I went to Niagara Falls with my brother to see my Dad for his Birthday. I went to Toronto for Bird's goodbye party... don't really want to get into that. I had a great time but I still don't want her to leave. I'm bad at goodbyes. We've had an old friend/roommate kicking around and visiting. Ahh Brad and his hobo bukkake. It's pretty awesome to see him get into random arguments about pretty much whatever the subject is at the time. Of course this is in between the huge amount of stuff happening at work. Blargh.

That's me. Maybe I could make a new job running a blog about Star Wars Mr. Potato Head doll antics? That would be great. It would be an awesome thing to tell people: "What do you do?" "Oh I take pictures of toys and put them on the internet for money."

Spammy

Well that was something.

So apparently this weekend I had an unconscious desire to embarrass myself. I mean I knew I was going to get trashed, but not "pass out on a couch in the middle of the party and and then pick a bed get rolled off said bed and almost kick a bunch of people in the face while I'm sleeping in the middle of a bedroom floor" trashed. Somehow I did manage to snag a pillow though.

Nice move, drunken Sam, nice move.

Seeing Bird and Aubz, who I haven't seen in months, and motherfucking Chotchy who I haven't seen in a year, was great! And I am a big fan of randomly wandering Toronto. I'm looking forward to the pictures.

Alas I've had an all day hangover. Blargh. But my own damn fault. But still. Blargh.

Know what makes me feel better? I mean besides the awesome weekend catching up with people, making fun of emotional speeches, a Lt. Commander Worf action figure and more booze than is reasonable for a person to consume?

The realization that I can always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

The one on the left, totally fake. The one on the right is real, but only a stunt fill-in so he isn't credited.

So I really really really want to leave Guelph and move away somewhere. I want to so bad it's only a little bit funny. Getting up and leaving and doing some goddamn adventuring, maybe meeting strangers in a hostel and later escaping them in mad dash in a strange city in an attempt to keep my kidneys and my slightly used (but pretty damn important) liver in a terror fueled adrenaline rush in a story nobody would ever believe.

You know, fun.

But I can't. And it pisses me off so much. Fuck you, life. Apartment hunting blows.

In the meantime there are some changes happening at work....but I'm not going to get my hopes up that things will get any better. I just can't leave. I wish it was for a good reason, like superpowers, but it's not. It's cause I don't like being fucking broke. I have to get this damn student loan paid off. At that point, when I'm not giving away most of a paycheck every month to the government, I can just take off. But that's going to be like another year, year and a half. So fuck that shit. I just have to work less overtime. Except that if I work more overtime that's more money to pay off my osap. It's a vicious cycle.

Damn it all. I want to plane ride somewhere!

However I do still get to be me though, and that's okay.

Bwaahahahahahah, it's funny if you saw the movie.

I just have to be happy when I'm not at work. So weekends. Probably for the best if less passing out is involved in the future. But just as many friends.

And hey, maybe this way I can finally get a cat. Or 2! And have them fight over my affections like I'm some sort of twisted ruler of the universe!

That's me. I'm sorry life, maybe we can try to fulfill our hopes and dreams next year?

Sam

Why am I still surprised?

You know, if I did more thinking with my penis I'd probably be less worried about being happy. And that ladies and gentleman, is why we don't talk much anymore. But everyone seems to be interested in my failures in dating so here we go.

Went of a Plenty of Fish date recently. Went to a slightly new-ish crepe place downtown. The real food crepes are not that good, the dessert food crepes are probably what the word wonderful tastes like.

My date is a master's student at the U of G and working in a lab full time on campus, she also lives by herself and has a tendency to babble. None of which is a deal breaker. However her "chaperone" (her word, not mine) was a tad over the top. She brought a stuffed Teddy Bear along to make sure I was acting like a gentleman. At first, man I thought it was cute and quirky and awesome. But as lunch progressed she kinda kept trying to include the damn thing in conversation.

Now when I'm home alone I talk to myself all the damn time. I carry on conversations with myself, especially when I have a lot on my mind (like recently), But I am not one for carrying on conversations with inanimate objects, it's mostly a conversation with myself.

So I didn't really mind at first. I thought she was kinda just kidding around or being playful, maybe a tool to help get over some social anxiety. Cool, good for her online dating and getting out of the house. Then she started expecting me to answer questions the bear was asking.

Questions I did not hear.

Ever had a date get offended because you didn't include her slightly imaginary friend in a conversation about music? It was a first for me. Also, she was into the White Stripes and Billy Talent. Yuck.

So yeah. Needless to say, the chaperone didn't approve of me. Stupid bear.

Too bad. She was pretty cute.

