I am probably the most flammable person in the house.
Yup.
1) I definitely have the most body hair. If it wasn't for my razor and beard trimmer I'd be more like Chewbacca then I'd probably be comfortable with. Even if Chewie probably gets all the babes.
2) I am obviously the coolest person living here, therefore I am the most likely to get superpowers. And everyone knows that I got superpowers I'd go nuts, and then probably fuck up and hurt myself.
3) In a zombie apocalypse I'd probably be the first in the house to get infected. Then my roommates would probably light me on fire to kill my re-animated corpse. They might also do that if actually follow up on my threats to take a dump in their pillowcases. Goddamn uppity housemates. Actually even given half a reason I think Becca would douse me in gasoline and throw a match at me.
4) With my whole occult fantasy writing thing I do, there is the chance that I'd piss off a real live witch (a.k.a. my exes hahahaha) and I'd get lit on fire as a result.
5) I drink and do stupid things. Anyone who's gotten a drunk facebook message or text or call from me knows that. It's a bad habit. One of these days I'm going to play with fire after a couple of Jager shots and do something dumb.
I'm sure there are more reasons but Jay made me wake up early and take him to Taco Bell so I'm going to go have a nap.
MUSIC.There is lots of fire here!
I like the part where the car blows up
That's me. Get off my back about posting here peoples, I'm working on it. If you don't stop bugging me I might light YOU on fire and invalidate this entire post. HA.
SpAmmy
Just don't get drunk and eat at at Taco Bell and then play with fire. That might turn into reason #6.
ReplyDelete6)Digestive pyrotechnics, though entertaining and educational, are sure to lose you an ass due to fire. Forget the body hair, your ass is probably the most flammable part of you.
Now I'm picturing Chewbacca lighting his farts. Really goes well with eating breakfast.
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ReplyDeletei think reason #2 was a test to see if any of your roommates actually waste their time and read this blog. my pinky finger has more cool roomy potential than you're whole body.
ReplyDeleteit's harsh...but true.
Kyna- I only eat taco bell when my twin visits, and we're never drunk when we go, so I'm think I'm all good there. Plus, chewbacca gets to do whatever he wants to do. Try telling HIM he can't light his farts.
ReplyDeletegnoleda- it was more about the superpowers thing than the roommates thing....however you're so wrong