That's me. I was listening to the Ninja Turtles theme and watching "The Watchman" while I put this together. I don’t know if that changes anything, but it happened.

Well, the places we're still allowed to go.

Help me Obi-Wan!

So. I am in the midst of a dilemma. Shitty thing is even with a few days off work and lots of lying in bed listening to music wondering how practical it would be to paint something funny on my ceiling, I'm still trying to figure it out. I find that trying to figure shit it pretty much IS the story of my life, but that's okay since that's probably the same for most people. I  always figure something out, but getting there kinda blows some days. Gah! Thoughts! Feelings! Some days I wish I was a robot, but that ship has pretty much sailed so I'll stick with this this whole "human" thing...for now.

The only thing he could never do was love. Also, windsurfing.

So I've been pretty miserable at work the past little while. Nothing all that new, really but crummy enough that I'd been fantasizing a bit about not working there anymore. Maybe giving another shot at  something different like I was trying to do a few years back. Of course back then I ended up going back to school and that was a slight turning point in my life and one of the best decisions I ever made. But lately? Travel and adventure and new sound pretty badass.

Then I get a visit from Lysee, and she's been trying to convince me to move out to Vancouver ever since she went and did it. And I am definitely tempted. Then talking to Jay he starts going on about when he went and worked in Lake Louise and Banff. That sounded pretty awesome too. Mom mentions my almost successful attempt at working on a cruise line. So I started investigating and there are some definite opportunities to go places and do stuff. I am a fan of doing stuff.

But then I start asking around work about maybe doing a leave of absence type thingy, but it was made pretty damn clear that they don't really want me to leave. In a good way. And I am a big fan of all the money they give me, if not for work they make me do to earn it sometimes.

So. Problem. This isn't a nice all at once thing, this has been taking place over the last couple weeks.

So now I feel like this:

Pretty great way to get out of sharing. Take that kindergarten!

Now I'm at the point where I need help figuring out what I want to do. This is sorta leading into the whole "what do you want to do with your life" thing I never really bothered to figure out yet since I sorta decided just to wing it, not make plans, and see what happens. Except I did kinda make plans. Sorta. There were rough guidelines happening. Star Wars nook.

I've been starting to ask around for advice and what's been happening has been mostly predictable. The people with families and responsibilities and grown-up lives are all giving "stay and make money and start investing in your future" type of advice. All the irresponsible people that I like drinking with are all "go live out of a backpack for the next 2 years". And I think both of these ideas sound good.

It'd be so much easier to decide if I had kids, a wife, a mortgage, a car, a girlfriend, something. But I don't. If I stay it's more likely that these things will happen. But do I even want these things? But I also don't want to regret not making the slightly irresponsible choices while I have the opportunity.

Taking some advice from Kate I borrowed a giant white board and started a Go/Stay list. It got pretty full. Then after a while I drew 2 stick figures watching a monster eating another stick figure because thinking is hard.

And tonight I can't sleep. So there's that too.

But I have decided that if I stay I've got to make some changes in my life. And if I go, well that's a big change in and of itself, so I'd probably be content with that.

Unless I get eated by something. I hope it's a dinosaur!

I'm just sorta feeling like I'm standing on a big mountain and I need to pick which side to go down. I wish somebody would just kick me over one of the fucking edges already. It's not nearly as clear cut a choice as I'm making it out to be, but it damn well feels like it.

No idea what I'm going to do. But I do know I'm going to do something. That counts right? I still have time to worry, which is both nice and not nice at the same time. Deadline looks an awful lot like August at the moment.

Blargh! 

That's me. Oh and in between all this shit there were some dating fails, and a joke so blasphemous that I might be going to hell. Oh how I did laugh. Good times.

Spammy Von Awesome

Just call me Pops

So in a weird turn of either coincidence or because of the bandannas I started wearing at work to keep the sweat from pouring down my face all day I have been asked by pretty much everybody I work with if I'm married or have kids. For the record I have neither.

And seriously, this guy? With kids and a wife?

If you look hard you can see the camera. If you look harder you can see my friends asking me if I'm worried about picking up herpes from the bus shelter.

Quack! This pose really shows off the creepy hair necklace I finally got rid of just recently. I need to clean my bulletin board more often.

Apparently it's tradition to steal cutlery from somebody on their birthday. Not that that was going to stop me. I like cake.

 Although according to my junk mail folder there are tons of singles in my area waiting to hook-up, and hot sexy Russian babes who want a Canadian husband. I'm not quite convinced.

However I apparently look like a family man. Was that a fat joke? Also I should apparently have a house and a mortgage and a car and pets cause that's what people with full time jobs have. I also go out on the weekends but dancing in a club is also apparently weird for people my age. I didn't think 26 was too old to get smashed with your friends and scream your heart out to songs you can't even recognize when you're sober.

Well fuck that shit. I look how I look and I have no wife or kids, I don't have a mortgage or a car and I like to get trashed with my friends at bars and check out hot girls who are out my league as well as walk up to band members who just killed a live set and try to buy them a drink. I'm pretty damn okay with that.

I try to live life how it makes sense for me, and you know what? I'm still a mature responsible adult most of the time. I'm excited about buying furniture for the apartment I'm planning on having in the fall. There's a lady at the bank who I talk to about investments and taxes and fiscal planning and other made-up words.

Although let's be honest here, there were plans for a Star Wars nook. Now the idea has been expanded since I saw some cool lord of the rings mugs and awesome Wolverine book ends. Currently I'm trying to "fiscally plan" that shit to match the living room set I have my eye on at Leon's.

As for the wife/relationship bit, well if it happens then it happens. A few weeks ago I saw this awesome list of cool ideas for a date. I'm actually doing the Plenty of Fish thing again in an attempt to actually try some of them.

And kids? Well I'd have to expand the nook. But they can't play with the toys. The toys are mine.

That's me. Sorry ladies, if you want to know the date ideas you have to ask me out. Fresh underpants, a first aid kit and the ability to have an open mind while creating what might be an great Batman story later on are also good ideas.

Spammy

My head feels fuzzy.

I am a victim of marketing: I really did think the new laundry detergent would make my clothes smell like a mountain spring. Now I think my clothes smell like what I imagine gonorrhea smells like..

I accidentally hit myself in the balls while putting on my boxers this morning.

I saw a robot in a toga today. I might have called it a lesbian. Did I misread that?

I can't change my ringtone, the world is now a better place.

I hate toilets. They scare the shit out of me.

I heard the term "more exciting than a bag of vibrators" today. Is this a thing now?

I never gave up on magic. Poof! I'm a geek.

I'm not sure if I have any idea as to what a reasonable number of babies is.

I'm old enough to know better, but optimistic enough to think I can still pull it off.  Suddenly, meatloaf.

I heard that they found Atlantis in a Spanish swamp. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but bless them they found it.

I want salt and pepper shakers in the form of things you usually don't put salt and pepper on. Like dignity. Or self-respect.

 I found a whole bunch of cool date ideas online. Now I need a date. And a camera. Sounds a bit creepy when I say it like that.

I swear to god this won't end up on the internet

That's me. So I haven't seen my roommate Kate in just about a week. Today she walked upstairs and told me that all the bottles of shampoo and girly stuff are gone from her shower. And she can't very well wash her hair with conditioner can she? Haha Kate lost everybody's shampoo!


Sam

I'm on a boat!

Despite living virtually my whole life in a city that is so landlocked that people from other cities that are landlocked say "Damn! Your city is landlocked", I like being out on the water.

Being "in" the water is a different story.

But I know lots of water-related stuff, like how to scream when you're on a tube behind a boat with a lady behind the wheel who is not all that okay with you dating her daughter. Or how it's okay if you pee, cause hey, who's going to notice? Unless of course you told someone you had to pee. And then they tickled you too much and then asked how you were holding up and you said "I'm all good now, just don't go near *that* area of the water." Same day I learned about how pee is funny colors is some kinds of pools. That's science.

But I also know that you call really big boats "ships".

Other kinds of ships that are not always water related, but it's fun to think that they are.

relationships - "insert something witty here" (ha-ha that's what she said)

friendships - Yay!

workmanship - The workmanship on this ship is of high quality.

penmanship - Pen15

marksmanship -  I don't know anyone named Mark.

gunship - Pew pew!

dealership - Misleading since most dealerships deal in cars. Unless the dealership deals in actual ships. (note: upon discussion with available roommates, we decided you could call a place that sells boats a boat dealership)

And then, of course, spaceships. The best kind of ships. Also cool? Space stations.

That's no moon...

Want to know what I like on space ships? Lights.

Want to know where there are lights? Toronto.

What else is in Toronto? Rise Against and A Day To Remember.

When? In May. And I have tickets (note:not really but they are coming in the mail)

At the moment, it's pretty much what I'm living life for.

That's me. I want a spaceship. And a Chewbacca.

Sam

We'll sneak out while they sleep
And sail off in the night.
We'll come clean and start over the rest of our lives.
When we're gone, we'll stay gone.
Out of sight, out of mind.
It's not too late,
We have the rest of our lives.

I am nothing like a marine

Today I was pretty damn frustrated.

So of course I decided I was going to go home and re-evaluate my life and listen to music that sounds better when it's played loud, cause it's good to do that every once in a while.

But then when I actually get home I end up looking at a powerpoint presentation of wedding plans, watch part of a show where a guy goes to an OB-GYN and gets pills for a bruised spine that are normally for mentrual cramps and discuss how, Yes, I like 500 days of Summer. That's what happens when you live with chicks. Doesn't matter though since we can compromise on all this.

I'm not going to tell her I'm disappointed about the lack of chocolate chips.

However it's all kinds of awesome to come home and sit on the couch, get  harassed my housemates, watch a new sitcom, and dicuss our love lives.

This feeling of anticipation hasn't gone away yet. It's weird. It's like when you're a kid and you get to go to wonderland the next day for your birthday (...or when you turn 26). But it's lasted like 3 weeks!  So what the hell do I do?

Oh and my language has slipped into the gutter again. It's like High School bad with all the swearing and such now. The bad part about working in a place where you have to have ear-plus all day is that it's super easy to swear pretty loudly and nobody can tell what you're saying...ish. It's slightly difficult to misinterpret the word "fuck".

We had an indoor barbeque last night. It was too cold for an outdoor one. We made a whole bunch of hotdogs and bugers and stuff and then moved some of the living room furniture and spread a blanket on the floor and sat and yelled at each other. It was awesome.

I emailed a whole bunch of people last week because I'm usually pretty bad for keeping in contact with those I don't see on a regular basis, and now I think a portion of every Sunday is going to be dedicated to doing that from now on. It's been awesome to hear back from everybody. So that journey shall definitely continue.

Thought of the day: Remember, they give extra points for alacrity and effulgence.

That's me. Definitely would use laser metal eye beams to make cookies.

 Sam

 

Do it!

You ever try to apologize for something stupid that happened that wasn't your fault but you feel like you should explain yourself and apologize anyway? Damn but I tried and it didn't happen. Which is kinda weird cause I'm usually pretty good at embarrassing myself...but could not bring myself to do it.

Lately I feel like I'm waiting for something. But not anything specific I just have this weird feeling of anticipation.

I hurt my foot at work this week. As everyone knows ERs are not fun. I'm pretty frustrated with it. It turns out that I'm going to be dealing with chronic foot pain. I have a standing prescription for anti-inflammation medicine and have to whole list of things to keep on top of. It's definitely manageable. But it blows as just as I'm starting to get comfortable with the new job I have this bullshit to deal with.

Applesnarfritz.

Advice from the master.

I'm pretty terrible at keeping in contact with people. Just in general. I think it's something I'd like to work on. Hell, maybe I'll even start tonight.

That's me. Being able to light your hand on fire and bitchslap some douchefucker would be awesome. Flaming bitchslap.Nice.


Sam

Sense?

Apparently I was all Bossface Mcintimidating today. It still fucking baffles me that people can find my dumb ass scary. The only time it's justified is when my brothers are dating girls who haven't met me before. Then it's fucking fun.

If the movements of my soul are reflected in those around me, can I ever be truly alone? What pretentious tripe. Oh, but Sam, you say, that's all deep and intense. Nope. You wanna see something deep and intense I'll go kick an idiot into the grand canyon screaming the menu from Taco Bell. Lawyer'd.

I hear voices. I had hoped it was some roommates stating on the front deck, just hanging out (funny, I fully expected it even though we're rounding 2:30am) but nobody is out there. I'd like to investigate but R.Kelly might make me pee in his mouth.

hahahahahah that's what she said

I wish I could tell everybody about some crazy story involving some weird ass dating antics, but I'm all out of those. Yes really. And when people ask I get a whole of "Yeah but there's always some crazy you're not telling us about". Not this time. It's probably not good that this is a thing I'm known for. I remember when nobody believed me about the restraining order. Now it's more like "just one?" I guess trying Plenty of Fish again is out of the question.

I know the truth is more complicated, but "trees sneezing" is an awesome way to answer "What is wind?".

I have this awful tendency to get lost in my own head all the damn time. It's no wonder why I play video games and read 1000 page books. Sometimes I'd rather lose myself into something that is not me over thinking the hell out of something. Also I'd go stark raving nuts without music to listen to on the bus on walking alone.

That's me. You know that noise you make? The one where you shut the fuck up? You should do that more often.

 Sam

We do the best we can with what we are given.

I agree, doing what we can with what we have is an awesome idea. But I also definitely think that it's that drive to make things better that really defines a person.

We kind of get stuck in how the way things are now, instead of how we'd like it to be. So fight for how you'd like to be instead of how you are right now. It just kinda makes sense to me... of course it took me a long fucking time to figure that out.

I used to be the king of backing off and running away when shit got hard, and of course, that solved absolutely nothing. Used to be. Things are a bit different now... slightly. Not as different as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on it. Even with the "not backing down and fighting for what I want" thing stuff doesn't always work out for me. But fuck it feels so much better actually taking a shot then just running away. At least I can say I fought.

I just that I notice that people get stuck in their own comfort zones, keep doing the same things or the same type of things over and over,  and don't really change or challenge themselves. I know, because that it used to be me. Hell sometimes it's still me.

But I like to break out of my comfort zone from time to time and challenge myself. Doesn't always work, but the results are there. Notice the whole I'm not just some geek who spends all my time in a basement playing video games and getting into LOTR fights online now. (not that that's a bad thing, it's just not who I want to be all the time... anymore).

Just a few months ago I accepted this promotion at work. It was a big deal for me, I always wondered if I could make a difference somewhere if I actually got a shot at it. Well here was my shot served up to me on a silver platter. No matter how much I was actually starting to like where I was, or the awesome way I could just go to work, get my shit done and go home, I had to take the shot. And I nailed it.

But the last 6 weeks have been... difficult. All the training, the meetings, the politics, the attempts at communication and co-ordination has been a mess. A real uphill struggle. And tomorrow is when I actually start (as far as I know).

As hard as it's been, it's going to get worse.

But I can take it. I have to. All I've ever wanted to actually have a shot and there's no fucking way I'm wasting this opportunity. It's not ever going to be easy, if it was it wouldn't be worth busting my ass fighting for it. Successful or not, there's no way I'm going to walk away saying "I wish I had tried harder". Win or Lose, I'm going to put my head down and do my best.

The best I can with what I was given.

With what I fought to get.

That's me. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go use my moogle to skull-fuck an immortal guardian trying to end time. Just because things are rough, doesn't mean you can't do things that make you happy.

Sam

I get that a lot.

So I'd like to think I have a wide and varied taste in music. But I think everyone says that, so even I'm not sure how true it is for me, that's what I usually tell people. I think a lot of it depends on what I'm doing and who I'm with. For example, normally I'm not a fan at all of pop or dance music, but when I'm out dancing with the roommates and getting shot down by pretty girls at the bar I get kinda into it.

And as much as I hate myself for saying this is a semi-public forum, I also think country music is okay when it's live and you're at a country bar. Plus, cowboy hats on women are hot. Just sayin.

Now all that being said, when it's just me typing out a blog entry it's usually Metal coming from the laptop speakers (at the moment it's Hail the Villain). Now I could probably be more specific, but the truth of the matter is I don't give a hungover dinosaur's fossilized shit about all the different classifications. If I like a band, I listen to them, don't care if they're post-apocalyptic or black thrash symphonic. Funny story, didn't make up those genres.

But it's pretty easy and accurate to call me a metal-head. Even if I don't fit into the whole "metal scene" very well.

I relate more to the huge metal fan.

But last week I tagged along with one of my roommates who had some friends having a birthday party. I'd met Lisa and James both before and I get along really well with them...because we talk about music. It fucking rocks. I don't really know a lot of people who I share a similar taste in music with, but these two? Pretty much identical. I almost felt bad for Aubz.

Almost. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahaah!

But I had a pretty awesome time at the party. Kinda interesting though, as it kinda reinforced the whole "Sam doesn't come off a metal loving dude" thing I got going on. It turns out that James knows a couple guys in a local metal band where he lives and they all made it out to the party. The drummer started to, in a way I can only describe as "establishing my credentials", question me about my top 5 favorite metal bands. Of course, I passed with flying fucking colors and an announcement of "he knows his shit".

Let me clear this up. I've been a fan of Metal since I was 14. Of course I know my shit. But it was a fucking great time getting trashed and talking about music all night. I love talking about Metal.

But I guess I don't look like I do. Everyone else there was in black band hoodies and t-shirts all with piercings and tattoos. I have no piercings or tattoos and the only black pants I own are part of an old work uniform. But it doesn't bother me. But just because I don't look like a metal fan doesn't mean I'm not one.

Also an acceptable form of Heavy Metal.

Want to know one of my favorite musical things? When a big scary hardcore metal band just slows the fuck down and puts out a ballad love song type dealy. That stuff blows my mind.

Cause while I may be a metal fan, I'm also a sappy geek who likes love songs.

That's me. I'm going to go all Apocalyptica on the Slipknot holding up the Trivium of In Flames.

Sam the Prof







P.S. Shout out to Rhonda who I ran into at the grocery store today and reminded me that she finds her way here from time to time.

The way I do it is better.

Yeah I'm kinda into science.

Science fiction that is.

Star Wars, Star Trek, Big Bang Theory (it's not real!), that shit is awesome. But biology? Screw that. That's what I have a doctor for. I'd say that's what I have Web M.D. for, but every time I check that when I'm sick I convince myself I have fucking Ebola or something.

Chemistry? Apparently I only like it when it looks cool, like in Breaking Bad.

Physics? I'm big into stuff where the rules of physics are broken.Teleporters and time travel for everybody! (Just don't fuck up the universe as I'm still waiting for a few books to come out this year). But even still I'm not all that sure what those rules are.

God AND science? This seems legit.

If I could do anything with science I wish that I could change up my personality from time to time. Almost like some sort of disorder, but not quite as I'm nuts enough. But some days I wish I was more outgoing and excited about stuff that has nothing to do with books or movies or the slight chance of getting laid.

It's just that I realized the other day that I got more excited watching the new trailer for the Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey than I have for anything else in the last month or so. It'd be kinda nice to be the center of attention for once in a positive way... as in without tequila. But I can live without being the life of the party. Know what I can't live without? Veins.

Prove it!

Comic book science is cool too. Know what happens in real life if a radioactive spider bites you?

I don't know either, and I'm afraid to google it cause spiders are the unholy spawn of the world destroyer and I don't want to walk around the rest of my day with fucked up stories of radioactive spiders in my head. (oddly, no problem at all with Spider Man).

But I'm pretty sure you'd die. Or become horribly disfigured.

Know how many comic book superheros got their powers form some form of radiation? Conservatively I'm going to say ALL OF THEM. In real life, again, death, disfigurement and all your friends calling you Sloth for the rest of your life.

Science, cooler when it's not real.

That's me HEEEEEYYYY YOOOOUUUUU GUUUUUYYYYYSSS.

Professor Sam

They really don't.

The other day at work one of the little old ladies on the packing line asked me to lift up some boxes for her.  As a big, strong, young man (laadddiiiiieeeesss) of course I helped her out. The rule at work is if someone asks you to lift something, you fucking help. And it was a nice little old lady who's nice to me. The boxes were rather heavy, but I'm superhero (laaaaddddddiiiieeeesss) and it was no problem at all.

However.

Coming back from my break I see her carrying the same boxes, one under each freaking arm! And then I no longer felt superheroic. Holy balls I probably couldn't do that myself. Sweet little old Grandma lady played up being all infirm and grandma-like to get out of lifiting some boxes. She could be a ninja or a spy or some shit. I feel...unclean (That also could be the Taco Bell).

If that is your real name, "Grandma"

Does anyone think the words "testicle" and "vestibule" seem connected on some weird way? I need someone else to back me up on this cause when I mentioned it to the roomie Kate, she gave me that looks that make me think I am a crazy person.

AnD i MiGhT bE!

But I still think the words are oddly similar.

A week or 2 ago I had a great night out, but it kinda started in a cool way that's kinda been stuck in my head for a while. Dinner and wine. That's all. But it was awesome. I don't usually have a nice dinner with friends and sit around with a couple bottles of wine and just kinda hang out and talk all night. (and then a great rest of the night at a bar with live music, more drinks and dancing). I rather enjoyed it., I guess it's not something I've ever really done a whole lot before.

Say the word loofah. Loo-fah. Looooooooooooooofffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Last Friday at work I was in the locker room and somebody noticed my shirt was on inside out. Didn't really bug me as we wear uniforms and such. Then somebody else noticed my shorts were on inside out. Now, this was slightly concerning because I've been dressing myself for years and I'd hope I'd notice something like this when I was putting the clothing on. What more's, my socks: inside out and mismatched. What.The.Fuzzy. Didn't even get dressed in the dark or anything. Weird.

Okay. Quick dating thing. You like a girl, and you're damn sure she's interested. you ask her out and she say no and that kinda sucks. You ask her friend what happened and apparently the way you asked her out is what caused her to say no. That is confusing as shit.

This one actually didn't happen to me.

Yet.

But it was a drunken story someone told me that I thought was kinda messed up. For all I know he asked her all rape-y. Still.

Anywho that's me. Titles for my blog entries don't mean all that much.

SpAmalanthalas

And we have a winner...and a whiner.

So after drawing a short crappy cartoon of a sea/monster crocodile thingy eating a person this morning I decided what to use my Star Wars journal for. I'm going to try writing poetry again! I'm not sure how this is going to turn out, cause sometimes poetry is fucking hard.

Other times it's hilariously easy

Plus with a mysterious journal that I carry around and write it I can leave it very specific and planned out places for women to pick up. And if movies have taught me anything it's that when a girl you like reads your poetry (or song lyrics) she immediately gets an uncontrollable urge to blow you. That's science.

Want to know what else is science?

Breaking Bad.

Want to hear an awesome story?

Of course you do, all my stories are awesome. Or embarrassing, in which case my friends think they are awesome and my brothers get ideas of what they're going to say at my wedding reception. (at this point it'll probably be at an all you can buffet in Vegas after getting drunk and hooking up with a stripper).

Anyways so our friend Cow (the dude who was living with us from France) unfortunately left just before Christmas to continue his travels and hopefully open up his repertoire of lame physical comedy. We miss his dumb ass already.

So the sneaky bastard hid a present for all of us (his roommates) in his old closet. I'm assuming he guessed that whoever took over his room would move the basket in his closet and find what he left. And damn I was super impressed by the deviousness of the plan. He got us the first season of Breaking Bad, a show I don't think anybody had really watched but that we knew he liked a lot. Dammit I wish he around to watch it with now. It's super awesome, but really dark and kinda funny in weird ways. I'm really into it.

Oh and speaking of roommates, duh. We have a new one! It's Katie (not to be confused with Kate). She actually Lived with a bunch of other friends of ours last year. So we're sure she's not some unknown degenerate serial killer....so far.

That's me. Titles don't mean much to me anymore.

Your friendly, neighbourhood SPIDER-SAM

My imagination goes wild when I walk home

Sometimes I listen music on YouTube. Sometimes I listen to music on iTunes. Today for some reason I had both open. I wanted to turn down the volume on my music to watch a YouTube video. I turned the volume on YouTube down.

Turns out that, along with friends and random people searching for funny pictures, some people I don't like read this blog. No clue why. But here's a shout out: Fuck you enemies!

I'm pretty indifferent about the weather, but I'm pretty sure most of the time I prefer snow to rain.

Get back to work!

Sometimes I hear people say "Well you can't blame them for trying."  Well of course you fucking can. You can blame anybody for anything as long as you can justify it (to yourself). Watch this. Right now, at this very moment, I'm going to blame George Lucas for trying to make his prequel Star Wars trilogy better than his original Star Wars trilogy.

...

...

...

...

...

There we go, I just blamed him for trying. Fucking Gunguns.

The other day I was waiting for a city bus, and a school bus pulled up to the stop. Because of traffic the school bus was stopped there for a while. Some kids waved at me, so I waved back. The kids gave me the peace sign. So I gave them the peace sign back. The kids made faces at me, so I made faces back. At that point I decided I was probably being fucking creepy and I should stop. Even though it probably made some kid's day, I bet some 10 year old went home and told his parents how a guy at a bus stop was making faces at him and his buddies.

I swear to god I nearly wet myself when I saw the movie trailer for the Hobbit. Probably in the exact same way I nearly wet myself the first time I saw a trailer for the Lord of the Rings.

I did both!

My roommate is in Israel right now. For the last week or so I've been coming up with ways to convince her that we're letting a homeless dude stay in her room while she's gone. But she's not gullible enough so she'd never buy it. then I though about just actually letting a homeless dude use her room while she's away, but those ideas were just as unreasonable.

I've been walking home from work at night (goddamn new bus system) and last night I saw deer. The more I think about it it was probably the same motherfucking animal I hit on my bike. And by "hit on my bike" I mean trying to die by throwing itself in front of my bicycle. Which is everybody's favorite story for some reason.

I read a whole helluva lot. But it's kinda funny, when I'm browsing funny pictures online I read the captions in different voices. When I read books I don't read the words out loud in my head. I don't understand my own brain sometimes. Also, I don't get funny cat pictures. I love cats, I understand why the pictures are supposed to be funny...but most of the time I can't even crack a smile.

Okay that's it. I'm done.

That's me.

Professor Spammy

I like to watch

Okay so I had a great time watching my neighbours go full on white trash last week. Actually I'm always a fan of watching couples fight in public....cause it's not me.

Except this one time it was.

I got into a huge fight with the girl I dated in High School in the middle of a Dairy Queen. It was actually the "break up" fight. Ish. We kinda hooked up a few times after that, but the DQ incident was the end of the romantic relationship (much to the delight of friends and family). Like all stupid public fight between couples it started as something small and then snowballed to the point of no return.

Also, didn't even get any ice cream.

I like to try to diffuse a situation with humor...sometimes it doesn't go so well.

She didn't think it was funny.

So there! I've been on the other end of a couple yelling at each other in a  public place...but I still think it's fun to watch. Again, when it's not me.

HEY LOOK AN ABRUPT SUBJECT CHANGE!

HOLY SHIT! WHERE?

Never mind it's gone already.

So one of my awesome Christmas present was a Star Wars notebook. But not like a 6 year old's activity book, like a real hardcover journal type thing. It's fucking awesome.

(By the way I have so much star wars shit now that I need some kind of Star Wars nook to display it all)

But I'm scared to fucking use the thing.

I have a couple notebooks filled with short story ideas and blog notes and such, but all those are dollar store crap. I'm a bit uncomfortable with writing down bad jokes or cool date ideas in something so awesome. Not that the person who gave it to me would mind (She lives with the biggest joke I know). I'd love to bring it to work, but there's not a lot of downtime and I prefer to read when I'm on my break. Besides, the environment isn't exactly "star wars journal" friendly.

I hate brushing my teeth too.

 I need to find a use for it that is equal to it's awesomeness. 

Cookbook? Yeah I got nothing yet.

That's me. Dammit I really want a fucking Star Wars nook.

Professor Smoosh

You know you're a redneck when....

Christmas was fun.

New Years was drama filled.

However, neither event was the highlight of the holidays, that award goes to the complete meltdown of the neighbours across the street. It was a sight to behold. And behear? I guess I'm making up words again today.

But first I need to give you some background. Just so you guys can appreciate this as much as I did. Also I'm probably a bad person for finding all this so entertaining, but that's okay, since I came to peace with that a long time ago.

Oh and I should probably tell you I used to be a big fan of Jerry Springer and Maury Povitch. If you don't know who/what those people/t.v. shows are you should google that shit. Also, my bedroom window faces the street. It's an important part of the story. Ish.

Sometime during this last summer the house directly across the street from us got the nickname "the crack house". I don't know who named it that, or why, but it definitely stuck. Then it got weird. And creepily real. The variety of cars that would pull up late at 1 or 2 in the morning just long enough for somebody to run in and out of the house. The odd older gentleman with the ponytail and the glazed over eyes riding his longboard up and down the street. That one afternoon I fell asleep with a book on the recliner out front and woke up to find 3 people standing in their driveway staring at me. That guy who spent the entire summer working on his truck blaring new Metallica (new Metallica sucks) asking me if the cops kept an eye on the neighbourhood.

Kinda weird right? But whatever. We'd crack the odd joke about them but nothing ever really happened.

Now, fast forward to a few days ago.

(See what I did there? Normally you can't fast forward to the past, but today we're playing with the rules of time and space motherfucker. This has nothing to do with the fact that I watched a couple Star Trek movies this week. NOTHING!)

So last week I left my bedroom window open a bit, like I usually do. This let me hear all the screaming that started at about 8am. It was loud. I thought it was coming from downstairs for some reason, even though I've been mostly by myself in the house during the holidays. Not to mention, my housemates aren't much for screaming in the living room first thing in the morning...sober...on a weekday.

Groggy, but curious as hell, I go downstairs. Nobody's there but I can still hear the yelling. Color me confused. Now it sounds like it's coming from outside. I peek out the living room window and oh what a sight awaited me.

Full on redneck white trash appeared before me in all it's skuzzy glory. A creepily skinny brunette wearing a too-small pink bathrobe and slippers holding a cigarette in one shaking hand, is yelling at this dude with baggy pants, a wife-beater (The t-shirt, not like a stick or something) and a bandanna wrapped around his neck.

The girl is on the left, the guy is on the right and in the middle is some garbage.

Naturally I ran upstairs where I could hear better and pulled the blind on my window up just enough that I could watch the show.

Pink bathrobe is screaming DAVID! DAVID! DAVID!

"David" is walking up the street.

Pink bathrobe is all "GODDAMN IT COME BACK HERE AND TALK TO ME!"

"David" keep walking up the street.

Pink bathrobe keeps yelling "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU BASTARD"

"David" turns around and makes a show about lighting a cigarette.

"FINE YOU FUCKING BASTARD BE THAT WAY!"

"David" starts walking away again.

Someone else come sout of the house, get into the car in the driveway.

Pink bathrobe keeps doing what she's good at: "FUCK YOU BOTH" and starts kicking the car as it pulls out the driveway.

The car pulls up beside Dave and he gets in and the car dives off.

Pink bathrobe starts muttering and slams the door of her house as she goes back inside.

Weird thing to wake up to right? Then I fell back on my bed, got back asleep and had a dream where I was married and had a child destined to destroy the world.

That's me. Real life is better than t.v. sometimes. Which is nice considering I don't have cable.

Spammy